this is from yesterday but ... i worked late and didn't get home until after 7. i saw a flower pot on my porch and questioned if i was pulling into the wrong driveway. my mother had been by to let the plumber in, and saw things were not in the greatest order. i live alone and try to keep my home clean, but i've been so sick with stress lately. and i know living in an unkempt environment is terrible for stress, but so is everything that i'm doing. i fell back into the spiral and am fucking myself all the way to the bottom. i'm like physically ill with stress. it's destroying my teeth. anyway, she completely tidied up the place. my dishes were done. she got me basic necessities like toilet paper. it was so nice to stand in a living room that didn't need to be cleaned. dude, i teared up a bit when i realized i had usable silverware. i feel like life is crushing me and i haven't been able to breath for weeks. i felt so absurdly loved and, for a moment, relieved. she's the best.