Hi Bluelighters!
I have been to this site as a visitor for 6 years or so, you all have given me a wealth of solid information on Pain Meds, THANK YOU ALL! My story is below its kinda long but necessary.
I am need of some serious help. 6 years ago I backflipped a motorcycle, wrecked in the rotation and broke my neck at C4/5/6, and my back at L5/S1 and shattered vertebrae at T6. I am at my maximum that I can bear with pain, I am now single and very alone. I have 2 younger children I adore and if I keep living the way I have to; that controls my pain, I will loose custody/visitation with my children.
I have had 10 major surgeries to put me back together.
1. C/4/5/6 Fusion it failed
2. L5/S1 Fusion it failed
3. Removal of broken vertebrae pieces at T6 and bone grafts
4. Spinal Cord Stimulator with the "new" paddle leads implanted in my spine and pulse generator in my left flank.
5. Repair, remove and fuse C/4/5/6 again, all hardware removed and new 50MM pedicale screws and plates installed from front and rear of my neck.
6. Remove more damaged spurs from my spine that started growing after the accident
7. Another attempt to fuse L5/S1, complete hardware removal new bone graft new hardware placement, new Doctor. It failed in 3 months and the bone graft started growing into my spinal cord. Did not know it for over a year because my Pain Doc felt so sorry for me and all I had been thru he just kept increasing my pain meds to dangerous levels.
8. Partial hardware removal at L5/S1. Because screws were falling out. Helped with activity level a lot for about 4.5 months.
That was last summer. It was a damn good summer, I think. The surgery seem to help. I had a ton of Pain Meds and Benzos. Lot's of liquor, a new Fiance that had just got a $250K insurance settlement and sold a $230K paid for house that I supervised the remodel of before it sold. (I was a "Big Shot" at least I thought, at one of the largest Construction Companies in the Southeast before my accident) so I was managing my fiance's $500K for her and we bought a Historic Home together. I also receive substantial amount of disability payments each month from the accident. The home had been remodeled well inside, but there were structural problems and the exterior needed a massive amount of work. I hired one of my old employees to supervise the work on the home while I got fucked up.
I was fucked up all the time and no one really new. They just thought the last surgery worked. What was working was sixteen (yes 16) OC 80's, two 100 mcg Fentanyl patches changed every 48 hrs, 8 mg Xanax, 4 mg Valium, two 40 mg XR Adderalls and about a quart to a half gallon of vodka or the new legal "Moonshine" they now sell in liquor stores. All with a valid scrpit and a Driver to drive me in my brand new GMC Denali XL, I bought with my fiance's money. He drove me anywhere I needed to be. With a cooler in the back (but in perfect reaching distance from my front passengers seat) full of fresh crushed ice, mixers and whatever the liquor flavor of the day was. Couple of extra cups if I ran into a friend that need a drink or a hand full of pills.
That was a problem, ya see people that really knew me could tell something was different. I went from not being able to walk well. To running up 70 steps with a backpack on (full of pills and small premixed liquor drinks) in about 3 weeks time.
The Fentanyl kept the basic pain away, the Oxy's gave me plenty of immediate pain relief, the Adderall kept me going and wired, the liquor kept me social and killed more pain, the Benzo's let me sleep at night. I't was nothing for me to have wake up at 7am, take 4 Oxy's, a Adderall then mix a 32oz liquor drink, mostly liquor and start the day. 7 days a week for 4.5 months.
Then the roof caved in when my kids went on vacation with me, my fiance and her kids, 2 weeks before school started. My kids are very smart and close with me; as all addicts do I distanced myself from them over the summer. I still saw them regularly but I always made sure there were other kids for them to play with, or a festival or fair to go to. However while on vacation I turned up my using to epic amounts. The kids noticed, the two other families we were on vacation with noticed and the whole coast of South Carolina noticed. The kids went back and told Mommy. My overprotective Ex-Wife, whom I am still very much in love with. Without her I would not be alive to tell this story. I had continued to go wide open into Elementary School meetings and sport functions at the beginning of the school year. Liquor on my breath, fucked up on pills. I thought i was hiding everything well. As I stated before I am a addict. I was dressing like I was 20 years younger than I am, with expensive clothes, but not like a Polo Player, more like a Rock Star. I had lost 60 pounds from the pills and liquor. I ate one sandwich a day. That was it.
