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How low is it for a father to abandon his baby pre-birth?

bennyZA

bennyZA

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title pretty much sums it up. Some details:

A friend of mine moved to my town, he was a crazy friend of mine, always doing the stupidest shit. He's kinda a party favor, the guy you only wanna see at a party. So he moves here and we hang out and he changed, he's all responsible and shit. Then today I found out he left the East Coast to come here because he impregnated a stripper and wanted nothing to do with it. People back home are saying he's a scumbag the way he did it, but his close friends are saying there is more to the story.

I don't know how to feel. I want to assume that he has reformed and isn't a scumbag, I wanna hear that someone else is raising the kid, but still... Abandoning a girl cause you knock her up??? That seems so low I can't possibly imagine being friends with someone who could be capable of that. How much more to the story could there be that could change my opinion. One of the only things I know for sure is that he left unexpectedly.
 
I guess that in my opinion there probably is more to the story..there always is. Whether or not he is a scumbag for doing it depends on the situation. If the girl wants no part of him then so be it. If she needs help to support the baby then, well, he is an asshole. I am sure he will pay for it somewhere down the road.

Personally when I had my oldest child, I was quite happy if the jerk went away and was never heard from again..didnt want his money because I didnt want him to be a part of my childs life due to the kind of person that he was. (and before I receive backlash for that statement, yes, my son did have a father, the only father he has ever known. He was a great dad and adopted my son at an early age)
 
llama112 said:
Have you asked your friend to tell you the story?
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Not yet. Some people found out I hung out with him and asked for his address so they could fuck him up, therefore it's obviously a touchy subject and am too hesitant to approach it with him directly. The only thing anyone close to both of us have told me - besides that he's a scumbag - is that "it's not my business" which is what you say when you have absolutely no excuse. Obviously it isn't my business, I just want to know what kinda person my 'friend' really is. Tbh, I'm shocked I didn't find out sooner cause there are some people clamoring for his head.

Personally when I had my oldest child, I was quite happy if the jerk went away and was never heard from again..didnt want his money because I didnt want him to be a part of my childs life due to the kind of person that he was.
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This is kinda why I'm asking the question. If he bounced on the kid, he's a total scumbag. If the woman wants the father to bounce, he probably is a scumbag... right?

It's weird, I know it's not really my business, but the behavior of the people I associate myself with is kinda important.
 
DNA test required. The stripper is a whore, she was probably impregnated by any number of other men.
 
_DankOpiAmp_ said:
DNA test required. The stripper is a whore, she was probably impregnated by any number of other men.
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If he fled to the other side of the country, I suspect he believes he's the father.

But tbh there could be a lot more to the story, I think that's all anyone can tell. But if he left simply cause she's a stripper he was hooking up with then I couldn't associate with such a person.
 
No one on here can tell you what kind of person he is.

If he is your friend as you say, you should be asking him these questions directly. If you can't/won't do this, then simply stop associating with him or let it go.

Stay out of the gossip and stop asking other people for information - you don't judge a friend based on rumor.
 
Chinese whispers; an opinion of an opinion of an opinion is bound to get warped. If I was you, I'd ask the bloke straight up what the deal is.

To abandon a baby pre-birth? It sounds bad, my first inclination is that there must be more to this than the whole "he got a stripper pregnant and bailed" drift...

I think it's pretty poor form to judge someone based on rumours as well...
 
Yeah it's impossible to tell from what you told us. The fact he said that "it is none of your business" isn't exactly a good sign, but at least he's not a sociopath who, from day one, would spin a story that would put him in the most positive light possible. Hiding something is one thing, but at least he's being honest about it. And the fact that people want to fuck him up is obviously a bad thing– maybe he deserves it, but maybe he fled because the stripper has some bat shit crazy family or friends who would fly across the country to fuck him up just because they're bat shit crazy.
 
lol sounds like my father,he told my mother he is infertile,fucked her ( 21 year old ) and when I was born he and his family gone to court saying i am not his son,then they told him to go for DNA test to witch he surrender and agree that i am his.He never paid any alimony,never provided me with anything
 
basically besides all this started you already have him down as someone you only want to see at parties- thats not a real friendship or the basis for one.

lots of my friends do things i dont do but i dont judge them for it.

do you really think people want to beat him up because he abandoned a strippers baby? that seems far fetched. far more likely he ripped someone off/owes someone a lot of money and he just left her because staying would have meant having to pay what he owes.

i'm guessing he fucked someone over who isn't the stripper OR she was dating someone who is dodgy as fuck and he found out.

sketch central- reformed my ass!
 
