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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

Gibberings CXCV - Back in the day we'd change a thread title and it'd stay changed

yeah i am thinking of taking a holiday like ive been told to just i really need to get the house fixed up i wrecked it on benzos once you lift up a laminate floor will it fuck go back down and i can't remember how it went down its all different sizes

ive got a new bed coming wendesday need new curtains pillows bedding and the likes it soon adds up
 
I am taking a holiday from alcohol for a bit again. I am a wee shit when I get some so I think it's back to drinking occasionally in good company and not alone.
 
Is this going to be like the last time you quit drinking alcohol and set yourself on fire after drinking methylated spirits?
 
foolsgold said:
yeah i am thinking of taking a holiday like ive been told to just i really need to get the house fixed up i wrecked it on benzos once you lift up a laminate floor will it fuck go back down and i can't remember how it went down its all different sizes

ive got a new bed coming wendesday need new curtains pillows bedding and the likes it soon adds up
Click to expand...

Foolsie: none of that sounds urgent or important enough to consider getting a dodgy loan for. Don't get sucked into that please.
 
I have to prepare for work tomorrow and I just don't want to go D: someone do my job for me.
 
foolsgold said:
yeah i am thinking of taking a holiday like ive been told to just i really need to get the house fixed up i wrecked it on benzos once you lift up a laminate floor will it fuck go back down and i can't remember how it went down its all different sizes

ive got a new bed coming wendesday need new curtains pillows bedding and the likes it soon adds up
Click to expand...
O.K. You've made the first discovery every engineer makes: Things come apart more easily than they went together, especially if you aren't concerned about them ever going back together again. But all is not lost. What you've basically got is a jigsaw puzzle. A whole room sized jigsaw puzzle.

  1. Find all the complete boards. They are all the same, and therefore interchangeable.
  2. Find all the awkward shapes that can only possibly fit in one place and only one way around (e.g. doorways, chimney alcoves).
  3. With these "fixed" pieces laid roughly in place, determine which way the tongues and the grooves run (since the remaining boards will have to mate to those pieces); this should also tell you which end of that row starts with a complete board, and which end ends with an offcut.
  4. Examine the offcuts to determine the stagger pattern. The last laminate floor I helped lay began with a complete board in the corner furthest from the window, grooves against both walls; and ended with an offcut that had a groove on one short edge but no tongue on the opposite short edge. The next row began with another offcut, having no groove on one short edge but a tongue on the opposite short edge; and ended with an offcut, having a groove but no tongue. The third row was the same as the first. Depending on the pattern on the boards and the size of the room, though, you may require a three-way stagger. All should become obvious when you count the complete boards, offcuts with just a tongue and offcuts with just a groove.
  5. Try and get some sleep -- and remember lying awake but still is about the next best thing.
  6. Once you think you know how the whole jigsaw puzzle all fits together, get an assistant to help you lay the first three or four rows. You probably no longer have the little plastic wedges, knocking block and drawbar you used to fit it originally; you'll have to improvise with rolled-up paper, a piece of scrap softwood (if you're really unable to sleep, try and carve a groove in it to match the tongues on the flooring boards, but take care not to cut yourself doing this; otherwise, fold a sheet of newspaper about 20 cm. wide and then roll it up into a tube, with the tightest bore you can manage, and use this to protect the tongues) and the largest flat-bladed screwdriver you can find to use to force the final offcut of each row into place.
  7. Once you have three or four rows in place, the floor laid so far will have sufficient inertia not to move as you tap subsequent pieces into place, and you can finish the job solo.
  8. Remember it isn't as bad as you think.
 
The awkward-shaped bits -- at least, the ones that still have some of the tongue-and-groove pattern remaining -- are the really important clues to how the boards run. Next you can work out how the offcuts go, and everything else will be complete boards.

Incidentally, next time you or anyone you know goes on a cross-channel trip of any sort, be sure and pick up a tape measure (or even several). The Continental pattern is subtly different from, and literally twice as useful as the British pattern. Plus, it's distinctive, and so less likely to get lost.
 
i often ponder if foolsgold is just a master troll playing out the stereotype wreckhead and we all fall for it?

no offense there was genuinely thinking it
 
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