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How High Are You? v. This Isnt Planet Earth

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Doing my last piece of heroin, about to get nice and cozy too :) Will probably watch an ep of the Sopranos and enjoy my high, & then snuggle into bed. I love how the sheets and blankets feel when I'm really high - like they're made of 600 thread-count Egyptian cotton %)
 
Going to cuddle with kittens after doing a few bags of dope :3
my friend came through and he brought over some for me <3
ahhhhh, this is ahmazing and I just want to curl up into a ball, but after this cigarette.
 
I was getting high on 3-meo-pcp and I made my brother overdose on it when he took it from me. He was sick this morning and he asked for some xanax and hydrocodone so I gave him 1mg xanax and 15mg hydrocodone. He was acting weird like he might have been a little high. Later he told me he shot up the xanax with a needle and syringe he found in my room. Later, we were looking for something in the top of my chest of drawers and I found this small one serving bottle of vodka and I took a sip. I said it tasted like I had something dissolved in it. He thought I meant something to get high on and I told him that it was just an OTC dietary supplement and I did not remember what it was. He took a drink and agreed it tasted bitter. He told me that drugs felt much better when you shoot them up with vodka. I told him that was a bad idea. He said he shot up with vodka and whiskey a lot of times. I told him it was apple pie flavor and it had something else dissolved in it. He took my clean syringe and needle (not the one he found to shoot up xanax) and I told him to stop. He injected that vodka into his vein and left the room. I got high on a moderate dose of 3-meo-pcp later and was going to inject the rest into my muscle. He comes in and finally sees that syringe. I told him not to do it and I took the syringe but he made me give it to him. I told him it was probably too much and it might be dangerous to IV it. I asked him to stop. I asked him to just do half of it to see how much he needed after he took it from me. He would not listen. He shot it all up in his vein. He had been fucked up for two days I can see looking back. I had just thought he was feeling really depressed about life situations I won't discuss here. We found he stole almost all of a 180 pill bottle of 7.5/325 hydrocodones and maybe 50 0.5mg alprazolam pills that I found were missing after we dragged what looked like his dying body into the living room out of my bedroom. Earlier my mom noticed that much of her hydrocodone and most of my hydrocodone had gone missing. Don't know if he used it or sold it. Anyway, it was my 3-meo-pcp that I allowed him to take away from me that almost killed him perhaps in combination with whatever other drugs he was fucked up on.

I used to have fleeting thoughts when I was like 8-11 years old that I was a mistake of God. By the time I was 13, I just took it as a fact until I became an atheist who believed the world would be better if I was dead. That feeling went away when I was 18 and did not come back strong until I was 27, when I once again saw the truth. Over the last month I have felt that I have actually been having a positive impact on the world and my death would be a minor tragedy of some kind. Now I can clearly see that I am the master of disaster and a black hole beyond redemption - one of God's bigger mistakes. The world would be significantly better if this mistake of God corrected itself. I intend to correct God's tragic mistake in an irreversible way, but not right now. I have some things to sort out.

It is not New Year's yet, but my New Year's resolution is to not be alive to make another New Year's resolution after this new year begins. All I bring is pain and tragedy to everyone around me. I am worth less than nothing. I am an abomination of God and I should face the wrath of Hell's torment. Worthless negative scum and a waste of breath. Nobody should have to breathe the same atoms that have entered and exited my lungs. Nobody should be contaminated with atoms that have been part of my body or that have touched my body or went through my body. My brother is okay now, but he almost died. I am not going to terminate my life and nullify my existence for a while because I have some things to wrap up. I just hope I don't spread too much darkness and pain through the empty void of the Earth before my self nullification in the cellar with bottles of many different sedatives and dissociatives passing out while melting dry ice turns it into a fatal gas chamber.

Right now I am about to get fucked out of my head on unknown amounts of 3-meo-pcp, some pills I won't waste my time listing, and lots of weed unless the fucking pigs or worthless government scumbags come to raid my house. I have this really sharp suicide murder knife I keep with me to stab my throat if anyone tries to take me and I will murder anyone who tries to kill my pets.

This is not my final post. You will likely know when it comes. You may not know it is my last post at first but you will probably figure out eventually when I am rotting scum in the dirt. Now time to blast off with eyeballed doses of 3-meo-pcp into some oblivion out of this place. May death be close to me tonight. May my breath be taken away in silence. I wish I could somehow erase all traces of my existence and all impact I have had on this world so the damage could be undone, but I do not have that power. I am going into a new phaze of this night of flowing golden dust on vapor clouds of wind. The drugs take over and I flow as a stream of particles and goodnight.

Updatate:
Started wearing off to much. rinsed my 25C-NBOMe bag with a chunk of 3-meo-pcp to inject in muscle for new brightness and with the smoke power of weed and calm alprazolam and hydrocodone love.
 
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Just puked bitter green acid shit with blood in it

And now I go into an intense state of manic bliss in Hell and Heaven like they are both on the same side

I keep seeing people but they are not there

How do I know when the real people are in my room?

My blood pressure is 142/79 pulse 81 so I think I am probably still alive

Is this Bluelight or Google Circles?