"How low is it for a father to abandon his baby pre-birth?"

Not low at all; your question is a paradox.

Babies are post-birth; fetuses are pre-birth.

As much as one might want to, we male HUMANS are not sea horses; we cannot take on a fetus and keep it alive.

TBPH I don't think it's low at all. Once a kid is in the world - form your opinion at that point in time.

soul mate said:
To abandon a baby pre-birth? It sounds bad
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As bad as abandoning me before I turn 600 years old.

HINT: I won't live to be 600 years old, no matter how many billions of people hold my hand and give me life-extension science/medical treatment... slash cryonics ... slash whatever.
 
pofacedhoe said:
i'm guessing he fucked someone over who isn't the stripper OR she was dating someone who is dodgy as fuck and he found out.

sketch central- reformed my ass!
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This, essentially.

bennyza - I'd do my best to stay away from this whole crowd a bit if I were you. The guy's obviously looking for a confidant who will approve of his behavior, and I have a hunch he's involved with some shady matters whether or not it has to do with the woman's pregnancy (if such exists at all).

You hung out with this dude at some parties, that doesn't mean you're BFF.
 
I agree with those who say that there's probably more to the story. I mean, only he knows the entire situation. However, to answer your initial question, that's very low. Very, very low. I understand we all have our ways of dealing with things, and it's easy for me to talk as I've never been in the situation, however, it goes back to how I was raised. A man does NOT abandon his kid(s). No matter what the situation may be. If you're man enough to do the deed, you're man enough to handle whatever it is you may create. I hate to be so black and white about it, but any man who abandons his child should have his right to call himself a man (and his penis) revoked. Just me $.02
 
A lot of guys don't want to have kids because it scares them. I was in my fifth year of marriage and got pregnant. My husband was all freaked out and wanted me to get rid of it but I didn't. It doesn't make him a bad person or piece of shit. Even though we broke up 16 years ago, he's still very much a part of my son's life and cannot imagine life without him. Time changes your perspective.
 
The ignorance is astounding. Do people really think that only women have feelings. Only women care. Only women, blah. Having a child is not something to be taken lightly. How old was this person when the supposed child with the stripper was pregnant? How many "boyfriends" did this stripper have? Is this "bad guy" a wealthy person? I almost feel scared to reply because this is a very hostile environment.
 
bennyZA said:
title pretty much sums it up. Some details:
A friend of mine moved to my town, he was a crazy friend of mine, always doing the stupidest shit. He's kinda a party favor, the guy you only wanna see at a party. So he moves here and we hang out and he changed, he's all responsible and shit. Then today I found out he left the East Coast to come here because he impregnated a stripper and wanted nothing to do with it. People back home are saying he's a scumbag the way he did it, but his close friends are saying there is more to the story.

I don't know how to feel. I want to assume that he has reformed and isn't a scumbag, I wanna hear that someone else is raising the kid, but still... Abandoning a girl cause you knock her up??? That seems so low I can't possibly imagine being friends with someone who could be capable of that. How much more to the story could there be that could change my opinion. One of the only things I know for sure is that he left unexpectedly.
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There is always 3 sides to a story. First off, if you are claiming to be this guy's friend, then right now- more than ever- be his friend, because it sure sounds like he could use one right now.
There has to be a ton of details that are excluded from this, but whatever they may be- it's his life, and looking at it from his side- Not wanting to father a child from a stripper, doesn't really seem like a horrible idea.
I think this guy is getting a bad rap right now, because as you stated, he's just viewed as the party guy etc. etc.
We all have to make choices in life, that maybe others in our life wouldn't agree upon- but would you want to be judged down the road for something by someone who isn't even part of the scenario?

The stripper is a whore, she was probably impregnated by any number of other men.
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Can it be proven RIGHT NOW that it is HIS? Maybe this woman is trying to blackmail him and use him as the scapegoat.

Either be there for this person while they are going through a troubled time, or don't. But sitting around gossiping about it will make you an uglier person than one who chooses to not want to father a child.
 
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