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Sad, pathetic, love?

dsesesy

dsesesy

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 23, 2014
Messages
67
Location
Crystal Castles
Well hi. i just wanted to see some opinions on my personal pain. i was in a relationship a year ago and i put my everything into him. then he dumped me, because of something his friend said about me. it broke my heart and ultimately lead me to hardcore use of meth. (i was using before and with him but not much) anyway. it took me months to get over him. months of crying for him on and off. then on and off i'd have dreams about him, where id be happy but then wake up and the pain was just as fresh as before. he is now engaged and his girlfriend is pregnant. but last night (almost a year since we've broken up) i had a VERY intense dream where he had left his girlfriend and we were reunited and it was better than ever blah blah blah. so i woke up feeling pretty disappointed this morning. does my dream mean we might have a future together? or am i just a sad pathetic mofo? or is it just because of how it's approaching a year since we've been together? i don't know. i have other guys that like me and that i like. and one guy in my life who says he loves me, and i do care about him just not how i cared about my ex. i'm very good natured and pretty nice looking i guess. i just loved him so much i feel like my heart is still committed to him :?
 
I do personally think it's pretty pathetic. You get hung up on this idea that this guy is "perfect" for you, he's "the right one". Well, that's a western fairy tale. Such a thing doesn't exist. You could live incredibly passionate, fulfilling lives with thousands, maybe millions of different guys that you haven't met but who you would get along very well with.

I think what's often happening in this situation is that you're in love with an idea of him that you have in your head. But in practice the relationship obviously didn't work out so well. And if you close yourself off to meeting new people like you seem to do, it's a fucked up situation because no one will measure up against the impossible standards your idea of this guy holds.

If you were able to realize this idea that there is one right person for you is meaningless, you would see you have the potential to be happy with many people. But first of all you have to be happy with yourself and now allow your happiness to be dependent on others. Because if you don't do that then you will always be the needy clingy sentimental girl who can't be alone without being depressed. Hey, maybe that's part of the reason why he dumped you. Find happiness in yourself first, in your own company.
 
lol.. a little harsh but there is a lot of truth in your answer. im not totally depressed without him i just feel like something is missing at times. but thanks for the new perspective.
 
If this man broke your heart on what a friend said to him then I think you deserve someone better, assuming he didn't discuss what ever it was with you or whether it was true in itself. Also maybe you're pining for him because you put the effort in and you feel like you want to know whether it worked/whether YOU are ok.

I don't think you're sad and pathetic but I do echo what FHTE said in that you have to be OK with yourself. You shouldn't put all your hopes into another person because it will always (unless you marry and die first) end. Always. You should treat your sexual partner as a friend who you share great moments with in this short life we have.. don't become a slave to YOUR projection of what you think they are. Nearly everyone does this by the way.. they project things on to the other person that aren't there, and then get angry or broken when the other person does something they couldn't believe they would do. Or after years of marriage finally see the person behind the mask.

Once you let go of him then you will be able to love the man present in your life now. It's not fair on the new guy if you're still thinking about the old one either, especially if he does love you. Let go and move on, and you WILL be able to have strong feelings again :)
 
The dream didn't mean anything - sorry to say that.

You're still getting over him and it can take time. It's quicker for some than it is for others. But you've got to distance yourself from him. There isn't just one person for everyone. These other guys, it's okay to not fall for them. You haven't found someone else who you've really connected with. That'll take time too but eventually you will find someone! :)
 
dsesesy said:
lol.. a little harsh but there is a lot of truth in your answer. im not totally depressed without him i just feel like something is missing at times. but thanks for the new perspective.
Click to expand...

I do come off quite rude, and im back to say I truly didn't meant to offend you. It's just that sometimes people in your situation need a wake up call. In a couple years you will be having a great time somewhere, by yourself or with someone, and you won't even think about this guy anymore or care very much. You'll wonder how you could've been so sad and how it took you so long to realize there was no point to mourn the relationship. Sure, cherish the moments you had together and keep them in your heart, but you need to move on - and when you do you'll realize how silly it was to be so sad for so long. Nothing lasts forever, enjoy things while they last and when it's over keep your head up and move on to new experiences.

I probably did offend you a bit, so I apologize for that, I just wish you could see this whole issue from a different perspective because then you would realize there is so much more to it. Everyone has been there, in varying degrees, and from your position it can be easy to be stuck in this novel idea of him, "you can be addicted to a certain kind of sadness", but in the long run it will do you more harm than good and you might miss out on a lot of good things.

It's great that you're getting better already, keep your head up.
 
