So... today's the day. Wow. I'm in a really different mindstate right now, it all started last night, I was out hanging out with friends in downtown for a show, and it turned night, and I looked up at the stars, and realized there's a 0.2% chance I could die from this ibogaine (though my heart is good). This could be the last time I stare up at the stars. Everything I was doing, I suddenly realized could be the last time I do it. It's making me extremely introspective and rather solemn but also communicative. I just dropped my cats off at boarding (since I can't take care of them for the next few days), could be my last time seeing them, too. I barely slept last night, just couldn't turn my brain off. I was afraid I'd oversleep and not be able to drop my cats off in time, but I woke up at 7:30, laid there snuggling my kitty for an hour and got up, I've gotten a lot done today already.
Gonna do a little work so I have nothing to do on my first day back, Wednesday, and I can say I'm not feeling well and pretty much have the day off. Gonna eat a bunch of fruit really soon. Then I'm gonna call my parents and little brother. Then I'm going to this awesome mountain overlook spot to soak it in. Then Delsyd is coming over to chill, relax, and sit for me, and at 8pm I am going to take the introductory dose, then at 9, the big dose.
I haven't felt this apprehensive about a trip, well, ever. But I'm also really excited. It's almost like the ibogaine has been affecting me for a week already from the anticipation, it's really crazy I've never experienced anything like it. I mean I just didn't feel withdrawals this week, or like 10%, max. I can't understand how that happened but now I'm going into it not feeling sick and not on opiates.
This is a trip already.
Hey everyone, hope y'all are having a great Friday so far.
I posted this in the main 5-mapb thread, but feel I'll get a better answer here, considering the intelligence of the average PD poster.
Apparently 5-mapb + 4-ho-met + 2-fma is the closest we've found to replicating the MDMA experience. The 2-fma's purpose being making up for the lack of dopamine and norepinephrine (release, agonism, ?). However, I can't source that. Would Adderall likely add to the combo in the same way?
I combined 4-FA and 4-HO-MET, and the result was astounding, it felt as magical as the first time I rolled, but a lot more psychedelic, it seemed like there was an incredible synergy going on.
I know that I would certainly like to hear more from you. As I've said before, whilst I don't always agree with your perspective, it is extremely refreshing at times. But you have to do what you need to do.
The thing that hit me about your earlier remarks was the sensation of shock that a person I do value would try and negate my own feelings for no actual reason I could see. I was stoned, and reading your post, and appreciating your kindness when the last part of it just shocked the shit out of me- I did not expect it. But, I still disagree with your perspective on this matter- all life is equally amazing to me- though I don't actually care what you think on this issue. That is not meant to be rude, but I try and cultivate a certain detachment from all bullshit and negativity, or at least, all excessively subjective delusions.
I liked your description of papier mache people; I could describe myself in that way, because I change constantly. I just now try and NOT do the typical early-twenties nonsense of continuously trying to cement an internal identity, and just allow myself to naturally and spontaneously evolve.
All you need is love is a great sentiment but only true on one relatively minor front. Humans, life, earth needs more then just a transient and potentially non-existent emotion. But still, love is certainly not cruel- cruelty is cruelty, love is simply not. Sometimes, trying to help and protect someone (or something) can be cruel- having my dog-friend Henry euthanized could be seen as cruel- who am I to take the cluster of atoms I named Henry's only ever existence in that form and stop it?- but I loved him and had to do that to him, BECAUSE he trusted me- no, not trust; certainty- he absolutely knew in his core, in the place where his instincts emerged, that I would help him and protect him. It wasn't with love that I had him sent on, but with hard ethical purity! :D The love was what existed within and between everything else.
FWIW, I am pretty high
Offerrings of papier mache love to all- build on it what you will! :D
I love you man.
so what would you guys classify as a low dose DOC ? for me thats barely threshold territory, somewhere around 1mg...
its true that it makes for good reading, but the dose has to be juuust right so none of the body tension rears its head in ...
I feel DOC down to under .5mg, and it's not weak, it's just really weak for DOC. Like you said, just the right dose brings on a very long state equivalent to but less strong than the normal DOC plateau. Which is just one of my favorite states of mind, or maybe even my favorite. I have taken DOC 2 times in the past few months, the first time I took 3.2mg and was very overwhelmed for a long time, I was glued to the couch watching episodes of Carl Sagan's Cosmos (which was fucking awesome and a good use of my time in retrospect), but I had some anxiety about having wanted to do something but kind of unable to do it. So much stronger than when I used to take it. Then 12 hours later I forced myself to go to my friend's birthday party and had an absolutely epic night, I started drinking beers and taking shots (I don't usually drink much, or often, but DOC just massively increases my tolerance to alcohol). So much fun.
I took it another time after that at .6mg, and it was quite strong, way stronger than I had expected, it was actually pretty unpleasant because I had to do some stuff for work (I work at home), and it got hectic.
I used to be able to always get the same reliable effect from it at particular doses. Hopefully I can get that again once I'm off opiates because it's my favorite drug.
made a lot of things over the course of that day, most delicious, but was hard to guess all the condiment proportions... 
