COUSiNSEX
Greenlighter
I've been reading this forum for about a week now, everyone seems level-headed (I suppose) and now I have found myself in a confusing situation between myself and a neighbor which I could use some objective analysis on.
About two months a go, a younger girl and her mother moved into my apartment complex. She and her mother gets invited over one night by my older roommate and his friend. We chill, smoke a little bit and just generally have a good time. We continue to see each other for about the next two days. I find myself very attracted to her and at first, I thought the feelings were reciprocated. After several days of hanging out, my friend "G" (as he typically does) randomly shows up to my apartment uninvited, no phone call, no text; just shows up. He hangs out with me and the girl for a few minutes before I pull him aside and privately disclose that we've just met and I would like for him to leave so I can get to know her better.
This goes on for about 3 hours that I discreetly insist he make haste and vacate my premises, but never does. She ends up leaving before he does. I expressed my contempt to "G" for the lack of respect on my privacy, but he just tells me that he got to fucked up over the course of the 3 hours at my place and didn't want to risk driving. Whatever, I let it go.
Approximately two or three nights later, "G" and I are at the Rec center at my apt complex. I am exercising on the weight room while "G" makes use of the free internet access on their computer terminals. After I finish my work out, I notice "G" talking A LOT of shit about my neighbor while pining over her Facebook page, and just generally saying nasty things about her that I won't repeat here. Not only that, but he also messaged her on FB with some of the insults that he was verbally lobbing at the computer monitor. I also noticed that he essentially had been facebook stalking her during my entire workout duration, which lasted about 90 minutes. He had a used a piece of computer paper and wrote down all the names of friends that she appeared close with, putting multiple checks next to the names he believed she had been intimate with. I told him straight to his face that this was very creepy, but had no regard for my observation.
A few days go by and I see my neighbor again, and of course "G" is there as well and this time I implicitly make it clear he needs to leave. What was strange about this encounter, however, is that she texted "G" to see if he was hanging out at my place with me. I found this strange that she would bypass me since she knew my digits. Regardless, "G" leaves right before she shows up at my place and she inquires his whereabouts. I tell her he had to take off to run some erins in the city (which was true) and we sit and chill, smoke and talk for a little bit. I ask her how she acquired "G"s phone number, and she explained to me that they friended each other on FB. I also asked her if she saw some of the nasty messages he left on her FB page, to which she acknowledge she did. She tells me that "she doesn't want to cause any heartache" and I simply told her that I had no expectations when we met. She also informs me that "G" had been hitting on her over FB, essentially trying to hookup with her and she rejected him.....(more on this later). I told her this extremely bothered me since "G" knew that I liked this girl. She leaves later that night and "G" returns afterwards. He tells me that he sent her those antagonizing, nasty FB messages because he wanted to stick up for me, and that when the three of us were hanging out several nights a go he was trying to find out her intentions at the few small intervals they were alone. He said he was trying to put in a good word for me, whatever. Maybe at some point he did, but that is moot now since he clearly maneuvered around me to try and hook up with her, all the while knowing how I felt towards her. Seeing as how we were friends, I let it go since I believed she rebuffed his advances anyways. Or so I thought....
Now this is where it goes beyond fucked up and into the twilight zone.
"G" calls me the next day accusing me of talking shit about him, I simply tell him that anything discussed between her and I was already public knowledge since he shit-talked directly to her FB page. "G" now says the my neighbor is saying a bunch of shit about him on her FB page, I tell him to bad and to deal with it. More words are exchanged and then I reveal that I knew he tried to hook up with her behind my back when he knew that I liked her and that if he has a problem with what she said about him over FB it made us even. I now realize that the night at the rec center when I was working out and he was shit-talking her on FB, it wasn't because he was trying to be "the supportive friend role" but because he was just absurdly pissed that she rejected him.
So now days pass, I hear nothing from my neighbor or "G" (not that I expected to hear anything from him since we were on the outs). A little over a week goes by, I send her a few texts just trying to say what's up. She doesn't really respond and if she does, it takes her like a day. Finally I get a text from "G" saying he wants me to repay him for something he loaned me the week prior. I tell him I have his goods and then he sends me a text saying "give it to her (my neighbor)". I hadn't seen her in over a week, and then "G" and my neighbor show up together at my apt to collect on my debt. I was dumbfounded. Another 4-5 days pass with no correspondence between her and I. Then one night she shows up at my place out of nowhere, crying. I ask wtf is going on, and she tells me of some family issues that she's dealing with. I also ask if she's been hanging around "G", since I had heard rumors from other people in the complex that they were dating. She indeed confirms that they have been dating steadily for the past two weeks.
