MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 2)

[Deltronpedro]

Hey guys,
after 5 months of LTC Im feeling a lot better now. Im not out of this yet, but I feel like 85-90%. Life got so much easier with time.
The best thing is that I can overwhelm anxiety with positive thoughts, which is one of the things responsible for my recovery.
I nearly lost 10 Kilos and I got pretty athletic meanwhile. I think recovery is all about seeing the positive things in this shit.
That gives me power.
There are some lingering symptoms, like mild anxiety and strange vision ocassionally, but I nearly dont care at all.
I found back to university and also got a Job alongside. Even joint a basketball team.
I dont know if I had made this steps in my old stonehead life.
Cheers

 

[Tpchan85]

Haven't posted in a while but figured I'd check in. 8 months it's been now. 8 freaking months of my life. Here's what symptoms I'm still having:
- Muscle twitching, rippling, vibrating all over
- Intense pressure behind nose that comes and goes, focused on the right side (ENT doctor couldn't find anything, I wonder if this is muscular e.g neck or jaw?)
- Pressure causes dizziness and headaches sometimes
- Mood swings, more often than not I feel pretty decent but I have periods of days / hours where I feel like a train of tension and stress is running me over
- Strange thoughts, random feelings of claustrophobia, intense frustration, episodes of kind of micro derealization where something will briefly look odd

Compare that to how I was in month 2 (the worst of it):
- Heart skipping beats
- Heart beating with incredible force, could feel it all over
- Random attacks of panic and tachycardia (ended up in ER because my heart rate was 180 bpm...)
- Complete derealization, felt like I was dead and stuck in hell or something
- Twitching

What has worked for me:
- Megadosing vitamin B12 and folic acid (I was borderline deficient in both), derealization lifted completely about 4 days after starting this.
- Magnesium citrate, 400mg before bed, helped with anxiety, sleep and twitching
- Exercise helped put me in a positive mood
- Keeping my mind occupied with hobbies

My doctor is going to send me to a neuro psych for some physical exams plus a more knowledgable opinion on whether an SSRI or similar drug is the best way to proceed.
I have windows of feeling pretty good now so I have hope that one day this will all be a bad memory. How do you deal with the trauma of something like this though? I feel like even after this is gone I'll still have trouble trusting my body and my mind. Just knowing that a hell like that can exist has changed my personality so much.

 

[pmz]

I am hesitating to respond to this post because I don't want to encourage others to do the same thing, lest they become even more ill, but the same thing happened to me, pmz.

In my desperation to escape the symptoms which had been chronically/constantly affecting me for over 4 months at the time, I bought some MDMA and used it soon afterwards.

For about 6 hours after ingesting the ecstasy pill, all my symptoms were gone. The euphoria wasn't as intense as before I had gotten sick - it was noticeably dulled, but still mostly there. I couldn't believe that using more of the drug that had apparently made me sick 4 months earlier had now made my 20 or so symptoms go away completely.

Alas, it was only temporary, and within 48 hours I was back to feeling like shit.

In retrospect, I feel that this was a very reckless move on my part. It's just that I was so desperate to escape my LTC-related symptoms - I wasn't even thinking of the possible (negative) consequences of me ingesting MDMA again.

Still though, thinking back now, it could have been worse - a lot worse.

See thats an interesting thing that you had no issue with it. It says to me thats it not a chemical imbalance thing and there is something else going on. I did a night of coke and had a great time, and didnt even feel worse the next morning. Im really banking on the issue is the brain had an initial anxiety event which caused it to shut down and go into a "low idle" mode to protect it self. Its weird, but it makes sense.

Why ive been thinking of acid. I wonder if it might jump start things.

 

[pmz]

Haven't posted in a while but figured I'd check in. 8 months it's been now. 8 freaking months of my life. Here's what symptoms I'm still having:
- Muscle twitching, rippling, vibrating all over
- Intense pressure behind nose that comes and goes, focused on the right side (ENT doctor couldn't find anything, I wonder if this is muscular e.g neck or jaw?)
- Pressure causes dizziness and headaches sometimes
- Mood swings, more often than not I feel pretty decent but I have periods of days / hours where I feel like a train of tension and stress is running me over
- Strange thoughts, random feelings of claustrophobia, intense frustration, episodes of kind of micro derealization where something will briefly look odd

Compare that to how I was in month 2 (the worst of it):
- Heart skipping beats
- Heart beating with incredible force, could feel it all over
- Random attacks of panic and tachycardia (ended up in ER because my heart rate was 180 bpm...)
- Complete derealization, felt like I was dead and stuck in hell or something
- Twitching

