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are men in denial when they say they don't care

MedicalCoding

MedicalCoding

Greenlighter
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Apr 29, 2014
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When men ( or women) say they aren't interested in a relationship, do you think they are really in denial of their feeling? Just saying to lead you on and see if you're still interested?


For example, I was seeing a friend of mine for a month but he kept saying "I don't have time for a girlfriend." Then after a year where I stopped talking to him I got emails, tried to add me, missed calls, voicemail, texts etc. Maybe he didn't realize that if he's not interested I move on.
 
Can't generalize. Too context-dependent. Who knows what was in his head regarding his past and future.
 
sounds like he didnt realize what he had or needed and what was important until it was gone. Common mistake :) I did that with my first love girl, oh did that one hurt lol
 
If someone says they don't have time to date it basically means we can carry on casually but that is about it.

Thay dynamic can change after time but I wouldn't count on it. So take it or leave it.
 
When I first started seeing my SO I told him first thing that I didn't want a relationship or anything serious. To me, we were just fucking around and enjoying each other's company. If he tried to cuddle me or show any PDA, I would immediately pull away because it felt too "couple-ish." Fast forward four months later and I've developed some heavy feelings that I didn't know I was capable of having. I wouldn't say that I was in denial in the beginning, but I grew comfortable and got attached over time. It's not uncommon, and I wouldn't be surprised if that's what happened with your friend.
 
In a lot of cases, especially women, I immediately raise the bullshit flag when I hear someone poppin' off like "I'm so glad I'm single"....pfffff no you aren't. I'm sure some people out there really do want to be single, especially if they're fresh out of a bad relationship, but it's in human nature to desire companionship, ESPECIALLY in women. I seriously doubt anyone out there is happy and content with being single. Also, the "I don't have time" excuse is bullshit too, it either means "I'm too scared", "I can't find anyone" or...as stated above...."I'm not that into you". Relationships don't have to be time consuming, I don't care how busy you are, there's someone out there who wants exactly that level of commitment. Even busy people want to cuddle up at the end of the day, or have a regular, trusted sexual partner, or someone to spend a holiday with, etc..

So yeah, in MOST cases, I agree, it's an excuse. If someone wants to play head games like that, saying one thing, meaning another, waiting to see my reaction, etc., that's not someone I'd want to be with anyway. I consider myself the luckiest man in the world because I'm engaged to the only woman I've ever met in my entire life who doesn't do that kind of crap.
 
Cool, Seattle Stranger, glad you found a good one. I am from Seattle too, I live here. I've been born and lived here all my life.
 
MedicalCoding said:
Cool, Seattle Stranger, glad you found a good one. I am from Seattle too, I live here. I've been born and lived here all my life.
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Seattle_Stranger said:
In a lot of cases, especially women, I immediately raise the bullshit flag when I hear someone poppin' off like "I'm so glad I'm single"....pfffff no you aren't. I'm sure some people out there really do want to be single, especially if they're fresh out of a bad relationship, but it's in human nature to desire companionship, ESPECIALLY in women. I seriously doubt anyone out there is happy and content with being single. Also, the "I don't have time" excuse is bullshit too, it either means "I'm too scared", "I can't find anyone" or...as stated above...."I'm not that into you". Relationships don't have to be time consuming, I don't care how busy you are, there's someone out there who wants exactly that level of commitment. Even busy people want to cuddle up at the end of the day, or have a regular, trusted sexual partner, or someone to spend a holiday with, etc..

So yeah, in MOST cases, I agree, it's an excuse. If someone wants to play head games like that, saying one thing, meaning another, waiting to see my reaction, etc., that's not someone I'd want to be with anyway. I consider myself the luckiest man in the world because I'm engaged to the only woman I've ever met in my entire life who doesn't do that kind of crap.
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Sound like she's the real thing. Yes I live near downtown Seattle. Born in Seattle and lived here all my life.
 
I'm quite lucky :) I like it here, moved here 8 years ago from NYC, but starting to get fed up with the people and weather. When I first moved from NYC, I thought the people here were angels compared to NY assholes (and in comparison, still are) but having been here long enough, these people have their own way of infuriating me. With the way things are going up here, I'm losing reasons to stay. Go Hawks though... :)
 
Seattle_Stranger said:
these people have their own way of infuriating me. With the way things are going up here, I'm losing reasons to stay. Go Hawks though... :)
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Hi Seattle, what about them infuriates you? I lived there a long time and found there were some people from Cali I couldn't stand. But some of the best folks were from there too....
 
