MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 2)

[ScaredFirstTimer]

well lastly my mild anxiety evolved to a very light racing mind days, actually i just dont eat gluten and cow mild (but im drinking goat kefir. Im taking some supplements that i truly believe that made a huge impact on my improvement. along my ltc i was having a annoying feeling, i felt my right and left side of my body "different" i could say that i felt more in my left. after taking 2 months the supplement i thought i was deficient (or maybe i just cannot take it from the diet) i can promise that i had a immediate improvement that never felt before.

Actually im just taking some muscle relaxers for my bruxism (and nightly mucle tension) , supplements and faith.
i dont know if the bruxism will subside, but i have guess it is solving while the left overs of my brain zaps fade (some days i have stronger zaps just at night, when they followed me from the morning months ago)

If you ask me i thing that the drug trigger something from myself so i cant blame it anymore. maybe somebody with different genes can afford this good vibe that mdma brings to you, but maybe im programmed with this achilles heel. im very good at a lot of things xD but not so much at serotonin unbalance meh..

My intellectual skills are pretty good , i can do maths and engineer stuff easily as i did before. my memory is ok too i cant see any differences from what i was.

My own score: well im happier and i hope to go on this way, i have lost so fears in my way but i cant assume a lot of it now, also i improved greatly my english skills just being around bluelight and getting some info about symptoms and stuff (yet not perfect but eh...i was unintelligible before xD)

if somebody want to know what supplements im taking ,ask me, i dont want to sound like a neuro doc when im just a chemical engineer.

Yeah, your english has improved man . I remember it was hard reading your old posts. Could you PM me with a list of the supps you are taking bro?

 

[ro4eva]

Thanks! Appreciate the support. It was a one off deal as I am still not healthy enough to go on crazy benders or anything - not that I want to. It ended up being an enjoyable couple of days as I had some leftovers. After the second day, I did get a bit of a headache, but nothing really out of the ordinary. I really am past the whole LTC prison where all my thoughts and feelings are devoured by it. My next excursion into partying is going to be New Year's eve.

As for ssri's, I may be on them for a long time. I think I need the medication. There are a lot of depression issues in my family and sadly I haven't escaped that trait either.

Hey man, sorry I was away for a bit.

Just wanted to say something which may come across as a comment from your parent(s): I hope you have a blast for New Years, but please take care of yourself. There's a lot of remorseless goons trying to peddle their research chemicals to unsuspecting consumers (not that I think you're unsuspecting). Edit - Actually, considering what you've been through, I'm 100% sure you're anything but unsuspecting.

Also, are you still feeling queasy from the milk? That's weird - could you have developed lactose intolerance during this time, I wonder? Probably not.

If you find you can't tolerate cow milk anymore, there's always soy and almond milk. The almond is actually not bad at all in my opinion, where as the soy is more of an acquired taste.

Oh, and also, 2 months feeling like shit on the Paxil? Ouch. Well, at least it appears you're way over the 'pain in the ass hill' now, so to speak.

I think that's everything, have a good one

 

[ro4eva]

I'm on day 5 I think of Citalopram now. Had a rough time today. Felt like time was moving incredibly slowly and felt too agitated to concentrate on anything. I'm afraid that I might be one of those people that has a manic reaction but I think I'll tough it out one day at a time and see how it goes.

Hey Tpchan85,

Getting used to SSRIs is a lengthy, unpleasant process unfortunately.

Just wanted to say that I too was experiencing all sorts of weird symptoms (side effects) during my first few weeks. And the fact that I was already feeling like shit from LTC symptoms didn't help at all.

Probably the easiest way for you to get through this phase - based on my experience/in my opinion - would be to take a few weeks off of work/school, rent or buy a TV show series you really like + noise cancelling headphones, and basically to try to keep your mind occupied by watching the TV. Might I recommend Stargate SG-1? Or not.

I know it doesn't sound healthy at all to assume what sounds like long term couch potato mode, but I found it was by far the easiest way to get through what you're currently dealing with. And personally, I think you more than qualify as a very valid excuse to be a temporary couch potato because you're dealing with LTC symptoms + SSRI side effects which makes for an especially unpleasant combination.