What has worked for me:
- Megadosing vitamin B12 and folic acid (I was borderline deficient in both), derealization lifted completely about 4 days after starting this.
- Magnesium citrate, 400mg before bed, helped with anxiety, sleep and twitching
- Exercise helped put me in a positive mood
- Keeping my mind occupied with hobbies

My doctor is going to send me to a neuro psych for some physical exams plus a more knowledgable opinion on whether an SSRI or similar drug is the best way to proceed.
I have windows of feeling pretty good now so I have hope that one day this will all be a bad memory. How do you deal with the trauma of something like this though? I feel like even after this is gone I'll still have trouble trusting my body and my mind. Just knowing that a hell like that can exist has changed my personality so much.

Hmm, whats your dose on B12? and BTW do not take folic acid, take folate. The folic acid is a synthetic folate and is not good for you in the long run.

I used to take mag cit, a while back, I wonder is I should try that again now.

 

[Tpchan85]

Hmm, whats your dose on B12? and BTW do not take folic acid, take folate. The folic acid is a synthetic folate and is not good for you in the long run.

I used to take mag cit, a while back, I wonder is I should try that again now.

I took 5000 mcg sublingual B12 a day for a month (derealization went in 4 days mostly!) and then 1000 mcg a day after that for 2 months, and now I've switched to a high quality B-complex. I wouldn't recommend doing this though without getting your B12 levels tested first as these are huge doses (although there is now known toxic dose of B12 as you just pee out excess). The folic acid I just took for a month as taking it for a long time has been linked to cancer, theres activated folate in the B-complex I take now though.

I'm certain some part of my problems were due to being borderline B12 deficient so it's certainly worth looking into. Have a read here:
https://sites.google.com/site/jccglutenfree/b12deficiencysymptoms

 

[jusjenn21]

Hey guys,
after 5 months of LTC Im feeling a lot better now. Im not out of this yet, but I feel like 85-90%. Life got so much easier with time.
The best thing is that I can overwhelm anxiety with positive thoughts, which is one of the things responsible for my recovery.
I nearly lost 10 Kilos and I got pretty athletic meanwhile. I think recovery is all about seeing the positive things in this shit.
That gives me power.
There are some lingering symptoms, like mild anxiety and strange vision ocassionally, but I nearly dont care at all.
I found back to university and also got a Job alongside. Even joint a basketball team.
I dont know if I had made this steps in my old stonehead life.
Cheers

dang I'm happy for you!!!! :D This dude has been my best friend on here going thru this bs with me. we're like a week apart. Keep up the good work and ull be 100 in no time.

 

[Deltronpedro]

dang I'm happy for you!!!! :D This dude has been my best friend on here going thru this bs with me. we're like a week apart. Keep up the good work and ull be 100 in no time.

Thanks for your words jenn, Im sure revocery is for all of us. Im not recovered, but its getting closer and closer . Its about 4am here in Germany and I just came home from drinking with my friends, got a few beers, had a great night.
Isnt this great?
Not long ago having a few beers was miles away.
But like pmz allready noticed: Too much avoidance is just food for your anxiety. Sure there has to be some, to get your brain sorted, but once you managed to do things again(like drinking alc or whatever) and had no bad time while doing it you will learn to make it more comfort, step by step.
Me2point0 one said he felt better every monday after drinking again on weekends.
I now can unsterstand what he was talking about.
Cheers guys
And keep it up jenn!

 

[imabicycle]

Hi guys wanne give a quick update. Started ssri's. First week five, now 8 days on 10 mg. They're still making me very sick but for some reason I feel very confident that they'll help me aout a lot in the long run. Took some time of school because I wanne push through to 20 mg lexapro. I just wanne say that if progress comes along with taking vitamins and such, this is not whats curing you. It might help a tiny little bit, but this problem goes deeper than just taking some vitamins. I have tried everything before going ssri's, I didn't just give in. I'm not disrecommending people from living healthy, I just don't want people to get there hopes up and than be disappointed. This doesn't mean you can't get better, the solution just has to come from within. I guess I'm not strong enough for that, but most of you will be. Some really strong medication might be the solution after you tried everything. But I honestly don't think folate or vitamins are gonne cure you. Somehow I found this important to share. That being said, I feel really positive about the future for the first time in long while, despite ssri's hitting me pretty hard. At least I'm finally trying something new.

Deltronpetro honourable mention for you. You went from complaining about not being able to smoke weed all the time to being really contructive and helping everyone. Much respect.

