• Bluelight
    Shrine




    A memorial
    to Bluelighters
    who have passed away

RIP knock

Kronos said:
Poor poor knock must have been in a terrible state of mind anyway if he did kill himself, please dont turn this into a witch hut and bklaming the BL admins, 'maybe XYZ and if X then Y and Z' he's dead. Blaming for that will could result in more depressed lives taken, and the only one who brear the responsibility for his actions is knock. RIP man
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This.
 
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Very much. I understand the anger and needing to vent and there is really nowhere else to do so - an ' EADD inquest' thread would be tasteless. We can talk this out now and tidy it up when it's time to go to the Shrine so it's more fitting.
 
Kronos said:
Edit: Was it all confirmed then? Did he commit suicide?
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I don't think anybody knows for sure. I may well be mistaken, but I don't believe so.

I do know that his last few posts were made under the influence of diphenidine, which he hadn't tried before. Diphenidine has already been involved in at least one hospitalisation.

There's always the possibility that he overestimated his tolerance based on his heavy use of other dissociatives. I'd wager that he'd taken a very large dose based on how incoherent his last posts were. That drug does not make you that incoherent at lower doses; I can tell you that from experience.

This might have had nothing to do with his death, but it's a distinct possibility, and I think people should maybe consider this before jumping to any other conclusions. Diphenidine is a new drug which would seem to have a lot of potential to be problematic, and Michael was known to be a little under-cautious on occasion, with dissociatives in particular.
 
Sammy G said:
I don't think anybody knows for sure. I may well be mistaken, but I don't believe so.

I do know that his last few posts were made under the influence of diphenidine, which he hadn't tried before. Diphenidine has already been involved in at least one hospitalisation.

.
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Glad somebody else wrote this.
I have written then deleted several similar posts.
Disso black out in a house full of chems ? could lead to trouble
Looking at the facebook info in the op, it would appear that cause is 'unknown'
He once said that people considering suicide 'tie up loose ends'
I can't imagine him ending it without at least finding a home for his cat, if loose ends were tied up it might be clearer to his family.

PS - despite my low post count I do feel I got to know him a little and was shocked too ( i used to post here a year or so ago as justinsayno, even after i stopped posting i would lurk a few times a week )
Only reregistered so i could pay my respects.

Accident or not demodding him was a bad move for the site, even after i stopped posting i had a pm chat with him during the last eadd identity crises, about HR and where the line is drawn between honest info and dicksizing. I was blown away by how passionate and committed he was. Very caring man.
All that time spent trying help people he would probably never meet, a very very rare breed.
The world and the site have lost something special

No offence is meant to the regulars who he considered friends.
Sorry to drag the thread even further in the wrong direction, just really feel SG has a valid point
 
I'm still waiting to hear about details re funeral and flowers.. they do often take a while to organise. And no other details have been said about the circumstances.

Whether it was an accident or not, the end result is still pretty devastating. :(
 
Then let's leave it at that, eh? Til we find out what actually happened.
 
^ Great post Bummer

Sammy G said:
I don't think anybody knows for sure. I may well be mistaken, but I don't believe so.

I do know that his last few posts were made under the influence of diphenidine, which he hadn't tried before. Diphenidine has already been involved in at least one hospitalisation.
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It might be wrong to speculate over his death in this thread. If this is felt to be out of line, please remove this. But it would be of interest to a lot of people, and I don't know where else to say it.

If you look at his last posts he was drastically, incoherently high. Considering he posts day and night; it's very likely that was the night he died. Though interestingly, in a former post that night he claimed he was trying to work out a suitable dose, as he needed to be "asleep by 2am". If it was suicide, it doesn't seem pre-meditated.

I would like to add that I think suicide was on Michaels mind for a while. He attempted suicide unsuccessfully over a year or 2 ago. He also wrote a provisional suicide note here while high in the gibbering thread 3 months ago.

I think it most likely to have been a suicidal overdose, but would like to hear something more official. I would have thought there to be an update on facebook.
 
Doubt anything will be put on Facebook and I imagine there may be an inquest so, again, let's leave the speculation. Please. It just seems like morbid curiosity and if it turns out to be suicide, maybe then this kind of conversation can take place.
 
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Aye leave it, but you know its not morbid curiosity snolls it cause we careadnd are geneuinely curious about our friend/want answers.

But this aint the place. Anyoe set up that MS donation? I might set up a just giving page later on if nobody else is gonna
 
Kronos said:
Aye leave it, but you know its not morbid curiosity snolls it cause we careadnd are geneuinely curious about our friend/want answers.

But this aint the place. Anyoe set up that MS donation? I might set up a just giving page later on if nobody else is gonna
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That's very kind of you if you'd do that. Please let us know if you do. I have some money coming in Tuesday so would put some money in then.
 
Kronos said:
Aye leave it, but you know its not morbid curiosity snolls it cause we careadnd are geneuinely curious about our friend/want answers.