Update: Shoot more smoke more like a drug whore man whore

All of this was serious at the time it was happening and it is not about to come to an end unless I am forced against my will to stop or I just decide to stop on my own. Nobody but Bluelight and weird Google, YouTube, and Animals Asia Freaks who thought I was significant enough to put me in their circles know what I am doing any way and I don't know why they give a fuck. I don't know what kind of damage I am doing to them and they won't tell me what the fuck I am doing wrong. I just want to fix the problem I have created but I don't understand it and nobody will help me.
 
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It sounds like your depression is caused by you being too good of a person T*D. Its weird saying this but you need to.care less. There is no way one person can have such a negative effect on the world. There are people out there who love making the world a chaotic Hell hole and they are fine while you are actively trying to make it better, but for some reason you are only seeing the negative. Good luck man I really hope you stick around you have a huge heart.

Ron first thing in the morning ahhh so good. Gonna drink some coffee and make some pancakes soon.
 
I was almost sober an hour ago, then I smoked weed.

Now I am probably about to go to the hospital for a most undignified reason. No glorious freaked out suicidal maniac or evil homicidal asshole. Just an asshole that won't let shit go. Six enemas and nothing comes out but there is a monster turd up there. I fear if I try to push harder it will really rip me a new one for real. I don't want to go. I don't want to do it. I don't know if I have a fucking choice because I can't get it out and I am told that it could become serious if I keep waiting,

OMFG.

You are probably LYFAO at this, aren't you?
 
Drank a Samuel Adams Old Fezziwig Ale and it was nice and delightful. The 3-meo-pcp I squirted up my ass was too but I did not taste it. I somehow do taste it later - kind of sweet like candy. It doesn't matter if it goes up the ass or into a muscle. It has a nice taste 2 or 3 hours in. I am in a manic state of bliss. I have no right to be happy. I should be depressed because the world is in such sad shape. I do think I am making it better in some way. Nobody is letting me in on it yet. Gonna smoke some weed.

I don't know what to think of the Animals Asia circle. They put me in their circle like four or five days after I started fucking with circles and I did not know what I was doing and I still don't know what I am doing. I am the most insignificant person in that circle. Everyone else in the circle is either a big shot at the charity, operates another charity, or is a big donor or fundraiser or highly educated person. I am nobody. Why do they want to put me in their circle? I can't take myself out of their circle because they want me in their circle. I don't know what kind of damage I have done to them. They won't tell me what I did wrong. It is like they are conducting an experiment to see if they can make me commit suicide to stop the damage that I am unintentionally inflicting on them. I don't think they realize they are dealing with a real nut who will remove himself from this Earth to make it a better place if that is what I have to do. I won't do it tonight. I will try to figure out why they are trying to fuck with my head and put me through hell by letting me damage them. I'll try to contact somebody from their end and see if it is just some misunderstanding. If they want me to stop promoting them why don't they find a better way to tell me to fuck off? I don't understand.

I only wanted to help them and now there is a tragedy unfolding somewhere and I am blind to it.

I also know that The Walking Dead are coming for real soon. I am in a well guarded compound when the shit goes down. We call them walkers too, But I am in a safe compound that has a functioning economy, internet, and even Bluelight is there. There are various codes for different kinds of runs. I am somehow a big shot who doesn't have to do anything if I don't want too but I go on runs anyway. They had me go on a PC run. They said I would function well on MB and BL runs but they did not tell me what those acronyms meant. There are other run codes that I know the meaning of and some that mean nothing to me.

Well, lets see what 3-meo-pcp on aluminum foil does after a hit of weed repeat 3-meo-pcp and weed with a Samuel Adams Cherry Chocolate Bock special release. It Sounds like it will have a good smelling taste on my lips, tongue, nose, and in my eyes and mouth. It might feel good coming out of my dick later. Let all the senses entwine.
 
I have the whole bag of powder now. I can do anything now. I can do things that I should not do. I'll do things that won't kill me. If I OD I have someone by my side to save my life if an accident happens. Well, I can't go to Hell for this now can I? I hope I don't accidentally commit suicide tonight. Goodnight, Bluelight.

I'll see you in my dreams tomorrow today last night tomorrow night yesterday night in the future night past night. It will soon almost be late night and then it will be early morning in the dark under the stars. I wonder who might be stargazing back at us?
 
Sober as a bird. I think this might be hell lol

Bouta see if I can scrape up any booze and get a buzz on then smoke a digusting refry to top it off
:p
 
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There used to be something called sleep I did at night or noon or whenever I got around to it. Maybe it doesn't exist for me anymore.

Right now I just had this mellow combination:
3mg clonazapam, 3.5mg alprazolam, 135mg hydrocodone, 200mg seroquel, 50mg diphenhydramine, and 600mg cimetidine to potentiate the hydrocodone.

Also having a bottle of Samuel Adams Cherry Chocolate Bock Special Release lager. That will be followed by a Samuel Adams Limited Release White Christmas Ale brewed with spices.
 
oh i have a good buzz going, believe that. 25mgs of 2ce hcl.+ 7mgs of 4acodmt + 9mgs of Alprazolam+ dank cannabis.=D
 
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