Hello again G...Your loss and grief resonates in your post. I wish I could wrap my arms around you and comfort you. Do you have a relationship with his mom? I ask this ONLY because I've been married 35 years to my husband, yet his mother never forgave me for "taking" her only child from her.
You need emotional support from others who knew your guy and loved him, too. It won't lessen your grief or loss, but will fill the void in small increments. If his family is loving and supportive, I hope they show you...as that is also what he would have wanted. Sadly, you will never get over this...but passage of time will strengthen your resolve to move forward. Allow yourself time to grieve, but not isolate. Surround yourself with friends and family, support groups IRL or counseling if needed.
As for his cause of death, I would think that a thorough autopsy would have revealed (at least) the source of bleeding. It sounds like maybe an aneurism or obstruction or hemorrhage of the bowel. I would agree with Herby if all they performed was a tox screen. Unfortunately, we rarely find the answers we seek. We turn our doubts and questions inward and blame self. PLEASE don't do this to yourself.
>>I want to soothe your aching heart and lift the burden of guilt from your shoulders by sharing this story with you. I pray you don't see this as a senseless "comparison". I would never compare the loss of my pet to the loss of your loved one. I'm simply saying "you couldn't have known".
There is ABSOLUTELY no comparison, nor is my intent to imply such. I'm just using this as an example that you are not complicit in his passing. My husband and I have always had show Dalmatians. We bought 2 newborn sisters in 2007 after losing our darling Dal Dixie to cancer. One of the sisters is deaf. She adored her alpha sissy and alpha sissy loved being the BOSS.
She started to wheez with a hacking cough in early July. We took her directly to the vet, who said "bronchitis"...the heat is causing this with a lot of dogs this summer. Give her Benadryl". She wasn't getting better after a week, so he started antibiotics and Prednisone. I wanted an xray of her chest, but was scoffed at. By July 27, I went batshit crazy and insisted on a chest x-ray. The x-ray revealed a massively enlarged heart (probably genetic). Her heart was crushing her lungs, as she was in heart failure. By 2:00 that afternoon she was dead. I blame myself, as does my husband..."what if we'd insisted on the x-ray sooner?" The truth is that it wouldn't have saved her. The vet said the heart took many years to reach that point, so 2 weeks would only have prolonged her inevitable death.
Although I have lost so many friends and loved ones, I cannot fathom the loss of my husband. I am so very, very sorry G.
