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April getting/staying sober thread v. April showers

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April... here in the Midwest, and most places in the US, April is a time for rebirth. It happens to be my favorite month and is also the name of my first crush some thirty-four years ago or so.

It's also National Poetry Month. Here's a piece from TS Eliot's "Portrait of a Lady," that I'd like to invoke to bring in this wonderful month.

Now that lilacs are in bloom
She has a bowl of lilacs in her room
And twists one in his fingers while she talks.
"Ah, my friend, you do not know, you do not know
What life is, you who hold it in your hands";
(Slowly twisting the lilac stalks)
"You let it flow from you, you let it flow,
And youth is cruel, and has no remorse
And smiles at situations which it cannot see."
I smile, of course,
And go on drinking tea.
"Yet with these April sunsets, that somehow recall
My buried life, and Paris in the Spring,
I feel immeasurably at peace, and find the world
To be wonderful and youthful, after all."

May April be a time for rebirth for all of us who want it to be. Peace!
 
Day 1 for me again. Started a polydrug relapse over a month ago and kept running with it. I want to be clean and sober by my 30th birthday which is soon. I've been using over half of my life, it is time to grow up and quit repeating the same old patterns.
 
This weather has truly gotten me down, but after going through two days of horrid opiate withdrawal, I knew if I didn't do something soon I would end up getting high again.

Thankfully I discovered several cheap, potent, healthy herbs which eliminated my withdrawal (I've been dependent on opiates for 5+ years so this is pretty amazing to me!) and Kratom has kept me out of trouble with the LAW and away from my previous sources.

Tumeric (with Black Pepper) and Holy Basil for body pain, mood relief, restless legs (chamomile also helps here).
Fennel and Black Seed Oil stopped the diarrhea and gas very quickly.

I woke up today (day 3 of withdrawal, supposedly the hardest day) and felt only somewhat 'meh'. Thats a far cry from the diarrhea, vomiting and suicidal thoughts I experienced for two days prior to taking these herbs.
 
Hoping to hop in this thread often this month. Aiming for a 10-day sober streak, which would be a minor miracle given I've but one day to my credit in the past 6+ months (and only cos I had to go to Urgent Care)
Found out today I will be traveling to the big city next month for a week of work, very exciting and scary for me. Have to cancel a Psych appointment I've been trying to get for months, but its a good opportunity & would be nice to go into it clear-headed. I have no illusions about maintaining sobriety but if I can checker this month's calendar a bit I will feel pretty good.
 
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I haven't shot dope since Jan 2 and I haven't had sub since like the 9th of Jan
Paws has still been fucking with me some what though, usually its in the morning or at night when it happens the worst

Like sometimes still I'll only be able to sleep every other night, especially since I ran out of my sleeping meds

This is what always led me back to relapse, I feel all anxious, uncomfortable, clammy, and achy some days and I'll have to do something and I'll use to calm down and get through what ever, but it's totally not fucking worth it
Or I rationalize to myself, hey you've been clean a good stretch, your tolerance is low so it'll be cheap and you won't be super dope sick the next day, but that always just led right back into the cycle

Idk I guess I'm kind of rambling and needed to get that out some where, I just don't understand how my mind can still try to play these tricks on me and get me to want to go backwards again...

It's not like my paws are even really that bad, they just linger sometimes and get to me
It's a lot better than being totally sick is what I keep trying to tell myself and that it does get easier every day

Plus with the loss of my mom recently that has made it kind of hard not to want to turn to heroin like I did in the past with every other problem, but I got clean before she died and she was the most happiest I've ever seen her truly

Everyone said she could finally go now since she doesn't have to be here worrying about me

I know relapsing would be the last thing my mother would want and that's what I'll keep thinking
Hopefully the paws will be 100% gone with in this month

Good luck, lots of love, and super positive optimistic mega vibration vibes to everyone struggling or trying to recover
 
Brother man, I hope this is the month you look back on as the last time you ever thought about using again. 3 months is damned good, and there are a shit ton reasons to stay clean, as you've already pointed out. Thanks for the vibes. Sending some back.
 
SilverFeniks said:
Hoping to hop in this thread often this month. Aiming for a 10-day sober streak, which would be a minor miracle given I've but one day to my credit in the past 6+ months (and only cos I had to go to Urgent Care)
Found out today I will be traveling to the big city next month for a week of work, very exciting and scary for me. Have to cancel a Psych appointment I've been trying to get for months, but its a good opportunity & would be nice to go into it clear-headed. I have no illusions about maintaining sobriety but if I can checker this month's calendar a bit I will feel pretty good.
Click to expand...

It's good to see you here, SF! <3
 
Yeah it will. It's been almost a full week, so you should be getting over the physical hump now. The acute withdrawal phase will get much better, and you'll just be feeling a bit uncomfortable and generally shitty for another couple weeks. Then, off to the fun land of PAWS. Hah.

But you can do it. Keep your eye on the prize.
 
^ I definitely do feel better, just mild chills and my nose will not stop running. Maybe it's allergies with my nose...I don't know. Cravings are a bitch, too. I just hate how I was a few weeks ago and never want to be there again.
 
This is day one for me kicking H. I just moved to St. Louis and I can't find any sub doctors that take my insurance up here. Does anyone have any advice that might help me through. Anyone know of Amy good support groups in my area?
 
Hey, Salyn22--welcome. You are among people who are in similar straits and we're here to help each other out. You've already done some pretty amazing things: 1. decided to kick it. 2. sought out advice.

First, know it's going to be tough, and that you totally owe it to yourself to be proud of everything you accomplish, but also to be patient if you ever feel weak. Hell, some of us have learned to make our weaknesses our strengths. I always say, if necessity is the mother of invention, then desperation is the mother of necessity, and at some point in our lives we've become desperate to kick our addictions. And so we invent solutions.

Seems like everyone is a little different in how they go about it. Some people taper. Others cold-turkey it. Some people never quit and try to learn to moderate, and find some happy balance. (Few find it.) Some people go back to their habits, then kick them to the curb again, some for good.

You're in St. Louis, my neck of the woods, in a general sense -- there are tons of support groups. We're one of them. There's NA, and if you are comfortable with a faith-driven support group, there's probably one at every three churches or so.

But since you came looking for advice, sometimes the next best step is to take some, and if you're going to do that, let me suggest that you keep checking in on things here, and we'll do what we can to help you reach your goal. Peace, Salyn22!
 
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