MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 2)

[ro4eva]

So I finally took the step of returning back to university. So far been pretty good, distraction is definitely the key to overcoming symptoms. I tried smoking some pot again but may have pushed it a bit too far. I was doing good until I noticed my heart rate was pretty fast, no matter how much talking myself down I couldn't stop the ensuing spiral of tachycardia and shaking - purely physical anxiety. Took half a xanax and I started to chill out right away, infact the panic went away before the xanax noticably hit me so I think the placebo alone stopped it. I just wonder how I can get rid of this physical response so I can enjoy things like pot again. It's almost as if we have to use our conscious mind to train our subconscious to not be afraid. But overall I think I'm capable of living an average life again.

I wonder if confronting panic is the best way to overcome it (e.g continuing to try smoking pot and ride out the anxiety), or just avoiding it altogether? As silly as this sounds I don't think I can ever claim to have beaten it without rolling again succesfully.

Oh and I tested both the speed and MDMA I took that started this and they both quite surprisingly came back completely legitimate.

The mind is a powerful thing, Tpchan85, and it can manifest its fears into some very distressful symptoms, such as a panic attack.

Confronting your fears head on may be the answer, but be sure to not overdo it. Take it slowly and with patience. This is how I overcame my fear of pot and stimulants such as Cocaine and Amphetamine (after recovering from LTC symptoms) - with small increments in dose, and now I'm back to "the usual" recreational dosages without freaking out like I used to. Of course, I also am much more careful about taking everything in moderation, unlike before my LTC when I was extremely reckless with respect to drug use.

One change I made on top of this is that I no longer use Methamphetamine, because I'm too worried about its ability to damage or kill dopamine neurons. So I've been sticking with Dextro-Amphetamine instead, which apparently hasn't been shown to be neurotoxic, but perhaps even beneficial for some people.

Therefore, I believe your idea about confronting your fear(s) is a good one if done properly (with patience and small increments).

Also, I'm really glad to hear you're back in school - good for you, that's fantastic news! :D

Well, I hope you have a wonderful day, take care and best wishes

 

[PJ2]

Good day to you rphilli72

The one lingering symptom I've always experienced with respect to cocaine use - including before my LTC - has been a nasty, unique headache. Perhaps it's because I've always combined it with booze - who knows?

The last time I used coke (a couple of years ago), I had a lasting headache for about 5 days before it cleared.

Did it feel like head pressure? Um... yeah, kinda, especially behind my eyes and forehead (if that makes sense). And it would get worse if I would stand up.

How long would you say this headache has been affecting you now? And has it decreased at all in severity/intensity over time?

With respect to possible remedies - I do recall trying some Tylenol #3 with 30mg Codeine (and 15mg Caffeine) that I had lying around and it was a huge help. And I continued to use them while the headache slowly subsided, after which I stopped without any withdrawal issues/symptoms.

Tylenol #1 with Codeine (8mg Codeine / 15mg Caffeine) is OTC in most countries - that could probably help you, assuming you're not allergic to opioid analgesics.

Hmm... what else could help..? Perhaps something which also is good for migraines might be effective - such as Imitrex (Sumatriptan).

During my LTC, I experienced some of the worst and weirdest headaches of my entire life, including what you describe as a sensation of pressure. They were absolutely awful, and I recall them vividly.

I tried many different herbs, drugs, and supplements to - at the very least temporarily - help reduce the intensity/severity of those damn awful headaches. And in my case, nothing worked as well as Tylenol #1 with Codeine. This was before I began using an SSRI (Zoloft) + benzo (Xanax) for ~8 months, followed by ~3 months of a DNRI (Wellbutrin XL) + benzo (Xanax), after which I was back to normal, and the headaches were gone too, but they returned temporarily whenever I used cocaine + booze (they were milder though, and a little 'different' if that makes any sense).