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it's okay, i absorbed a lot from your answer. it is foolish of me to keep thinking of him so often, i just don't commit a lot and when i do i really put a lot into it. but that's why i asked the question, to get new points of view. while yours was kind of harsh it was also knowledgeable and cut and dry. just the kind of answer i ended up needing. kinda helping me snap out of it. but thanks for being kind :b
 
This reminds me of myself and the first girl i loved.we did alot of drugs together and when it ended i got in the drugs pretty hard then she ceased contact with me all together because of said drugs, the same ones she used to say made her life better :|

OP if this is your first love its going to take some time. You just need to meet new people and when u meet a guy u like and u get the familiar feeling of falling in love you will realize u CAN feel that love for another, might be a more mature love, but love nonetheless. Work on yourself and become a strong independent woman that soon enough will find a good guy to share life with and the effort put in will be equal on both sides which is a building block to a great relationship.

it will get better i promise getting over this will make you a stronger person %). Also, dont call yourself sad and pathetic i bet theres plenty of people here that will tell u love will make u feel crazy and your not alone in these feelings.love is totally illogical but the strongest emotion humans are wired to feel be easy on yourself.a more optimistic attitude is a great start, or u can always fake it till you make it.
 
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yes that's exactly what happened! he started calling me a fiend when he was the one who got me on it and he would do it waaay more than me. and thanks, i'm trying to be more and more optimistic about life. it's been helping smoking more ganja, meditating, and practicing yoga. (i dont do the meth anymore by the way haha) i'm sorry about that girl you had also. love can be a bitch.
 
Im glad to hear your taking a more natural route to feeling better with the weed,yoga , and meditation. Meditation helped me alot and use this time for introspection, its a perfect time to get to know your inner self better in these times of emotional healing.and weed is just awesome.lol

.just remember most of the stuff is in your head and the emotional attachments and reminders of him will fade in time.this was and will be a great learning experience for the future.

him calling you a fiend that just sounds like he was projecting his negative feelings about his denial of his own addiction and trying to rationalize his using with the old "i dont do it more than u!":p sounds like a dick to me u can do much better
 
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The dream doesn't mean anything - dreams are just comprised of what's floating around in your head at the moment - you wish you could get back together with him, so you dreamed about it.

I would say since he has a pregnant gf and is not showing any interest in you, there's no hope for the relationship, and you should move on.

I know you think he's perfect for you, and the thing is, he might be great in a lot of ways - but if he's not crazy about you and doesn't want to be with you, he's not "perfect" for you. The perfect man for you will want you as much as you want him.

I know it hurts. The last time I lost a guy and it hurt like that, reading this helped me a bit, and reminded me not to become cynical or close my heart off just because I'd been hurt.

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”
― Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum LP"
 
also stay off the meth

amphetamines do your mental health no favours

he has a baby on the way and is engaged, but he never did those things with you. sad as it seems he gives more of a shit about this girl than he did about you and who knows it might lead to you being with someone much better.

concepts like "the one" are bullshit.

sometimes one person is more into the relationship than the other one. this is life. its rare to find two people on the same wavelength so when you do you need to be free for it and not pining for the kind of meth sex that wont get out of your brain linked to a feeling for a guy who no longer behaves like he has any interest in you.

be free for the new possibilities, life is too short to waste your emotions on someone unworthy
 
yeah i plan to stay off meth all i do now is an addie here and there. and thanks yeah reading all these responses has made me really reflect on how much of our relationship was what i thought it was vs what i wanted it to be. i looked back at our texts on my old phone yesterday and it really doesn't seem like we had the connection i thought we did. makes me wonder what 'memories' of us i have are true or subjective.
 
Cherish what memories you have and no matter if there true, subjective,or whatever they're your memories. Dont try to recreate memories or ponder on the past just learn and move on..make new ones :)
 
amphetamines (adderall/meth) always make things seem more dramatic and intense than they really are.

the highs are higher and the lows lower. they are not good for giving you a balanced viewpoint.

you have lots of options and you are free. learn to enjoy freedom
 
thanks and i know adderall is an amphetamine but at lease it's not as intense as meth. i love stims and adderall is an easier one for me to control. i can do adderall a few times a month and not really crave it. but with meth i go on all out binges. if i ever choose to stop i can, but for now im good. and yeah, i'm startin to realize freedom from a relationship is underrated.
 
i had a terrible problem with amphetamine and in the uk its hard to find meth so what you get is amphetamine sulphate, and i got very strong cheap speed.:\

its still very bad for your brain. seems easy to control and it may be for you as it is for me now as an ex addict but it screws with your moods in a way that you cannot see at the time but in retrospect its so obvious and when you feel low you look at people/things that made you feel better and long for them ridiculously. so make of that what you will.

your whole life will improve when you get your love of uppers under control.
 
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