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pregnant girlfriend bored and lonely, need help.

nolys said:
Not really we have everything sorted to be honest we've bought everything and we live in a 1 bedroom flat so not much to do at the moment were waiting on the housing executive giving us a bigger house so we can't really do any of that but thanks for the suggestion, she keeps a clean house though it's not really enough to keep her going
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Fair enough.

Other posters have given you some great advice and valid perspectives to consider. I have nothing more to add other than to say that I hope everything works out well for the three of you.

Congratulations on the baby and get ready to experience a depth of love that you never knew you had before the baby.
 
Thanks for the above 2 comments, I am texting her now (in work) trying to get her to speak to somebody she says she's did it in the past and hates it, they make you feel suicidal, I suggested group therapy with other pregnant women and she says they would judge her because she is at counceling about her problems that aren't good enough...

Swimming she won't do because of stretch marks I've got acne scars all over my Back and I don't complain although I appreciate women are more concerned about their looks...
 
nolys said:
Thanks for the above 2 comments, I am texting her now (in work) trying to get her to speak to somebody she says she's did it in the past and hates it, they make you feel suicidal, I suggested group therapy with other pregnant women and she says they would judge her because she is at counceling about her problems that aren't good enough...

Swimming she won't do because of stretch marks I've got acne scars all over my Back and I don't complain although I appreciate women are more concerned about their looks...
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maybe speaking to a prenatal depression therapist would help. they're out there. normal people get it too... it's nothing to be ashamed of. they will be able to offer help. if she isnt strong enough to change her life herself, she needs it. nobody is EVER going to judge her.

she needs a support network. where - i don't know. that's what you and her have to decide. communication helps everything. she feels lonely because she has nobody to talk to. during pregnancy you really need an emotional lifeline.
 
I completely agree but the problem is she is refusing to do any sort of therapy when it's what she really needs, I don't want her taking ssri antidepressants because I believe they will Fuck her up even more and also she can't because she's pregnant as far as I'm aware.
Jesus she is a nightmare
 
You can definitely take antidepressants during pregnancy if they are needed. Obviously it's better not to take any drugs, but the mom's health is important too.
 
nolys said:
I completely agree but the problem is she is refusing to do any sort of therapy when it's what she really needs, I don't want her taking ssri antidepressants because I believe they will Fuck her up even more and also she can't because she's pregnant as far as I'm aware.
Jesus she is a nightmare
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Yes, you can take antidepressants during pregnancy. My doctor said it is important to weigh the health of the mother and the health of the baby. I chose to wait until 34 weeks to start them, so they would have time to kick in, but much of the baby's brain would be developed.

Like my doctor said, it is most detrimental to the baby if the mother is not able to function properly. Zoloft literally saved me this time around. Without it I would be a mess right now. You can't even begin to take into account how seriously sleep deprivation messes with your brain until you are in the middle of it...

At least explore this option. I did extensive research and talked to my doctors a lot about it before deciding to take the plunge.
 
The research I have done into ssri medication is that they downgrade the serotonin receptors, meaning if you are to come off them at some stage you will be much worse than before. I don't want her taking them I have seen a few people messed up after fluxotine/Prozac
 
SSRI's are only really effective if you are clinically depressed, which is not the case for the vast majority of people on them. They blunt out all your emotions which if they are negative and overwhelming could make you more functional but they are a nightmare to get off and it can create a cycle. before going on antidepressants its best to look into other things you could do.

excercise is one of the best cures for depression if its mild. but you need to watch out for her after the baby is born because of post natal depression.

stop eating shitty food (if you have a bad diet which i'm unsure of). start eating fish with omega 3 in it and make proper meals with vegetables and fruit in your diet. sitting on your ass an eating chocolates/sweets never made anyone feel good. but you would be surprised how many people dont look into this.

get her down the gym if possible. it really does do wonders for your mood. swimming also. get out for walks in the sunlight. its spring- there must be at least one of two sunny days where you are.

if that doesn't work go to the doctor, but seriously diet/sunlight and excercise are big players in your happiness levels
 
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nolys said:
I would say she is clinically depressed not mildly, I'll have to weight up the pros and cons of saris actually as it is quite bad something needs to be done
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Formerly I used to be staunchly against SSRIs (hippie that I am) but these days I have changed my tune as they worked wonders for lifting me up from the hole I was in. Although it was more moderate anxiety and depression than clinical depression in my case. If you decide to go down that route though,do your research! Read up on each one because many GPs will just prescribe whatever (according to my research it was citalopram and escitalopram that were found to be the most effective with least side effects in major studies). SSRIs are a big step to take, especially since you have to deal with withdrawals, but they shouldn't be discounted completely.

