Gibberings CLXXV - Talk about Phil Mitchell

[class-a-team]

I can understand the psychological aspect of drugs.When I was in my twenties I loved drinking,speed, acid, Ecstasy and coke just because I loved anything that changed the way my mind felt. I enjoyed being able to take a drug and within a short space of time totally changing the way my head felt.
All those times were fun as there was no real consequence to their usage.
It was only when I started to use heroin on a full time basis that using drugs became more than just a fun thing to do at weekends and became a full time preoccupation with scoring just to stop myself becoming sick.
Years of heroin abuse appears to have robbed me of the ability to get pleasure out of anything in life anymore.
Been off it since 2012 and still can't feel real joy, just hope one day those emotions do return to me.

I definitely read something recently about how long it takes for your brain to go back to normal after prolonged drug use. With heroin it took a long time, but it didn't last forever. I realise this is very vague but I did find the article interesting and if I find it I will forward it on to you. Don't give up hope anyway!

 

[SummerSerenade]

Yeah injecting coke, being a coke person it's hard not to be tempted by it really, the rush sounds fucking amazing. I would say now that I'm pretty sure I will end up doing it but yeah, trying to hold off as long as possible because I know I would pretty much definitely end up completely fucked up from it. My coke tolerance isn't that bad still anyway so I kind of think, why ruin snorting forever when it's still working well enough. Like what you said with the heroin thing really class a.

I think my teenage rebellion phase has kind of been delayed until now really. I can't even think of anything I did as a teenager that was memorably bad. Probably why I'm able to get away with as much as I do now, established trust and all that. Lucky me.

I do slightly worry about my mother finding stuff in my room as it's not really properly 'my' room so she stores stuff in here but really, I'm pretty sure she's not going to start looking into things unless I've left something in plain sight. Which I never do.

The only way I'll ever get caught is if she walks in on me with a £50 up my nose*, hoovering up a line of finest cocaine. Shit that would be embarassing. I'd 100% finish what I was doing in that case though, I mean if you're already fucked, might as well be high and fucked right?

*(I don't really sniff through £50s, but it's a better image).

 

[Spliff Politics]

I can understand the psychological aspect of drugs.When I was in my twenties I loved drinking,speed, acid, Ecstasy and coke just because I loved anything that changed the way my mind felt. I enjoyed being able to take a drug and within a short space of time totally changing the way my head felt.
All those times were fun as there was no real consequence to their usage.
It was only when I started to use heroin on a full time basis that using drugs became more than just a fun thing to do at weekends and became a full time preoccupation with scoring just to stop myself becoming sick.
Years of heroin abuse appears to have robbed me of the ability to get pleasure out of anything in life anymore.
Been off it since 2012 and still can't feel real joy, just hope one day those emotions do return to me.

Are you not still on meth atm Max? If so i wouldnt give up hope completely of not getting any pleasure out of life (im in the same boat; cant remember the last time i felt happiness that didnt involve drugs). Are you planning on staying on the methadone or you trying to come off of it? Im sure youve probably already heard all this before, but if emotional blunting is troubling you, then have you considered a switch to subs? From what ive read they seem like the best option if you genuinely want to get off opiates. Either way its a long and slow old process and when it takes so much time to see even the smallest bit of improvement its so hard to continue down the right path.

I have been looking into nootropics recently and having tried some in the past they can indeed improve certain aspects of your life. Ive been doing a lot of research on them recently and have narrowed it down to one in particular that seems like it would suit both of us - Coluracetam. If you have any spare time i would give it a read up and it may peak your interest.

 

[Spliff Politics]

Whats the best method to avoid sleep paralysis?? I know its coming

http://www.wikihow.com/Cope-with-Sleep-Paralysis

Dont know if that will help or not mate, but best of luck to ya!

 

[maxalfie]

I definitely read something recently about how long it takes for your brain to go back to normal after prolonged drug use. With heroin it took a long time, but it didn't last forever. I realise this is very vague but I did find the article interesting and if I find it I will forward it on to you. Don't give up hope anyway!