It's obviously different person to person, but it's the rampant self-entitled attitude, especially on the eastside. People think they can do or say anything they want to anyone at anytime anywhere because they think "I'll just sue them" instead of having the logic of "I could get shot", especially the damn cyclists! The whole bury-my-face-in-my-cellphone any time the threat of possible social interaction presents itself, straight up ignoring my very blatant "Hi there!" greetings, and that whole faceless reclusiveness that seems to seep it's way into the souls of Seattleites via the weather. I know you know about the Seattle freeeeeeeezeeeeeee too, very real thing! With that reclusiveness comes a very self-centered attitude where people seem extremely wrapped up in themselves, way more than usual, probably because no one ever goes outside to interact with other human beings. I'm a huge fan of the weed out here, and the laws are nice, but it's getting annoying how many people are stoned all the FUCKING time, everywhere I go, every restaurant and store I enter, everyone is baked out of their minds....not to mention the obsession with drugs like molly, xanax and opiates, it's all anyone wants to ever talk about. Did I mention the weather sucks?

Don't get me wrong, I do still love it here and more interactions are positive, but man I tell ya, there's a special breed out here. People who have traveled a lot often refer to Seattleites as "cold" and "standoffish". When a New Yorker might tell you to fuck off, a Seattleite will pretend to not hear you. When a New Yorker might cut you off and speed by, a Seattleite will ride your ass until you move over, and then when you do, they'll get in front of you and slow down again. When a New Yorker might knock on your door, a Seattleite will leave a printed-out note with no name on it if they're unable to find you on Facebook. When a New Yorker might see a lost cell phone at their office they will either ignore it or take it, a Seattleite will go through it to find out it's owner, track you down to your desk, and then give you a lecture about having a lock on your phone because anyone can read your text messages. All things that have happened to me. I won't even begin to talk about my issues with the politics around here, the police departments, the City gov'ts, WSDOT, lots of real fuckery that goes on, again, especially on the eastside where I live and work. The cops, corps and govts are all rubbing each other's backs and they don't even try to hide it.

The list goes on and I know a lot of these things can apply ANYWHERE, but every area has it's own set of common quirks, and Seattle's are starting to get to me and the weather is making it not worth it to deal with.
 
Seattle_Stranger said:
The list goes on and I know a lot of these things can apply ANYWHERE, but every area has it's own set of common quirks, and Seattle's are starting to get to me and the weather is making it not worth it to deal with.
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You're only about a three hour move away from the U.S.'s greatest city, Portland, Oregon! Very similar to Seattle in a lot of ways, but I find that the people are generally nicer and the weather isn't quite as unpleasant.
 
everyone is different, some people play games and some people are very open and honest.

this applies to both genders
 
samnslumberland said:
You're only about a three hour move away from the U.S.'s greatest city, Portland, Oregon! Very similar to Seattle in a lot of ways, but I find that the people are generally nicer and the weather isn't quite as unpleasant.
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I do like Portland, but if I'm going to move, it's to somewhere warm.
 
Anytime I've been told that they didn't want a relationship right now, it meant they didn't want one with me. Worst was this one chick who then decided that since we were friends before I mentioned that I was interested romantically in her, that she would tell me about her new bf literally 2 weeks after telling me she didn't want to date anyone. I mean, wtf is that? I don't think I've ever been so honest about how mad I was with a girl as I was at that moment. I was pissed.
 
ATLL765 said:
Anytime I've been told that they didn't want a relationship right now, it meant they didn't want one with me. Worst was this one chick who then decided that since we were friends before I mentioned that I was interested romantically in her, that she would tell me about her new bf literally 2 weeks after telling me she didn't want to date anyone. I mean, wtf is that? I don't think I've ever been so honest about how mad I was with a girl as I was at that moment. I was pissed.
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Yeah that's a jerk thing for her to do. I've been in her shoes where you had to let someone down easy, and then suddenly find yourself involved with someone soon thereafter. It's just human decency to hide it from the first person, not rub it in their face.
 
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