I just transitioned from 4 yrs on methadone onto Subs. The switch was horrible as I'm sure u can appreciate how awful m'done withdrawals are. I ended up using some dope during the required transitional phase. I hadn't shot dope in about 4 months. My fiancee and I both ended up with what we thought was the worst case of cotton fever we have ever had. Turns out, the dope was cut with a horse tranq (not ketamine) and we found out today that the entire city is now plagued with this bad dope; 3 people have died and hundreds have become extremely ill of this bad batch. To think that I had made it so long and was trying to make what I consider to be a positive move in my recovery by moving from M to Subs, then one night I decided to shoot some dope one last time and I could have died, makes me scared to death now. I'm so ready to stop being a slave....Basically, I'm just trying to say to you not to beat yourself up. Screw it, at least you are trying!!! So many people have such a long way to go before they even reach the point they realize its so much more enjoyable when you arent out of control. You know youve reached that poiny when you realize how great life would be to sit on the toilet with actual toilet paper on the holder instead of a stack of McDonalds napkins sitting on the back of the toilet because you've spent all your money on dope trying to stay unstick! Lol!
Harm Reduction ⫸Personal Accounts of Addiction: What's YOUR Story?⫷
- Thread starter brutus
- Start date
Hello,
For a long time I have been interested in drugs, both taking them and researching them. Along the way that brought me hear. And through the years this and erowid.com have been my go to places. I am only 20 years old, but smoked pot at 10, drank at 12, otc pills at 13, prescription pills at 14 and all sorts of others from 15-now (LSD, peyote, MDMA, MXE, shrooms, cocaine, DMT etc..). Weed has been my go to drug since I was 12-13, smoking multiple times a day the whole time, with not many periods without smoking. By 18 there were not many drugs I wanted to try and hadn't. I had my favorites to, oxy, LSD and weed. I loved painkillers since my first experience and have always had a strangely high tolerance (first real high took 65mg hydrocodone). I have always been a very, very smart kid, just depressed and always in trouble. I choose not to go to college even though I had been accepted at a few schools. I worked full time, had a long term girlfriend who went to Virginia Tech (only a few hours away, we started dating in 11th grade) and didn't do much else. I would mess around with drugs with all the free time I had, still loving the opiate high.
Then one spring day when I was 19 my brother (opiate/heroin addict who has been in jail a few times) was fiending for some dope, and just needed $60 to put up and his dude (also a longtime friend) would front him a #### of raw. He asked me if I could drive him and spot him the cash, I told him fuck it I'm sad as hell, my girlfriend still has another few weeks at school before she's home for he summer, I'll buy it, just give me half of it. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I had been supporting this addiction for awhile and if he was going to be getting a #### which is usually $120 for $60 of this raw stuff that has been taking over southside Richmond and is supposedly very, very potent, I could just get my half gram, have a day or so of fun, and not mess with it again. We got the bag and went to this crappy supermarkets parking lot. We split the bag onto two lotto tickets and he suggested me doing bumps of the corner of my debit card. I did. He only let me do two at first then had me wait ten minutes. After those two bumps I was feeling so great. I was chatty, my newport cigarette complimented the sour drain beautifully. And after ten minutes I did two more bumps, probably half my bag in all. I loved it. I was warm, talkative, slightly sedated but not nodding out. I drove my brother home and went home myself. Did a few more bumps that night ad the rest in the morning. It went like this all summer. He'd call, I'd cave. Never getting huge amounts, but always the top of the line stuff. We would buy some, cut it into double ends ell it to people it was so strong, and they would call back saying how great it is. By the end of the summer it was probably 4-5 times a week, but I would also not use for a week a time occasionally with no ill affects. It was kind keeping my depression at bay, but it would still lash out.
Once my GF left for school that fall, it became a use like two or three times a day just a little bit type of thing. Then about three weeks into her leaving that year, she left me. After 2.5 years, one long distance year, she left. And I unraveled. I had the money as I managed a very nice deli and worked a lot, so I turned to dope. Thankfully I had some the night she left me, over text she left me too, or I would have bought more and ODed because I did every line I had. The next morning before work I went with my brother and got a gram for myself. Which was the most I had ever had just for me. I had started doing lines to even out my doses as bumps are not very even. It was all pretty downhill from there. I was using between $30-$160 in a day from September to April. By the end the average was like $100 a day, and with the great deals on shit, that was a lot of dope. I was just barely getting by and thankfully I had my brother in it with me, the who time it was us fighting to keep dope in our pockets. I never once got sick. I always had a bag of dope. I would get down to 5 lines, time to re up. I couldn't risk working without a line before and one on my break, so I made sure there was always enough.
I had a two very good friend from high school around, and they knew I had a problem, and they tried talking with me about it and stuff, but I'm stubborn and they knew I was at least functional. I also had this girl, I had known her since 10th grade when we met in Wisconsin, I was kicked out of my house living with family up there. The girl and I stayed in contact and were the best of friends. She took a trip to DC that January that I was using, and invited me to come with. I told her she knows I am still using and I will need to be using to avoid withdrawals (which had still never been experienced). She didn't care and good thing she didn't because it was great to see her. It had been years. After that I got offered an even better job in Charlotte and decided to take it and ween myself of dope. That was more of a goal though as the job wasn't official and wouldn't start until April. So I went about using more and more, still always snorting it. In mid march, the girl came to stay with my for a week and w hooked up and got together, great more long distance right? Well, with her support and the new job which just became official, the weening had to begin soon. And in April I tried to, but just kept delaying it until I had one week left, I was using as little as possible and partying with friends for my last weekend in town.
Monday morning was my last dose. I had Adderal for the mornings I worked and, valium to keep my head straight, xanax for if I freaked out and ambien to go to bed. I still had never been through withdrawals so I was terrified. Sunday night I just chilled with my best friend popping pills and doing nothing. I said fuck it I am going to do my last line now around midnight. And did. I don't recall going to bed as we were on a lot of benzos and ambien, but stopped taking them at midnight. I left at like 630AM to go home to shower and go to work I guess, fell asleep at the wheel and crashed my car. Was arrested for possession of controlled I or II x2, possession of controlled 3 x2 and possession of controlled 4 x 2 and marijuana. I was in jail all day, got out on bond and did not feel sick at all. I was majorly concussed as my head broke my windshield and my airbags only half inflated, so I thought that might've been it. On tuesday I had court, then went to my brothers and was pissed because I couldn't leave the state so I couldn't start new job and I had put in my notice at my old job, so I did a couple lines he gave me. I didn't use until the next night when I got a good amount and was pretty content with just being depressed and not knowing my future since I was so sedated on H. I had a bond hearing two days later and was allowed leave the state, I just had to report back weekly. Court was friday and I didn't use again until tuesday because I had a pretrial probation meeting that day and thought I would get tested. The day before, I got a .5 of H and saved it for after my meeting, after the meeting I went to the bathroom to do a line ( I wanted it so bad I brought it with me, but I still never had any PHYSICAL withdrawal symptoms). And the night after the meeting, I left town. I moved to Charlotte, did my last line before leaving Richmond so to start there fresh. And it worked. I was coming back weekly for pretrial probation and still not using. I thought about it a lot, but never did I go buy it. For the first 40 something days I didn't. But then I was in town for a full day, not just pretrial then leaving, so after pretrial I went and got some and god it was amazing. It was so blissful. I thought "how did I live without this??". But then I left and it was gone. I came back again for actual trial, and someone at the damn fast food place asked if I was straight I said on what and he was like dope, I thought "well fuck, just a dub to make court less shitty", bought it and snorted it all and went to court. My lawyer was amazing and got me off almost completely, 13 months suspended time and no probation
Then I was back in Charlotte for about a month and then went to Richmond to help my mom move across town, bout a big bag of shit and was just high as hell the whole time. The bag lasted me both days I was there and the day I got back which was now early july of this year. Then last week I was there to buy a car (ended up not happening yet) and bought a teenth and just stayed high for a couple of days. Now the car I am buying has just been dropped of with my stepdad and I am hoping to get it on Monday and plan to buy a another teeth while in town.
