Bro.. If i wasnt an addict..and i mean aa am addict mentally with all its actual means of a psychological addiction what do u think id be doing here sharing my deepest inner thoughts and fears? Bro we are all addicts with or without the drug.. I am releasing some tension yes pretty much in a very filthy way, am positive i dont need to give excuses or reasons..but let me share with you something dear addict friend... being addicted to heroin as everybody whos an old timer would have definitly got to the conclusion it destroys lives..and i can shamefully say it destroyed mine..went to jail for 7 years..spent the best years of my teenage years shooting up and dealing.. I managed to find a safe haven this time by being on buprenorphine..and that has given me plenty of space and freedom to re think abt the priorities in my life and has given me a peace of mind away from closed cells and that disgusting hard to live community..and am very proud of myself..ended up finding a very hard to do job working 12 hours a day and barely a day off....thats been going on for a year n a half.. Listen to this guys.. People like us who have been through that road and knows the easy route to self salvation and self relief have trouble coping with alot of factors from society..now i dont wanna debate the topic abt how much society..ur environment effects your drug problem..but it does pretty much... Anyhow..that life of just going to work..buying my bupr and sleeping and eating is just fair enough for someone like me who has spoiled himself in alot of drugs..now is the time to make a meaning for life peacefully away from trouble..but truth is blending into society and becoming just a fake puppet like everybody else doesnt suit my profile..am satisified with the fact am addicted to bupr and i couldnt give a fuck..ill quit it when i find myself comfortable enuf to do so..but all this is just a tension builder and causes me depression.. Being in the heroin life easy to get money business was a very big impact in my life.. and getting back to normal is hard too..but am not bragging nor nagging abt it..I just happen to find coke a way of a " break" a theme..a stage..a race that gives me more energy to keep going and continuing my days without being under tension 24/7..and i find it very helpfull..I dont do it daily..i do it once every 2 weeks at most.. If i dont have the cash i dont even think abt it..it slips my mind..I know that is being addicted..but who am I kidding..I aint no kid..I know that and I just cant deal with difficulties of life without some uplifting trips.. i would personally go for psychedelics...LSD mushrooms Microdots but where i live thats very hard to find..Probably impossible..so until i find a dealer who sells those i guess coke does my trick..
And hey i might just as well try plugging..I hope it doesnt go to waste..Ill update you on that when it happens soon. CHEERS.
I actually have almost the exact same experience as you when it comes to the years of hardcore heroin addiction and jail time etc..
And I to got on bupe(about 6 years ago I believe). Luckily, after years of ruining my life and the lives of those close to me, I made the difficult but conscious decision to stop taking the bupe as well. I had been on it only about 3-6 months I think(taking doses of only about 0.2 to 0.5 mg's instead of the entire 8mg pill...I found that bupe/sub works MUCH better this way for me and the other people I knew who were taking it). Anyway, I quickly was able to stop taking the bupe....
Unfortunately very soon after, I somehow got an infection in my lower spine which resulted in my L2 and L3 vertebra turning into a sort of goopy substance that oozed into my spinal column. Of course that could ALL have been prevented if the dozen or so doctors/hospitals that I went to over a 2 month period didn't automatically assume I was faking my IMMENSE pain and refuse to even do any tests on me, let alone prescribe antibiotics or pain medication. I actually posted quite a lot about this whole situation on BL during this time period....I guess I was just looking for support at the time, and maybe some advice on what I should do. I also told my story to warn others about the cruelty of drs. I was treated HORRIBLY.....yelled/cussed at by drs and nurses, called a junkie and a worthless piece of shi* as well. They also unplugged the button to call the nurse. Unfortunately I live in TX where not only are we the ONLY state left that completely outlaws any form of needle exchange programs, but we also have Rick Perry who helped pass laws GREATLY restricting patients rights....so suing the a**hole drs was out of the question.
As a result, for the past 5 years I have lived in constant SEVERE pain(average 9-10) and have been prescribed 2 100mcg/hr fentanyl patches every 2 days, 6 8mg Dilaudids/day, klonopin, lyrica, gabapentin, etc..... all at the same time, and my meds haven't changed since the beginning 5 years ago.
Luckily for me, my pain drs decided to prescribe me Marinol a few months ago because for 5 yrs I had no appetite and couldn't eat as a result of the pain. I was down to almost 100 lbs at 6ft. But....after only about 4 months on the marinol...my appetite had increased so much that I am back to 155 lbs. Not only is my quality of life SOOOO much better now, I am also MUCH stronger, eat 3 large meals a day, and am now able to go out for walks and other physical activities that I wasn't able to do the past few years because I was bedridden.
I apologize for the long post...its just that your situation concerns me and since you stated that you IV the coke to help with the stress of life, I thought that maybe Marinol might be worth a try for you. It's also BY FAR the best anti-depressant I have ever heard of or come across.
Good luck to you!