That being said, I did make time every day for 45min to 1hr of aerobic exercise, which gave me an endorphin rush (also known as a runner's high).

For what it's worth, I know what you're going through (I'm 99.9% sure). I know it's difficult, distressful, and plain misery (physically and mentally). I promise you however that it does get better (both the LTC symptoms + the SSRI side effects).

Just be sure that you're not experiencing any side effects which are considered serious, such as sexual dysfunction, strong feelings of suicide, and so forth.

Best of luck man - take care

 

[pmz]

Mate as far as I'm aware (although of course you'd know better), you kinda lost the worst of your panic in 5 months right? Which I consider to be a major fucking achievement by the way I find meditating and stuff to be very hard indeed so not flaming ur here but losing ur anxiety seems to me to be a pretty big improvement. Right? Sorry if I sound a bit negative I'll stop spamming this thread now. Kinda cracking a little bit.

naw its all good man. my panic was absolutely not lost at 5 months. I went through, 1 month of hanging round at home away from work, to a 11 week wilderness therapy program, to a 5 month transitional living house, having alot of anxiety through all of that. so thats about 9 months right there. You have no idea the amount of clinical treatment I went through to work on my anxiety. but It took nearly a year to start feeling stable.

trust me bro, dont try to make your case sound worse than anyone elses. Does you nothing. Just do you.

But you wanna get that anxiety down.

Not to be a dick, but sit your damn ass down on a cushion and dont make any excuses not to. Just sit for 10 minuets, twice a day, every day. All you gotta do is TRY to focus on your breath. Dont stop trying to think. That shits impossible and is not mediation. Just sit down, and for 10 minuets (set a timer) focus only on what it feels like to breath. Thats all mediation is. Just focus on you breath. get distracted? That perfectly normal and is supposed to happen. Its ok to be distracted 59 times out of a minuet when you meditate. It wont always be like that. Do it twice a day for 10 min every day and it will change your life.


MY CHALLENGE TO EVERYONE ON IN THIS THREAD.................................

I DONT WANNA SEE ANOTHER POST ON THIS THREAD UNTIL 7 DAYS FROM NOW (NEXT MONDAY THE 13TH)

I WANT EVERYONE WHO IS GOING THROUGH THIS AT THE MOMENT TO DO AN EXPERIMENT AND REPORT BACK WHAT THEY EXPERIENCED AFTER 7 DAYS.

here IS THE EXPERIMENT:

MEDITATE 2 TIMES A DAY, EVERY DAY FOR THE NEXT 7 DAYS. THEN REPORT BACK HERE HOW IT MAY HAVE OR HAVE NOT HELPED YOU AFTER THE 7 DAYS.

RATHER THAN COMING ON TO BLUELIGHT AND POSTED ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE DYING, SIT ON A CUSHION OR PILLOW OR BED AND FOCUS ON YOUR BREATH FOR 10 MINUETS.

I WANT YOU ALL TO DO THIS ONCE WHEN YOU WAKE UP, AND SOMETIME IN THE AFTERNOON.

IF YOU ARE AFRAID OF FORGETTING TO MEDIATE, SET A TIMER. i HAVE MADE MY SELF MANY REMINDERS ON MY PHONE TO MEDITATE.

I HAVE MADE IT A HABIT THAT EVERY MORNING IT WAS THE FIRST THING i DO BEFORE i START MY DAY. I USED TO WAKE UP 10 MINUETS EARLIER FOR WORK TO COMPENSATE FOR IT.

LETS SEE IF ANYONE IS WILLING TO TAKE THIS CHALLENGE. IF YOU HAVE ANXIETY. STOP POSTING HERE FOR ADVICE AND DO THIS CHALLENGE.

AS AN EXPERIMENT FOR YOUR SELF AND FOR MY OWN CURIOSITY IF THIS WILL HELP PEOPLE. AS I WOULD LIKE TO MAYBE DO THIS PROFESSIONALLY.

ITS NOT HOW WELL YOU MEDITATE THAT MATTERS, IF THE FACT THAT YOU ARE TRYING AND DOING IT, IS WHAT ACTUALLY PROVIDES YOU WITH RESULTS.