But this aint the place. Anyoe set up that MS donation? I might set up a just giving page later on if nobody else is gonna
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Yeah, I can understand that, is just my (mis) reading of it I think plus experience of previous RIP threads going a bit wrong. If/when we find out then we will undboutedly be able to focus on harm reduction regarding his death, whatever the cause <3

Edit: And whoever sets up the just giving page or whatever, let one of us mods know and we'll stick it in the title. MS is a nice idea, I think plus a cause fairly close to my heart so I got some spare-ish cash coming in soon and better than blowing it all on shite.

Appreciate the effort people, I know it's fucking hard on us all, more so on some.
 
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The MS charity donation is a great idea given the circumstances with Michael and his brother and elderly parents...who knows what they think of BL, or if they even know, but it could be a good barometer to show how much Michael was appreciated here, and the we aren't all hedonistic selfish swine. Or even somehow direct donations to the family...I don't do Facebook and only knew Michael through here...

For the sake of HR if diphenidine was the culprit I hope it becomes known. There have been several hospitalizations already, and strangely enough last night a trusted friend said he had recently had word of one uncomfirmed death.....this came up in a separate conversation entirely. But if such is the case, t'would be nice to prevent further goings on...

The world really needed more Michaels....sadly there was only one, and he is now gone....still struggling to wrap my head around this...it is never easy, but Knock just had such a way, such a way...:(
 
I paid my tributes to his sister on FB, after she informed all his FB friends of his death. I told her that I only knew him as an online friend but that he was a very special, gifted, thoughtfull and kind person. And that he will be hugely missed. She appreciated that and said 'That is lovely to hear. He was truly and incredible person. I will let you know about funeral arrangements.' I dont think his family knew about BL, but i may be wrong, i asked the same question as you earler on and was advised that its probably best not to mention this place, allthough i am sure his family would be very moved by all the glowing tributes on here.

I wasnt sure if this might be some sort of comfort to them to see how much he was liked and loved on here. But in some of his posts he said things that makes me very much doubt his family knew about his history on here. I think they had some inkling about his interests due to some wacky book they got him for christmas, but they probably didnt have any idea about some of the things he did and said, and sadly it might be better to keep it that way. If someone (I'd volunteer if its considered a good idea) could copy and paste this thread alone, after its been tidied up, that may be a nice touch to send on to his family. But it could lead on to awkward and difficult questions.
 
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Oh fucking hell no... RIP knock, I never knew you personally - but always seemed such a great poster and great mod.

I hardly come here anymore - and Jesus, every time I do look in here, someone else has died.
 
^ sorry you just learned Special.....good to see you again, despite the circumstances..

Yes, the deaths as of late are really jarring and out of control....sure, BL has grown, as has the drug scene....but I've been here off and on since 1999, and have never seen anything like the last two years. I just see it as that Bluelight is needed now more than ever. I sincerely believe this place does much, much more good than harm....sure, we can justify our behaviors and habits here....but that is greatly trumped by the amount of accurate and potentially life saving information that gets doled out. ..

But what to do? So many deaths, and most of those were not inexperienced users...some intentional, some not...but something has gotta give. if this keeps up we may as well have black as the default setting and use blue when somebodys life didn't fall apart or be ripped out from under them :/......
 
There is a huge membership base on BL, so just statiscially speaking there are odds on that there are going to be some deaths. According to mailmonkey there are more deaths on a fishing forum than there are on here. Allthough there is a huge membership base on BL, EADD has a close knit community feel to it, where you feel like you virtually know some of the members that post frequently, even though you may never have met them in person. Damn, i hope ive worded this post correctly and not caused any offence.
 
mydrugbuddy said:
If someone (I'd volunteer if its considered a good idea) could copy and paste this thread alone, after its been tidied up, that may be a nice touch to send on to his family. But it could lead on to awkward and difficult questions.
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Does anyone know what knock would think about this? If it were me, I'd hate my family to find out that I posted on a drugs forum, because of the amount of distress it would cause them. I think it has more potential to do harm than good, particularly if people post sensitive information that the relatives will then invevitably read..
 
Jesus christ. Not been very active here recently but knock was one of the folk I tended to chat to a bit more.
Such a fucking shame no matter what the circumstances.
 
swampdragon said:
If it were me, I'd hate my family to find out that I posted on a drugs forum, because of the amount of distress it would cause them. I think it has more potential to do harm than good, particularly if people post sensitive information that the relatives will then invevitably read..
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Likewise, same here. the last thing they'd wanna hear is condolences from this place
 
^ yeah my girlfriend went through and read all my posts when she found out i was a lying drug addict. It was really distressing for her. I promised to stop using the forum - and for a time, I did (sorry babe) :(
I think some - if not all of us - are a bit too frank on here to share our most intimate, fucked up drug chatter with family (or people you wouldn't normally discuss such things with).
Personally I think it's a bad idea, but it depends entirely on the individual and their family/friends.
Too raw, too much hurt to be dredged through - too much information.

We understand this great man's contribution and legacy; but would everyone? I doubt it - as nice as the thought is.
 
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