So if possible, and if you are willing to do so, perhaps some T1s would help (or T2s, or T3s). And since it's Codeine, it's a milder opioid analgesic so (based on plenty of first-hand experience) it shouldn't cause a physical dependency to develop nearly as quickly, or as intensely as - for example - Oxycodone, Morphine, or Heroin.

Wish I knew an easier way to help you, sorry man.

Please don't hesitate to reply if I missed anything, or if you have any further questions, and I'll do my best to help you.

Be well my friend, take care

See, I've never had any problem with Cocaine as far as headaches etc are concerned or, at least, I didn't before. It's one of the reasons I liked it so much. Almost no side effects for me when done in moderation. Of course, I've wigged out a few times from over-doing it on occasion as most have, but it never made me feel terrible the next day or caused me memory problems - none of that stuff other drugs and even alcohol will induce. I guess the worst was days that I had to go to work with little to no sleep...lol.

Anyway, we are talking 1.5 months ago now that I tried it and the headache still persists. Like I said, other than my head hurting, I have no other symptoms. No brain fog, no anxiety, no trouble reading, my cognition is perfectly fine, basically all the LTC symptoms are gone except the daily headache now. It's very minor when I first wake up and as the day goes along it usually grows in intensity and the pressure gets worse. The only thing I have at my disposal that works is Xanax. Aspirin or Tylenol doesn't do anything.

I don't know. I guess I fucked up. I think I'd be perfectly fine by now if I hadn't done a hard drug again. Guess I'm paying the piper as they say.

 

[Tommy Vangelis]

Hey guys I need help, in August about 3.5 months ago I took two hits of Molly on a weekend then followed by a pill of white domino the next day, so Molly on Saturday then a white domino on Sunday. That was my first time doing any drug of the sort. Comedown was terrible but after a month I was almost back to Normal and two months in I was 95%! I began drinking on weekends again after abstaining for a month then randomly a couple days ago it's like all the comedown affects came back to me after months! I woke up randomly on Thursday feeling depressed and anxiety was back too. Is this Normal what do I do? Pls help

 

[Deltronpedro]

Hey Tommy,
first of all sorry for the late reply.
Looks like the guys are beeing too bussy recovering and living their life on a normal way again .
What you are experiencing is called setback.
Its pretty common here. Just keep your mind off the thoughts of getting as fucked up as you once were after doing MDMA.
You have made a huge progress.
This progress should be your reference that your current mindset will get better again. Dont worry too much.
Try to wrestle down the anxiety with positive thoughts.
Try to get your mind off of it. Seems like you will be out of this in no time. I mean you felt almost revocered. Thats a very good sign.
Get to handle this setback and you will have made it

Short update about my progress.
Had to make a break in doing sports, because unfortunately I hurt my self. Seems like the mood worsened a bit cause I cant do sports but I am quite OK.
Social drinking gets better and better. Yesterday I was drunk and felt completely back to my thing! Only the alcohol comedown sucks as hell :D Nearly forgot how it feels.

 

[coderbrah]

Hey guys, didn't post in some time now because there simply wasn't anything worth posting about. Life still sucks hard and I'm still holding on. I have seen very good improvement when I started 20mg lexapro and I have had some pretty quiet days along the way (which previously I never had). The most obvious change is that my constant obsessing and doubting mind has been shut down. Thats probably the biggest change the SSRI has given me.

I went from total survival mode into just a very shitty life. Nowhere near recovered, but looking at these past months there is definitely a constant but slow improvement.

I went from hysterically crying a few times a day on the kitchen floor with my mother comforting me (too afraid to listen to music or watch tv- hell too afraid to even eat sugar) to basically living a semi-normal life (without the partying and social stuff because im too fatigued to leave the hours for longer than an hour). I'm at 9 months now. This has been the asbolute worst year of my life. I have accepted that this will continue into next year and I'll probably have to put in another year, but its going to be worth it. At night when im lying in my bed feeling pretty calm eating a pizza watching Sons of Anarchy feels like heaven after 8 months of not being able to.

Sorry if this is a downer but I just felt the need to share.