 

[imabicycle]

naw its all good man. my panic was absolutely not lost at 5 months. I went through, 1 month of hanging round at home away from work, to a 11 week wilderness therapy program, to a 5 month transitional living house, having alot of anxiety through all of that. so thats about 9 months right there. You have no idea the amount of clinical treatment I went through to work on my anxiety. but It took nearly a year to start feeling stable.

trust me bro, dont try to make your case sound worse than anyone elses. Does you nothing. Just do you.

But you wanna get that anxiety down.

Not to be a dick, but sit your damn ass down on a cushion and dont make any excuses not to. Just sit for 10 minuets, twice a day, every day. All you gotta do is TRY to focus on your breath. Dont stop trying to think. That shits impossible and is not mediation. Just sit down, and for 10 minuets (set a timer) focus only on what it feels like to breath. Thats all mediation is. Just focus on you breath. get distracted? That perfectly normal and is supposed to happen. Its ok to be distracted 59 times out of a minuet when you meditate. It wont always be like that. Do it twice a day for 10 min every day and it will change your life.


MY CHALLENGE TO EVERYONE ON IN THIS THREAD.................................

I DONT WANNA SEE ANOTHER POST ON THIS THREAD UNTIL 7 DAYS FROM NOW (NEXT MONDAY THE 13TH)

I WANT EVERYONE WHO IS GOING THROUGH THIS AT THE MOMENT TO DO AN EXPERIMENT AND REPORT BACK WHAT THEY EXPERIENCED AFTER 7 DAYS.

here IS THE EXPERIMENT:

MEDITATE 2 TIMES A DAY, EVERY DAY FOR THE NEXT 7 DAYS. THEN REPORT BACK HERE HOW IT MAY HAVE OR HAVE NOT HELPED YOU AFTER THE 7 DAYS.

RATHER THAN COMING ON TO BLUELIGHT AND POSTED ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE DYING, SIT ON A CUSHION OR PILLOW OR BED AND FOCUS ON YOUR BREATH FOR 10 MINUETS.

I WANT YOU ALL TO DO THIS ONCE WHEN YOU WAKE UP, AND SOMETIME IN THE AFTERNOON.

IF YOU ARE AFRAID OF FORGETTING TO MEDIATE, SET A TIMER. i HAVE MADE MY SELF MANY REMINDERS ON MY PHONE TO MEDITATE.

I HAVE MADE IT A HABIT THAT EVERY MORNING IT WAS THE FIRST THING i DO BEFORE i START MY DAY. I USED TO WAKE UP 10 MINUETS EARLIER FOR WORK TO COMPENSATE FOR IT.

LETS SEE IF ANYONE IS WILLING TO TAKE THIS CHALLENGE. IF YOU HAVE ANXIETY. STOP POSTING HERE FOR ADVICE AND DO THIS CHALLENGE.

AS AN EXPERIMENT FOR YOUR SELF AND FOR MY OWN CURIOSITY IF THIS WILL HELP PEOPLE. AS I WOULD LIKE TO MAYBE DO THIS PROFESSIONALLY.

ITS NOT HOW WELL YOU MEDITATE THAT MATTERS, IF THE FACT THAT YOU ARE TRYING AND DOING IT, IS WHAT ACTUALLY PROVIDES YOU WITH RESULTS.

I am actually meditating for 15 minutes three times a day, just doesnt douch for me

 

[pmz]

I am actually meditating for 15 minutes three times a day, just doesnt douch for me

trust me it will eentually.

I sat today for 45 min, i dotn normally sit that long, but i felt the effects of it all day long. it will click one day, trust me. it took a while for me. felt worthless for a long time.

 

[PJ2]

Hey man, sorry I was away for a bit.

Just wanted to say something which may come across as a comment from your parent(s): I hope you have a blast for New Years, but please take care of yourself. There's a lot of remorseless goons trying to peddle their research chemicals to unsuspecting consumers (not that I think you're unsuspecting). Edit - Actually, considering what you've been through, I'm 100% sure you're anything but unsuspecting.


Also, are you still feeling queasy from the milk? That's weird - could you have developed lactose intolerance during this time, I wonder? Probably not.