My Ex-Wife busted me like the DEA and brought me back down to reality. She found out and I still do not know how, the quantities and what all I were on. My fiance and I broke up, I moved into my old neighborhood, where my Ex-Wife and I used to live, not the same house but the back yards meet each other. So I am reminded everyday of what was a good somewhat sober period in my life. A period before the accident, before I had ever taken a Oxy, before I had taken a Adderall, before I became a self medicating drug addict and drunk. My Pain Doc got a "anonymous" call before the Medical Board and they just dont pull your file who is suspect, the pull 10 files. It was obvious it was me that they wanted to review because every other Patients file, their age was over 60 and I am far from that.
So my Pain Doc cut me back to 50mcgs Fentanyl, 4 Roxi's and 2 Xanax; per day. I went thru massive withdrawal, tried to stop drinking, had DT's. Started drinking again. Living alone, my Ex would not let the kids near me, all I had were those few pills each month and liquor. Oh yeah my whole family and friends found out too. So sitting home all alone with nothing but a iphone, a bottle of vodka and a computer I destroyed every relationship I have ever had. I drank til I blacked out, then I used my phone to destroy every relationship I have ever had. If you would answer the phone I would curse you and be the meanest motherfucker with the sharpest tongue you have ever heard. The Devil gave me the gift of a sharp silver lined tongue that will cut your fucking head off.
So I decide that surgery number 9 and 10 will fix my back, take away the pain and give me my life back. I arrange to go to a CLINIC in a city where the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is. This Clinic is also known worldwide as one of the top 3 Hospitals in the world or at least the U.S.A.
9. Removal of Spinal Cord Stimulator as I have lost so much weight, the pulse generator had moved over 14 inches and was pressing against my broken L/5-S1 fusion and I had fallen so much when I was fucked up I broke it. It was implanted in my body and again I fell so much when I was fucked up, I broke it. I also had a filter installed in my Vena Cava artery because I have a thick blood syndrome and suffered a pulmonary embolism the end of the summer of 2012. Thats another story...
This surgery was VERY painful as the paddle leads touched my spinal cord and as they were pulled out the hit my spinal cord over and over causing great pain.
10. THE BIG ONE just happed 54 days ago. Spinal fusion at the Clinic, with one of the top 10 rated Neurosurgeon in the U.S. He went in from the front (anterior) first, moving my stomach and intestines along the way to get to the failed fusion. Turns out I now needed to be fused from L3/L4/L5 and S/1. The discs above had all ruptured, I am sure I did that damage this past summer. I left a little fact out, I also bought another dirt bike, one for me and one for my son while I was fucked up. I wrecked the hell out of at at my Ex- Fiances Brothers farm. Damaged my shoulder, back and knee severely. That was pretty much what broke me and her up. Back to the last surgery; after the Doc goes thru my gut for 3.5 hours he, gets all the old hardware and bone grafts out. Puts in some plates and screws up half my back, he the goes in from the back (posterior). He has to cut my back open from the crack of my ass to the middle of my back. He then builds a ladder in my back with titanium screws and rods. This part of the surgery last over 6 hours. I loose a lot of blood, I stay at a borderline transfusion level for over 2 weeks. The Doc doesn't like to give transfusions unless the patient is dying. He still feels the HIV and Hep C rates are too high and unacceptable unless it's life or death.
THIS IS THE QUESTIONS I HAVE ARE IN THIS PARAGRAPH. PLEASE READ! I am now on 75mcg Fentanyl every 48 and my body sucks the patches dry and they fall off my body in 12 to 24 hours, I also get four 40 mg Oxycodone's not OC's daily and 4 mg of Xanax. I no longer drink, I would if I could but the surgery fucked my GI tract up so bad from the anterior approach my organs will not process alcohol or fatty foods. I shit all the time about every 2 hours. I am pretty much homebound, I have be humbled, I am at rock bottom. I do not wish to die but sometimes I think it would be easier. The pain is worse now than before surgery. I SEE MY PAIN DOC IN 2 DAYS. What other drugs are there? I have been on it seems like everything for about 6 months at a time and it stops working. DOES ANYBODY KNOW A COMBO OF DRUGS THAT WILL HELP ME? I need advice so I can run it by my Pain Doc and get Scripts for something new. Please do not attack me for the way I acted or the things I did while I was fucked up. I have been stripped, humbled and lost everything already. I need some friends! This is one of my last hopes, reaching out to you all, like this. HELP
Since I have been on Painkillers for so many years, I have built up a wicked tolerance to most drugs and found out I have allergies to some (really just hardcore side effects) those include but not limited to.
Methadone... allergic
Avinza...allergic
Codeine...allergic
Vicodin... not strong enough
Gabapentin... does nothing for pain
Lyirca.... Highly allergic and most of the other mood stabalizers are marketed for pain.