 

[cbrazil]

My History-LONG TERM COMEDOWN 5 MONTHS

Hello people , it all started at a party, 5 months ago
where I took a lot of vodka with energetic ,
after that, already very drunk I 1 PILL ECSTASY
I never had taken ECSTASY before,or coke or ever stimulant,i am a people who never take drugs
From there I felt dizzy , and went in direction to the chemical bath,
I locked it and woke up about 4 hours later, the end of the show
The next day I felt very bad, overall depression , with a tightening sensation in the chest
the following days felt much palpitation and very strange head, looked like it had
liquid get down inside her, nothing make sense , very strange sensation and uncomfortable
not stop messing me , my heart was beating different, I was moving my body too much ...
Not could watch TV for example, it hurt me a lot my head, things that move very fast
My heart felt all the time , very uncomfortable sensation , went to a hospital
one week later
my frequency was 102 bpm , and didnt had taken no stimulants (coffee ex)
and my normal frequency was 68bpm , and made ECG and was found right bundle branch block
the second degree ... But seeing exam when I was younger , at 14 an ECG already had the same
problema..DID ECHOCARDIOGRAM and gave OK .. I have pectus excavatum , may be the BRD because of it
and increased slightly because of the damage the serotonergic system
But today I feel pulsations in the abdomen , and I can feel my heart when I lie
and sitting also feel a little , something I never felt before

After that and still feel
Difficulty focusing things , headache , my head is strange ,
have brain zaps (that make me very anxious), when I read begins hurt my head , I can not concentrate
well , I feel dizzy , slow medium, can not leave my head focused on
right thing for a long time ... I have to put his hand on my forehead and do pressure ...
Have symptoms of depersonalization , derealization
I feel horrible, inside a nightmare, because once using this had all these symptoms
and it seems that I damaged my nervous system forever , sometimes I sleep a little better
but when morning according seems that according to the same ...
Had an improvement in that time , very large compared to the days after I took the ECSTASY
when I could not even talk right nothing made sense

I'm thinking about starting to take reuptake inhibitor of serotonin to see if regularizo
serotonin in my brain
LEXAPRO 20 mg for 6 meses..I will see a psychiatrist

I am a medical student finishing 2 ano..And feel too bad knowing I can
have fucked my life in one night

If you have the symptons (anxious,depression,despersonalization) and get better,please tell me your story,my life is like HELL now :/

Thanks to all who reply me!!

 

[mb-909]

You have to wait... It will take time and the brain zapps will diminish. Taking SSRI`s will let you feel better, but I would only take them if there is no way out! Most of the people tend to overreact. I have severe depressions and can tell you that the effects of MDMA will go away. As long as you don't do them regulary you won't experience severe depressions. Now you know how it is like to have depression ^^, but believe me it will get better, just don't do drugs for a longer period of time. That's the price you have to pay for taking drugs...

 

[ro4eva]

If you have the symptons (anxious,depression,despersonalization) and get better,please tell me your story,my life is like HELL now :/

Thanks to all who reply me!!

I had very similar symptoms when I was sick.

The way you describe your heart beating/pulsating through your entire body is exactly the same as what I was going though.

Also, the other symptoms you describe were affecting me as well.

In total, there were about 20 symptoms I experienced.

I had to resort to the use of an SSRI (Zoloft), a Benzodiazepine (Xanax), and then near the end, a DNRI (Wellbutrin XL) in order to recover. And in total, it took ~19 months.

That being said, I recklessly and regretfully consumed well over 1000 ecstasy pills before I became sick. Therefore, your body may not require as much time to heal, nor as much medication (if any).

While recovering, there were days near the end where I had a "bump in the road" (felt like shit), but they were temporary, and no doubt you will as well. Try not to let them bring you down.

I believe I may understand very well what you're going through, especially with respect to the uncomfortable awareness of your heart beating throughout your body, and especially when you are lying down and trying to sleep. It was extremely difficult for me as well, but eventually it improved along with the other symptoms, and I believe you will too.