If you find you can't tolerate cow milk anymore, there's always soy and almond milk. The almond is actually not bad at all in my opinion, where as the soy is more of an acquired taste.

Oh, and also, 2 months feeling like shit on the Paxil? Ouch. Well, at least it appears you're way over the 'pain in the ass hill' now, so to speak.

I think that's everything, have a good one

If I said two months, I meant two weeks. I was so sick those two weeks I would have quit if it lasted much longer.

As for NYE, I will never do MDMA again. Hell, I've given others crap in here for trying it again during their LTC's. I was thinking more along the lines of some lines....lol. I was so scared to try it at first. I thought for sure it was going to trigger a panic attack. Alas, I felt great. All of the euphoria and no edginess whatsoever. It was some good stuff as he had promised. And, it triggered no LTC symptom's unless somehow the bad day I just had was a result of a week ago or so. I think not.

I also forgot that I had reduced my Paxil to 10 mg from 20 mg for a few days because I was waiting for my prescription refill. I had to make it last because I didn't want to go cold turkey. That was the same day I went back up to 20 mg. I think that is the more likely culprit over milk. Although, I thought I've read about people having trouble with milk during their LTC's.

 

[ro4eva]

If I said two months, I meant two weeks. I was so sick those two weeks I would have quit if it lasted much longer.

Oh. Well, nevertheless, I'm glad you're feeling better. It helps me - and others too maybe - to know that perhaps I (and/or we) may have made a small but positive difference in your life.

I don't personally know you, but that doesn't matter to me. What's important is that you, and others on here are feeling better, regardless of how you chose to tackle your recovery (e.g. with the use of Rx meds, or without any) - this makes me very happy to read about. And I hope you're happier overall as well (compared to when you were suffering severely due to your bout with a so-called long term comedown).

As for NYE, I will never do MDMA again.

Completely understandable.

Hell, I've given others crap in here for trying it again during their LTC's.

Again, completely understandable.

They are suffering from what is almost certainly the aftermath of consuming either MDMA, or something sold as MDMA. And by using more of the same, they could be digging themselves into an even bigger hole.

You know, just like everything else I suppose which leaves a physical and/or mental scar, I believe that going through a long term comedown and recovering really changes people ( Captain Obvious representin' ), and maybe in some ways for the better.

I know that I was a very different person when I finally overcame this chronic struggle which, in my case, lasted a little over 19 months.

Understandably, this may sound completely irrational of me to say, but in a way, I'm actually glad that I went through this; that I experienced this first-hand. Despite the horrible memories I have due to the chronic suffering, in the end, I feel that I came out a much more humble, compassionate, understanding, and cautious individual.

Maybe it's just me, but I feel that chronic, long term suffering of any kind creates a humble man or woman - assuming that they recover. This doesn't mean however that I think everyone should go through this. Not at all. As the cliché goes, "I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy." And I mean that.

Perhaps a strange juxtaposition when considering the circumstances (some of which I have not made public), but I digress.

I was thinking more along the lines of some lines....lol. I was so scared to try it at first. I thought for sure it was going to trigger a panic attack.

Alas, I felt great. All of the euphoria and no edginess whatsoever. It was some good stuff as he had promised. And, it triggered no LTC symptom's unless somehow the bad day I just had was a result of a week ago or so. I think not.

As arrogant as it may seem of me to say this - I know exactly what you mean.

About 6 months after I recovered, I too made the decision to snort some high purity blow until the wee hours of the morning - along of course with a lot of beer.

I don't know why, but when it comes to mixing beer with coke, the brew in question is almost always Corona or Hoegaarden White, but enough of that.

Anyways, I too was terrified that it would end up causing either a massive panic attack, or LTC symptoms again, or both, and everyone who I was with could easily tell that I was on edge. Thankfully, they helped to keep me calm by assuring me that I would fine. They even gave me a few baby Aspirins to take beforehand to thin my blood, and also some Valium (Diazepam) just in case.

Alas, I also felt great, and had a fantastic time - absolutely amazing night (I'll never forget it). Admittedly I did have a mild headache in the morning, but after getting some sleep I was fine - no long term issues whatsoever, thank goodness.