I would recommend people never touch a drug like heroin, since that first time it has not left my mind for a day. Pain pills are the beginning. And heroin is the end. Do not risk your life and ruin yourself. I am a very lucky person with no withdrawals and enough discipline to keep myself somewhat out of the depths of addiction, but I am not different. An addict is an addict is an addict. There is no way around that.
Sorry my format is not exactly correct, but it is all in there from top to bottom. Thank you BL
For a long time I have been interested in drugs, both taking them and researching them. Along the way that brought me hear. And through the years this and erowid.com have been my go to places. I am only 20 years old, but smoked pot at 10, drank at 12, otc pills at 13, prescription pills at 14 and all sorts of others from 15-now (LSD, peyote, MDMA, MXE, shrooms, cocaine, DMT etc..). Weed has been my go to drug since I was 12-13, smoking multiple times a day the whole time, with not many periods without smoking. By 18 there were not many drugs I wanted to try and hadn't. I had my favorites to, oxy, LSD and weed. I loved painkillers since my first experience and have always had a strangely high tolerance (first real high took 65mg hydrocodone). I have always been a very, very smart kid, just depressed and always in trouble. I choose not to go to college even though I had been accepted at a few schools. I worked full time, had a long term girlfriend who went to Virginia Tech (only a few hours away, we started dating in 11th grade) and didn't do much else. I would mess around with drugs with all the free time I had, still loving the opiate high.
Then one spring day when I was 19 my brother (opiate/heroin addict who has been in jail a few times) was fiending for some dope, and just needed $60 to put up and his dude (also a longtime friend) would front him a #### of raw. He asked me if I could drive him and spot him the cash, I told him fuck it I'm sad as hell, my girlfriend still has another few weeks at school before she's home for he summer, I'll buy it, just give me half of it. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I had been supporting this addiction for awhile and if he was going to be getting a #### which is usually $120 for $60 of this raw stuff that has been taking over southside Richmond and is supposedly very, very potent, I could just get my half gram, have a day or so of fun, and not mess with it again. We got the bag and went to this crappy supermarkets parking lot. We split the bag onto two lotto tickets and he suggested me doing bumps of the corner of my debit card. I did. He only let me do two at first then had me wait ten minutes. After those two bumps I was feeling so great. I was chatty, my newport cigarette complimented the sour drain beautifully. And after ten minutes I did two more bumps, probably half my bag in all. I loved it. I was warm, talkative, slightly sedated but not nodding out. I drove my brother home and went home myself. Did a few more bumps that night ad the rest in the morning. It went like this all summer. He'd call, I'd cave. Never getting huge amounts, but always the top of the line stuff. We would buy some, cut it into double ends ell it to people it was so strong, and they would call back saying how great it is. By the end of the summer it was probably 4-5 times a week, but I would also not use for a week a time occasionally with no ill affects. It was kind keeping my depression at bay, but it would still lash out.
Once my GF left for school that fall, it became a use like two or three times a day just a little bit type of thing. Then about three weeks into her leaving that year, she left me. After 2.5 years, one long distance year, she left. And I unraveled. I had the money as I managed a very nice deli and worked a lot, so I turned to dope. Thankfully I had some the night she left me, over text she left me too, or I would have bought more and ODed because I did every line I had. The next morning before work I went with my brother and got a gram for myself. Which was the most I had ever had just for me. I had started doing lines to even out my doses as bumps are not very even. It was all pretty downhill from there. I was using between $30-$160 in a day from September to April. By the end the average was like $100 a day, and with the great deals on shit, that was a lot of dope. I was just barely getting by and thankfully I had my brother in it with me, the who time it was us fighting to keep dope in our pockets. I never once got sick. I always had a bag of dope. I would get down to 5 lines, time to re up. I couldn't risk working without a line before and one on my break, so I made sure there was always enough.
I had a two very good friend from high school around, and they knew I had a problem, and they tried talking with me about it and stuff, but I'm stubborn and they knew I was at least functional. I also had this girl, I had known her since 10th grade when we met in Wisconsin, I was kicked out of my house living with family up there. The girl and I stayed in contact and were the best of friends. She took a trip to DC that January that I was using, and invited me to come with. I told her she knows I am still using and I will need to be using to avoid withdrawals (which had still never been experienced). She didn't care and good thing she didn't because it was great to see her. It had been years. After that I got offered an even better job in Charlotte and decided to take it and ween myself of dope. That was more of a goal though as the job wasn't official and wouldn't start until April. So I went about using more and more, still always snorting it. In mid march, the girl came to stay with my for a week and w hooked up and got together, great more long distance right? Well, with her support and the new job which just became official, the weening had to begin soon. And in April I tried to, but just kept delaying it until I had one week left, I was using as little as possible and partying with friends for my last weekend in town.
