My Journey From Homeless Drug Addict To Magna Cum Laude

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neversickanymore

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My Journey From Homeless Drug Addict To Magna Cum Laude
by DANEY HILL
April 13, 2014

I was fighting a rat for the remnants of a corn dog I'd salvaged from the trash. That's when I realized I'd crossed the final line I had drawn.

I had told myself, as long as I don't shoot up, I'm OK. As long as I'm not homeless, I'm OK. But now I was shooting up and homeless, and there was nowhere left to draw. I had reached the bottom line of my existence.

I was constantly searching for something outside to fix how I felt inside. My first memory of that need was when I was about 8. My parents had divorced, and I was living with my grandmother. We had a difficult relationship. I wasn't fitting in at school, and I was overweight. I went into her kitchen pantry and ate an entire container of icing. I put the lid back on and placed it exactly where I had found it. Before long, I began to make excuses so I could hide in the pantry.

When I went back to my father, we moved around. I never stayed in the same school for more than a year. I was always the new and awkward tall kid, and I learned to downplay my intelligence in order to fit in.

Drugs and alcohol helped me feel at peace with myself, and opened the door to being liked by other kids. I tried anything I could get my hands on: pot, alcohol, crack, hallucinogens, pills, belladonna seeds and household products that I could huff. Only new and stronger chemicals masked how I truly felt about myself: unwanted, unworthy, useless and ugly.

Eventually, substance abuse became the common denominator among the people I allowed in my life. If you did not use, then I didn't have time for you.

My judgment began to deteriorate. I found myself in places I didn't want to be and doing things I didn't want to do. I would get in cars with strangers and drive to another state just on the promise of getting high. It is only by the grace of God that I think I was able to survive.

When I was 17, I had a daughter, but even the unconditional love of a child couldn't coax me away from the demon of addiction. When she was 3, she went to live with her father.

I sold just enough drugs to cover the cost of what I was using. I was now living with others in a riverbed under a freeway overpass. The drainage would bring large deposits of aluminum cans, which we would exchange for money. I was now an IV meth user and couldn't fathom how my life could get any worse. I didn't have the courage to kill myself, but I also couldn't muster the will to stop using.

My 34th birthday was the worst day of my life. I remember begging whomever would listen to either kill me or save me, but don't leave me here in hell.

I remember the next day like it was yesterday. I felt like a cockroach crawling out from under the bridge that morning. When my eyes adjusted to the sun, I saw the police officers. I had already had many run-ins with the law, and for a moment I weighed whether I could outrun the police this time. But my body was just too tired.

I knew I was again going to prison. But strangely, this didn't bother me. I felt a great weight lift off my shoulders. Somehow deep in my heart I knew that I was ready to never live this way again.

I did my time and, with the help of my family, I was paroled into a residential treatment center. The day I walked in was truly the first day of the rest of my life. My mind was ready to embrace the idea of a second chance.

At a 12-step meeting at the center one night, I heard a woman talk about an insatiable hunger she felt in the pit of her stomach — a hunger that could never be filled by any food, only drugs. She called this hole a "spiritual void." At that instant, I felt like a piece of my puzzle had finally snapped into place. I wasn't alone. There were others who felt the void, and who were waking up every day to fight to stay clean.

While in treatment, I went back to school. I was 35. Within two years, I graduated from community college. I took out student loans and transferred to a university, where I graduated magna cum laude with a bachelor's degree in business administration. I went after my recovery like I did my drugs and found I was able to accomplish anything I truly wanted.

Today I work with women who serve their prison sentences in residential treatment along with their children. My path to recovery led me to a job where my experience could help others, and that is why I feel my life hasn't been wasted. I hope I can continue counseling those who share my story. I hope I can continue to build my fragile relationship with my daughter. And sometimes, I just hope.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/201...-from-homeless-drug-addict-to-magna-cum-laude
 
^rofl Me too!

op: That's a nice story. What do they say, "strength, experience and hope." Nice that he didn't waste any of his time promoting or dwelling on how 12-Step X saved his life. At least for that, I am grateful ;) 8)
 
I think its "experience, strength, and hope." but I have not been a member in quite awhile.


I was constantly searching for something outside to fix how I felt inside.
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I went after my recovery like I did my drugs
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I'm not sure he figured it out just yet.. may have traded a drug addiction for a school addiction for a soon to be work addiction for an even later money addiction which will lead to a gambling and sex addiction. Final result will be his wife will catch him with six hooker and two sheep, prompting her to turn him into the feds for his embezzlement scheme. He will receive twenty years, but only serve three cause the big time booky he owes millions to will finally reach the end of his rope and ask.. bubbles, The seven foot bodybuilding transgender cell mate he has to end his misery.

