I love what you write and find a lot to think about in it, but I don't think you truly believe that statement. Much of your OP mildy denigrates the general population and our goals and techniques for fulfilling these goals, which seems to be counter-productive and 'not-better' at all.
It's not ego or arrogance when you know that you have insight that others don't. Is it arrogance to say you know more, have more worldly experience, and have perhaps done more spiritual work than an infant? When you know something, you know it. People wouldn't come to me for help if I didn't at least partly embody it. I actually have a lot of compassion for people because I see the ways they suffer and they can't seem to figure out why; but chastising me over the factual nature of my dilemma isn't accomplishing anything. I'm willing to explore that my feelings of separation are partly due to arrogance, but I feel that the reasons are deeper.
Your need to understand seems to be the problem, which is why your learning will always appear incomplete. I don't know if we're talking about the same spirituality here but if it has to do with realization or enlightenment as they say, then your feelings of further separation from others could be from that ego of yours. It's easy for an identity to fall back after taking a hit and saying to itself: "this is what I NOW KNOW to be the truth."
I know at the highest level we are not separate, but in the every day mundane world it's hard not to feel like a lot of people I come across are walking robots who question nothing. What I've been experiencing lately (past month or two) is intense feelings of death and oblivion, and maybe as -=SS=- touched on, it has something to do with ego death. I dunno. I'm aware of the identity politics, which is part of the reason why I wrote the OP and am questioning the "spiritual" path. Is it a path at all? I'm not even sure I want to call myself a 'spiritual' person anymore. Seems like most "spiritual" people are pursuing some kind of bliss and once it naturally leads them to the shadowy, truthful aspects of their existence, they shy away and go back to the empty euphoria again.
So here you are with your new attained information on yourself and the world around you, and oh yeah, look at all the other people around me who haven't reached my state of awareness or knowledge, I just can't understand or relate to them the same again. You call yourself a seeker, is that what you wish to be?
Hmmm... it's not really about the intellect. To use a metaphor, it's a frequency that your consciousness is at. For instance, you can't intellectualize love, you can only be love. Mimicking the attributes of love does not emanate the frequency of love and anyone who understands that will know you're pretending. Part of what I'm experiencing does have to do with knowledge, but it also has to do with differing frequencies. The vibration that the majority of humanity seems to be operating on is challenging. There are days when I can cut right through it. It's easy in one on one relationships, but when exposed to the general masses I feel drained and whittled down. I reflect on historical figures who seemed to handle the masses quite well, and I just don't understand how they did it.
It seems like the higher up the ladder you go (and there is no ladder), the more you have to protect yourself and thus become more isolated. The only way to ease this is to surround oneself with vibrational peers, but they're not easy to find and there's some truth to the notion that they aren't meant to congregate together because they have important work to do separately with humanity.
Let me ask you, what do you know about what you are seeking? What's this special awareness consist of? I only ask you these things because sometimes the search for truth takes us even farther away from it. I've been down your path before and can relate to you in how you feel. The funny thing is, the problem is in the title. The isolation of knowing. You know too much, which is indeed driving you farther away from the truth of life. Slow down in your search, it's ultimately pointless to search for what's right in front of us but we do it anyways lol.
I guess I'm not really seeking anymore, I'm just sinking into an awareness. I do the next obvious thing as it presents itself. I feel there is an intelligence at work here that I don't understand, and "it" calls the shots. I try to co-create with it. But that's not totally honest because I'm also feeling a lot of suffering and resistance. It's not like I'm snapping my fingers and just moving merrily along. There are days when I'm in extreme pain... it feels like a death of some kind. I've wondered if I'm physically going to die soon, but it's hard to say.
This is called the 'Law of the Ladder'. You can only reach those on your rung of the spiritual ladder or one rung below, and you can only 'hear' those one rung above you. Those further above you won't be able to hear, and those far below will crucify you if you try to help them.. as happened with a certain famous religious figure. Ultimately you reach the top and you are alone for you become one with oneness.
Ok so let's get into the nitty gritty of this. Spiritual ladders are bullshit and only serve as relativistic metaphors for our learning experience. They matter and they don't at the same time. I mean, we're not all born enlightened, so clearly there must be a linear difference between when I was an infant and the adult I am now -- but not really, because I was present awareness then and that's still all I am now.
But what resonates with what you said is that perhaps the nature of the aloneness that I'm referring to is a natural consequence of the heightened insight and overview I've so far managed to attain. But then... shouldn't I feel closer to people, and not more distant? I've met the rare person who is pretty up there spiritually, and they seem to connect with people lovingly, and effortlessly. If the natural consequence of this work is a greater appreciation of oneness and ego dissolution, then why do people drain me so much? Why can't I be that love that I already am, and just emanate?
There's a piece of the puzzle I'm missing, clearly. It's so obvious that it's making me question the entire path, again.
Nope. No spiritual capital. And that's the way it should be.. you can't put a price on the Truth. Unfortunately that doesn't do us much good when we still need to eat and live somewhere obviously. It takes time and trust to speak about deeper things with people because everyone has an automatic valve in their minds that prevents them from listening to things that challenge one or more of their egos. You're not worth listening to if you can't be a friend to someone, so don't preach.. just offer truth and insight when it is warranted, but don't go looking for it. At the age of 27 it has taken me several years to find the balance. As for spiritual capital.. I'm struggling to settle on a forward plan for myself in this rapidly shifting/decaying world.
Materialism is so hard for me right now. I know it's necessary for survival and that drags me down a bit. I spent too much time swallowing the blue pill that said the material world is evil so I should be poor and abstain from worldly pleasures, and now I'm having to go the other way or risk homelessness and who knows what else. It's all oneness so the material isn't separate from the spiritual, but because other humans see it that way it makes it hard for me to navigate from a place of authenticity that won't suffer ostracism, denigration, and abuse.