I also forgot that I had reduced my Paxil to 10 mg from 20 mg for a few days because I was waiting for my prescription refill. I had to make it last because I didn't want to go cold turkey. That was the same day I went back up to 20 mg. I think that is the more likely culprit over milk. Although, I thought I've read about people having trouble with milk during their LTC's.

Good thinking in relation to rationing your remaining Paxil to ensure enough to tide you over until the next refill because SSRI cold turkey (acute) withdrawal can be almost as bad as certain popular recreational substances, such as opioids and benzos (depending of course on the dosage(s), tolerance, and amount of time spent using either).

Re. the milk & other foods while on SSRIs... now that you mention it, I actually recall developing an intolerance of sorts to certain foods while I was taking Zoloft (Sertraline) - foods that I really liked. I umm, recall literally spewing after eating regular flavored potato chips. For whatever reason, they - along with many other foods - made me nauseous as hell (and I made sure to check the expiry date and whatnot). Weird, huh?

The good news is that once I was completely finished with the Zoloft (after successfully tapering off), the food intolerance went away.

Furthermore, if I recall correctly, I believe that certain antidepressants actually cause certain foods to be dangerous to consume - MAOIs if I'm not mistaken. Yeah...

Alright man, time for me to shut the hell up (I bought some baklava - yummy).

You have a good one

 

[pmz]

Take a minute to think about this...

The Hippocampus is the part of the brain that decides if something is a threat and needs to be routed to the amygdala, which is the part of the brain that activates adrenaline and cortisol. Sadly, the hippocampus is also the part of the brain involved with signaling the "everything's ok" message and turning down the very response it created. Yet, sustained stress actually causes free-radical damage directly to the hippocampus. Therefore, the mechanism that turns on the stress response is also the key to turning it off, yet it suffers damage by the very process it regulates. So we get ourselves stuck in stress cycles and damage ourselves enough to lock us into an imbalance of depression and disease, flailing in the dark for a shut off valve we've destroyed.

 

[Deltronpedro]

Take a minute to think about this...

The Hippocampus is the part of the brain that decides if something is a threat and needs to be routed to the amygdala, which is the part of the brain that activates adrenaline and cortisol. Sadly, the hippocampus is also the part of the brain involved with signaling the "everything's ok" message and turning down the very response it created. Yet, sustained stress actually causes free-radical damage directly to the hippocampus. Therefore, the mechanism that turns on the stress response is also the key to turning it off, yet it suffers damage by the very process it regulates. So we get ourselves stuck in stress cycles and damage ourselves enough to lock us into an imbalance of depression and disease, flailing in the dark for a shut off valve we've destroyed.

And how does recovery fit in this hypothesis

 

[pmz]

And how does recovery fit in this hypothesis

dude, in every way. By being so stressed and anxious, we shut down the part of the brain responsible for allowing us to calm down. We need to rewire our minds. We need to seek tranquility. Its why I quit my job to seek relaxation.

 

[coderbrah]

And how does recovery fit in this hypothesis

Meditation decreases the amygdala and increases the hippocampus. Exercise does this too. SSRIs do this too. Its basically the application behind the positive feedback loop. Limit stressors and promote relaxation > decrease the brains stress > strenghten new connections and learn new coping mechanisms (by therapy and time) > decrease bad old habits that trigger stress chemicals release > brain can do a better job of strengthening itself > brain reaches a state of balance again > recovered.

 

[Dawglaw]

PMZ is 100% correct.

 

[ro4eva]

Meditation decreases the amygdala and increases the hippocampus. Exercise does this too. SSRIs do this too. Its basically the application behind the positive feedback loop. Limit stressors and promote relaxation > decrease the brains stress > strenghten new connections and learn new coping mechanisms (by therapy and time) > decrease bad old habits that trigger stress chemicals release > brain can do a better job of strengthening itself > brain reaches a state of balance again > recovered.

I believe you are correct, as I recall reading very similar information about the potential benefits of meditation.

What really stuns me is the increased pain tolerance which a seasoned meditator seems to possess.

There was this meditation documentary on either National Geographic or Discovery Channel which had a segment showing a patient at his dentist receiving a root canal while meditating.