Just remember to avoid further use of street drugs, alcohol, and nicotine (if possible). Many people are not aware of how harmful alcohol is to the vital organs, including the brain, heart, and liver.

Try to avoid any friends who you believe will tempt you to use drugs, or will try to drag you to parties, clubs, raves, and so forth. And see if you can try to take some time off of work and/or school in order to focus on your recovery, because the stress from work and/or school may make things worse.

Aerobic exercise such as jogging and eliptical training will help stimulate neurogenesis, which is the generation of new, healthy brain cells. Therefore, see if you can manage to do some exercise every morning to start your day.

You may need to let go of certain habits, friends, and even your lifestyle - possibly for good. This can be very difficult to accept, but it also may be necessary to facilitate a healthy personal environment for yourself in which you can focus on recovering 100%.

Good luck with everything, and know that you're not alone, and that many others here are dealing with similar symptoms, hence, they probably understand your pain and suffering, and I feel I do too.

Take care and best wishes for a speedy recovery

 

[Tommy Vangelis]

Hey Tommy,
first of all sorry for the late reply.
Looks like the guys are beeing too bussy recovering and living their life on a normal way again .
What you are experiencing is called setback.
Its pretty common here. Just keep your mind off the thoughts of getting as fucked up as you once were after doing MDMA.
You have made a huge progress.
This progress should be your reference that your current mindset will get better again. Dont worry too much.
Try to wrestle down the anxiety with positive thoughts.
Try to get your mind off of it. Seems like you will be out of this in no time. I mean you felt almost revocered. Thats a very good sign.
Get to handle this setback and you will have made it

Short update about my progress.
Had to make a break in doing sports, because unfortunately I hurt my self. Seems like the mood worsened a bit cause I cant do sports but I am quite OK.
Social drinking gets better and better. Yesterday I was drunk and felt completely back to my thing! Only the alcohol comedown sucks as hell :D Nearly forgot how it feels.

Hey Pedro,

Thanks for the reply man. Hooe you're right, I was almost fully recovered before the setback man like the past comedown had escaped my mind and life was pretty much back to normal. This setback has been hard, making progress day to do but randomly get scary thoughts in the day which are annoying. Currently taking anti biotics for bronchitis. Do you recommend dosing 5htp for a week or two to help with the random depressing thoughts?

 

[ScaredFirstTimer]

Hey Pedro,

Thanks for the reply man. Hooe you're right, I was almost fully recovered before the setback man like the past comedown had escaped my mind and life was pretty much back to normal. This setback has been hard, making progress day to do but randomly get scary thoughts in the day which are annoying. Currently taking anti biotics for bronchitis. Do you recommend dosing 5htp for a week or two to help with the random depressing thoughts?

Did you notice a correlation between the bronchitis and the setback? Or the anti-biotics and the setback?

 

[Tommy Vangelis]

Idk exactly but I did find betterment after starting the anti biotics. The fatigue went away. The mental part is still definitely here but the physical ailment is going away. I just wanna know how setbacks happen so I can avoid it from here on out and how long do they usually ladt

 

[Deltronpedro]

I dont think you should take 5 htp.
I tried it for 2 weeks and there was no benefit at all.
Common man, you were nearly recovered, thats such a good sign.
You are nearly out of this all. Soon your setback fades and you are good to go and fine again.
Dont be affraid of these setbacks. They become easier and easier, until you dont notice em anymore. And keep in mind that you will never return to square 1, except by taking another dose of Pills again or stuff like that. You will be fine.
How to avoid setbacks:
I dont really know, but strongen your mind is a very good protection against anxiety and these tormenting thoughts.
You can learn different tactics to get rid of these thoughts. Sounds like this is the symptom which sucks the most for you.
You could try it with CBT or meditation, or just find your own way to ignore them.
Realize that none of these thoughts are real and that they are just a result of your stressed mind. They will fade with a bit of patience

 

[ScaredFirstTimer]

Idk exactly but I did find betterment after starting the anti biotics. The fatigue went away. The mental part is still definitely here but the physical ailment is going away. I just wanna know how setbacks happen so I can avoid it from here on out and how long do they usually ladt

Did the setback you described in your first post start right after you got sick with bronchitis?