Yes I have heard about it taking while for the brain to rewire itself or something along those lines.
Would be interested to read the article you mentioned if you do happen to come across it sometime.

 

[SummerSerenade]

I thought I'd reached the stage of not being able to be happy without drugs but discovered, much to my er... happiness... the other day that that wasn't actually true. Maybe you guys just need something to be really happy about? I know that drugs can fuck you in that way though but as class a said, nothing lasts forever so just hang in there and I'm sure those good ol' feelings will come back

 

[maxalfie]

Are you not still on meth atm Max? If so i wouldnt give up hope completely of not getting any pleasure out of life (im in the same boat; cant remember the last time i felt happiness that didnt involve drugs). Are you planning on staying on the methadone or you trying to come off of it? Im sure youve probably already heard all this before, but if emotional blunting is troubling you, then have you considered a switch to subs? From what ive read they seem like the best option if you genuinely want to get off opiates. Either way its a long and slow old process and when it takes so much time to see even the smallest bit of improvement its so hard to continue down the right path.

I have been looking into nootropics recently and having tried some in the past they can indeed improve certain aspects of your life. Ive been doing a lot of research on them recently and have narrowed it down to one in particular that seems like it would suit both of us - Coluracetam. If you have any spare time i would give it a read up and it may peak your interest.

Yes you are right, I am still on 35ml meth a day. I have toyed with the idea of switching to subs cos they can offer a bit more clarity of the mind. On the other hand I worry about getting a less foggy head as I'm so used to having my emotions and day to day life numbed by first of all heroin and I've also been on methadone for over a decade and I kinda like being numb as it stops me having to face up to certain situations from my past.
When I have had brief spells in the past where I wasn't totally doped up I found the emotions that came through overwhelming and not in a great way.
I know I can't stay on meth forever and while I am on it I guess I never will get the good emotions back.
I will look into that nootropic stuff you mentioned

 

[Spliff Politics]

Yeah injecting coke, being a coke person it's hard not to be tempted by it really, the rush sounds fucking amazing. I would say now that I'm pretty sure I will end up doing it but yeah, trying to hold off as long as possible because I know I would pretty much definitely end up completely fucked up from it. My coke tolerance isn't that bad still anyway so I kind of think, why ruin snorting forever when it's still working well enough. Like what you said with the heroin thing really class a.

I think my teenage rebellion phase has kind of been delayed until now really. I can't even think of anything I did as a teenager that was memorably bad. Probably why I'm able to get away with as much as I do now, established trust and all that. Lucky me.

I do slightly worry about my mother finding stuff in my room as it's not really properly 'my' room so she stores stuff in here but really, I'm pretty sure she's not going to start looking into things unless I've left something in plain sight. Which I never do.

The only way I'll ever get caught is if she walks in on me with a £50 up my nose*, hoovering up a line of finest cocaine. Shit that would be embarassing. I'd 100% finish what I was doing in that case though, I mean if you're already fucked, might as well be high and fucked right?

*(I don't really sniff through £50s, but it's a better image).

Its not so much tolerance issues that normally lead to people injecting coke, but rather for the different experience. By all accounts the high itself (not just the rush) is completely different from sniffing.

I would warn you off it, but it seems that you already know how fucking bad this little experiment will most probably pan out. Youve got the exact same "fuck it" mentality that i had a month ago by the sounds of it. I got it after being booted from my job and proceeded to immediately buy 3g's of scag; knowing fully well that i would use it all and either carry on or face withdrawals. Its a shit attitude to have (i dont mean that as a dig at you or anything) but its very hard to get out of that mentality unless something positive happens in your life.

I know a lot of people always say its no good to swap one addiction for another, but i dont see the problem with doing this if the other addiction isnt quite so damaging. Try out some different things like ket, MXE or kratom. If for the very least getting some new experiences before you decided to go down the needle route.

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

Get ready to be catapulted in to a whole other world of drug use if you start IVing coke. An IV stimulant habit is a pretty ruinous thing.