Monday morning was my last dose. I had Adderal for the mornings I worked and, valium to keep my head straight, xanax for if I freaked out and ambien to go to bed. I still had never been through withdrawals so I was terrified. Sunday night I just chilled with my best friend popping pills and doing nothing. I said fuck it I am going to do my last line now around midnight. And did. I don't recall going to bed as we were on a lot of benzos and ambien, but stopped taking them at midnight. I left at like 630AM to go home to shower and go to work I guess, fell asleep at the wheel and crashed my car. Was arrested for possession of controlled I or II x2, possession of controlled 3 x2 and possession of controlled 4 x 2 and marijuana. I was in jail all day, got out on bond and did not feel sick at all. I was majorly concussed as my head broke my windshield and my airbags only half inflated, so I thought that might've been it. On tuesday I had court, then went to my brothers and was pissed because I couldn't leave the state so I couldn't start new job and I had put in my notice at my old job, so I did a couple lines he gave me. I didn't use until the next night when I got a good amount and was pretty content with just being depressed and not knowing my future since I was so sedated on H. I had a bond hearing two days later and was allowed leave the state, I just had to report back weekly. Court was friday and I didn't use again until tuesday because I had a pretrial probation meeting that day and thought I would get tested. The day before, I got a .5 of H and saved it for after my meeting, after the meeting I went to the bathroom to do a line ( I wanted it so bad I brought it with me, but I still never had any PHYSICAL withdrawal symptoms). And the night after the meeting, I left town. I moved to Charlotte, did my last line before leaving Richmond so to start there fresh. And it worked. I was coming back weekly for pretrial probation and still not using. I thought about it a lot, but never did I go buy it. For the first 40 something days I didn't. But then I was in town for a full day, not just pretrial then leaving, so after pretrial I went and got some and god it was amazing. It was so blissful. I thought "how did I live without this??". But then I left and it was gone. I came back again for actual trial, and someone at the damn fast food place asked if I was straight I said on what and he was like dope, I thought "well fuck, just a dub to make court less shitty", bought it and snorted it all and went to court. My lawyer was amazing and got me off almost completely, 13 months suspended time and no probation
Then I was back in Charlotte for about a month and then went to Richmond to help my mom move across town, bout a big bag of shit and was just high as hell the whole time. The bag lasted me both days I was there and the day I got back which was now early july of this year. Then last week I was there to buy a car (ended up not happening yet) and bought a teenth and just stayed high for a couple of days. Now the car I am buying has just been dropped of with my stepdad and I am hoping to get it on Monday and plan to buy a another teeth while in town.
I would recommend people never touch a drug like heroin, since that first time it has not left my mind for a day. Pain pills are the beginning. And heroin is the end. Do not risk your life and ruin yourself. I am a very lucky person with no withdrawals and enough discipline to keep myself somewhat out of the depths of addiction, but I am not different. An addict is an addict is an addict. There is no way around that.
Sorry my format is not exactly correct, but it is all in there from top to bottom. Thank you BL
LucidSDreamr
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 23, 2013
- Messages
- 7,311
I've been clean from a needle for a year but still use heroin (smoked) If you smoke it using one of those glass nails people smoke weed dabs with its actually very efficient. (i'm talking about tar). You can also try plugging your drugs which works very well.
Honestly I don't miss the needle at all. Sure the high was a little better for the first few minutes but after that its all the same. What makes it the most worth it is not worrying about my health anymore....that I've got infections collapsed veins, or contracted blood borne diseases. The stress of those things made my life hell. and I can say that I will never pick up a needle again. But i am a hypochondriac so this might be a better motivating factor for me than for many other people
I relapsed using a needle several time in the beggining, because like you, eating or plugging was just more expensive and not as good of a high. but i decided paying more to get high was worth it if i didn't use a needle and eventually I didn't relapse anymore and it felt so good to not feel guilty about injecting anymore that I havn't been back since
Misguided Angel
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Aug 8, 2015
- Messages
- 30
A little bit about me, I'm a 21 year old male I'm from USA. For me it all started when I was 13. I was hanging out at my friends house when his older brother offered me to smoke a blunt with him. I still remember what blunt wrap it was. It was a purple haze blunt wrap and of course I said yes. (big mistake) So I smoked and since it was my first time I smoked a little to much I didn't enjoy the high at all it made me sick to my stomach. After that I continued smoking. That's all I did up untill I turned 15. On my 15th birthday I was working on my house with a couple of my step dad's house with a couple of his friends. So his friends offered me a shot because it was my birthday and I said yes. I was a little tipsy from it and a little later on he goes I'm gonna pop your cherry today I was like what the hell are you talking about. He tells me to come in to the bathroom and I did. He starts dumping something out on the back of the toilet I asked him what it was and it was coke. They do there lines and mine was left. They pass me the bill (to sniff with) and I took it I just stood there for a couple minutes thinking about it and he said if you don't do it I'm gonna. I said fuck it and did it. I felt great. I was so messed up and we were still drinking and then we smoked a blunt it was way to much for me since it was my first time drinking and doing coke. I ended up passing out face first into the ground. Next thing I know I wake up in my bed. After that it began to be an every Friday thing. I would hang out with this older guy and I would have to sneak out of my house at night since I was only 15 at the time and we would drink and do coke. That lasted till I was about 17. That's when the pills came into the picture I was doing everything percocets xanax kpins etc. Well I built up a little addiction. One night we couldn't find any pills and my friend says I can get dope (heroin) so I said alright let's do it and we did I ended up sniffing and I loved I was still 17 at this time. I sniffed dope till I was 19. My first time shooting it this kid was hooking me up for free and he booted it I told him I sniffed it but he loaded mine up in a pin anyway he said the only way I'll give you some is if you shoot it it'll be a waste to sniff it. And of course I did it and holy shit after I did it everything went black I couldn't see anything and it sounded like a train horn in my ears I never fell out though I sat down and waited till I could see again. Once I could I was so fucked up and I loved it I never went back to sniffing again. Then my addiction led me to robbing people even my own family I've been to jail 3 times rehab twice I was on the run for a year, probation all that shit. I slept with women for drugs I've been kidnapped by 7 people jumped pistol whipped and tied up in a basement I was homeless from 18 till up to a couple months ago I'm currently living with my mom at 21 years old I'll be 22 in 3 weeks I didn't complete high school I never held a job for more than 3 months never had a driver's license no car I don't even have an id I'm still battling addiction to this day I'm trying to get clean but it's hard because the withdrawals. I can't even get into a detox because I don't have health insurance or an id. So pretty much I fucked up my life at a very young age. Luckily I'm still young enough to get my shit together. So my advice to anyone who took the time to read this stay far away from drugs and make sure you don't mess with the wrong people I did leave some things out of my story because they are pretty gruesome. Thank you for taking the time to read a little bit about my life it felt good to get it off my chest I have never told anyone all the things I've been threw. You are all beautiful inside and out God bless you all.
I'm not sure why I started or how because growing up I wasn't around drugs too often. Sure, I saw adults smoking pot when I was a teenager, but I thought that was the norm being that my dad smoked for medical reasons. To be honest I wasn't all that into smoking. I always felt paranoid or guilty. Guilty because I didn't want my little sister being brought up around it. It's inevitable though. I'm 25 and my sister is 18. I recently told her about my heavy drug use as much as I hated myself for it. I let her down as an older sister. I am not a good role model for her and it kills me. The reason I told her is to try and get help. From her, and from my family. I could not work up the courage to tell my mother myself. My younger, 18 year old sister had to. I feel like a let down and a dissapointment. I know that I can change, but now I will always be a drug addict and will always try to recover for the rest of my life. I have realized cocaine took over my life at a certain age. Not even the first time I used. To be honest it didn't effect me at all the first time. I understand now that the reason I became so aware of drugs wasn't until I began to suffer from bipolar depression. It began gradually, not all at once. I began to like the feeling of getting away by any type of high. I blame myself really, I always depended on others to get me through life. I'm now starting to realize only myself will get me through. I thought I could recover on my own, but I cannot. I crumbled today. I can't even remember after a certain point. I went out for a nice dinner to try and rebuild a relationship that I screwed up (drug use) but I ruined the night as usual. As I'm writing this I am thinking of how sorry a person I have become and how selfish I sound. I am selfish, and I hate that about myself. I wish to have integrity in this life and be proud of who I am. What steps do I need to take to get there? I thought talking to my sister was the right thing, but if anything I feel like it ruined her and our relationship. I was drug free for 3 weeks and worked so hard for it. I started to feel so good again and have confidence that I could overcome this. Please someone tell me what is the next step I need to take??????