What's my point? Well, apparently there was no freezing used to numb the tooth having its nerve removed after a hole is drilled deep into the middle. And as someone who has had his fair share of dental work - including three root canals and three implants - done, the fact that he was able to take the pain is simply incredible.

To this day, I still have a hard time trying to comprehend how he managed to pull it off, but I digress.

After watching that documentary, I was thinking that perhaps it would be a good idea to try meditation as well. And while I'm still a beginner, I hope one day to reach a milestone which will serve to significantly increase my pain threshold as well.

 

[PJ2]

Oh. Well, nevertheless, I'm glad you're feeling better. It helps me - and others too maybe - to know that perhaps I (and/or we) may have made a small but positive difference in your life.

I don't personally know you, but that doesn't matter to me. What's important is that you, and others on here are feeling better, regardless of how you chose to tackle your recovery (e.g. with the use of Rx meds, or without any) - this makes me very happy to read about. And I hope you're happier overall as well (compared to when you were suffering severely due to your bout with a so-called long term comedown).



Completely understandable.



Again, completely understandable.

They are suffering from what is almost certainly the aftermath of consuming either MDMA, or something sold as MDMA. And by using more of the same, they could be digging themselves into an even bigger hole.

You know, just like everything else I suppose which leaves a physical and/or mental scar, I believe that going through a long term comedown and recovering really changes people ( Captain Obvious representin' ), and maybe in some ways for the better.

I know that I was a very different person when I finally overcame this chronic struggle which, in my case, lasted a little over 19 months.

Understandably, this may sound completely irrational of me to say, but in a way, I'm actually glad that I went through this; that I experienced this first-hand. Despite the horrible memories I have due to the chronic suffering, in the end, I feel that I came out a much more humble, compassionate, understanding, and cautious individual.

Maybe it's just me, but I feel that chronic, long term suffering of any kind creates a humble man or woman - assuming that they recover. This doesn't mean however that I think everyone should go through this. Not at all. As the cliché goes, "I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy." And I mean that.

Perhaps a strange juxtaposition when considering the circumstances (some of which I have not made public), but I digress.



As arrogant as it may seem of me to say this - I know exactly what you mean.

About 6 months after I recovered, I too made the decision to snort some high purity blow until the wee hours of the morning - along of course with a lot of beer.

I don't know why, but when it comes to mixing beer with coke, the brew in question is almost always Corona or Hoegaarden White, but enough of that.

Anyways, I too was terrified that it would end up causing either a massive panic attack, or LTC symptoms again, or both, and everyone who I was with could easily tell that I was on edge. Thankfully, they helped to keep me calm by assuring me that I would fine. They even gave me a few baby Aspirins to take beforehand to thin my blood, and also some Valium (Diazepam) just in case.

Alas, I also felt great, and had a fantastic time - absolutely amazing night (I'll never forget it). Admittedly I did have a mild headache in the morning, but after getting some sleep I was fine - no long term issues whatsoever, thank goodness.



Good thinking in relation to rationing your remaining Paxil to ensure enough to tide you over until the next refill because SSRI cold turkey (acute) withdrawal can be almost as bad as certain popular recreational substances, such as opioids and benzos (depending of course on the dosage(s), tolerance, and amount of time spent using either).

Re. the milk & other foods while on SSRIs... now that you mention it, I actually recall developing an intolerance of sorts to certain foods while I was taking Zoloft (Sertraline) - foods that I really liked. I umm, recall literally spewing after eating regular flavored potato chips. For whatever reason, they - along with many other foods - made me nauseous as hell (and I made sure to check the expiry date and whatnot). Weird, huh?

The good news is that once I was completely finished with the Zoloft (after successfully tapering off), the food intolerance went away.

Furthermore, if I recall correctly, I believe that certain antidepressants actually cause certain foods to be dangerous to consume - MAOIs if I'm not mistaken. Yeah...

Alright man, time for me to shut the hell up (I bought some baklava - yummy).

You have a good one

You have absolutely helped! And, when I have "bad days" here and there, which doesn't really happen much anymore, it is still nothing like the hell of the beginning. The total sheer panic of thinking you damaged your own brain with drugs and you will never think or act the same again. Not being able to think clearly or even read easily. Nightmare doesn't even begin to describe it.

