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I Just Need To Post Vs. Lend me your eyes and ears, your wisdom and beauty.

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neversickanymore

neversickanymore

Moderator: DS
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Jan 23, 2013
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babysitting the argument in my head
Hey and welcome to TDS I just need to post thread. This is a thread that has no set parameters.. It is a place to post interesting things, get support and advice on everyday problems, post cool pictures or wisdom.. The Guidelines of BLUA and TDS are really it only rules. Drug talk is allowed but not in a way the glorifies or promotes drug use. Topics can be widely varied and as long as the topic or post adheres to these rules its all good, enjoy. Double posts are welcome if makes you smile.=D

Here is the link to last I just need to post Vs. wisdom, beauty, and baggage.. here hold this bag and ponder.

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It's been happening more frequently at night for some reason :\ I just drank some chamomile tea though and it's helping :D I may need to get up to use the restroom halfway through the night but I'd rather that than have anxiety!
 
ad lib said:
It's been happening more frequently at night for some reason :\ I just drank some chamomile tea though and it's helping :D I may need to get up to use the restroom halfway through the night but I'd rather that than have anxiety!
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<3 Sorry to hear that love <3. Chamomile tea really helps me when I'm having a run with added anxiety. It's a miracle drink <3.

ad lib said:
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That's redic. o.o

Off to bed for me. Just ate spaghetti (heartburn galore :3 but it was delish). Round 2 with the plumber tomorrow :| wish me luck lol.
 
I just need to post.

I won't lie, I decided not to count the days this time around, since I'm giving it the "vague" treatment right now; you know: when you leave your active conscience out and let your subliminal, more autonomous, less prone to influences, like emotion, simple attention, and curiosity conscience work it out passively.

My thoughts, it's less likely to work. Worth a shot, I guess (I've done it and found it makes things worse)--in the awesome event that it works, though, aww shit guys I satisfied a marijuana craving this evening. I'm just fighting my addictions, marijuana is the least of my concerns, but sometimes it gets me on the ropes, and I take hits, literally.

But as far as my two drugs of choice: Empathogens and stimulants, I have resisted for 120 days, which since I relapsed on DXM once, my count is somewhere around sixty I would guess. I did come to a bitter realization:

The MASH song, "Suicide is Painless" (Nick Drake) -- I think I finally know what it's all about. It's about my addiction. Painlessly killing myself. But it was so good. SO fucking good.But I don't trust that. I can't trust that it was good. So I'm pissed off right now, because I'm dealing with this stupid shit when I should be singing Christmas carols and watching Dr. Who Christmas Specials (Rare American Dr. Who lover and fan from the Tom Baker days.)

Christmas is definitely trigger season for me.
 
Thanks neversick. What do you mean +1? Will it be your bday too? Thanks! First time I've been on a forum at Christmas.

Would just like to say thanks to mods n people here over last four months, for putting up with me n not giving up on me when I haven't been an angel at times. I really feel I've made a home with BL n love the people here n the support etc. it all
Means a lot. Also I'd like to apologise to the mods here for some of the things I've said n accusations made. I was totally wrong. I hope you don't mind me putting this here.

But although I'm sorry I don't regret some things as all mistakes are lessons to be learnt :)

Also Merry Christmas n to those of you struggling this year my thoughts are with you n you got a good place here in Bluelight.

Hugs,
Evey :(
)
 
Yeah I feel like my head was just getting back to an ok place after being through a lot of turbulent shit in the last few months. I found out I was used by 2 guys for 3 months basically for sex, I was pretty much a sex slave :/. After moving out of their house I started using ice daily around 3 months ago and used for about 2 months daily and went on a 3 week no-sleep binge which I got arrested 3 times during(no charges thank god!) ended up psychotic and all this was because of what happened with these guys(Its a very long story but in short I was stupid enough to think I was in love and they with me[yes a 3 way relationship] yet they had been together for 13 years, how fucking dumb of me hey!?!) Ive lost a lot of friends and wouldnt be suprised if ive contracted HepC and HIV in this time through unsafe sex and injecting practises. Heroin never let me let my guard down to the point of being this wreckless, but meth man..... Wow! Ive been a dabbler for almost 10 years but this binge just fucked me.

It all sounds pretty horrible but honestly after living with the constant reminder of all these fucked up things every day at first it was really hard but over time its transforming me from a person filled with shame, guilt, depression and anxiety - basically a person filled with weakness and negativity, into a strong person that takes responsibility for his actions and am making it on my own. Not many people have stuck by me through this time so its interesting to find out that some of the people you thought would always be there for me are nowhere to be found. My mum is my saviour though, im pretty lucky. Ive seen so many people lose their parents but my mum has always stuck by me. And with the HepC and HIV, im not worrying until I know for sure then if I find out I have one or both then ill have to take the appropriate actions to keep it under control. No point in crying over spilt milk, I fucked up(ive fucked up a million times) and now I have to unfuck myself up lol Its possible.

If I can stop using meth and then work on the benzos(thank god im not dependent, its just nice to have some calm in my crazy sea of insanity every now and then and benzos provide that) Most doctors would fall over if they saw how much xanax I can down without much of an effect. I need almost 20mg to feel what 1mg did to me in the beginning. Im finding im nearing the end of my journey with drugs. My tolerance to almost every kind of drug is just insane and its costing too much money for an unsatisfactory result. I refuse to use IV after the other night too so im moving forward I think. Funny though that this point I smoked has relaxed me and levelled my head out. Im not anxious or worrying about the things I was this morning, I feel pretty normal. Thats the whole allure of this drug, ive never felt normal and meth gives me that feeling. Im not afraid of anything, which probably isnt healthy. But right here, right now(and im always telling people to "live in the now" not future or past because these things are not important right now) Im feeling positive about my future. That may sound strange but I think ive needed to go through this to realise that my life deserves a lot more in it and I need to give myself a lot more respect! Life is pretty special when you stop to look around for a second........
 
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1/4c. flour
1/4c. sugar
1/8c (2Tbsp). cocoa powder (non sweetened)
1/8c. (2Tbsp)~ (I use a little less) oil
1/8c (2Tbsp). water

Stir everything until it's mixed and microwave for 1 minute = brownie in a cup. Legit.
 
I know what I'm having for dessert tonight! Sounds so easy, and perfect for PMS and cramps haha :D
 
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