Honestly, I think alcohol is the worst drug just because of its availability. It's everywhere. I basically knew I was going to be addicted the first time I drank. It was the most amazing I had felt at that point in time. I've been chasing it ever since to no avail. That was over 9 years ago...I know alcohol has got its clutches in me. I can feel it destroying my body yet I keep reaching for that bottle...Even after taking 5 day tolerance breaks and then drinking, I just get a little buzzed and then blackout. I wish I never started drinking.
Raki
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2015
- Messages
- 110
At age 17 in Lebanon, a shell from an AK hit a concrete wall and shattered, sending shrapnel into my mouth and sinuses, giving me bad pain until the present (now 48). Several months later a mortar round landed nearby and sent shrapnel into my right side. After the second wound the mikitary maintained me on morphine. Eventually I was given a choice, get on methadone or cashier out of the military.
Since then I maintain on methadone in the States and in Israel, and morphine when in the Philippines which is where I primarily live. I have tried a range of different substances but have only ever had an issue with opiates/opioids.
Since then I maintain on methadone in the States and in Israel, and morphine when in the Philippines which is where I primarily live. I have tried a range of different substances but have only ever had an issue with opiates/opioids.
THE_REAL_OBLIVION
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2005
- Messages
- 3,183
Ouch, Israel bombs you but then afterwards gives you methadone, how nice of them, like how they just removed a guy from arrest without reason who was hunger striking, only when the doctors noticed he had brain damage.
Or you were an Israeli soldier. Your movements through the world indicate maybe IS (israeli intelligence) or some regular dude. If you're the former, you accepted going in the Israeli army to kill Lebanese children, so hey, what comes around goes around.
Or you were an Israeli soldier. Your movements through the world indicate maybe IS (israeli intelligence) or some regular dude. If you're the former, you accepted going in the Israeli army to kill Lebanese children, so hey, what comes around goes around.
Xtreme Rush
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2015
- Messages
- 202
I got a pretty bad benzo habit trying to quit....
plus im on suboxone to keep me clean from H
so idk thats where im at plus ive been gambling way out of control
plus im on suboxone to keep me clean from H
so idk thats where im at plus ive been gambling way out of control
My-life-back
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2015
- Messages
- 2
I'm a mid 30 y/o guy from Scotland who was brought up in a low income family within an affluent area (Oil). I was never one of the popular guys when I was younger as I couldn't afford to socialise and I worked quite a bit in my spare time so as to make a few extra pennies. Anyway, I got to 16 y/o, joined the Royal Navy and left home. After a few years I returned home to work elsewhere and I found that I was now 'one of the lads' since I had a decent paying job and could afford to have a social life. My problem was that I had never really felt part of the group and I always had this sense of inadequacy...And that's where Opiates entered my life.
An innocuous Saturday night encounter with a friend who gave me a 0.2mg Temgesic which I duly crushed and snorted changed my life. I was 23 at the time.
Within 30 minutes of my first snorting experience I was full of confidence, 'one of the lads', chatty and popular.
Remember the name: Temgesic. This small, round, white pill has ruled my life since. 12 years gone and I'm the little bastard's prisoner. A prisoner with a 3 or 4 pill per day habit...and sod the 0.2's because I found some 0.4's that have more potency.
Adverse effects? Yeah. My DOC is not an economically wise choice and I have two children to bring up. I have made many selfish choices where my kids have lost out on something just so that I can go spend another £100 on a few more pills. You know? Just to keep me ticking over for a while longer. The guilt I carry knowing I have done this gnaws at me...but another cheeky snort of the wee white demon sorts that out and I forget how much of a Bastard I am.
I hold down a good job in a position of authority and I'd love to ask for help from my employer but I have seen others do likewise and (regardless of policy) the token gesture of 'help' lasts a wee while before they suddenly find themselves being shown the door. So I will keep my secret exactly that. I am alone and will deal with this on my own.
Anyway, because of my job I can't go around dealers looking to source pills. I can only access my DOC from one very trusted source who is now pushing 60 y/o and no longer able to get hold of them. I've kinda been forced into contemplating life without my little white crutch and I'm terrified.
I went a week without anything last year, not through choice but due to my 'man' being out of the country, and it was hell. I have been tapering for a while and am getting ready for the jump...Preparing myself for the RLS, nausea and tiredness.
I can't confide in anyone. I'm too ashamed and fear for my children, job etc. This is my mess, my secret and my 'thing' that I have to get through on my own.
I'm a 35 y/o man with a 12 year habit. My advice is don't be the kind of man I turned out to be. I wish I had been man enough to confront this years ago but I let fear and selfishness win. I have become a liar who can pull off some amazing feats of deception simply to get my hands on more of my little round pals.
An innocuous Saturday night encounter with a friend who gave me a 0.2mg Temgesic which I duly crushed and snorted changed my life. I was 23 at the time.
Within 30 minutes of my first snorting experience I was full of confidence, 'one of the lads', chatty and popular.
Remember the name: Temgesic. This small, round, white pill has ruled my life since. 12 years gone and I'm the little bastard's prisoner. A prisoner with a 3 or 4 pill per day habit...and sod the 0.2's because I found some 0.4's that have more potency.
Adverse effects? Yeah. My DOC is not an economically wise choice and I have two children to bring up. I have made many selfish choices where my kids have lost out on something just so that I can go spend another £100 on a few more pills. You know? Just to keep me ticking over for a while longer. The guilt I carry knowing I have done this gnaws at me...but another cheeky snort of the wee white demon sorts that out and I forget how much of a Bastard I am.
I hold down a good job in a position of authority and I'd love to ask for help from my employer but I have seen others do likewise and (regardless of policy) the token gesture of 'help' lasts a wee while before they suddenly find themselves being shown the door. So I will keep my secret exactly that. I am alone and will deal with this on my own.
Anyway, because of my job I can't go around dealers looking to source pills. I can only access my DOC from one very trusted source who is now pushing 60 y/o and no longer able to get hold of them. I've kinda been forced into contemplating life without my little white crutch and I'm terrified.