Firsttimer, I am aware that you must all ready have thought about this lots and lots of times, but I wanne recommend you going on some medication. Like me, You've fought this fight long enough. Too long you might say. Its none of my business, but I recommend trying something new. If you've all ready tried this, forgive me and ignore this.

Oh and lastly, everyone who helped me (especially Coderbrah, who I'm happy to report is doing a lot better, and Ro4eva), thanks a bunch. I'm sure I'll finally be seeing some progress in the next few weeks. If I do I'll report back guys!

 

[inzania]

Hi guys, 3 weeks ago i took MDMA for the first time. 180mg Pure (84percent) and 1 pill, est in total about 400mg MDMA. On day 6 i had a massive headache and started feeling dizzy. I had a constant headache for around 6 days and then it vanished. Doctor says he believes it was a massive migraine. Ive felt dizzy/lightheaded ever since. The first 7 days of dizziness was horrible and i could barely work. The last week i feel as if its gotten better. Ive been to the doctor 2 times and im now workrelieved for 2 weeks. I still have bad anxiety that comes and goes. Usually starts when i go up in the morning. Some of the latest days i experienced a blurry vision when viewing light and text on a distance. Im really scared how this all will go. All i want is this dizziness to go away. Besides the anxiety, dizziness i dont really have any other symptoms . The first week of these issues i had a hard time remembering things "short term memory", it feels as if im back to normal on that part. I've also sufferd quite a few panic attacks. Whats you guys opinion on this. I have never used any drugs before this and im healthy in general. Im also gonna start going to a psychiatrist to talk about how to handle the anxiety and to get help in general. Do you guys believe that i will be stuck in this state for several months? Any help would be great. Im really scared after reading a lot of stories here. People talking about recovery 6 months+ or even 2 years. Any words of thought would be appriciated. And thanks beforehand for any inputs on my situation.

 

[Deltronpedro]

First of all: imabicycle
Sounds like you found the right path for your recovery.
I think as soon as the sideeffects of the SSRI dissappear things will get better and better. Seems like you allready improved.
@inzania:
You wanted to know if you will stuck in this for months.
Unfortunately I cant tell you the exact time you will need to get rid of your anxiety, but the sooner you understand your problem, the sooner it will decline.
You complained about anxiety, dizziness and strange vision.
Lets just call it anxiety, cause dizziness and strange vision are a common symptom of an anxiety disorder.
Worrying and reading horror storys about other sufferers fuels your anxiety.
You give it more attention and this makes it ever present.
If you had some brain damage, what you dont have, why would there be windows without having these symptoms or without noticing them? Think about it.
Such a anxiety disorder is ment to be controlled, before you get rid of it.
Talking to a psychatrist is a good step here.
The anxiety disorder gets milder within time and/or with the proper treatment.
You dont have to stuck in this anxiety cycle for the next half year, but if you continue reading horror storys and worrying about your condition you will feed your anxiety. You can do this as long as you want, yep even for the next 2 years
A friend of mine got his brain crashed after some MD and coke. Hes one of the calmest and cleverest persons I know.
He got hisself out of this in 2 months.
The original thread starter needed 4weeks to recover. Take this as an answer
And like you allready noticed while your research for sure :
There are some Mediations for anxiety, which help in an drug induced anxiety disorder, too.
Seems like the best were here SSRIs or Tianeptine.
If you think you cant get it on your own, talk to your psychatrist about this mediaction
He surely knows what will help you.
But here are ways out of this without medication, too.
1.Dont make yourself crazy!! As I told you its just anxiety playing its tricks.
2.Do as much sports as you can, make yourself fit
3.Try to stay off of drugs as long as you get your anxiety handled better
4.Look forward to the time where this all is just a ugly memory and trust me,
5.You will get out of this

Have a good evening mister/lady

You can pm me if you have any further questions

 

[Dynamo2013]

@MinOverMatter1 Hi there, thank you for your attention. I will have a look at the supplements that you recommend. The pressure has faded a lot since a year ago, now im dealing with the head tingeling muscle spasms and its driving me insane cause its a constant sensation. I stay away from alcohol however i use nicotine every day so im gonna try to get off that. Also as you describe the sensation or tingeling comes back after drinking caffeein so im staying away from that as well. Ive tried drinking a bit before but the hangovers are hell(anxiety, crazy headaches)....Im 1 year into this shit and im shit scared that i won't ever go away.

