Who here has attempted suicide?

[weekend addiction]

I attempted to OD a few times. Never worked. Of course I lived.

I also many many more times tried. That is almost like attempting suicide. It sure isn't something people do who care about life. It's been years since my last attempt. Sometimes I wish I had succeeded. But most of the time I'm glad I didn't.

EDIT: I am not currently considering suicide. Just wanted to make that clear.

 

[sailor bugg]

I tried to kill myself a few years ago. So glad I managed to miss deaths doorstep.

 

[Jabberwocky]

yeah, made several attempts as a teenager. then one a couple of months ago- with gear, benzos and booze. still get really severe suicidal ideation a couple of times a week. if i was really really sure of it, i would snip

 

[LilbabiC]

Twice: I tried to overdose on heroin once. I passed out and woke up hours later. Another time I attempted also but did not succeed. I realized it just wasn't my time. I am glad it didn't work because I would have missed out on all the blessings I have now.

 

[stoner13]

so many times i can't count i've come to the realization that i can't kill myself before it's my time to die

 

[Allein]

I've never attempted suicide but suffered ideation involving opiates that were very troubling for some time, I came close to following through once but I'm so glad I didn't.

To state the obvious death will come to us all and our lives are in a constant state of flux, we truly have no idea what is going to happen next. I'm sticking around until age or illness take me.

It's great to see a thread like this with so many positive posts, people that have been close to checking out but are now of the view they want to stick around for the rest of the show.

 

[Mysterie]

i hadn't thought of it like that before, but i suppose suicide is in fact a way of having some control over your life in a world of unpredictability

i was reading the david icke conspiracy theory boards today and it made me a bit depressed about how people cling to weak ideas with such gullibility (e.g. michael jackson was murdered, everyone in a position of power is either a freemason, a lizard person, and the reason your cousin doesnt believe in the new world order is because she is being brainwashed with microchips that were implanted by the illuminati in her sleep). but i can see it as having a similar function of having some control over life.

 

[Cymbaline]

I haven't had an actual attempt, but there has been a few well thought out plans, lastest time:

I wrote a letter explaining why I was going to do what I was gonig to do, making amends with everyone one, my thoughts, etc. I was sitting by a river, no one was around because of a few local events, birds chirping, wind blowing gently through the trees, you get the point, it.. was... beautiful, if I were to die than, it would have been nice. This is when it gets dark, I put my belongings in my hat next to me, took a deep breath and looked down in my hands, one hand had a phone, one hand, would have been a great ending to a shit story, everyday I feel like I picked the wrong choice, but everyone has told me other wise.
Idk

EDIT: By the way, this is the first time I've ever told anyone this

 

[Mysterie]

@^

how old are you? i think life becomes a bit less frightening as you (hopefully) become wise with age and experience

 

[Maya]

That's not the only method people use in that location.

I've never attempted suicide but suffered ideation involving opiates that were very troubling for some time, I came close to following through once but I'm so glad I didn't.

To state the obvious death will come to us all and our lives are in a constant state of flux, we truly have no idea what is going to happen next. I'm sticking around until age or illness take me.

It's great to see a thread like this with so many positive posts, people that have been close to checking out but are now of the view they want to stick around for the rest of the show.

I am with you on that one! No matter how shitty life is I'm def not killing myself for that matter. Old age will come, or a sickness or an accident, whatever the cause will be I prefer the natural cause of death. If I killed myself what if I missed the great things that lies ahead?

 

[aq.]

I've attempted before.

Please do not discuss how you tried to kill yourself in this thread-- methods, doses of meds, etc-- all of which can be extremely triggering to a suicidal person. This is all your informal warning. If this rule is broken going forward an infraction will be issued.

thank you.

 

[drewbocop]

Many ideations over the years that I've always denied, usually shortly after withdrawals (or during). Tried in jail during a bout of delusions and insanity in diazepam, gabapentin, kratom, and booze withdrawals. Happy-ish most the time now.

 

[ImagineBetter]

My apologies for breaking the rules Boy I didn't read the rules

I suffer from chronic pain and I have attempted suicide due to this condition

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

I tried to kill myself when I was 13.

I´m glad it didn´t work, despite the trouble I have caused for people around me in the 13 preceeding years I now have years and years left in which I feel I can make a positive impact on the world.

 

[Calpurrnia]

Long read but worth it imo -

My dad died in November. . . he was 61 - i saw him die hooked up to breathing tubes as he was spread flat on a table non-responsive . . . we decided to pull the plug, well my older brother did since he had power of attorney . . . I saw my dad a few hours before this - he asked me to please stay with him and watch him breath. . . My addiction made me say " okay dad i'll be back in a few! ," aka i went to go get high. . . he was in a nursing home and stopped breathing for 20 minutes. . . I fell asleep from a strong opiate nod and my mom knocked on my door and told me we had to go to the hospital . . .