I went a week without anything last year, not through choice but due to my 'man' being out of the country, and it was hell. I have been tapering for a while and am getting ready for the jump...Preparing myself for the RLS, nausea and tiredness.
I can't confide in anyone. I'm too ashamed and fear for my children, job etc. This is my mess, my secret and my 'thing' that I have to get through on my own.
I'm a 35 y/o man with a 12 year habit. My advice is don't be the kind of man I turned out to be. I wish I had been man enough to confront this years ago but I let fear and selfishness win. I have become a liar who can pull off some amazing feats of deception simply to get my hands on more of my little round pals.
THE_REAL_OBLIVION
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2005
- Messages
- 3,183
I had no idea Temgesic was used in the UK, we usually have meds the UK do, here in Canada.
You realize that this is the ingredient in Subutex/Suboxone so people stop shooting up if they really want to, it works. But man the smallest pill is not 0.2mg, it's 2mg. And 2mg is a tapering away dose, I'm on 12mg a day since august 2013. I have all my takehomes so I have a week's worth of bupe with me but unfortunately, since my dose is never really 12mg except the one I have to take and open my mouth in a humiliating way to the pharmacist or pharm tech to prove the pill is dissolved, I can't leave otherwise, the boss lets me leave, but the young women, obviously, with a stick up their ass about rules and such..if I have a dry mouth it can be a 20 minute thing of just walking around in the service area while I do everything to make them smaller, chew them away etc.
Anyway....hope you realize that if you can't stop by yourself, you have one less option (I think the UK removed their compassionate and ahead of its time heroin maintenance program with pure pharma heroin, and anyway, for some on bupe....I gotta say that it's easier to reduce Methadone dose, of course since it's a larger number, I would go down 2-3mg a month and then got on buprenorphine cos methadone unfortunately made me obese and get gynecomastia, it's fucking shit, unlucky as can be....but when I was dropping a bit faster from 49 to 44 then to 39 each month, I was doing fine, and actually enjoyed getting back some intellectual capacities when at only 39mg, but then one day I had to be off the 'done for 48 hours and they gave me 4mg of sublingual "temgesic" with naloxone added to it, for some reason, I think the Naloxone is to blame for all the pressure headaches I get, it may be a tiny dose, but having some constantly is sure to do something. And I laugh at Targins. You know, the OP/OxyNeo like pill that has added Naloxone "to help with constipation". I wish that was true, I have to eat tons of fibre, drink constantly (not alcohol), and use 2 or 3 meds (one is a rescue stimulant that makes one whole intestines go into spasms, bisacodyl, you need to have taken your emollients first or your dump is going to be incredibly painful and could be dangerous, had blood on the TP more than few times, just a little, but, now that i take more emmolients I'm fine (Relaxa(polythylene glycol, thankfully it tastes nothing so I can just drop the 37g dosed spoonful right in a glass of anything, unlike PegLyte with all the electrolytes, made anything taste horrendous. I'm speaking of this because as a bupe addict, even if it's "just" Temgesic, you most likely noticed the extreme constipation just taking 2-4mg a day can give someone.
It's sad as fuck that I'm there, still in pain, cannot go back to methadone, docs wont allow it because of the side effects I had, even though I'm on treatment since a year and a half for low testosterone and finally my T is in the okay range, when the doc added the anti-estrogens things got better, gynecomastia almost all gone, no more painful bumps, there is a mass though that isn't cancerous or anything under my left nipple (I don't know how they can determine it's not cancerous without a biopsy but there you go...I'm seeing my GP on friday so I'll discuss this. I also got rid of an endocrinologist who almost killed me with her Cortef script, because the blood tests that showed I had low T were also a general check up of my blood for many things. She told me I had low cortisol levels which is bad because it can make you it easier to catch colds and worse, but she asked for a list of medication. Of course somebody taking clonidine everyday (varies between 0.1mg to 0.3mg), I'm allowed to to take up to 3 a day, it helps with anxiety a bit and with sweating, a lot, and when on 'done I didn't sweat at all, while on bupe, I'm a sweat factory, I put antiperspirant cream (Rx) on 80% of my body during the summer since where I live, the city is an island, it creates it's own awful bubble of humidity that you can see driving towards it, literally ends where the bridges reach the northern and southern burbs.
All this because a specialist retired on me who had me on an opiate regimen (albeit not very strong) for a jaw condition that he wouldn't do surgery on (4% chance that he'd mess up and injure the nerve that allows one to close an eye....4% isn't much but he was really not wanting to do it. So he put me on Codeine Contins 150mg (200mg later the strongest) twice a day every 12 hours, with meloxicam (nsaid), a Percodan 5mg if I had pain that went through it, and that's all I wanted, I didn't use recreationally, (that came later, and I already explained how and why and anyway at those doses I was feeling really awesome all day and not sleepy at all, could go to college, could do homework no problem) and some cortisone injections sometimes, although I find them to be totally useless. And I don't enjoy taking cortisone, as I was saying, a Cortef script almost killed me, and I wasn't at the dose where she wanted me to be yet. Ever had a feeling like your whole chest and back is being sliced by tiny internal shrapnels, piercing you from within and then the pain concentrates on each side of your upper trunk (lungs/liver area) and then move to the upper back and then the pain would go away very slowly. When it hit it was enough to make you pause anything you did. Checked my pulse and breathing and all was fine...I think Cortef didn't mix with clonidine in particular, and that would be the external cause of why I have lower than normal but not dramatically lower levels of cortisol. I don't know what it was, but it never happened again when I tapered away from the Cortef. And hell, I took much stronger steroidal anti-inflammatories before, Cortef at that dose wasn't even anti-inflammatory. I was put on Prednisolone (stronger than prednisone, no pro-drug like prednisone is) by my lung doctor (with some antibiotics, good ones, not the crap they gave me at the ER (first Biaxin XL, I reacted so badly with the diarrhea, that hospital says I'm allergic to it, then fucking Avelox, which I took only 3 days and then had my emergency appointment with the lung doc, I had pneumonia big time, so instead of those pieces of shit, I was given Cefzil (a really good antibiotic if there is one, ER docs are trained to toss the strongest shit and not necesssarily the most efficient shit for bronchitis and pneumonia.., Hydrocodone syrup 5mg/5ml, 12oz, now that works and doesn't make me feel weird at all, prednisolone for a month and a half, first going higher and higher in dose, reaching a plateau then tapering away, that stuff gave me back some energy those 3 weeks of hell while I was withdrawing from the rather large dose of codeine and a small dose of oxycodone through the Percodan (5mg), seems laughable now, but it was really efficient when I had a sudden jolt of pain going over the codeine where i felt like someone took an icepick and pushed it in my ear as hard as it could. 400mg of codeine a day on contin release and 5mg every 3 days of oxycodone, I was scripted a 30 Percodans a month but didn't take them everyday, the doc was good enough to understand that there could be days I might need 2, so the script was take 1 or 2 prn, then I fell into a really awful withdrawal, different than when I was taking IR codeine pills for a month straight, that was bearable, and I would be scripted a 30mg/300mg Empracet codeine/apap every 4 hours before for a skateboard accident and I did abuse it slightly, taking 200-300mg doses, not higher, and it was a bit shitty when the script and the 2 renewals ended, but just smoking weed made me forget it. C-Contins at 400 mg a day acted different, they seem to think that getting off XR medication is easier but I find that it's not, it's a lot more insidious and your body is expoded all the time.