You're correct in that seeking is pointless. It's about letting go and a sinking into. As Nasargadatta said, there's no action you can take to achieve enlightenment.
Halfway to eternity is nowhere. Wisdom doesn't take you anywhere, but it is part of the process of understanding and having a realization. Even if you don't go all the way you'll have a much better understanding of yourself and others.. sometimes it makes me sad because people have become so easy to read with heightened intuition and the knowledge that they're just organic robots. But I understand your dilemma because it is something I have struggled with, still struggle with, and have for awhile. It seems everyone diminishes themselves through alcohol, drugs, or other practices that depletes their vitality and worth just so they can fit in with everyone else, and it's a lose-lose situation for our society. It can feel very lonely when everyone else is racing to destroy their worth and you're one of few who stand in opposition to it.. and those who stand with you range from the mystic to the insightful, vegan hippy-liberal douche to plain nutbar.
This. In a nutshell. And I've been plain nutbar from the stark contrast between what the outside world is saying and what I'm going through. Seems like most mental "illness" is really just people living in an incredibly unnatural, unhealthy way.
The thing I'm questioning now, which is causing me pain, is the whole robot notion. Are we any better, for having been educated and practicing awareness? I mean... all this work and investment into the spiritual... maybe we're halfway to nowhere ourselves.
The true source of happiness and contentment involves retreating, not pursuing something. Desires lead to suffering ultimately, because they can never be fulfilled.. it's nature's programming designed to keep you moving, shitting, and popping out babies. The highest objective in spiritual work is to find out the Truth, to know who you are, and that doesn't necessarily mean happiness or bliss.. in fact the accounts of Enlightenment appear the very opposite, there's great pain because it's a real death.
So, do as much as is necessary to maintain oneself, and go no further?
Can you elaborate more on the intense suffering of enlightenment? That subject interests me.
And while we're at it... what is enlightenment and why do people always talk about it? Seems like there can't be enlightenment without desire either, at least initially. Then, if your request was sincere enough, the stark reality sinks in of what it is you actually asked for. As someone asked me above, what is it that we're even seeking here?
How does one cope? I think you're framing it wrong. Either you put your entire being into the process of finding the Truth, or you set it aside and get busy playing in the mud with the rest of humanity.. because it's going to take a massive effort to break the door down. Halfway to eternity is nowhere. But if you are seeking, then finding others on a similar level or one rung above you is a good idea.
Right. I keep meeting those people one rung above. They just appear in my life, like messengers. I'm pretty much at the point now where I have to make the choice to put my entire being into the process of truth, or let this go and pursue a life of material peace and prosperity. Maybe the two are not mutually exclusive. Most of what's holding me back right now is material stuff... like survival level stuff. Since enlightenment is spontaneous and there's no formula, it can happen anywhere, but I do believe that, in general, some degree of economic capital / self-sufficiency is needed for this path to continue. So I'm being forced to dive into the material to secure
that. I just can't relate to this part of the world, but everywhere else it's same shit different pile.
Be a friend to people. Not everyone is worthy of your time, there are a lot of sharks out there. But there's plenty of people around who could use a friend.. even if their interests don't interest you, the longer you talk to them the sooner you'll find common threads between your lives. And it's when you reach those moments that you can sometimes attempt to probe a little bit and see if they're receptive to insight/truth.. if not, no problem.. let them be a robot.
Yep exactly. And I have my robotic ways as well, I'm not above it all. I'm still relating from ego a lot of the time too, but the other awareness is encroaching more and more, trying to snuff it out.
If it's any consolation I've always felt like an outsider. Childhood dream related experiences never left me and ultimately pushed me on to a path of seeking answers. I've struggled to relate to those my age who enjoy drinking and drug use all the time, not that I haven't indulged too, but there's always been a part of me that has tried to limit it. Regardless, you shouldn't try to change who you are to please other people whilst remembering that you can't win everyone over. And besides, do you really want to connect with the masses? Fuck the masses, the majority of people simply are not worth your time or effort.. but there are people out there who could use you in their life. Just don't end up being used.
No, the masses can fuck off, basically... but basic human needs like physical contact, a sense of belonging, communication, etc (our animal side) needs fulfillment. It's like trying to be all crown chakra when the root or second chakras are completely unfulfilled. I've seen so many people pursue spirituality in order to maintain deep denial and avoidance of their personal, corporeal issues. It's all part and parcel. If you aren't coming from a place of authentic self then the spiritual work won't dissolve anything. Self needs completion and acknowledgment before it becomes a non-issue. That's kind of where I'm at... delving into this bodily self that is so wounded, to release wounds, so that other levels of consciousness can unfold.
But it's incredibly painful. I might go from suicidiality to bliss within a single day. The pendulum swings wildly right now and there are forces fighting within me for dominance. And in my times of needing to reach out, I realize that no one can help me. Not really. Not with this kind of work. It's not psychiatric, otherwise I would love to just go get medicated... but I can't numb this. I refuse. Maybe someone on the same part of the ladder or just above could offer insight... but in the end this is my responsibility, my karma if you will. I just realized (this second)... the isolation I'm experiencing is fear of death. When you're dying, your instinct is to reach out to anyone and everyone. I've been an introvert for years and now suddenly I want to surround myself with people 24/7, not wanting to be alone. I'm fighting death. No one can help because no one really knows anyone, and that's the intense loneliness I'm dealing with. I'm dying and there's nothing anyone can do.