First of all though, I would suggest supplements. Omega 3, as pofacedho mentioned - it's meant to be one of the best options against depression, especially when taken as a supplement (as you need quite large doses), only downside it can take months to have noticeable effects. One other thing that came to mind - iron levels. Iron deficiency is one of the most common deficiencies out there, and pregnant women need more iron than others. One of the most common symptoms is tiredness, but a lesser known symptom is depression. Has she had any blood tests done? That's the first thing that I would suggest, to rule out any nutrient deficiencies.

Good luck!
 
I hope she is feeling better and this post is obsolete. When my ex was pregnant with our 3 kids she was just like your girlfriend. Sitting at home not doin much and expecting me to "be her happiness". It failed the last pregnancy. I didn't do what i did in the first 2. I got her outside doing thing. I called her old friends (and they were just "party" friends according to her) and asked them too go over and BS with her while i was at work. Do that as a surprise. Go and buy her a one piece bikini so she can go swimming. Also the fish idea is always good. A pregnancy takes ALOT out of a woman. If she still doesn't seam better ask if you both can go see a Dr. for her. She probably needs it at that point.
 
That's true because my weed-smoking friends still hung out with me during my pregnancy, only I wasn't getting high. Nolys, is she at what, 28 weeks now? How are you two doing? Hope everything's better, but if not give it time. <3
 
Everything is so much better people, I don't know
why but her mood gas seriously picked up now...
I've been getting it every single night now...
Dunno Wtf happened but hey that's life lol.
Nothings changed as far as I'm aware but we have a lot more of the baby stuff set out now like set up so that may have something to do with it.
New problem though her back and feet are killing her and her sides for some reason she has cried about the pain quite a bit but apart from that she's been prety stable.
33 weeks though she's measuring at 35 weeks he's a big fucker lol.

Glad things are looking up, thanks for all the help and concern people.
 
Are her stretch marks all over her face? I didn't think so. Tell her it's ok to wear a one piece and to put the bikini away for a while. Honestly swimming was a GODSEND for me while pregnant. Especially as I grew larger. Your body is under such strain carrying the extra weight so when you get in the water, the weightless feeling is amazing. She shouldn't worry about what others think. I don't know a single normal person that would mock a pregnant lady in a pool getting exercise. If I saw one wearing a string bikini I might have a laugh but seriously, nobody is shocked by a baby belly.
 
nolys said:
Everything is so much better people, I don't know
why but her mood gas seriously picked up now...
I've been getting it every single night now...
Dunno Wtf happened but hey that's life lol.
Nothings changed as far as I'm aware but we have a lot more of the baby stuff set out now like set up so that may have something to do with it.
New problem though her back and feet are killing her and her sides for some reason she has cried about the pain quite a bit but apart from that she's been prety stable.
33 weeks though she's measuring at 35 weeks he's a big fucker lol.

Glad things are looking up, thanks for all the help and concern people.
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Hahaha, awesome - finally getting some. I think it's because of hormones that kick in around the cusp of the second and third trimester. I hear that women in the third trimester get pretty horny. I know my wife did. Probably anevolutionary trait naturally selected for to promote bonding between man and woman just prior to the baby's birth. Makes sense that a child born to a bonded mother and father would have a much better chance at survival compared to one born in a mother only situation.

Totally natural for her back and feet to hurt. Her center of gravity has shifted. Also natures way of telling her to take it easy. Her body is getting ready for the birthing and natural hormones are going to be loosening her pelvis up in anticipation. Unfortunately this change in body chemistry affects the entire body. She will probably become a little more clumsy than usual. If you notice her spilling drinks or anything of that sort more often than usual, try to stay near her when she is active just in case she trips her self.

Good luck man! Your life is about to change in ways you can't even imagine. I never knew how deeply I could love another person until my son was born. it is the best thing that ever happened to me. I wish the best for the three of you!
 
Glad to hear things are going better for your girlfriend and you. Keep an eye on it though, because depression now can translate into bad post-natal depression after the baby comes along. Hormones can wreck havoc on moods and her life as she knew it has changed already, given that of course she can't do all the things she used to or live the way she used to. Re the stretchmarks - my stomach is still COVERED in them 5 years after having my last child! It does make a woman feel self-concious and even slightly depressed all the bodily changes in pregnancy and beyond but eventually she will get used to her body changing and even walk around in a bikini not caring about stretchmarks anymore!

Good luck for you both x
 
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