Hello everyone, hope you're all well
I'm feeling a bit blue right now and I would greatly appreciate any advice/opinions.
Basically drugs turn me into a complete tit and I'm suffering from a moral hangover right now, which I know is pretty normal after being on meph for an entire week but still, this happens all too often. Basically whenever I used to drink or take drugs I always always always woke up with these horrible feelings of remorse and shame. The last while had been good, however, in that I could only get alcohol here so I would invariably drink to the extent that I was far too sleepy to do anything or say anything stupid. Since I found drugs here though I've went back to my old self; being an annoying, loud and obnoxious exhibitionist that says and does the most embarrassing, inappropriate things. Now I know it's normal to act out of character while under the influence but for me it's always a drastic change of personality. When I'm sober I'm quiet and shy and un talkative. I suffer from social anxiety. But when I'm drunk/high this really embarrassing person comes out. Friends say I shouldn't worry about it but it bothers me so much. And I'm particularly worried because the last two weeks I've been around people I don't know very well, potential friends, and I'm worried I've made a really bad impression. I don't want to go into detail but I've said and done some really shameful and often just plain weird things. Nothing mean or offensive but just really crazy and strange. And now I'm afraid to socialise with any of these people.
This isn't new, I've always had this problem, but I suppose I'm in a new environment and it's the first time it's happened to me in a while so I'm a bit scared. Even my flatmate seems to have lost some respect for me - he was so cool with living with me at first but now that I've got my hands on drugs it appears I've shown my true colours. I feel really ashamed.