He died - they broke several of his ribs doing chest compression's - He squirmed then died. . . I know people say this often when someone they love dies, but my dad was the coolest guy in the world. . . total hippie, pro-gay, anti-hate, pro-love and knowledge. . . a rock and roller . . . accepted me for being gay - he said to me when he found out i liked dudes, " A holes a hole. . . a mouths a mouth, let me play you this unreleased Rollin' Stones song called Cock Sucker Blues,"

He was a comic book nerd, a videogame junkie and always very sick and bed bound. .. he was very much into women, sports and drugs. . . but would demand hugs from his kids everytime he saw them. . . you get my idea. . .he was the only person i never questioned loved me . . . but more so. . . which relates to your post the most. . . I've always been scared of the world. . . thinking why are we hear, aliens? matrix? nothingness? god? eternal pain? agnosticism? existentialism. . .? All my crazy thoughts i could tell him . . . and he defused my manic moods like a drug. . .

Between letting my addiction be the cause of his death indirectly. . . and the lose of the thing that stopped me from going over the mental brink of insanity. . . i broke. . . between the guilt and that my brother allowed them to donate every part of my dad. . . AKA they took his skin.. . bones. . .eye's . . . i freaked out . . . and started screaming . . . " YOU LET THEM RIP HIM APART!!!!! " to my brother who swore my dad would have wanted it. . . but i don't think my dad knew how much they take when you donate. . . . I was in shear hell . . . drugs did not work to take away the pain . . . I went over the deep end

I to snip. triggering

my dad was always disabled and walked with a limp . . . and i hallucinated that he walked in the bathroom and looked over me . .. he walked normal, his crooked gait was gone. . . and smiled . . . History repeated itself. . . when he was 22 - his mom died. . . he saw her in a nursing home, she died hours later . . . he used to cry about it . . . badly . . i never understood why he cried so much over her death - i wish i could tell my dad.. " i understand now . ."

He promised he'd visit me if he died, he said that to me as he hugged me before i left the nursing home . . . it's been 7 months and i've accepted i'll never see him. . . what's funny is i actually believed i'd see him.


God that's a negative wall of text . . . /salute

 

[Xorkoth]

^ I'm so sorry you had to go through that... My dad was diagnosed with ALS a year so, e already can barely walk or use his arms. That is more or less how it will end for him, in 2 to 4 years. I'm so glad I got over my addiction so he could see that and so I can properly be with him for the time he has left (though I live 700 miles away).

Late last year through January this year is wished I would die every day and fantasized about doing it, but I never got to the point of attempting. It was due to a combination of a decade of addiction and subsequent life destruction, as well as a relationship of 12 years that was no longer healthy. I'm infinitely glad I didn't do it because since then my life has changed completely on both of those areas and though I of course still struggle sometimes I am almost always happy and for the first time in forever, I am excited about the future.

Life is full of ups and downs. I thought my last down would never end, but it did. It always does, if we do our part to make it so.

 

[mkd]

Talking about how you tried is not allowed? What's the point then? It becomes a yes or no thread. This is the Internet, there's a million websites someone could find out ways to do it, I hardly think they'd be given any new ideas from here.

 

[aq.]

Talking about how you tried is not allowed? What's the point then? It becomes a yes or no thread. This is the Internet, there's a million websites someone could find out ways to do it, I hardly think they'd be given any new ideas from here.

like I mentioned earlier, no it's not allowed here.

taken from rom the forum guidelines:

Treat others with respect; i.e. no "flaming," "trolling" or posting of "memes."
Do not use SWIM; be honest about the subjects within your stories.
"Tough Love" is appropriate at times, but keep in mind the mental state of the individual in need and use appropriate discretion.
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Do not post pictures of drugs or alcohol.
Nudity will not be tolerated.
Do not post pictures of yourself "high as a kite" in the Photo Thread. There are other areas for such comments, for example 'The Ecstasy Discussion Social Thread.'
Try not to glorify drug use in the present tense, particularly in the social threads. There are other areas of BL to post within if you are enjoying an intoxication and/or a high and wish to talk openly about it (such as Drug Culture's 'How High Are you?' thread).
Do not place "triggering" material, even behind NSFW tags. If it's questionable enough to feel the need to do so, don't post it at all. NSFW tags can be used on large images or in jokery in social threads, but please make note of why the tag is being used external to it.
Absolutely no drug talk or drug imagery in the social threads.
If a post is edited by a Moderator, do not edit the post. You can PM the Moderator or any other TDS Staff member to discuss the edit or removal of a post if you are not clear on why.
Refrain from posting anything that may be triggering to others.

talking about methods falls under triggering content. if you cannot follow the rule, please refrain from posting in this thread. also, I see you're new, so please read the BLUA (linked in signature) and forum guidelines (http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/583553-TDS-Forum-Guidelines)

thanks.

 

[Mysterie]

its very difficult for a sensitive person to read something that is so powerful, shocking, gruesome, devastating and gory.

im happy its against the rules...

 

[subutex_junkie]

I made several impulse attempts as a young teen then when I was in my older teens I made one more, this time it was a serious attempt and was thankfully saved. I was scared for a long time but I soon started thinking about doing it again in my early 20's after several failed relationships and it lasted up until about a month ago when 2 of the major pains and problems in my life finally got resolved, at least for now... Just gotta take it all 1 day at a time now and not let my insecurities, codependency and worries overwhelm me.