Deltronpedro
Bluelighter
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- Jul 14, 2014
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I took one pill(first time in my life). Its been 4 month since it happened and Im still not recovered.
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MDMA &
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MDMA Moderators:
MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 2)
- Thread starter JWills20
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pmz
Bluelighter
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- May 11, 2013
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- 550
ugh, im so tired of that ebola stuff. Im honestly acting like I never heard it. ITs so stupid and a dumb scare. Best to not even waste your time thinking about it.
ScaredFirstTimer
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- Dec 15, 2013
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The people in this thread aren't concerned with using MDMA again. I'm guessing 99% will never ever touch it again. Our problems isn't "horrific" periods of binging, it's extreme dissociative, physical and psychological problems from using MDMA a few times, for many just one time.
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No. This thread welcomes anyone who has experienced problems with MDMA. It is not select to the few who have 'one-off' problems.
ScaredFirstTimer
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By the select few, do you mean everyone that posts in this thread regularly? There aren't anybody else in these threads, they would be the "one off" in that case. I'm not saying SarahPotter has no place here, I'm saying that what she is talking about in her post specifically is something entirely different than the topic of this thread. The advice she gives might be good, it just does not pertain to the people in here.
Edit: Obviously I'm not trying to throw her out, she has a place here of course if she's feeling bad and MDMA is the culprit.
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So I had a therapy session on tuesday and I started feeling weird because we touched on my derealisation. In the evening I felt very anxious and then yesterday I was a bit of a wreck with rumination and all. I decided to take a nice evening to relax and I did really relax but then afterwards I started feeling really anxious and today I've been panicky. Took a klonopin for the first time in over a month, called my psychiatrist, told her "whats happening? The lexapro was working so good" and then she brought up the therapy session I had on tuesday.
Does anyone else feel more anxious/depressed after therapy and lots of active relaxation?
Does anyone else feel more anxious/depressed after therapy and lots of active relaxation?
I'm a little bit scared I may be experiencing small seizures. For example, all day I've been great aside from some minor palpitations. Then sitting at my desk doing some work, laying back perfectly relaxed in my chair, no anxious thoughts and then bam within a split second I'm overcome with dread, my right arm starts to feel disassociated from my body, I get a metallic taste in my mouth and a migraine confined to the right side of my head, it passes in about 5 seconds and I'm left with a migraine still wondering what just happened. I have such a hard time believing episodes like this are panic attacks...
Coderbrah - actually yes in a way I can relate. I also had a therapy session today in which we tried some 'resourcing' (basically grounding techniques that focus on the feelings and sensations in the body) and I've noticed when I look around after doing these exercises my visual dp/Dr is slightly worse. No idea why, it just happens
Tpchan85 - if you're worried get it checked out, but trust me, panic attacks can do some very crazy things to the body. The first panic attack I had way back in january I called an ambulance because I was convinced I was either having a heart attack or a stroke, I nearly passed out it was so bad. Despite being told countless times I was fine I couldn't believe anxiety could cause such real symptoms. Once I got Dr/dp, I stopped having panic attacks, and my chest pain and weird sensations on the left side of my body 'mysteriously fixed themselves', either because I was so distracted by this bigger problem I now faced, or because the dissociation was protecting me from panic attacks. Either way if it was an actual health problem, it definitely would have continued after I became chronically dissociated!
Edit - I should also mention these sensations could strike at any time, when I had this for the first time I was very relaxed and in no way anxious. I was just sat at home watching TV. No need to be anxious to have a panic attack. It's why I was so convinced it was actual heart problems rather than anxiety
Tpchan85 - if you're worried get it checked out, but trust me, panic attacks can do some very crazy things to the body. The first panic attack I had way back in january I called an ambulance because I was convinced I was either having a heart attack or a stroke, I nearly passed out it was so bad. Despite being told countless times I was fine I couldn't believe anxiety could cause such real symptoms. Once I got Dr/dp, I stopped having panic attacks, and my chest pain and weird sensations on the left side of my body 'mysteriously fixed themselves', either because I was so distracted by this bigger problem I now faced, or because the dissociation was protecting me from panic attacks. Either way if it was an actual health problem, it definitely would have continued after I became chronically dissociated!
Edit - I should also mention these sensations could strike at any time, when I had this for the first time I was very relaxed and in no way anxious. I was just sat at home watching TV. No need to be anxious to have a panic attack. It's why I was so convinced it was actual heart problems rather than anxiety
me2point0
Bluelighter
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- Mar 23, 2014
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Some people experience very slow heartbeat and stuff, while on my side I can feel my heartbeat rising over 150 after few stairs. Not not many stuff can cause such a paradox but the difference between hypo/hyper tyroidism. Even if it's not that after a blood test, wtf could cause such a paradox after the same chain of events... I know most of this shit is mental, but I rly have to start separating mental from physical, as one could cause the other. Maybe theres ONE thing causing a chain reaction. Thats why diagnosis online is stupid, as soemthing could trigger another and a another, while we skip in the middle of the chain and blame something else for "this symptom". Just have to find where it begins. Anxiety CAN be a RESULT of something, AND the cause for another. And it can be both. But as a non-anxious person pre-ltc, I dont believe for a single second this is allllllll just anxiety.
pmz
Bluelighter
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- May 11, 2013
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no joke, try to start smoking weed if you dont have anxiety at all. And do you best to relax int the high as much as possible. I honestly think the weed has been acting like an antidepressant, or a way for me to relax and be my self. Even when Im not high, Ive noticed my self being in a better mood than ever. So there are abslutly residual effects of smoking.