Na.. good for him I say.
 
Keep working, spacejunk and tpdog!
I almost have succeeded, though I am not really addicted to drugs much recently (though not for lack of desire; I just have no supply).
I will try to get on the ball and track down some drugs to get addicted to.

Final result will be his wife will catch him with six hooker and two sheep, prompting her to turn him into the feds for his embezzlement scheme. He will receive twenty years, but only serve three cause the big time booky he owes millions to will finally reach the end of his rope and ask.. bubbles, The seven foot bodybuilding transgender cell mate he has to end his misery.
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=D

But I think that you hit the nail on the head, NSA. Life is basically addiction. Trading one addiction for another can be really helpful, but overdoing anything is no good.
I am addicted to exercise. But I don't take it too far, so it helps me a lot.
 
"When I was 17, I had a daughter, but even the unconditional love of a child couldn't coax me away from the demon of addiction. When she was 3, she went to live with her father."

Guys... Its a woman were talking about here....
 
^ I assumed it was a seahorse, like one of those stupid "my pet goldfish took too much Dexedrine" forums ;)
slimvictor said:
I am addicted to exercise. But I don't take it too far, so it helps me a lot.
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Fuck! Be careful, man! That shit kills people...
 
^I think it really important to create, cultivate, and promote as many addictions as possible.. one addiction will kill you, twenty will round out and enrich our lives.

I hope I can continue to build my fragile relationship with my daughter.
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This made me smile. I hope she can make this happen. It really is amazing how far some people go.. how far down an addiction can take people. i think its all relative though. I dont think I would have given up my child to continue using though i can not say so for sure as she was much younger than when I had my child.
 
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Her education was a complete waste if she is now a low-paid social worker dealing with prisoners. It is the bottom of the barrel in terms of jobs. If she became a corporate executive I would be impressed. Now she is a 12-step junkie barely making enough to get by.
 
^ If you believe that the only reason to get an education is to make money, I truly feel sorry for you.
The pleasure of learning, and working out my brain, is the only reason I ever needed.
The fact that I make more money than I would have without an education is icing on the cake.
So is the fact that people respect me more, since I have a fancy title after my name.
Having learned how to think is the real treasure I take with me from those years.

Learning is really one of the basic pleasures of life - and more than that, in my opinion, it is the reason why we are alive.
To say that someone "wasted" their efforts learning because they did not get a job that you approve of - based not on morality, or how useful they are to society, but solely on social status or money - completely misses the point of education, imo.
I find it terribly sad. Not trying to be insulting, but just being honest. (I assume that you won't find it sad at all, and therefore won't care what I think about this, but I want to be clear that I am not trying to insult you, but I am truly baffled and even horrified that someone could actually think in that way.)
 
You are a pretentious, sanctimonious and condescending liberal, victor. At least I am not posturing on the internet for some sick validation.

The purpose of getting an education is to use it, for fulfillment and necessity. Hers was a waste. She may have enjoyed it while it lasted but it was purposeless once it was over. She did not need it for the job she got. An education is not just temporary fun. That is demented. She could have learned on her own without paying for it at a school if it was just for kicks. It is not that I don't approve of her job, Dur! She is not using what she accomplished and it was not necessary unless she just did it to prove that she could. She ended up get a meaningless degree just so she could get a convicted felon's low-paying, thankless crap-job. She isn't learning anymore.
 
You, my friend, like to call people names. You know what they say about people constantly criticising others for their (legitimate) ideas - more often than not what they say about or call others is really a reflection about how they feel about themselves.

Do you feel you are a pretentious, sanctimonious and condescending liberal? Is that your greatest fear, to become a condescending liberal? Your posts certainly have struck me and others as pretentious, sanctimonious and condescending, although I think you're safe on the liberal part. Pretty illiberal iyam.
 
_DankOpiAmp_ said:
Her education was a complete waste if she is now a low-paid social worker dealing with prisoners. It is the bottom of the barrel in terms of jobs. If she became a corporate executive I would be impressed. Now she is a 12-step junkie barely making enough to get by.
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Which is pretty impressive to me as she was once an active junkie living under a bridge. Not to mention she is working to help a group of people who face a life time stigma and very little help. From her own life she likely ex spurned this and has found a way to try and make a positive difference in peoples who are facing this lives. What do you think would be really good about being a corporate executive?
 
