so purplekush are you attempting to come off benzos, are do you simply wish to find a long acting one that is effective for you?
If the latter, I would suggest klonopin (even if though you say your supply is drying up I bet you could get a script). I find klonopin more similar to Xanax than diazepam, but I think there might be something to the idea that most long lasting benzos are more muscle relaxing then hypnotic. So perhaps klonopin supplemented with Xanax when the anxiety attacks become to much? Play around, I am sure there is combination of short acting benzos to control the attacks, while long lasting benzos will allow you to sleep and cover up the most severe of benzo withdrawal, the hot flashes and convulsions (and whatever other symptoms you may experience while you let your levels adjust to the long lasting benzo with less short acting benzo, for me, I experience diarrhea, head aches, high blood pressure, and a racing heart, but the muscle relaxing benzos will stop these symptoms even if you still experience anxiety).
Before I go on I strongly recommend whatever you want to do, you should immediately begin doing it under a doctors supervision. It does not need to be a shrink, it can be your family physician (but I would suggest maybe keeping a more open mind to therapy, it really is unfair to cast them in a black and white, drug peddling, good or bad narrative).
if its the former you are trying to accomplish my answer probably isn't what you want to here but it is my answer nonetheless. I would say if you are at the point where you are taking 6 mg or more of Xanax a day or more, experiencing hot flashes only 2-3 hours after your last dose, and only getting 4 hours of sleep a night (I believe that it what you said, apologies if I'm wrong) or require a zdrug for sleep (remember that benzos, zdrugs and alcohol all act on the same GABA receptors, albeit they are all more selective for particular types of subreceptors) then you are in a bit of hole. It's not the end of the world, many on these forums have been in the same hole before (including myself 3 times, in fact in the last week I recently completed a taper from 6 mg of Xanax a day successfully and have begun "phase two" of benzo detox, the post taper several months of feeling shitty phase). I'll talk a little more about that later. But what I'm getting at is that is it is possible, no matter how unlikely it may seem, to come off benzos.
Most of the current literature on benzos is beginning to say that long term placement on benzos is completely inappropriate in most circumstances, more destructive then the disorders doctors would prescribe them for, or like me and you, self medicated (I believe that is what you said, again, apologies if I misread). This is because of the rapid tolerance build up, requiring ever increasing dosage to achieve minimal returns, the rebound effects of what you are trying to cover up with benzos and the devastating (read: deadly) withdrawal syndrome. The current literature is coming to reflect that benzos should really only be used in the short term, under the supervision of doctors who know how to taper on and taper off effectively, until you can find a more appropriate medication to take and development of appropriate coping skills.
Anyways that's all kind of irrelevant if you are only using benzos to get high, but I believe you said you both like to get high on benzos and use them to self medicate. If that is the case then you and I are in a pretty similar boat. I began using benzos to get high, but discovered almost instantly that these were medicine I had been searching for my whole life, while doctors gave me completely ineffective ssri's and adhd medication. Benzos allowed me to breathe, to calm myself so that I could take a step back and look at the world without manic or depressive tendencies, to be able to handle my own thoughts like I never knew I could. Since childhood I suffered from insomonia, benzos allowed me to sleep. They allowed me not to be ruled by emotions for the first time in my adult life. I truly believe I had found a miracle medicine. The first time I became addicted to benzos, I knew nothing of the withdrawal syndrome and in fact I reasoned that since doctors prescribed benzos so much it would not be all that bad to begin taking them daily to self medicate. Not to mention, I loved getting high off them. Opiates were more euphoric, but benzos became my baseline, an all day drugged up serenity that I had never imagined. They allowed hours on my clock to fly by no matter what I was doing, I was never bored no matter what I did. It was heaven.
Flash forward several months later and I was using 8 mg of klonopin a day. I decided to come off them, mainly because I was frustrated at how slow my brain had started working and I wished to regain the full cognition that I had once had, and since I knew nothing of the withdrawal syndrome, or that it even existed I just cold turkeyed. 2 days of sweating, complete insomnia, muscle cramps, blood pressure through the roof, a heart pounding so fast I was scared of a heart attack, and throbbing headaches later I had my first benzo withdrawal seizure. Anyways without giving you my life story I read up online, realized how addicted to benzos I was and how seriously you need to take benzo detox if you decide to come off. detoxed off benzos safely, then got addicted again the 2nd time believing I would control my usage to keep from developing a physical dependency, but those plans quickly went out the window.
The second time I came off benzos my withdrawal syndrome was so severe, even under a pretty prolonged detox, that I had to begin betablockers for my blood pressure and heart and anxiety attack induced hotflashes. I took 25 mg of metoprolol a day as my betablocker, and I truly believe this was an essential and life saving medication necessary to complete my detox, and many who have been in a similar situation agree. To deal with the insomonia I was prescribed mirtazapine (another holy grail type medication, for me anyways. Let me sleep and gain back the weight I loss. I forgot to mention that when I become addicted to benzos, for whatever the reason, my whole digestive system is thrown out of whack and I become a 6 foot male weighing 130 pounds, no matter how much I eat), and trazadone (another sleeping medication). Anyways got through that, and a few months after I had completed my 2nd taper, my body had returned to homeostasis and I was able to discontinue all the medications. However a few months after that, I found myself in perhaps the darkest place I have been in my entire life, completely at the point of willing to throw in the towel so to speak, and became addicted to benzos for the 3rd time. Once again though (with the help of some one I could talk to and who actually gave me concrete advise) I was willing to come off benzos again. For the 3rd time I entered the benzo taper, and I will briefly mention that in benzo/zdrug/alcohol withdrawal there is a process called kindling, which I believe no other class of drug shares, that means each time you get addicted and go through another withdrawal the withdrawal symptoms will always be more severe by several factors. This time I was put on, and am still currently taking and probably will be for at least another 6 months before I am willing to see if I have returned to somewhat of homeostasis and coming off these life saving medicines: 50 mg of metoprolol to control withdrawal induced heart palpitations, hot flashes, night sweats and ceiling high blood pressure. I have worked up 200 mg of trazadone (for sleep, 4 times then what I was taking during last detox) 30 mg of mirtazapine (for sleep, 2 times more then in last withdrawal), 0.75 mg of hyoscoamine daily (to control withdrawal induced irritable bowel syndrome and diarrhea), 200 mg of omeprazole daily (to help control withdrawal related acidic puking), and 300 mg of Seroquel a day (to help with bi polar, this is a medicine that has nothing to do with the withdrawal, except to say that it helps deal with some of the things I was self medicating, however many people do not find this medicine no where near as helpful as I do and I consider myself lucky). I mention all this of only so that you can see how necessary having a doctor assist me in this process was. I don't see a shrink, just go to my family physician once a month, but it is a life saving god send.
I know just giving you my story might seem irrelevant, and perhaps it is but it was therapeutic for me and maybe if you see any similarities you might be interested in trying what has at least helped me a bit, when I at one point legitimately thought I would be on benzos for the rest of my life and that there was no other option, something I truly do not believe today.