Anyway, yeah, I didn't get a headache until the second morning after I did leftovers the next night. I think I may have pushed the envelop a little too much and maybe I am paying for that now. I'm not sure. I certainly didn't have any immediate bad effects. I just wanted to feel something other than what I've been through lately. In the end, it'll be worth it because I gained confidence in my recovery if that makes any sense. Like, had I just gone into immediate panic and not been able to handle it, I might have thought that my brain is fried and fragile forever.

 

[me2point0]

If some of you have free time, go get yourself a bloodtest to check tyroids. It's worth a shot. Maybe it wont cure all your symptoms because obviously it cant all come from there, but if by any chance you developped hypotyroidism, you're one of the lucky ones who will get rid of most of it.

 

[SarahPotter]

I agree with rphilli72. I can tell you from a fair bit of experience with MD, time away is the best healer, SSRIs can aid the the process by decreasing the amount of time needed for your hormones (mainly dopamine and seratonin) to return to their initial amounts. Think of it like this, when you take MD, you are using today's seratonin, tomorrow's, and the the following day's. As a result, the following days can make you feel anxious, generally upset and depressed. Take some time off and give your brain a chance to re-charge. You'll be feeling normal again soon enough

 

[Deltronpedro]

Most here are not talking about days or weeks here unfortunately

 

[SarahPotter]

Most here are not talking about days or weeks here unfortunately

Sorry- that was an example. The more you use over a long period of course the effects will be more severe. Nevertheless, the only way for you to feel better again is to go as long as possible without md. I have friends that roll just a few times a year, I wish I could do that. I went through a horrific period of bombing a gram or more pretty much every night for around a month. The days without MD became days i can only describe as black it was pretty shit. 3 months without mandy and i'm feeling good. Still waiting a little longer until I next roll though.

 

[ro4eva]

You have absolutely helped!

Thank you, that means a lot to me, I appreciate it :D

And, when I have "bad days" here and there, which doesn't really happen much anymore, it is still nothing like the hell of the beginning. The total sheer panic of thinking you damaged your own brain with drugs and you will never think or act the same again. Not being able to think clearly or even read easily. Nightmare doesn't even begin to describe it.

I hear ya.

It was the same in my case when pondering the possibility that I would never regain any sense of normality (my version of it anyways) ever again. It was the most gut wrenching feeling I've ever experienced, and it was also why I began to think about suicide a lot.

The good news of course is that I'm back to my old self, but not back to my old reckless ways of doing things. It was a lesson learned in the hardest way I can imagine.

This is why I'm here and trying to encourage everyone who is suffering and feeling hopeless. There is a way out of this for everyone where they recover completely, I'm sure of it. It will most likely take time, effort, and patience, but it's definitely possible.

Anyway, yeah, I didn't get a headache until the second morning after I did leftovers the next night. I think I may have pushed the envelop a little too much and maybe I am paying for that now. I'm not sure. I certainly didn't have any immediate bad effects. I just wanted to feel something other than what I've been through lately.

Yeah, exactly my rationale for deciding to do some as well - I wanted to feel intense pleasure because those 19 months spent suffering felt like an eternity devoid of any euphoria, but a whole lot of dysphoria.

In the end, it'll be worth it because I gained confidence in my recovery if that makes any sense. Like, had I just gone into immediate panic and not been able to handle it, I might have thought that my brain is fried and fragile forever.

Exactly.

This was the case with me as well.

After a couple of weeks had passed without any return of LTC-esqe symptoms, my confidence and peace of mind increased big time, but I also made sure to not allow myself to go back to the extremely reckless behavior which caused the LTC in the first place and nearly killed me a few times previous to that.

I understand if other BLers are gonna flame me for saying this, but it seems like this experience for you has been very beneficial with respect to boosting your self-confidence, which is great!

That said, as a friend, I ask that you please be careful and to take care. Sorry, I don't mean to preach. I hope you have a blast; I hope your life improves to a an even greater state than what it was before you got sick; but please be careful (I mean this with all due respect of the fact that it's absolutely none of my business what you decide to do with your body) - I'll shut up now.

I know, I talk too much. Don't worry, I'm leaving for now