But anyway, I would have never stopped the treatment if I could have had my medical dossier from him, but his office closed, phone's dead, no proof of anything...I was so fucked. Only pharmacists could back me up and only one really helped me. And that's why although I hang in there and have a job that doesnt require moving my ass at all, becoming obese because of methadone, 10 pounds per month for 11 months, it's madness.
But I'd give a shot at taking methadone if the bupe makes your life hell, you wont have to run after dealers and such and will be given probably a low dose, highest I went was 60mg, you already take something that completely sits on your mu receptors and doesn't budge at all from injected heroin and such, only crazy stuff like fentanyl and maybe ketobemidone can dislodge it fast in case of an injury or needing surgery.
To others, think twice before using bupe for fun, hurt yourself or need surgery and you'll have to admit you illegally take bupe in whatever form you get it, and first they won't believe you or will do a blood test to detect it before even giving you anything for your pain, even if you were in a car crash and lost your legs while they burned while your car was burning over you legs and your body is stuck on the ground cos you went through the window....hypothetical situation, but i know somebody who was run over by an ambulance while on bupe, hit the shotgun seat area, at about 160 km/h, car had an explosion, fell on its side, 2 of his friends burned alive while his legs burned to ashes before they got to him, that was in 2007 before I knew much at all about opiates and only cared for weed and psyx. I asked my friend's dad what happened to him and he said "Suboxone happened to me" before telling me the whole story drinking beer and smoking hash with my friend and his dad.
As for the RLS My-Life-Back, I find Mirapax really works well, half a 0.25mg pill and script for hydroxyzine or cyclizine (its legal in the UK so better go with it) for the nausea, ondansetron if its really awful.
To me bupe withdrawal is different. It's extreme diarrhea and sweating buckets and insomnia that necessitates double doses of valium when I have been out of bupe for 5-6 days...I can endure days without it longer than you since the dose is so much larger in Suboxone/Subutex.
Could be worse, Americans can be scripted 0.3mg ampoules of Buprenex for IM, where they do the injections themselves at home. It's often scripted by veterinarians for cats and dogs who have something broken or painful arthritis heh. But we don't have it here.
You could find your way out by getting a BuTrans patch, it's for low to moderate pain, it releases what's in temgesic, either at 5 microgram an hour, 10 or 20. My grandma wore a 20 patch for a while, but not anymore, but I laughed when I saw this. Apparently it works well for pain that is constant and taking handfulls of tylenol and destroy your liver with time or handfuls of advils and fuck up your stomach. Although, being over 40 is almost a requirement for that BuTrans patch, it's probably available in the UK though, I guess wearing 2-3 20ug patches could help one go through a temgesic withdrawal, i dont know how much you take everyday, if it's in the Subutex/xone doses, ouch. But you should see a doc regardless for the mirapax and hydroxyzine and maybe BuTrans if you have anywhere that hurts moderately and prevents you from doing your job 100% then maybe you could get some. All of these things are dirt cheap btw, generic for mirapax and hydroxyzine or promethazine are, BuTrans patches aren't very expensive either. A month's worth is cheaper than a generic oxycontin 60mg 120 count bottle in my country I'd say.
You realize that this is the ingredient in Subutex/Suboxone so people stop shooting up if they really want to, it works. But man the smallest pill is not 0.2mg, it's 2mg. And 2mg is a tapering away dose, I'm on 12mg a day since august 2013. I have all my takehomes so I have a week's worth of bupe with me but unfortunately, since my dose is never really 12mg except the one I have to take and open my mouth in a humiliating way to the pharmacist or pharm tech to prove the pill is dissolved, I can't leave otherwise, the boss lets me leave, but the young women, obviously, with a stick up their ass about rules and such..if I have a dry mouth it can be a 20 minute thing of just walking around in the service area while I do everything to make them smaller, chew them away etc.
Anyway....hope you realize that if you can't stop by yourself, you have one less option (I think the UK removed their compassionate and ahead of its time heroin maintenance program with pure pharma heroin, and anyway, for some on bupe....I gotta say that it's easier to reduce Methadone dose, of course since it's a larger number, I would go down 2-3mg a month and then got on buprenorphine cos methadone unfortunately made me obese and get gynecomastia, it's fucking shit, unlucky as can be....but when I was dropping a bit faster from 49 to 44 then to 39 each month, I was doing fine, and actually enjoyed getting back some intellectual capacities when at only 39mg, but then one day I had to be off the 'done for 48 hours and they gave me 4mg of sublingual "temgesic" with naloxone added to it, for some reason, I think the Naloxone is to blame for all the pressure headaches I get, it may be a tiny dose, but having some constantly is sure to do something. And I laugh at Targins. You know, the OP/OxyNeo like pill that has added Naloxone "to help with constipation". I wish that was true, I have to eat tons of fibre, drink constantly (not alcohol), and use 2 or 3 meds (one is a rescue stimulant that makes one whole intestines go into spasms, bisacodyl, you need to have taken your emollients first or your dump is going to be incredibly painful and could be dangerous, had blood on the TP more than few times, just a little, but, now that i take more emmolients I'm fine (Relaxa(polythylene glycol, thankfully it tastes nothing so I can just drop the 37g dosed spoonful right in a glass of anything, unlike PegLyte with all the electrolytes, made anything taste horrendous. I'm speaking of this because as a bupe addict, even if it's "just" Temgesic, you most likely noticed the extreme constipation just taking 2-4mg a day can give someone.
It's sad as fuck that I'm there, still in pain, cannot go back to methadone, docs wont allow it because of the side effects I had, even though I'm on treatment since a year and a half for low testosterone and finally my T is in the okay range, when the doc added the anti-estrogens things got better, gynecomastia almost all gone, no more painful bumps, there is a mass though that isn't cancerous or anything under my left nipple (I don't know how they can determine it's not cancerous without a biopsy but there you go...I'm seeing my GP on friday so I'll discuss this. I also got rid of an endocrinologist who almost killed me with her Cortef script, because the blood tests that showed I had low T were also a general check up of my blood for many things. She told me I had low cortisol levels which is bad because it can make you it easier to catch colds and worse, but she asked for a list of medication. Of course somebody taking clonidine everyday (varies between 0.1mg to 0.3mg), I'm allowed to to take up to 3 a day, it helps with anxiety a bit and with sweating, a lot, and when on 'done I didn't sweat at all, while on bupe, I'm a sweat factory, I put antiperspirant cream (Rx) on 80% of my body during the summer since where I live, the city is an island, it creates it's own awful bubble of humidity that you can see driving towards it, literally ends where the bridges reach the northern and southern burbs.