 

[kracke]

hey guys.
i have all the same symptoms as you guys but the fact that I am feeling no euphoria or positive feelings scares me most.
but another question...most of our longtermcomedown guys are suffering trough this not because of abusing mdma for a long time. most of us did it the first - 5. time. so isnt it possible that we are just have to much anxiety and we don't damaged our brain and serotonin axes by one overdose? that we just overanalyze everything. i am pretty sure that in most cases you dont consume alone and even others take the same pill and maybe even more than you and they have no long term symptoms.
my theory is that it is "just" an drug induced anxiety disorder and we get some sort of depersonalization/derealization. people get this even from smoking weed (=> no serotonin brain damage possible i think) and having exactly the same symptoms: brain fog, dizzyness, anxiety, no feelings, ...

 

[Deltronpedro]

hey guys.
i have all the same symptoms as you guys but the fact that I am feeling no euphoria or positive feelings scares me most.
but another question...most of our longtermcomedown guys are suffering trough this not because of abusing mdma for a long time. most of us did it the first - 5. time. so isnt it possible that we are just have to much anxiety and we don't damaged our brain and serotonin axes by one overdose? that we just overanalyze everything. i am pretty sure that in most cases you dont consume alone and even others take the same pill and maybe even more than you and they have no long term symptoms.
my theory is that it is "just" an drug induced anxiety disorder and we get some sort of depersonalization/derealization. people get this even from smoking weed (=> no serotonin brain damage possible i think) and having exactly the same symptoms: brain fog, dizzyness, anxiety, no feelings, ...

Im totally with you, yup. I think the MD openend a "door" and the anxiety manifested itself during this messy brain condition.

 

[ro4eva]

Hey guys,
after 5 months of LTC Im feeling a lot better now. Im not out of this yet, but I feel like 85-90%. Life got so much easier with time.
The best thing is that I can overwhelm anxiety with positive thoughts, which is one of the things responsible for my recovery.
I nearly lost 10 Kilos and I got pretty athletic meanwhile. I think recovery is all about seeing the positive things in this shit.
That gives me power.
There are some lingering symptoms, like mild anxiety and strange vision ocassionally, but I nearly dont care at all.
I found back to university and also got a Job alongside. Even joint a basketball team.
I dont know if I had made this steps in my old stonehead life.
Cheers

I'm really glad that you are feeling better Deltronpedro

Hopefully you will soon be back to 100%.

Great job with respect to how you managed to tackle the symptoms.

Success stories will no doubt inspire others to not give up, so thank you for sharing.

 

[ro4eva]

See thats an interesting thing that you had no issue with it. It says to me thats it not a chemical imbalance thing and there is something else going on. I did a night of coke and had a great time, and didnt even feel worse the next morning. Im really banking on the issue is the brain had an initial anxiety event which caused it to shut down and go into a "low idle" mode to protect it self. Its weird, but it makes sense.

Why ive been thinking of acid. I wonder if it might jump start things.

You know, you could be correct. Even after all this time, I'm still not certain that in my recklessness I managed to significantly damage my brain and/or nervous system.

I am however certain that my mind can play some very nasty tricks on me - that is, if I choose to let it by way of obsessively worrying that I might have damaged a vital organ. And this is precisely the mindset that I was in for a long time while suffering from LTC-related symptoms. And this is why Mindfulness, Cognitive Behavioral, and Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response Training were extremely beneficial, as was Breathing Exercises.

Re. Acid / LSD - I've done it once since recovering from my ~19 month long LTC and if it wasn't for the fact that I had combined it with MDMA, I'm nearly certain that I would have had a really bad trip. This is just me though, and it may be completely the opposite for you

If you do plan on doing some without mixing it up with anything else, then perhaps it would be best to have a few doses of a Benzodiazepine with you as well just in case things go bad. Most likely not gonna be required, but better to be prepared just in case IMO.

 

[Deltronpedro]

I'm really glad that you are feeling better Deltronpedro

Hopefully you will soon be back to 100%.

Great job with respect to how you managed to tackle the symptoms.

Success stories will no doubt inspire others to not give up, so thank you for sharing.