As I was high last night, it occurred to me that Im back. My old personality is pretty much back. I might not be as energetic as I once was, I might not have the best response by all my emotions like to music and such like I used to, I might not be the sharpest Ive ever been, and my vision isnt perfect, but through all of that, Im pretty much my self again. Its kinfa of refreshing knowing this. But in due time ill be good again. Just keep moving. Im in fact happier with the person I am now that I may have been with before all this. Ive learned so much about life and myself, thats im forever changed for the better. Ill actually be grateful for this entire experience. It honestly helped my life and gave my just what I needed in the last way I would ever ask, But I gotta thank it.
As I was high last night, it occurred to me that Im back. My old personality is pretty much back. I might not be as energetic as I once was, I might not have the best response by all my emotions like to music and such like I used to, I might not be the sharpest Ive ever been, and my vision isnt perfect, but through all of that, Im pretty much my self again. Its kinfa of refreshing knowing this. But in due time ill be good again. Just keep moving. Im in fact happier with the person I am now that I may have been with before all this. Ive learned so much about life and myself, thats im forever changed for the better. Ill actually be grateful for this entire experience. It honestly helped my life and gave my just what I needed in the last way I would ever ask, But I gotta thank it.
Yes and yes. When I was in therapy and we would start talking about my anxiety and DP/DR my DP/DR would spike out of control. However, my therapist did it for a reason and as the sessions went on, she showed me how to face it and control it to the point where it eventually faded away.
Ah okay because I had a session on tuesday and halfway in I started to feel weird and anxious and then I felt more anxious in the evening and the next day I was pretty much a wreck. I decided to take some time for myself that day, did two sessions of meditation and laid in bath and on my bed doing deep breathing exercises. When I went to bed I basically had a panic attack and felt out it the day after. Can anyone relate?
pmz
Bluelighter
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- May 11, 2013
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thanks dude, of course ill stick around. Im still not out of the woods yet, but I totally have my life back. Im sure there will a few weeks here and there where ill fall back into a depression and feel the need to vent on this thread again. But I think im at a really good place. and over the next 12 months, I have alot of confidence it will be all behond me.
Thank you, that means a lot to me, I appreciate it :D
I hear ya.
It was the same in my case when pondering the possibility that I would never regain any sense of normality (my version of it anyways) ever again. It was the most gut wrenching feeling I've ever experienced, and it was also why I began to think about suicide a lot.
The good news of course is that I'm back to my old self, but not back to my old reckless ways of doing things. It was a lesson learned in the hardest way I can imagine.
This is why I'm here and trying to encourage everyone who is suffering and feeling hopeless. There is a way out of this for everyone where they recover completely, I'm sure of it. It will most likely take time, effort, and patience, but it's definitely possible.
Yeah, exactly my rationale for deciding to do some as well - I wanted to feel intense pleasure because those 19 months spent suffering felt like an eternity devoid of any euphoria, but a whole lot of dysphoria.
Exactly.
This was the case with me as well.
After a couple of weeks had passed without any return of LTC-esqe symptoms, my confidence and peace of mind increased big time, but I also made sure to not allow myself to go back to the extremely reckless behavior which caused the LTC in the first place and nearly killed me a few times previous to that.
I understand if other BLers are gonna flame me for saying this, but it seems like this experience for you has been very beneficial with respect to boosting your self-confidence, which is great!
That said, as a friend, I ask that you please be careful and to take care. Sorry, I don't mean to preach. I hope you have a blast; I hope your life improves to a an even greater state than what it was before you got sick; but please be careful (I mean this with all due respect of the fact that it's absolutely none of my business what you decide to do with your body) - I'll shut up now.
I know, I talk too much. Don't worry, I'm leaving for now
No, I'm cool man. I am not going to turn into a coke head. My habit has always been a handful of times a year because I know how bad the potential is for addiction. I don't even like doing it on consecutive days usually. This time, I didn't want to finish what I had out of caution so I did it the next night. Normally, I would be one and done. Not that any of this matters that much to anyone in here....lol.
It may have brought out a slight worsening of symptoms these past few days like a very minor setback. But, like I said, the fact that I could handle doing it and felt good doing it helped my confidence in my recovery. I had my prescription of Xanax in my pocket I was so worried. I was ready to down the bottle if I freaked - just kidding!
Came off Citalopram (SSRI) after 1 week. It was an interesting experiment but the side effects were too much:
+ Definitely felt happier
+ Anxiety disappeared
- Slept 5 hours a night and woke up feeling intensely agitated
- Killed my motivation, all I wanted to do was lay around
- Sex completely out of the question, just didn't work
- Horrible heartburn
It's nice to know it's there as an option that works should things get worse though.
+ Definitely felt happier
+ Anxiety disappeared
- Slept 5 hours a night and woke up feeling intensely agitated
- Killed my motivation, all I wanted to do was lay around
- Sex completely out of the question, just didn't work
- Horrible heartburn
It's nice to know it's there as an option that works should things get worse though.
I don't mean this as a personal attack but I want everyone to know that the first few weeks on an SSRI are always weird/rough and that people shouldn't judge the medicine until at least a month on a therapeutic dose. It's a shame you quit so early because those things all dissapear (except your libido might still be lower than baseline but in no way as bad as in the beginning) after about another week or two. Also the "definitely happier" part is also just a startup side effect for some and is not the therapeutic benefits that are experienced after a few weeks.
So again, this is not how this medicine is supposed to be taken and unfortunately experiences such as these contribute to all the "I didnt like SSRIs, they turned me into a zombie/made me a different person/made everything worse" stories you see on the internet.
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