All this because a specialist retired on me who had me on an opiate regimen (albeit not very strong) for a jaw condition that he wouldn't do surgery on (4% chance that he'd mess up and injure the nerve that allows one to close an eye....4% isn't much but he was really not wanting to do it. So he put me on Codeine Contins 150mg (200mg later the strongest) twice a day every 12 hours, with meloxicam (nsaid), a Percodan 5mg if I had pain that went through it, and that's all I wanted, I didn't use recreationally, (that came later, and I already explained how and why and anyway at those doses I was feeling really awesome all day and not sleepy at all, could go to college, could do homework no problem) and some cortisone injections sometimes, although I find them to be totally useless. And I don't enjoy taking cortisone, as I was saying, a Cortef script almost killed me, and I wasn't at the dose where she wanted me to be yet. Ever had a feeling like your whole chest and back is being sliced by tiny internal shrapnels, piercing you from within and then the pain concentrates on each side of your upper trunk (lungs/liver area) and then move to the upper back and then the pain would go away very slowly. When it hit it was enough to make you pause anything you did. Checked my pulse and breathing and all was fine...I think Cortef didn't mix with clonidine in particular, and that would be the external cause of why I have lower than normal but not dramatically lower levels of cortisol. I don't know what it was, but it never happened again when I tapered away from the Cortef. And hell, I took much stronger steroidal anti-inflammatories before, Cortef at that dose wasn't even anti-inflammatory. I was put on Prednisolone (stronger than prednisone, no pro-drug like prednisone is) by my lung doctor (with some antibiotics, good ones, not the crap they gave me at the ER (first Biaxin XL, I reacted so badly with the diarrhea, that hospital says I'm allergic to it, then fucking Avelox, which I took only 3 days and then had my emergency appointment with the lung doc, I had pneumonia big time, so instead of those pieces of shit, I was given Cefzil (a really good antibiotic if there is one, ER docs are trained to toss the strongest shit and not necesssarily the most efficient shit for bronchitis and pneumonia.., Hydrocodone syrup 5mg/5ml, 12oz, now that works and doesn't make me feel weird at all, prednisolone for a month and a half, first going higher and higher in dose, reaching a plateau then tapering away, that stuff gave me back some energy those 3 weeks of hell while I was withdrawing from the rather large dose of codeine and a small dose of oxycodone through the Percodan (5mg), seems laughable now, but it was really efficient when I had a sudden jolt of pain going over the codeine where i felt like someone took an icepick and pushed it in my ear as hard as it could. 400mg of codeine a day on contin release and 5mg every 3 days of oxycodone, I was scripted a 30 Percodans a month but didn't take them everyday, the doc was good enough to understand that there could be days I might need 2, so the script was take 1 or 2 prn, then I fell into a really awful withdrawal, different than when I was taking IR codeine pills for a month straight, that was bearable, and I would be scripted a 30mg/300mg Empracet codeine/apap every 4 hours before for a skateboard accident and I did abuse it slightly, taking 200-300mg doses, not higher, and it was a bit shitty when the script and the 2 renewals ended, but just smoking weed made me forget it. C-Contins at 400 mg a day acted different, they seem to think that getting off XR medication is easier but I find that it's not, it's a lot more insidious and your body is expoded all the time.
But anyway, I would have never stopped the treatment if I could have had my medical dossier from him, but his office closed, phone's dead, no proof of anything...I was so fucked. Only pharmacists could back me up and only one really helped me. And that's why although I hang in there and have a job that doesnt require moving my ass at all, becoming obese because of methadone, 10 pounds per month for 11 months, it's madness.
But I'd give a shot at taking methadone if the bupe makes your life hell, you wont have to run after dealers and such and will be given probably a low dose, highest I went was 60mg, you already take something that completely sits on your mu receptors and doesn't budge at all from injected heroin and such, only crazy stuff like fentanyl and maybe ketobemidone can dislodge it fast in case of an injury or needing surgery.
To others, think twice before using bupe for fun, hurt yourself or need surgery and you'll have to admit you illegally take bupe in whatever form you get it, and first they won't believe you or will do a blood test to detect it before even giving you anything for your pain, even if you were in a car crash and lost your legs while they burned while your car was burning over you legs and your body is stuck on the ground cos you went through the window....hypothetical situation, but i know somebody who was run over by an ambulance while on bupe, hit the shotgun seat area, at about 160 km/h, car had an explosion, fell on its side, 2 of his friends burned alive while his legs burned to ashes before they got to him, that was in 2007 before I knew much at all about opiates and only cared for weed and psyx. I asked my friend's dad what happened to him and he said "Suboxone happened to me" before telling me the whole story drinking beer and smoking hash with my friend and his dad.
As for the RLS My-Life-Back, I find Mirapax really works well, half a 0.25mg pill and script for hydroxyzine or cyclizine (its legal in the UK so better go with it) for the nausea, ondansetron if its really awful.
To me bupe withdrawal is different. It's extreme diarrhea and sweating buckets and insomnia that necessitates double doses of valium when I have been out of bupe for 5-6 days...I can endure days without it longer than you since the dose is so much larger in Suboxone/Subutex.
Could be worse, Americans can be scripted 0.3mg ampoules of Buprenex for IM, where they do the injections themselves at home. It's often scripted by veterinarians for cats and dogs who have something broken or painful arthritis heh. But we don't have it here.
You could find your way out by getting a BuTrans patch, it's for low to moderate pain, it releases what's in temgesic, either at 5 microgram an hour, 10 or 20. My grandma wore a 20 patch for a while, but not anymore, but I laughed when I saw this. Apparently it works well for pain that is constant and taking handfulls of tylenol and destroy your liver with time or handfuls of advils and fuck up your stomach. Although, being over 40 is almost a requirement for that BuTrans patch, it's probably available in the UK though, I guess wearing 2-3 20ug patches could help one go through a temgesic withdrawal, i dont know how much you take everyday, if it's in the Subutex/xone doses, ouch. But you should see a doc regardless for the mirapax and hydroxyzine and maybe BuTrans if you have anywhere that hurts moderately and prevents you from doing your job 100% then maybe you could get some. All of these things are dirt cheap btw, generic for mirapax and hydroxyzine or promethazine are, BuTrans patches aren't very expensive either. A month's worth is cheaper than a generic oxycontin 60mg 120 count bottle in my country I'd say.
