Caught an old family friend at a gay beat - Should I tell his kids and wife?

[neoblazing]

confront him and give him the option to tell his wife if he refuses I would ppull his wife aside one day and tell her privately she deserves to know the truth no matter how hard it is to hear

 

[pofacedhoe]

how would you deal with this if it was a woman cheating in a non-cruising situation?

this kind of sly shit goes on all the time. i would hold back from creating huge drama personally

 

[Jabberwocky]

Ok this is what I have decided to do.....Turn a blind eye (although I will never judge this person the same way as I now know he's deceitful - not for the act he has done but for not being honest with his family bout who he is). Further I'm going to not tell my folks so that no rumours of this go any where.

 

[One Thousand Words]

Do you tell everyone about your own drug use? Do you consider yourself being deceitful for keeping private to yourself?

 

[mostly-human]

If he is really your friend, as you say, why is your firs thought to out him to his family, rather than discuss with him?

You *DO* need to grow a pair and have a chat with your friend.. Whilst you probably don't want to ruin his family, if he is having an affair, or worse; multiple affairs/lovers, there may be health implications for his wife. Not to mention emotional ones.

I think you need to discuss it with him and I also think that if it is beyond what is fair on his wife / family to be left in the dark about, then HE needs to discuss it with his wife.

Personally, I am married - and if my wife ever cheated on me once and it was meaningless, I'd genuinely rather not know. But if she was doing so repeatable, or it turned out she'd had a crisis with her sexuality, then I would want to know and I think I'd be entitled to know.


Just, tread carefully - don't needlessly destroy a family, but you should talk to your friend. It sounds like maybe he could use a friend. Though I'm not entirely convinced that is what you are.

 

[pofacedhoe]

You *DO* need to grow a pair and have a chat with your friend.. Whilst you probably don't want to ruin his family, if he is having an affair, or worse; multiple affairs/lovers, there may be health implications for his wife. Not to mention emotional ones.

I think you need to discuss it with him and I also think that if it is beyond what is fair on his wife / family to be left in the dark about, then HE needs to discuss it with his wife.

trudat- some cruising is just two men wanking n front of each other, but at the other end of the spectrum there are people who engage in bareback anal so there is a big difference in terms of risk to his wife

 

[little BIG Pecker]

Bareback Anal :D

 

[pofacedhoe]

its a real thing and it will give you real hiv if you do it in a cruising high risk patterm

 

[little BIG Pecker]

its a real thing and it will give you real hiv if you do it in a cruising high risk patterm

I remember doing some research a while back, and I believe there is a 10% chance to contract HIV through anal sex which is a lot higher than vaginal sex. The bodily fluids pass through micro tears in the anus. Since the anus wasn't made for sex, there is a much higher likelihood of getting micro tears.

I guess if a man was to engage in such an act over 10 times, he would have a high probability of having HIV. I know you've probably heard the stories of meth users who have sexual orgies and disregard practicing safe sex.

 

[the_ketaman]

Dont!!!! Please!

My partner was once married. His wife caught him and persuaded his son & daughter not to talk to him. He has lost all of his friends it breaks my heart what this man has to deal with in his life. I'm just incredibly glad that I'm there to break his( & mine) loneliness because we're so in love l...

Obviously your Aussie coz u call it a beat but I personally thing you should wait because she will catch him sooner or later if he keeps doing it he will definitely get caught!j

EDIT: Of course I feel horrible for his wife & so does he. He doesn't have HIV either. He was just having sex not using beats so maybe you should to keep the wife safe from HIV :/

 

[Bearlove]

I remember doing some research a while back, and I believe there is a 10% chance to contract HIV through anal sex which is a lot higher than vaginal sex. The bodily fluids pass through micro tears in the anus. Since the anus wasn't made for sex, there is a much higher likelihood of getting micro tears.

I guess if a man was to engage in such an act over 10 times, he would have a high probability of having HIV. I know you've probably heard the stories of meth users who have sexual orgies and disregard practicing safe sex.

There is the other side of the spectrum where people have parties solely to catch / infect people with HIV. Some people see having HIV as almost a badge of honor - they almost 'should' have HIV (why let something like HIV stop you sleeping about, engaging in high risk sex etc).

To the OP - you waited about until the guy came out of the bushes? If you really think this concerns you then speak to him about it - ask him what he was doing in such a place.

 

[dopemaster]

OP really that shit is none of your business.

Hell the fuck no you shouldn't do a damn thing unless you feel like fucking up some lil kids lives.

Even, then do you realize how many people you would be hurting?

And like I said before this shit really ain't your business. Why do you care that someone is a homosexual and came to terms with it late in life. Do you not think the man lives with enough guilt and heartbreak already.

I get the fact that maybe he is not true to his wife, but I bet he still is true to his children.

 

[little BIG Pecker]

There is the other side of the spectrum where people have parties solely to catch / infect people with HIV. Some people see having HIV as almost a badge of honor - they almost 'should' have HIV (why let something like HIV stop you sleeping about, engaging in high risk sex etc).

To the OP - you waited about until the guy came out of the bushes? If you really think this concerns you then speak to him about it - ask him what he was doing in such a place.

I never heard that, but that is awful to hear..

 

[bit_pattern]

Question now is, the guy has 3 kids one who is close to my age and is married to his wife still. Should I tell them their dad is a closet case?

No. It's none of your business.

 

[Bearlove]

The fact of the matter is you have no idea what the guy was doing - to 'out' him on a suspicion is ridiculous. Speak to him or speak to nobody.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Just know the consequences before you do it. You could be responsible for breaking up a family.

Maybe its something he's done a few times, and then moves on regretting what he did. I think you should talk to him about it and stay away from his wife & kids.

How would the messenger be responsible for the action?

There is no bliss to ignorance

 

[thujone]

if you feel strongly enough about it to get involved, you should have a talk with the dude instead of with his family. tell him straight how you feel and give him the opportunity to defend his actions. at the very least, making it clear what your position is will let him know where he stands in regards to you so that when you cross paths in the future there's no uncertainty.