So now not only do I feel like my friend betrayed me but I also feel as if my nuts have been stomped on because she has been dating "G" and sexually active with him as well. I had a hard time understanding why she would date someone that was so mean to her in the first place, but again... I let it go since there's nothing I can say to her now and I'm not going to come off all needy and desperate by attempting to break them up, which happens ANYWAYS about another 5 days later. "G" shows up at my place randomly, uninvited (again) although I do feel relieved to see him and he apologizes to me in person saying that he fucked up. I half heartedly accept his apology and spends the rest of the night regaling of all the sexual activities he performed with my neighbor and how he thinks shes fucked up in the head. He even asks me to help him compose a final text to her saying goodbye for good. We chill for a little while longer and he leaves.
So now this is where I'm currently at. I have not seen "G" since but my neighbor has been coming by almost every day to chill, smoke, whatever and although she occasionally tells me I look cute it appears as if she sees me nothing more as a friend at this point. She has also asked me several times about "G" and if she should get back with him, to which I inform her that he has been hanging around a new girl lately that's hot as fuck (my words verbatim to her). I can see this is making her jealous and insecure, but I wouldn't tell her so unless it was true. Tonight she expected to sleep at "G"s place but that didn't happen, saying to me that she had been texting him since this morning and not heard back from him. Clearly at this point she is seeking some kind of validation that she's a desirable female. I feel trapped, I like this girl but certainly don't love her. We get along great and she confides intimate details of her home life that she has told nobody else. She tells me that she feels I'm her only *true* friend. I don't know where this is going but right now It's as if I'm in purgatory, just going nowhere. I did invite her to my sisters wedding to which she accepted, so even though for now it seems were "just friends" I don't know if there's any kind of future or not. It doesn't help that this chick is massively ambivalent and has extreme difficulty making up her mind.
So, should I stay or should I go?
Thanks for any advice,
-db-
About two months a go, a younger girl and her mother moved into my apartment complex. She and her mother gets invited over one night by my older roommate and his friend. We chill, smoke a little bit and just generally have a good time. We continue to see each other for about the next two days. I find myself very attracted to her and at first, I thought the feelings were reciprocated. After several days of hanging out, my friend "G" (as he typically does) randomly shows up to my apartment uninvited, no phone call, no text; just shows up. He hangs out with me and the girl for a few minutes before I pull him aside and privately disclose that we've just met and I would like for him to leave so I can get to know her better.
This goes on for about 3 hours that I discreetly insist he make haste and vacate my premises, but never does. She ends up leaving before he does. I expressed my contempt to "G" for the lack of respect on my privacy, but he just tells me that he got to fucked up over the course of the 3 hours at my place and didn't want to risk driving. Whatever, I let it go.
Approximately two or three nights later, "G" and I are at the Rec center at my apt complex. I am exercising on the weight room while "G" makes use of the free internet access on their computer terminals. After I finish my work out, I notice "G" talking A LOT of shit about my neighbor while pining over her Facebook page, and just generally saying nasty things about her that I won't repeat here. Not only that, but he also messaged her on FB with some of the insults that he was verbally lobbing at the computer monitor. I also noticed that he essentially had been facebook stalking her during my entire workout duration, which lasted about 90 minutes. He had a used a piece of computer paper and wrote down all the names of friends that she appeared close with, putting multiple checks next to the names he believed she had been intimate with. I told him straight to his face that this was very creepy, but had no regard for my observation.