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I no its not as bad as most but was very bad with benzo etizolam started off just for sleep after long hrs as a chef n soonbecame full blowen addiction from ttabs 2 pure powder . I was using at least 100mg a week n within a year half a gram of powder a week sometimes in days . then couldn't get hands onany and went cold turkey which put me in hospital for a week with no taper or substitute offered at all it was hell. Heart was beating at 160bpm extreme sweets no sleep cramps body jurking god I actually wanted 2 die . I started on anti depressants first they sent me mental then discovered etizolam everything was great what a difference every 1 could see. Then it just went down hill fast but was in denial and don't care what people say the withdrawell was the worst thing I've ever been throuhh now I'm addicted 2 codiene 60mg 6 times a day and zopiclone at night I'm 30 years old over weight used 2 smoke weed drink a lot a typical chefs life no scales for benzo powder just dabbed even just licked a 25mg bag clean b4 days were lost first time post so if its wrong my apologize b safe folks
legaluser
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2015
- Messages
- 349
Ive quit using substances altogether. Been sober for some time now, life is good, i used to love to drink alcohol and smoke cigs, but im done, I am the master of my own domain. I have control over cigs and alcohol and caffeine (I consider all these drugs i consider a lot of things drugs that maybe some ppl dont). Life feels much better without using.
God bless.
God bless.
Crispychick
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2015
- Messages
- 13
Question since you have had similar past experience to mine. About 3 years ago I was out of control like that but
for the past 2 years....stayed basically drink as I drink alcohol socially and legally prescribed depression, anxiety and add
meds. Benzos and Adderall used for the latter two conditions I have are regulated, however, my beachbag was just lost at the
beach today and all my prescribed meds are in there......I am freaking out, what am I going to do. I hope my psychiatrist when office
opens on Mondays believe my true story and give me a prescription for the rest of September since I just recently filled them only about
7 days before this happened. In your opinion do you think my doctor can follow a protocol to help their patients in emergency situations such
as mine?
for the past 2 years....stayed basically drink as I drink alcohol socially and legally prescribed depression, anxiety and add
meds. Benzos and Adderall used for the latter two conditions I have are regulated, however, my beachbag was just lost at the
beach today and all my prescribed meds are in there......I am freaking out, what am I going to do. I hope my psychiatrist when office
opens on Mondays believe my true story and give me a prescription for the rest of September since I just recently filled them only about
7 days before this happened. In your opinion do you think my doctor can follow a protocol to help their patients in emergency situations such
as mine?
smokeymcpot42088
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 23, 2006
- Messages
- 2,050
my story hasn't taken much of a physical toll LARGELY IN DUE TO THIS WEBSITE but mentally there's always that itch. been on it all coke to RC pscychedelics and dissasociatives. But my life has really went to crap and the new rc benzos have me on about 20 mgs a day i have danced with the devil now im being burnt. My life is still good and the only people/friends family I lost were people I realized were using me in one way or another so no loss there. Not alot of friend but im agoraphobic (before I partook). So yea I have boring days and long nights its tought to be good.
THE_REAL_OBLIVION
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2005
- Messages
- 3,183
Your post reminded me of the classic Slayer song Temptation. It's actually smart in its lyrics and you quoted it without knowing. 20mg of a benzo that works at 1mg is madness. It's the max dosage of clonazepam when used for seizures. I hope you're doing better man. I've been through it all with benzos and been legally at 20mg of valium and lately Nitrazepam 10mg at night, but its not covered anymore so my doc will change it to Temazepam 30mg when I meet him (I have a diagnosed sleep issue, and the other thing that worked awesomely was removed, Starnoc (Zaleplon), and the compounding pharmacy that would make me gelcaps of it won't be able to do so until next year, they're outta zaleplon powder) But I am tapering Valium as of now, 1mg at a time, or else it wont work, the psy scripted me 10,5 and 2 mg pills so I can take 19mg for the next 2 weeks, then 18mg for 2 weeks etc. For the long time I've used benzos, it's definitely cured me of HPPD, and also put the brakes on my crazy brain so I could think about what makes me anxious, and decide to exclude what causes me to worry, mostly things I can't change myself about the world, and take care of myself, because I really need to do that, getting old sucks and past 30 the party lifestyle gets difficult for most, we're not all Keith Richards and Fat Mikes.
TPfisher83
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2015
- Messages
- 27
I don't think I'm really all that different from other addicts. I guess it could be viewed that my story is different because I come from an upper class family, was raised in a loving two-parent household, had no abuse of any kind in my childhood. Still wound up strung out, always in trouble with the law, could never hold down a job for more than a year and usually much less than that, had to use dope just to get well and couldn't even get high at the end. The end of the road (so far) was when I got caught stealing opiates from the safe of a pharmacy I worked in. Pharmacy technician was the perfect job for a dope fiend right? When all was said and done in litigation I was looking at up to 13 years in prison for stealing narcotics and drug paraphernalia. I still don't know why the original Common Pleas Court judge allowed my case to be bound over to the county drug court. Did detox in county jail and have been clean since then. Almost 25 months
kaosisallwesee
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 14, 2007
- Messages
- 798
When I was 18 I was working abroad with my dad, the trip was 6 weeks long, and we had been in Milan for 4 weeks.
I currently suffer with several knee issues and it all started during this time in Milan. I had a week off in between working days, so decided to try score something to smoke, it was a mission to say the least. After walking around all day my knee was killing me, to the point I could stand on it.
At some point that day my dad offered me 10mg oxy that he'd been prescribed a year earlier for post cancer surgery (he's fully recovered now), this was suggested by an American we were working with. Along with the hash, it fucked me right up.
That was the start of it all, once we got back to the UK my dad forgot about the oxy and they got thrown in a bag to be chucked out. Obviously I grabbed them out, 64 of them, in total. I snorted these for a few months until I ran out, I didn't get WD'S for some reason but I did crave the high. I was then clean of opiates for ages, a few years at least.
My knee got worse and I was prescribed codeine, DHC continus, and tramadol at different points. I abused them and slowly but surely became an addict to them. And now it's almost 8 years later, I've had a few months break here and there, but currently I'm on bupe patches (15mcg/perhour) after loads of failed attempts to quit cold turkey.
And that's that, not too sure what my next step is as I'm still a genuine pain patient.
I currently suffer with several knee issues and it all started during this time in Milan. I had a week off in between working days, so decided to try score something to smoke, it was a mission to say the least. After walking around all day my knee was killing me, to the point I could stand on it.
At some point that day my dad offered me 10mg oxy that he'd been prescribed a year earlier for post cancer surgery (he's fully recovered now), this was suggested by an American we were working with. Along with the hash, it fucked me right up.
That was the start of it all, once we got back to the UK my dad forgot about the oxy and they got thrown in a bag to be chucked out. Obviously I grabbed them out, 64 of them, in total. I snorted these for a few months until I ran out, I didn't get WD'S for some reason but I did crave the high. I was then clean of opiates for ages, a few years at least.
My knee got worse and I was prescribed codeine, DHC continus, and tramadol at different points. I abused them and slowly but surely became an addict to them. And now it's almost 8 years later, I've had a few months break here and there, but currently I'm on bupe patches (15mcg/perhour) after loads of failed attempts to quit cold turkey.
And that's that, not too sure what my next step is as I'm still a genuine pain patient.