I'm not going to lie though, it does feel amazing.

 

[maxalfie]

Right, it is bedtime for me. Have a chilled out night people.

 

[SummerSerenade]

I know it's more of the experience thing that makes people inject coke, would be for me too. What I meant more was that I don't want to ruin my enjoyment of snorting coke by starting injecting because after I've done it I know nothing will ever be quite as good. And yes, I'm well aware what a bad idea it is. I already find the whole needle thing pretty seductive in a way even without the coke (if that even makes sense, been drinking a bit lol) so I know how quickly/badly I'd get into it.

I haven't really got the 'fuck it' mentality at the moment tbh, hence why I haven't actually done it yet. Not that anything madly positive has happened in my life recently but there's a couple of positive things keeping me feeling cheerful (even without drugs) so yes, I'm cool for now. But I'm well up for trying new drugs anyway, could definitely do with expanding my list of things I've tried as it still stands at a pitiful 4.

 

[Spliff Politics]

Yes you are right, I am still on 35ml meth a day. I have toyed with the idea of switching to subs cos they can offer a bit more clarity of the mind. On the other hand I worry about getting a less foggy head as I'm so used to having my emotions and day to day life numbed by first of all heroin and I've also been on methadone for over a decade and I kinda like being numb as it stops me having to face up to certain situations from my past.
When I have had brief spells in the past where I wasn't totally doped up I found the emotions that came through overwhelming and not in a great way.
I know I can't stay on meth forever and while I am on it I guess I never will get the good emotions back.

Thats the problem; in order to experience real pleasures in life your going to have to deal with the rebound of emotions that come with it. For this reason i think that subs are the better option; as they help ease you into a bit more feeling again, without having everything come rushing back at once. Im sure youve already read this as well, but when you get to doses of 4mg and below most people say that they experience increased motivation and general happiness. To me that sounds like the perfect maintenance drug. On the other hand though for people that have been on it for such a long time as yourself, it would seem that staying on a script would be the best option. I could be wrong, but i just would have thought that after such a long time on it it would take so long to level out. This is why low dose bupe sounds like the perfect way to go. Taper the methadone as comfortably as you feel necessary and then when you get to the equivalent dose, jump over to 4mg of bupe and maintain on that for as long as possible. Will take a while for your body to get used to the bupe, but reckon it would be well worth it in the end.

Sorry i know it seems like im trying to school a veteran here; i dont wanna come across like im trying to tell you what to do or anything. Just this has all come from numerous different accounts from other veterans that i have read.

 

[maxalfie]

Thanks Spliff you don't come across as someone trying to tell me what to do at all mate.
I'm always willing to listen to advice and hear other peoples experiences etc as it may just give me the push one day that I need so I appreciate all that you have said mate.
Now I am off to bed as got couple of appts to attend tmrw. Have a good night mate.

 

[Spliff Politics]

I know it's more of the experience thing that makes people inject coke, would be for me too. What I meant more was that I don't want to ruin my enjoyment of snorting coke by starting injecting because after I've done it I know nothing will ever be quite as good. And yes, I'm well aware what a bad idea it is. I already find the whole needle thing pretty seductive in a way even without the coke (if that even makes sense, been drinking a bit lol) so I know how quickly/badly I'd get into it.

I haven't really got the 'fuck it' mentality at the moment tbh, hence why I haven't actually done it yet. Not that anything madly positive has happened in my life recently but there's a couple of positive things keeping me feeling cheerful (even without drugs) so yes, I'm cool for now. But I'm well up for trying new drugs anyway, could definitely do with expanding my list of things I've tried as it still stands at a pitiful 4.

Shit sorry i realise i was making a load of assumptions about you there. Just by the sounds of it i thought that you were in a position not too dissimilar from my own. If you dont mind me asking; have you asked yourself why you would be willing to throw everything away just for some IV coke? Is it simply not worrying about the future and only focusing on the 'now'? Ive found it very hard to shift this mentality and only just now am i trying to eat healthier and try and lead a 'normal life'.