Thanks ro
I will keep you guys up to date how my condition is.
I forgot one important fact.
Im taking Valdoxan(Agomelatine) for over 3 month now. The last two days I just forgot to take it :D
Dreams got more vivid and exhausting again.
I think the Valdoxan made my sleep calmer, maybe that was/is a benefit for recovery. It took 1.5 up to 2months to get me real restfull sleep again - just like it was before the "LTC".
I think I will tapper it off soon, but I should do it slowly and not just stop taking it from one day to another

 

[BlueBull]

I'm reading a lot of positive stories in this thread lately, it's nice to read updates of people that are recovering. Glad to hear you're doing better Deltronpedro! And anyone else that is still not out of the woods, just continue doing what you're doing, as evidenced by stories in here you will get better eventually

 

[PJ2]

@ro4eva,

Hey man, I just wanted to run this by you. I know I was sort of happy that I was able to do some coke and "handle" it normally. But, I think I may have fucked up because the damn head pressure/headache returned a couple of days later and hasn't really gone away for long. It feels sort of "different" from the initial LTC symptoms, maybe milder, but it's definitely back.

I guess I'm wondering if you've had any experience with this sort of thing returning and if you may have tried something to help it get better? I literally have zero other symptoms. If this damn headache went away, I'd be perfectly normal.

 

[Tpchan85]

So I finally took the step of returning back to university. So far been pretty good, distraction is definitely the key to overcoming symptoms. I tried smoking some pot again but may have pushed it a bit too far. I was doing good until I noticed my heart rate was pretty fast, no matter how much talking myself down I couldn't stop the ensuing spiral of tachycardia and shaking - purely physical anxiety. Took half a xanax and I started to chill out right away, infact the panic went away before the xanax noticably hit me so I think the placebo alone stopped it. I just wonder how I can get rid of this physical response so I can enjoy things like pot again. It's almost as if we have to use our conscious mind to train our subconscious to not be afraid. But overall I think I'm capable of living an average life again.

I wonder if confronting panic is the best way to overcome it (e.g continuing to try smoking pot and ride out the anxiety), or just avoiding it altogether? As silly as this sounds I don't think I can ever claim to have beaten it without rolling again succesfully.

Oh and I tested both the speed and MDMA I took that started this and they both quite surprisingly came back completely legitimate.

 

[ro4eva]

@ro4eva,

Hey man, I just wanted to run this by you. I know I was sort of happy that I was able to do some coke and "handle" it normally. But, I think I may have fucked up because the damn head pressure/headache returned a couple of days later and hasn't really gone away for long. It feels sort of "different" from the initial LTC symptoms, maybe milder, but it's definitely back.

I guess I'm wondering if you've had any experience with this sort of thing returning and if you may have tried something to help it get better? I literally have zero other symptoms. If this damn headache went away, I'd be perfectly normal.

Good day to you rphilli72

The one lingering symptom I've always experienced with respect to cocaine use - including before my LTC - has been a nasty, unique headache. Perhaps it's because I've always combined it with booze - who knows?

The last time I used coke (a couple of years ago), I had a lasting headache for about 5 days before it cleared.

Did it feel like head pressure? Um... yeah, kinda, especially behind my eyes and forehead (if that makes sense). And it would get worse if I would stand up.

How long would you say this headache has been affecting you now? And has it decreased at all in severity/intensity over time?

With respect to possible remedies - I do recall trying some Tylenol #3 with 30mg Codeine (and 15mg Caffeine) that I had lying around and it was a huge help. And I continued to use them while the headache slowly subsided, after which I stopped without any withdrawal issues/symptoms.

Tylenol #1 with Codeine (8mg Codeine / 15mg Caffeine) is OTC in most countries - that could probably help you, assuming you're not allergic to opioid analgesics.

Hmm... what else could help..? Perhaps something which also is good for migraines might be effective - such as Imitrex (Sumatriptan).

During my LTC, I experienced some of the worst and weirdest headaches of my entire life, including what you describe as a sensation of pressure. They were absolutely awful, and I recall them vividly.

I tried many different herbs, drugs, and supplements to - at the very least temporarily - help reduce the intensity/severity of those damn awful headaches. And in my case, nothing worked as well as Tylenol #1 with Codeine. This was before I began using an SSRI (Zoloft) + benzo (Xanax) for ~8 months, followed by ~3 months of a DNRI (Wellbutrin XL) + benzo (Xanax), after which I was back to normal, and the headaches were gone too, but they returned temporarily whenever I used cocaine + booze (they were milder though, and a little 'different' if that makes any sense).

So if possible, and if you are willing to do so, perhaps some T1s would help (or T2s, or T3s). And since it's Codeine, it's a milder opioid analgesic so (based on plenty of first-hand experience) it shouldn't cause a physical dependency to develop nearly as quickly, or as intensely as - for example - Oxycodone, Morphine, or Heroin.

Wish I knew an easier way to help you, sorry man.

Please don't hesitate to reply if I missed anything, or if you have any further questions, and I'll do my best to help you.

Be well my friend, take care