 

[Barabula]

Hello everyone, hope you are all well and whoever is recovering I wish you all the best on this path of recovery.

I have just a quick question to anyone who is experiencing or has experienced tinnitus during their recovery. At the moment I have a constant ringing in my left ear and also a very weird pressure in my right ear and at times this pressure makes it sound like there is some kind of factory in my head, thats the kind of noise(?) I hear. Will this pass or get better in any way?

thanks

 

[Tommy Vangelis]

Idk if the setback started right after I got sick with bronchitis because I didnt exactly know when I got bronchitis. Id had a cough and congestion for weeks. But i feel it couldve played a part in it yes

 

[Tommy Vangelis]

I dont think you should take 5 htp.
I tried it for 2 weeks and there was no benefit at all.
Common man, you were nearly recovered, thats such a good sign.
You are nearly out of this all. Soon your setback fades and you are good to go and fine again.
Dont be affraid of these setbacks. They become easier and easier, until you dont notice em anymore. And keep in mind that you will never return to square 1, except by taking another dose of Pills again or stuff like that. You will be fine.
How to avoid setbacks:
I dont really know, but strongen your mind is a very good protection against anxiety and these tormenting thoughts.
You can learn different tactics to get rid of these thoughts. Sounds like this is the symptom which sucks the most for you.
You could try it with CBT or meditation, or just find your own way to ignore them.
Realize that none of these thoughts are real and that they are just a result of your stressed mind. They will fade with a bit of patience

Thanks for all youre replies man, and yeah i hope youre right man. I was almost completely back to normal before the setback. And today has been a great day actually in the right direction. hope the progress continues. Thannks for all the help man

 

[Deltronpedro]

You are welcome my friend.
Keep us up to date how things are going

@Barabula:
I know this symptom very well. Like most or all of the anxiety/LTC induced symptoms it will fade. Mine got better, too.

 

[ro4eva]

Hello everyone, hope you are all well and whoever is recovering I wish you all the best on this path of recovery.

I have just a quick question to anyone who is experiencing or has experienced tinnitus during their recovery. At the moment I have a constant ringing in my left ear and also a very weird pressure in my right ear and at times this pressure makes it sound like there is some kind of factory in my head, thats the kind of noise(?) I hear. Will this pass or get better in any way?

thanks

If it helps, I used to experience some rather loud, prolonged, chronic tinnitus in my right ear while sick with the so called Long Term Comedown (LTC).

I'm not sure what exactly helped me to get rid of it for good, but it eventually resolved completely.

Perhaps anxiety, stress, and/or hypertension contributed to its - ultimately, temporary - manifestation, but I'm not certain because there's so many possible causes and no medical tests to definitively rule out most of them (AFAIK).

Edit - Just in case for whatever reason you're taking it, I can tell you with 100% certainty that the use of Acetylsalicylic Acid (Aspirin) can cause tinnitus, or possibly make it worse if you're already experiencing it.

 

[hoketus]

Hi all. Joining the LTC fight. I thought I would post for those who are new to the LTC life. Please compare symptoms. I bet most of yours are the same. And believe me when I say it does get better! It's a long list, but as you can see almost half of the items on the list have begun to clear already, and I'm only on 3 months. The brain zaps & physical stuff actually went pretty quickly (first month) and a LOT of my cognitive ability was back by 2 months. Brain fog is fucking awful. I thought about death because of this alone. Every single day. But it got much better (and quickly at that) once I started the SSRI and vitamin regimen.

Everything here really is episodic. Sometimes, literally the only thing I notice are the visuals. But, the DP/DR and moods issue are very common and don't clear for longer than a few hours (if that). I've never felt truly at my baseline - but close.

If anyone has any suggestions (especially involving the worst part - the visual snow) please let me know.



