General Heroin Discussion #18 - v. Stupidity ain't no badge of honor

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I don't sniff hard at all, in fact I usually don't get much of a drip cus I read on this site that a drip just means it's going to your stomach which isn't where u want it. Idk I sniff atleast a bundle a day it has to be doing something my nose

Tommyboy I do have a job but I'm missing out on girls, friends, and college right now. I don't really care right now I love getting high.
 
tomatalli said:
Tommyboy I do have a job but I'm missing out on girls, friends, and college right now. I don't really care right now I love getting high.
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Let me let you in on a little secret. The dope isn't going anywhere. You will have the rest of your life to buy dope and get high from it, but you will only be a 'young adult' for a few more years, and so the number of years in which you can have carefree fun is going to start dwindling down. Then you will have to worry about paying bills and surviving on your own, so partying with college girls will happen less and less often until you are just too old for it.
 
Everytime I stop dope I get insanely depressed and have extreme anxiety so much so I can barely hold a conversation. I'm fucked either way
 
Tommyboy said:
Let me let you in on a little secret. The dope isn't going anywhere. You will have the rest of your life to buy dope and get high from it, but you will only be a 'young adult' for a few more years, and so the number of years in which you can have carefree fun is going to start dwindling down. Then you will have to worry about paying bills and surviving on your own, so partying with college girls will happen less and less often until you are just too old for it.
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I like this. Yes, there is always plenty more time to be a miserable, old, jaded dope fiend. Take it from all of us.
There is truly what feels, in hindsight, like a short window you have to fuck college age girls. Enjoy it. 22 year old female, no kids, not yet insane, up for anything, that 22 year old body>>>dope.
 
tomatalli said:
Everytime I stop dope I get insanely depressed and have extreme anxiety so much so I can barely hold a conversation. I'm fucked either way
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Get on a maintenance plan then. At least then you have money to go out and do things and are not constantly wondering where to get money for the next bun or worrying if your guy will come thru on time.

You said Suboxone won't help you... but how long have you given it. Its not magic, it can take a week before you start to get some energy back.
 
tomatalli said:
Everytime I stop dope I get insanely depressed and have extreme anxiety so much so I can barely hold a conversation. I'm fucked either way
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I can relate...I've been in a no-money rut lately and gettin by with the least amount of suboxone I can do so that it takes care of the symptoms, but for me dope has been my anti-depressant (I've been put on ADs many times but they have no effect on me...The only one that works is dope, haha...sad but true...
 
Also, tomatalli, how long have you given it being off dope before you went back? It's normal to be depressed and anxious early on when getting clean. That's what PAWS is all about, but you have to give it time and you'll start feeling much better.

Like RT said, if you really can't deal with being fully clean, maint may be a good option for you. In bupe isn't working well, try methadone.
 
Mr.Scagnattie said:
Also, tomatalli, how long have you given it being off dope before you went back? It's normal to be depressed and anxious early on when getting clean. That's what PAWS is all about, but you have to give it time and you'll start feeling much better.

Like RT said, if you really can't deal with being fully clean, maint may be a good option for you. In bupe isn't working well, try methadone.
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I had about 6 months clean at one point, including the 2 months of subs
 
Mr.Scagnattie said:
^^

And what happened? You where still just feeling like shit so you went back? I mean, trust me I know what that's like. I've been a chronic relapser my whole life.
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Kind of a funny story, I was drivin home from a job I was doing which was cleaning a dentist office with this dude I was workin for. We drove through the center of Hartford and saw Dboys selling dope in an open air science in Hartford. So when he dropped me off where my car was I instantly drove to Hartford and went back to that spot got out of my car and walked around and some dude called me over and I got 12 bags, I went out there again a month later and got a number. Ever since then I've been doing dope and I've found better dealers
 
Ok, I guess 2 months on Subs then you obviously were giving it time. But if you could go that long then you can maintain on them. I crave like crazy on them, too. Its hard for me to act like I wouldn't have relapsed already, since I am really trying to stay clean to pass a drug test to get this job I really want.
 
