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April getting/staying sober thread v. April showers

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spork said:
It's good to see you here, SF! <3
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Thnx Spork .. so comforting to see your name again. Been far too long.

No other posts in this thread this month yet for me, guess what that means... So incredibly discouraging that I can't even make it one day despite my efforts. Broke a 3-month promise to myself this week.

Counting the days (13) until I see a Dr. again.. not that I've ever had positive results in the medical paradigm, but I have no other resources so perhaps truth & desperation will prevail...

I guess on a positive note I haven't smoked herbage in 2.5weeks (benign in theory but it awakens my psychosis). And it's been 9 months since I've used oxy/benzos/mdma, tho I can't credit myself since it's only due availability. I guess it's good to have no friends, but for alcohol's legality :\
 
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neversickanymore said:
Just spent the last few days water parking, hitting sick museums, great art, fantastic food, and a great city.. chi town.. Obama's motorcade when a flying by three feat away.. springs here. I'm doing well.. got a little triggered as I walked past the active junkies.. but i did well.. a lady all sortsa spun got WHACKED. including close to my son (not a joke for real spun a ton) glad the thousand mile stare of an ex junkie, the I will get a bite to eat and a nap and never look back after I send you to the cosmos if you even move to cross that line, cleared all that shit out without any bullshit... but yeah a little time to recharge the batteries and I feal great.. oh and my dream job seems to have fallen into my lap.. and it pays more than I need and I still have enough time before it starts to finish my book.

Hell and gone from where I started this amazing turn in life <3
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Woah! Sounds like a real trip; and way to go with the book, the new job, and your willpower. You are the man!

Wanted to clarify, this lady got whacked...as in murdered?
 
^ no as in all wacked out on a substance. Then she was acting really erratic and yelling at my son. She had clean clothes and hair so she was likely just really spun.. might have been PCP. Whatever it was it was ugly and more than a little tense for a minute.
 
So, I think that I'm going to try to quit injecting my bupe sometime this month, I've been considering it a lot lately. My main good vein I think just collapsed, either way, no matter what happened, I can't use it anymore. I've known I needed to quit shooting up for a long time now. I'm not sure exactly when I'm going to stop but I intend to do so before the 25th, it's not worth it to keep shooting bupe and I need to really try to stop. I have a needle fixation and that's why it's been so hard to stop but I'm finally ready to try to quit using the needle.
 
I'm almost 60 days clean without anything! No abusing gabapentin, no propylhexedrine no nothing! I have been wanting something to change how I feel though. It would be nice to have some adderall but I don't know if that will lead me back to meth. I only have 1 more month at this halfway house then I can get my own apartment. I'm doing the steps I have a sponsor praying even though I don't feel like doing it and I am doing pretty well. I just feel like why should I need drugs , why can't I just be content? I put much greater value on things other than drugs and I have goals I want to accomplish. Being addicted is not worth my life, but boy would it be good to just have one little break from reality to refresh things. I'm doing well though I'm just ping to to keep on
 
Good work everybody!
Feeling great today.
My taper caught on and I have dropped from 525 to 165.
I've got 12 days to go then I'm stepping off this stupid ride.
 
laCster said:
I'm almost 60 days clean without anything! No abusing gabapentin, no propylhexedrine no nothing! I have been wanting something to change how I feel though. It would be nice to have some adderall but I don't know if that will lead me back to meth.
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First of all, congratulations on the clean time! 2 months is a big deal. With that being said, I would personally avoid Adderall like the plague I were in your situation. It is so easy to justify using "just once" on a "special occasion" or however your brain tries to manipulate you back into old use patterns. I think you need to give your brain some more time to reach its natural neurochemical homeostasis.
 
straightrazor said:
I hear you. My knee pain is my worst symptom next to severe insomnia. Lying in bed all night wide awake it terrible pain is kinda a double whammy.
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Yeah I stay awake til 6am before I'm able to fall asleep. My legs are just really really sore, its like my legs are healing from the pain the RLS gave me.
 
No, I'm not getting hardly any exercise. I try to get on my skateboard and cruise around but for the past couple days my legs have hurt so bad that I can hardly walk. As for sleep, I'm tired all day long and I yawn and stuff all day but as soon as night time comes I start waking up. I guess I'm just used to staying up all night. When I was using I always stayed up really late and that's been going on for a few years now
 
yeah it sound really familiar.. you may also consider the use of a blue therapy light as it really helps to switch this around. You will likely have these sorta issues untill your opiate receptors shut down. mine shut down around month five but the pain doctor I talked with about this estimated around month seven. I remember all of what you are talking about but I think the fatigue is what was worst for me. but really the exercise was what helped me the most during this time.. it was not a cure all but it really helped with the fatigue, sleep, and definitely had some positive impacts on the nerve pain and restless legs, though not as much as it helped with the depression, anxiety and the other things I already mentioned...

When your opiate receptors finally shut down you will likely be amazed at the haze you have been living in, at least I was, I thought my mind was clear and it was compared to when I was actively using but when they shut down it was like going from a scooter to an eight cylinder sports car.

It really does get better. Your doing amazing. maybe just think of adding in the exercise.. thirty minutes a day four times a week is a great place to start.

Here is that light

NSFW:
0007502001273_500X500.jpg


also maybe add some melatonin into the mix an hour or two before you want to sleep.. its no magic pill but it can help.
 
395 days sober today. But I've been tested over the last three weeks. Very seriously tested. I've had to remind myself over and over again that the cravings are simply fleeting thoughts at this point. I haven't had a physical craving in over a year. There's no doubt, however, that these transient urges manifest just as strongly as a physical craving does. The fact that it's happening so far down the line is truly mind-blowing to me. The brain is incredible. And the addict's brain, it seems, is an incredible mystery. Focusing on the positive keeps these mysterious thoughts at bay most of the time. So does creating things.
 
^ as far as I have seen, at least so far, its something that holds on for awhile. take a look at the addiction cycle and see where you are at and then identify things you can do to slip back to fine. are you a positive relapser, do you always relapse when things are going really good Z?

straightrazor said:
What do you mean about opiate receptors shutting down?
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when we use opiates for a long time at a high level we develop more opiate receptors. These stay active for a period of time after use is stopped. After an amount of time the receptors are retracted through the cell membrane of the cells they are associated with. When this happens we experience a full or almost full relief from the PAWS symptoms including an amazing clearing of the mind.. our mind then begins to be much more powerful and efficient and many if not all of the lingering physical symptoms disappear.

There are things we can do to help this process, exercise, meditation, natural sleep, puzzles, learning and practicing complex movements like dancing or tennis.. etc.
changing our thinking and behavior, nutrition and Chemicals and supplements to recover from opiate addiction


It isn't the end of addiction as we still have the VTA or dopamine reward pathway to deal with, but this becomes easier and easier each and every time we work through a trigger successfully.
 
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Yeah since it's starting to warm up I'm gonna be out skating a little more, the last time I did it I felt much better. I'm also trying to get Medicaid so I can see a doctor about my depression and insomnia. The application should come in the mail soon so hopefully I can get something done soon. I might try the melatonin. My brother had a bunch of them so I'll see if he's still got some cuz I have no other way to obtain any. My mom also said I should ask about nurotin(spelling? I think it's gaba)but Thanks for the advice and info!
 
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