Symptoms:

(blue = no longer an issue/at least bettering to a point where it doesn't bother me)


Mind
• Depersonalization/Derealization
• Feeling I live on autopilot, or have no sense of agency
• Feeling ‘detached’ – seeing reflection or my own hands feels ‘foreign’
• Other people seem mechanical/like they don't have souls
• Feeling like I am watching a movie of my life
• Sometimes my speech feels delayed/not my words
• Brain Fog
• Memory & learning (overall cognition) impairment
• Feeling like I ‘fade in and out’ or ‘IQ raises and drops’
• Difficulty forming thoughts, following conversations.
• Anti-social/can't hold eye contact
• Trouble registering clock time/calendar
• Frequent feeling of being overwhelmed/restless
• Feeling trapped in my head
• Obsession about getting better – constantly
• My old self/life seems distant
• 'Stuck' thoughts that loop endlessly


Mood / Emotions
• ‘Rebound anxiety’ / dysphoria
• Panic attacks, usually with no trigger, lasting 2-5 hours
• Suicide ideation – no planning/attempts yet
• Emotions mostly negative – sad, anxious, scared etc.
• Fear of being alone / Fear of leaving house
• Irrational fears: Brain damage, losing my mind (schizophrenia)
• Constant underlying foreboding, apprehension, or fear
• Emotionally blunted - anhedonia
• Can't enjoy music, food, sex, etc.
• Startle easily / Irritable / Aggressive
• Feel like crying with no trigger
• Feeling ‘burnt out’, lethargic, yawning
• Low sex drive
• Bad self care/hygiene


Sight
• Visual snow
• Afterimages from bright lights
• Eye floaters
• Blue field entoptic phenomenon

Body
• Constantly shaking/trembling/teeth chatter
• Painful brain zaps
• Low/No appetite
• Restless leg syndrome
• Nervous system is hyperactive – need to meditate 3-5 hours a day
• Constantly biting lip
• Frequent head pressure
• Body temperature fluctuating more than usual
• Sometimes paraesthesia in limbs – legs are burning
• Dizzy, lightheaded, nauseous

Sleep
• Insomnia
• Waking up several times a night
• Nightmares/waking up panicked
• Wired yet tired’ feeling



My Usage:

(I know. Before you freak, a lot of it was cut with methylone or crystal).
I went off the deep end in the summer. Sept 2 is when I first started experiencing DP/DR, brain fog, and panics and I decided to quit.


March
30 - 120mg

April
7 - 120mg
9 - 120mg
17 - 90mg
22 - 240mg
25 - 240mg

May
4 - 120mg

June
19 - 180mg
22 - 180mg
25 - 240mg
28 - 90mg

July
5 - 180mg
19 - 240mg
20 - 240mg
25 - 180mg
28 - 120mg
30 - 60mg
31 - 30mg

Aug
5 - 40mg
17 - 160mg
22 - 120mg
26 - 60mg

Sept 2
2 - 160mg



Recovery Plan:


125mg Zoloft (lifesaver for moods & cognitive function)
5mg Zopiclone (for sleep)
0.5mg Lorazepam (for panic attacks)

Meet psychiatrist weekly to discuss moods & adjust/fill medications
Meet psychologist weekly to discuss CBT practices for dissociation & anxiety
Meet physician as needed for anything else
Taking 6 months off work for bed rest and low stress/stimulation

Eating well, healthy & clean, twice a day
Lots of water, tea, anti-oxidants

Daily: Vit B6, B12, D, Magnesium, Lion's Mane Mushroom, Alpha Lipoic Acid, L-Theanine

 

[Strangestuff]

Anyone tried Gabapentin for LTC? I feel like this may be better than SSRIs since MDMA has already caused the serotonin network to be sensitive. By the way--to everyone get hormone levels checked out. I recovered from MDMA in 1 week initially, but 1 month later my symptoms came back randomly. Months later I just find out I had a hormonal HPA issue which is now getting solved