A few days go by and I see my neighbor again, and of course "G" is there as well and this time I implicitly make it clear he needs to leave. What was strange about this encounter, however, is that she texted "G" to see if he was hanging out at my place with me. I found this strange that she would bypass me since she knew my digits. Regardless, "G" leaves right before she shows up at my place and she inquires his whereabouts. I tell her he had to take off to run some erins in the city (which was true) and we sit and chill, smoke and talk for a little bit. I ask her how she acquired "G"s phone number, and she explained to me that they friended each other on FB. I also asked her if she saw some of the nasty messages he left on her FB page, to which she acknowledge she did. She tells me that "she doesn't want to cause any heartache" and I simply told her that I had no expectations when we met. She also informs me that "G" had been hitting on her over FB, essentially trying to hookup with her and she rejected him.....(more on this later). I told her this extremely bothered me since "G" knew that I liked this girl. She leaves later that night and "G" returns afterwards. He tells me that he sent her those antagonizing, nasty FB messages because he wanted to stick up for me, and that when the three of us were hanging out several nights a go he was trying to find out her intentions at the few small intervals they were alone. He said he was trying to put in a good word for me, whatever. Maybe at some point he did, but that is moot now since he clearly maneuvered around me to try and hook up with her, all the while knowing how I felt towards her. Seeing as how we were friends, I let it go since I believed she rebuffed his advances anyways. Or so I thought....
Now this is where it goes beyond fucked up and into the twilight zone.
"G" calls me the next day accusing me of talking shit about him, I simply tell him that anything discussed between her and I was already public knowledge since he shit-talked directly to her FB page. "G" now says the my neighbor is saying a bunch of shit about him on her FB page, I tell him to bad and to deal with it. More words are exchanged and then I reveal that I knew he tried to hook up with her behind my back when he knew that I liked her and that if he has a problem with what she said about him over FB it made us even. I now realize that the night at the rec center when I was working out and he was shit-talking her on FB, it wasn't because he was trying to be "the supportive friend role" but because he was just absurdly pissed that she rejected him.
So now days pass, I hear nothing from my neighbor or "G" (not that I expected to hear anything from him since we were on the outs). A little over a week goes by, I send her a few texts just trying to say what's up. She doesn't really respond and if she does, it takes her like a day. Finally I get a text from "G" saying he wants me to repay him for something he loaned me the week prior. I tell him I have his goods and then he sends me a text saying "give it to her (my neighbor)". I hadn't seen her in over a week, and then "G" and my neighbor show up together at my apt to collect on my debt. I was dumbfounded. Another 4-5 days pass with no correspondence between her and I. Then one night she shows up at my place out of nowhere, crying. I ask wtf is going on, and she tells me of some family issues that she's dealing with. I also ask if she's been hanging around "G", since I had heard rumors from other people in the complex that they were dating. She indeed confirms that they have been dating steadily for the past two weeks.
So now not only do I feel like my friend betrayed me but I also feel as if my nuts have been stomped on because she has been dating "G" and sexually active with him as well. I had a hard time understanding why she would date someone that was so mean to her in the first place, but again... I let it go since there's nothing I can say to her now and I'm not going to come off all needy and desperate by attempting to break them up, which happens ANYWAYS about another 5 days later. "G" shows up at my place randomly, uninvited (again) although I do feel relieved to see him and he apologizes to me in person saying that he fucked up. I half heartedly accept his apology and spends the rest of the night regaling of all the sexual activities he performed with my neighbor and how he thinks shes fucked up in the head. He even asks me to help him compose a final text to her saying goodbye for good. We chill for a little while longer and he leaves.
So now this is where I'm currently at. I have not seen "G" since but my neighbor has been coming by almost every day to chill, smoke, whatever and although she occasionally tells me I look cute it appears as if she sees me nothing more as a friend at this point. She has also asked me several times about "G" and if she should get back with him, to which I inform her that he has been hanging around a new girl lately that's hot as fuck (my words verbatim to her). I can see this is making her jealous and insecure, but I wouldn't tell her so unless it was true. Tonight she expected to sleep at "G"s place but that didn't happen, saying to me that she had been texting him since this morning and not heard back from him. Clearly at this point she is seeking some kind of validation that she's a desirable female. I feel trapped, I like this girl but certainly don't love her. We get along great and she confides intimate details of her home life that she has told nobody else. She tells me that she feels I'm her only *true* friend. I don't know where this is going but right now It's as if I'm in purgatory, just going nowhere. I did invite her to my sisters wedding to which she accepted, so even though for now it seems were "just friends" I don't know if there's any kind of future or not. It doesn't help that this chick is massively ambivalent and has extreme difficulty making up her mind.
So, should I stay or should I go?
Thanks for any advice,
-db-