I think (s)he thinks it would be the money, money and money, and probably the "fringe" benefits, like getting to go to golf resorts and reeeaaallly good health insurance... Probably also the social capital that comes with such a position, especially considering how corrupt our world is a position like this can be very useful in getting what you want (although I doubt you'd ever actually feel fulfilled in this position in the long run).

Although I've learned that learning in and of itself, without regard for one's future economic prospects can be rather disheartening in the long run, it's still worthwhile imho. You can lose all your money, home, car, laptop, any and all your material goods, you can even lose your significant other. They can also all be stolen from you, but you can't lose what you've learned. No one can steal your education.

That alone makes it much more worthwhile than most other things we focus on in our modern consumerist society.
 
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neversickanymore said:
Which is pretty impressive to me as she was once an active junkie living under a bridge. Not to mention she is working to help a group of people who face a life time stigma and very little help. From her own life she likely ex spurned this and has found a way to try and make a positive difference in peoples who are facing this lives. What do you think would be really good about being a corporate executive?
Click to expand...

She got a fucking business degree.... She could have gotten I relevant job.
 
toothpastedog said:
You, my friend, like to call people names. You know what they say about people constantly criticising others for their (legitimate) ideas - more often than not what they say about or call others is really a reflection about how they feel about themselves.

Do you feel you are a pretentious, sanctimonious and condescending liberal? Is that your greatest fear, to become a condescending liberal? Your posts certainly have struck me and others as pretentious, sanctimonious and condescending, although I think you're safe on the liberal part. Pretty illiberal iyam.
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Again, you have stated liberal, feminized etc. beliefs endlessly. That is what I am basing this on. I know you like to pat yourself on the back/fist yourself while masterbating to your own sense of self-satisfaction for supposedly figuring someone out on the internet but seriously. Read the post, are you retarded or something? You are so distracted by your delusions of interpersonal wisdom that you missed the fact that his post was clearly condescending and sanctimonious. You can try to flip around anything someone says back at them but this is transparent self-indulgence on your part.

Also, explain how I could be a liberal in denial, as you imply. That seems impossible to me. Oh yeah guilty, I think our drug laws should be more liberal.

I think you just pretend to be an impotent liberal waif, deep down you are a big, tough, muscular ass-ripper ready to dominated everyone. (Derp!)
 
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_DankOpiAmp_ said:
She got a fucking business degree.... She could have gotten I relevant job.
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I bet she had every intention of doing that, but I bet her criminal record prevented or so greatly hampered her that she has not been able to do it yet. The idea that people are forced to carry around a record that prevents them from achieving the life they are capable of and have worked for after they have made the changes to themselves and completed their punishments and requirements is just one of the parts of the system which is not only part of a positive solution but in fact help promote the very things it is trying to address. People need to be set free of this burden after a period of time and after they have completed their punishment and changed their lives. I think this should be the case for all crimes let alone drug "crimes." Its just another part of the system, which does no good and ends up doing a bunch of harm as well. I love how they claim to still be trying to address the problem of recidivism. what a joke.. they want recidivism.. love trapping people in the system because that means their little cash crop always replenishes itself. The prison industry is awful.. worse that slavery.

I hope that since she was published through NPR, that someone decides to to give her the shot at a position which fits her abilities.
 
She got the job of a convicted felon, like I said. I was basically trying to point out that they make it seem like if someone works hard and stops doing drugs they can live out their dreams when that is a complete fantasy they try to perpetuate while betting on peoples' failure. They are misleading readers with the mention of her excellent degree when society will only permit her to accomplish shit afterwards.

It is still possible she could have gotten a job somewhat relevant to her degree though; one someone with a record could get, if such a job exists.
 
_DankOpiAmp_ said:
You are a pretentious, sanctimonious and condescending liberal, victor.
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_DankOpiAmp_ said:
Again, you have stated liberal, feminized etc. beliefs endlessly. That is what I am basing this on. I know you like to pat yourself on the back/fist yourself while masterbating to your own sense of self-satisfaction for supposedly figuring someone out on the internet but seriously. Read the post, are you retarded or something? You are so distracted by your delusions of interpersonal wisdom that you missed the fact that his post was clearly condescending and sanctimonious. You can try to flip around anything someone says back at them but this is transparent self-indulgence on your part.
Click to expand...

You are still insulting people, despite the fact that I warned you earlier that this type of personal attack will not be tolerated.
I am giving you an official warning now, and each next offense will result in a progressively higher penalty.
If you can't discuss things without making personal attacks, you are not welcome here.
 
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