I have been to this site as a visitor for 6 years or so, you all have given me a wealth of solid information on Pain Meds, THANK YOU ALL! My story is below its kinda long but necessary.
I am need of some serious help. 6 years ago I backflipped a motorcycle, wrecked in the rotation and broke my neck at C4/5/6, and my back at L5/S1 and shattered vertebrae at T6. I am at my maximum that I can bear with pain, I am now single and very alone. I have 2 younger children I adore and if I keep living the way I have to; that controls my pain, I will loose custody/visitation with my children.
I have had 10 major surgeries to put me back together.
1. C/4/5/6 Fusion it failed
2. L5/S1 Fusion it failed
3. Removal of broken vertebrae pieces at T6 and bone grafts
4. Spinal Cord Stimulator with the "new" paddle leads implanted in my spine and pulse generator in my left flank.
5. Repair, remove and fuse C/4/5/6 again, all hardware removed and new 50MM pedicale screws and plates installed from front and rear of my neck.
6. Remove more damaged spurs from my spine that started growing after the accident
7. Another attempt to fuse L5/S1, complete hardware removal new bone graft new hardware placement, new Doctor. It failed in 3 months and the bone graft started growing into my spinal cord. Did not know it for over a year because my Pain Doc felt so sorry for me and all I had been thru he just kept increasing my pain meds to dangerous levels.
8. Partial hardware removal at L5/S1. Because screws were falling out. Helped with activity level a lot for about 4.5 months.
That was last summer. It was a damn good summer, I think. The surgery seem to help. I had a ton of Pain Meds and Benzos. Lot's of liquor, a new Fiance that had just got a $250K insurance settlement and sold a $230K paid for house that I supervised the remodel of before it sold. (I was a "Big Shot" at least I thought, at one of the largest Construction Companies in the Southeast before my accident) so I was managing my fiance's $500K for her and we bought a Historic Home together. I also receive substantial amount of disability payments each month from the accident. The home had been remodeled well inside, but there were structural problems and the exterior needed a massive amount of work. I hired one of my old employees to supervise the work on the home while I got fucked up.
I was fucked up all the time and no one really new. They just thought the last surgery worked. What was working was sixteen (yes 16) OC 80's, two 100 mcg Fentanyl patches changed every 48 hrs, 8 mg Xanax, 4 mg Valium, two 40 mg XR Adderalls and about a quart to a half gallon of vodka or the new legal "Moonshine" they now sell in liquor stores. All with a valid scrpit and a Driver to drive me in my brand new GMC Denali XL, I bought with my fiance's money. He drove me anywhere I needed to be. With a cooler in the back (but in perfect reaching distance from my front passengers seat) full of fresh crushed ice, mixers and whatever the liquor flavor of the day was. Couple of extra cups if I ran into a friend that need a drink or a hand full of pills.
That was a problem, ya see people that really knew me could tell something was different. I went from not being able to walk well. To running up 70 steps with a backpack on (full of pills and small premixed liquor drinks) in about 3 weeks time.
The Fentanyl kept the basic pain away, the Oxy's gave me plenty of immediate pain relief, the Adderall kept me going and wired, the liquor kept me social and killed more pain, the Benzo's let me sleep at night. I't was nothing for me to have wake up at 7am, take 4 Oxy's, a Adderall then mix a 32oz liquor drink, mostly liquor and start the day. 7 days a week for 4.5 months.
Then the roof caved in when my kids went on vacation with me, my fiance and her kids, 2 weeks before school started. My kids are very smart and close with me; as all addicts do I distanced myself from them over the summer. I still saw them regularly but I always made sure there were other kids for them to play with, or a festival or fair to go to. However while on vacation I turned up my using to epic amounts. The kids noticed, the two other families we were on vacation with noticed and the whole coast of South Carolina noticed. The kids went back and told Mommy. My overprotective Ex-Wife, whom I am still very much in love with. Without her I would not be alive to tell this story. I had continued to go wide open into Elementary School meetings and sport functions at the beginning of the school year. Liquor on my breath, fucked up on pills. I thought i was hiding everything well. As I stated before I am a addict. I was dressing like I was 20 years younger than I am, with expensive clothes, but not like a Polo Player, more like a Rock Star. I had lost 60 pounds from the pills and liquor. I ate one sandwich a day. That was it.
