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Can I change this situation?

sonicteamaajm

sonicteamaajm

Bluelighter
Joined
May 27, 2010
Messages
238
Location
UK, South East
So I've had two dates with this girl. The second date was one night ago and today I asked if she would like to go on another date. She then said "I've had a five year relationship, which lasted five years and didn't end on the nicest terms. You are lovely, but I'm just not into dating right now. I have fun with you, but I'm just not that into it."

I guess this sounds like the standard "it isn't you it's me" kinds deal. I proceeded to say to her I always had a great time with her etc..

Do you guys think there is any chance of becoming interested again or should I just leave her alone? I would usually give up, but she is rather incredible and everything I'm looking for.

Thanks peeps.
 
Why give up? Tell her that you understand her situation and your not trying to rush into anything. Tell her your happy to hang out with her (no pressure) - tell her well then let's not date - do you fancy going out for a drink, coffee, walk, chat, cinema, pizza etc. Just chill with her and see where it goes?

Do this with no expectations! Just the two of you hanging out.
 
Bearlove said:
Why give up? Tell her that you understand her situation and your not trying to rush into anything. Tell her your happy to hang out with her (no pressure) - tell her well then let's not date - do you fancy going out for a drink, coffee, walk, chat, cinema, pizza etc. Just chill with her and see where it goes?

Do this with no expectations! Just the two of you hanging out.
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Thanks for the fast reply, Bearlove! I appreciate your idea, but won't that be a tad suspicious? Since she knows I like her. I guess I could take your idea on. What if I get stuck in the friendzone or is that silly?

Thanks!
 
sonicteamaajm said:
Thanks for the fast reply, Bearlove! I appreciate your idea, but won't that be a tad suspicious? Since she knows I like her. I guess I could take your idea on. What if I get stuck in the friendzone or is that silly?

Thanks!
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Why would it be suspicious ? You like her, she knows you like her, she has told you she is not ready for a relationship, your fine with that and your happy to hang out with her as a friend . Would you rather hang with her as a friend for a while and sees what happens or would you rather just walk away from somebody you think this highly of?

If in a few months you think its going nowhere, then have another think about the situation?

Bear
 
Bearlove said:
Why would it be suspicious ? You like her, she knows you like her, she has told you she is not ready for a relationship, your fine with that and your happy to hang out with her as a friend . Would you rather hang with her as a friend for a while and sees what happens or would you rather just walk away from somebody you think this highly of?

If in a few months you think its going nowhere, then have another think about the situation?

Bear
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Ahh I understand. Being a friend is definitely better than not trying at all and her knowing I like her is better anyways and kinda makes it easier in the long run. Thank you for the advice sir/madam!
 
sonicteamaajm said:
Yeah this is kinda scary..
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harmacologist said:
It sounds like she was being nice in her manner of saying she didn't really fancy you.

Enjoy the friendzone.
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OR...

She is just out of a bad relationship - she is trying to guard herself to avoid the same pain/letdown. She has feelings for the guy (Sonic) but she want's to retain some control over the situation?
 
harmacologist said:
Because she did.
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Bearlove said:
OR...

She is just out of a bad relationship - she is trying to guard herself to avoid the same pain/letdown. She has feelings for the guy (Sonic) but she want's to retain some control over the situation?
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I'm gonna go with yours. I certainly hope you are right that's for sure. I will probably approach her in the way you said earlier about hanging out as friends and whatnot.
 
Bearlove said:
She'll give up when I let her :D (starts stalker mode)
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Now THAT's funny!

I gave up on women that come out with that or similar lines. Yeah she might want to stay friends but if you have the feelings, and she knows this... Can you spell USED?
She will call when no one else is around, or you'll go out, and there she is w/ some dude... No matter what, you're not gonna get what you need, and she is free to float around acting an ass or just living her life w/ no regard for your feelings.

Walk away, and find another. There are plenty, and most all of them have a few good qualities.
 
Bearlove said:
OR...

She is just out of a bad relationship - she is trying to guard herself to avoid the same pain/letdown. She has feelings for the guy (Sonic) but she want's to retain some control over the situation?
Click to expand...
if she is trying to avoid getting hurt, why even go on a second date? she should go home and get a cat.

" I have fun with you, but I'm just not that into it."

it = you

she is just too nice to spell it out.
 
harmacologist said:
if she is trying to avoid getting hurt, why even go on a second date? she should go home and get a cat.

" I have fun with you, but I'm just not that into it."

it = you

she is just too nice to spell it out.
Click to expand...

Hurt is not the same as letdown /why go on a second date - because you want to know more than you learnt on the first one. She is allergic to cats - 'it' this pre composed notion of what I mean when I say 'it' when I have not idea myself of what 'it' actually is.
 
As far as changing the situation goes, I would not try to hard. That will just make things awkward to the point where you can not even be friends and all encounters thereafter will also feel off or awkward. Be friends and try connecting in other ways. Assuming you are a good person and she possesses good judgement of character, eventually she will come around and give it a shot best case scenario. If you like her a lot already then it may just be an infatuation and in my experience this is not healthy making friendship perhaps not such a good idea as it will only lead to bad things.
 
Leave this one alone, babe.

If she's already whining about her ex on the 2nd date, she's not over him, and it's gonna cause issues for you long term.
 
Cosmic Giraffe said:
As far as changing the situation goes, I would not try to hard. That will just make things awkward to the point where you can not even be friends and all encounters thereafter will also feel off or awkward. Be friends and try connecting in other ways. Assuming you are a good person and she possesses good judgement of character, eventually she will come around and give it a shot best case scenario. If you like her a lot already then it may just be an infatuation and in my experience this is not healthy making friendship perhaps not such a good idea as it will only lead to bad things.
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This makes so much sense. Top notch advice. Cheers!

LilikoiMoon said:
Leave this one alone, babe.

If she's already whining about her ex on the 2nd date, she's not over him, and it's gonna cause issues for you long term.
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This does suck to hear, but I will take on your advice I think. I wouldn't want to start a relationship like that. Thank you!

Thank you everyone for all of the super quick and wise advice! Another reason why I love this community. Well I think I'm just gonna leave her alone as LilikoiMoon said. I feel better and the feeling of rejection is nearly gone.

Much appreciated!
 
Leave her alone for a while. If she loves you, then she'll come back to you. I wouldn't waste my time on it, though.
 
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