I found selegiline (or rasagiline if insomnia is a big issue) Really helped cut down my sub dose and keep me happy and motivated, especially to stay away from dope. It's a sad one to get off but if that was prescribed for PAWS (along with a stringent MAOI diet and no stims/lil caffeine; I said it for HR but I know all u cats are on the up on it), then many more people would make it through the dark cloud of life after heroin. ( I believe ).

I wish you all luck (If you are struggling). <3 Life without good friends and sexual/romantic partners just got too old for me. Tomatalli- Be a champ and do what all they wise old dopers say-err I mean Tommyboy ; ) - wait till you are old and ailing to pick up the dope ; ) lol- It's definitely a plan in the back of my mind.

SideNote: reminds me of a Nurse Jacky episode where they are trying to make a terminal old gay man "comfortable", and he refuses because he was a junky 20 years ago... I felt like that was done way more for inspirations' sake then a realistic scenario. Anyone no any sober heads that have refused opiates before death or Intense pain?
 
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TriputoryHeadicine said:
Anyone no any sober heads that have refused opiates before death or Intense pain?
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I'm about 15 years clean (sober head, as you put it) in July, 2008 and I'm with 3 of my best buddies, all in recovery and each with MORE clean time than me. We fly to Las Vegas, play for a few days, and rent a car and drive to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. We stop at the Ranger station and get our back country permits that I had to order months in advance. We spend the night on the rim and head down into the Canyon at 5 am in an effort to avoid the midday heat. The temperature is 45 on the rim at 5 am. By noon it's 113 in the Canyon when we arrive at our campsite for the first night 7 miles in. We have our packs filled with provisions and are good for 5 days. We are headed to the Colorado River which is 14 miles from the rim and a decent of about 1 mile into the Canyon from the North Rim. While I'm in great physical shape overall, my back had been giving me problems for months. I was hell bent on making it to the River so I ignored the lower back pain as best I could. Second day we rise early and hike 7 more miles to the Colorado River. I stick my toes in the river, walk back to our site at Phantom Ranch, bend over to pick up my pack, and herniate 2 lumbar disks. I'm writhing in pain on the Canyon floor. Worst pain I've ever experienced. My friends go to summon the Ranger, just a few hundreds yards away. She arrives on the scene moments later and tells me that ordinarily in a case as severe as mine, she'd administer morphine immediately. However she told me that my friends told her that I was in recovery and that opiates should be avoided. As she's telling me this, all 3 of my friends are hovering over me. I'm conflicted. I opt for some bullshit NSAID that had little or no effect. A few hours later I was airlifted out of the Canyon and on my way to Flagstaff Memorial Hospital. If I had to do it all over again I'd not play the hero and take as much morphine as they are legally allowed to administer.

By the way, it's called the Grand Canyon because if you ever need to be air-lifted out of that bad boy, it will cost you a few GRAND.
 
^Jeez. Pretty impressive that you refused the morphine. No matter how much clean time I've had, I feel like even a moderate injury would allow me to rationalize taking any and all pain meds. I hate people in recovery pressuring me. Your situation sounds like a absolute nightmare. I think I woulda got blasted on the morphine and had them stick me on the back of a burro and cart me out that way. More cheaper.
 
95Land said:
^Jeez. Pretty impressive that you refused the morphine. No matter how much clean time I've had, I feel like even a moderate injury would allow me to rationalize taking any and all pain meds. I hate people in recovery pressuring me. Your situation sounds like a absolute nightmare. I think I woulda got blasted on the morphine and had them stick me on the back of a burro and cart me out that way. More cheaper.
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I'm with you on this all the way. If I'm in that much pain out in the wilderness and paramedics wanna give me some painkillers I'm telling my friends to go fuck themselves I'm getting high.
 
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