My Ex-Wife busted me like the DEA and brought me back down to reality. She found out and I still do not know how, the quantities and what all I were on. My fiance and I broke up, I moved into my old neighborhood, where my Ex-Wife and I used to live, not the same house but the back yards meet each other. So I am reminded everyday of what was a good somewhat sober period in my life. A period before the accident, before I had ever taken a Oxy, before I had taken a Adderall, before I became a self medicating drug addict and drunk. My Pain Doc got a "anonymous" call before the Medical Board and they just dont pull your file who is suspect, the pull 10 files. It was obvious it was me that they wanted to review because every other Patients file, their age was over 60 and I am far from that.
So my Pain Doc cut me back to 50mcgs Fentanyl, 4 Roxi's and 2 Xanax; per day. I went thru massive withdrawal, tried to stop drinking, had DT's. Started drinking again. Living alone, my Ex would not let the kids near me, all I had were those few pills each month and liquor. Oh yeah my whole family and friends found out too. So sitting home all alone with nothing but a iphone, a bottle of vodka and a computer I destroyed every relationship I have ever had. I drank til I blacked out, then I used my phone to destroy every relationship I have ever had. If you would answer the phone I would curse you and be the meanest motherfucker with the sharpest tongue you have ever heard. The Devil gave me the gift of a sharp silver lined tongue that will cut your fucking head off.
So I decide that surgery number 9 and 10 will fix my back, take away the pain and give me my life back. I arrange to go to a CLINIC in a city where the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is. This Clinic is also known worldwide as one of the top 3 Hospitals in the world or at least the U.S.A.
9. Removal of Spinal Cord Stimulator as I have lost so much weight, the pulse generator had moved over 14 inches and was pressing against my broken L/5-S1 fusion and I had fallen so much when I was fucked up I broke it. It was implanted in my body and again I fell so much when I was fucked up, I broke it. I also had a filter installed in my Vena Cava artery because I have a thick blood syndrome and suffered a pulmonary embolism the end of the summer of 2012. Thats another story...
This surgery was VERY painful as the paddle leads touched my spinal cord and as they were pulled out the hit my spinal cord over and over causing great pain.
10. THE BIG ONE just happed 54 days ago. Spinal fusion at the Clinic, with one of the top 10 rated Neurosurgeon in the U.S. He went in from the front (anterior) first, moving my stomach and intestines along the way to get to the failed fusion. Turns out I now needed to be fused from L3/L4/L5 and S/1. The discs above had all ruptured, I am sure I did that damage this past summer. I left a little fact out, I also bought another dirt bike, one for me and one for my son while I was fucked up. I wrecked the hell out of at at my Ex- Fiances Brothers farm. Damaged my shoulder, back and knee severely. That was pretty much what broke me and her up. Back to the last surgery; after the Doc goes thru my gut for 3.5 hours he, gets all the old hardware and bone grafts out. Puts in some plates and screws up half my back, he the goes in from the back (posterior). He has to cut my back open from the crack of my ass to the middle of my back. He then builds a ladder in my back with titanium screws and rods. This part of the surgery last over 6 hours. I loose a lot of blood, I stay at a borderline transfusion level for over 2 weeks. The Doc doesn't like to give transfusions unless the patient is dying. He still feels the HIV and Hep C rates are too high and unacceptable unless it's life or death.
THIS IS THE QUESTIONS I HAVE ARE IN THIS PARAGRAPH. PLEASE READ! I am now on 75mcg Fentanyl every 48 and my body sucks the patches dry and they fall off my body in 12 to 24 hours, I also get four 40 mg Oxycodone's not OC's daily and 4 mg of Xanax. I no longer drink, I would if I could but the surgery fucked my GI tract up so bad from the anterior approach my organs will not process alcohol or fatty foods. I shit all the time about every 2 hours. I am pretty much homebound, I have be humbled, I am at rock bottom. I do not wish to die but sometimes I think it would be easier. The pain is worse now than before surgery. I SEE MY PAIN DOC IN 2 DAYS. What other drugs are there? I have been on it seems like everything for about 6 months at a time and it stops working. DOES ANYBODY KNOW A COMBO OF DRUGS THAT WILL HELP ME? I need advice so I can run it by my Pain Doc and get Scripts for something new. Please do not attack me for the way I acted or the things I did while I was fucked up. I have been stripped, humbled and lost everything already. I need some friends! This is one of my last hopes, reaching out to you all, like this. HELP
Since I have been on Painkillers for so many years, I have built up a wicked tolerance to most drugs and found out I have allergies to some (really just hardcore side effects) those include but not limited to.
Methadone... allergic
Avinza...allergic
Codeine...allergic
Vicodin... not strong enough
Gabapentin... does nothing for pain
Lyirca.... Highly allergic and most of the other mood stabalizers are marketed for pain.
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