Make sure you grab on to those positives and milk them for everything you can. Even if they are just small things; once theyve fucked off and you have nothing positive to hold on to; thats when things can get shit and quick! I know im just stating the obvious here, but it helps to be reminded sometimes.

Make sure ket is number one on your list to try next if you havnt already! A decent k-hole can leave you feeling like a new born cunt again. IMO its not till quite far down the line of abusing ket that it starts to become a problem; so have at it

 

[Spliff Politics]

Thanks Spliff you don't come across as someone trying to tell me what to do at all mate.
I'm always willing to listen to advice and hear other peoples experiences etc as it may just give me the push one day that I need so I appreciate all that you have said mate.
Now I am off to bed as got couple of appts to attend tmrw. Have a good night mate.

Its a pleasure Max - hope it all works out for ya !

 

[mattnotrik]

http://www.wikihow.com/Cope-with-Sleep-Paralysis

Dont know if that will help or not mate, but best of luck to ya!

Ahh cheers mate, managed to find some klonopin and diaz anyway but we will see if i end up getting dragged around my room by some witch. Cheers :D

 

[SummerSerenade]

Going to keep it short as bed is beckoning but there's one majorly good reason (plus numerous smaller ones) why I might end up thinking fuck it and going down the IV coke route. Just not yet as there's a few strange little happy things keeping me going. We'll have to see how that all works out though as the positives are the type that could quite easily turn into negatives I'll definitely make sure to try and hold onto them as long as I can though.

Nighty night you lot

 

[Spliff Politics]

Yeah time to bum drop some etiz i think. Have been talking for too sensibly tonight

*Doffs cap*

Shameful edit - Well that one etiz didnt really do the trick and ive only one left, so i better wait a bit till im more tired and then give that one a go; otherwise im fooked 8(

 

[Raasyvibe]

Sounds like you really don't know enough about depression to comment about it, either

I hate comments like this. No identification of an actual erroneous assumption, just an oblique comment that I "dont know anything about depression".

I studied psychology at University, so probably do know quite a bit about depression. Just because I didnt write an essay about it, doesnt mean i'm ignorant of it.

You seemed confused how Robin Williams; a man with lots of money, could possible be depressed. That sounds quite ignorant to me

No, Rickolasnice was not referring to that post. He was referring to a completely different post. And I never said "A man with lots of money couldn't be depressed", that really does sound ignorant and not what I said. I was referring to his broader traits - fame, being loved by millions, married, talented etc

And I studied Spliff Politics at Uni

But here we are... making up lies to randomers on the internet

And yeah that was such a blatant lie Rass haha - no shame!

Er, no. I studied Writing and Psychology at Derby University some years ago. Admittedly I never finished the course, but still spent considerable time studying mental health problems.

Fuckin 'ell you are unbelievably ignorant... You studied psychology and learnt not a thing from it it seems

Why is it, EVERY time I engage in debate with someone you take the opportunity to part sides and come out with ignorant, personal comments like this. Learn to listen and form your own opinion, because your personal animosities are obstructing it every time and make YOU look ignorant.

Sorry Rass; it seems like its you against the world a lot of the time on here. Seems a bit harsh when everyone just dog piles him haha.

Not an issue. If being honest in opinion and having structure behind it's formation puts me in a minority, I'm more than happy to uphold that position.

 

[Spliff Politics]

Not an issue. If being honest in opinion and having structure behind it's formation puts me in a minority, I'm more than happy to uphold that position.

I dont have a problem with challenging your ideologies, but its just when everyone starts to jump down your throat i feel kinda bad about it. A lot of your opinions do seem to go against most other peoples on the forum, which is all fine for a good old fashioned debate, but quite often it turns more into a 'why is Raas a cunt debate'. If you ever feel targeted again you should perhaps report them to the police for cyber-bullying you? Its always an option. Theyre used to dealing with 13 year old girls, so im sure it would be a breath of fresh air for them, once a 30 year old man rings up with reports of cyber-bullying