I understand what you are saying, everything just seems to become so very... depressing and hopeless now. About manipulating people etc, ha I do that by telling people half truths.... all the time. I really need to stop doing that, but to be honest with you, I am scared of being honest with people (I know that sounds counterintuitive but ha) because I don't want them to see or know the 'real' me. I don't even know the real me but I am sure he is not very nice.
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Alcoholism Discussion Thread Version 6.0
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I understand what you are saying, everything just seems to become so very... depressing and hopeless now. About manipulating people etc, ha I do that by telling people half truths.... all the time. I really need to stop doing that, but to be honest with you, I am scared of being honest with people (I know that sounds counterintuitive but ha) because I don't want them to see or know the 'real' me. I don't even know the real me but I am sure he is not very nice.
Gratuitous Grace
Bluelighter
Very early sobriety comes with a flood of feelings -- no question! Just keep them in check. Feelings are not facts. And they change -- frequently(!)
Yeah ... no more half-truths. (Well, for me, it was more like 3% truth -- you know, just for flavor ... to make the story sound a little more believable!) I think you're going to find two things starting to happen.
The first is, the real you is going to show itself and actually be a much more appealing and likeable person than you ever imagined. Let's face it: most drunks are assholes. Most sober people are actually pretty cool. And those pretty cool sober people were once drunk assholes. Don't worry -- that's another change that takes care of itself for the most part. Yeah ... you've got to want to change. But, you *will* want to change. The rest just happens. It'll actually dawn on you that it might be good to be a decent person for a change. Who would of thought?!?
(Seriously, you're already a decent person. It comes through very clearly in your posts. You can relax about that.)And the second thing is, there's really no choice in the matter. Once you really face up to this, you'll discover that there's no one to be other than the real you. No other options or possibilities. None of the old disguises fit anymore. It's like you outgrew them or something, and you can't even get them on. Several sizes too small, the wrong shape, out of style. You're not going to want to go back. You're going to like the new you. And if you find some things that need improvement ... well ... at least you can address those in a coherent way. And not through an alcohol-laden haze.
But honestly, this is all really futuristic stuff. Like, waaay out there somewhere. Doesn't need to concern us right now. Trust me ... this stuff will take care of itself. It really will. The only project right in front of us is not drinking for the rest of the night. Just like last night. Same thing. And we can do that for sure.
CartmansKitty
Greenlighter
okay, looked at my schedule. 7 days, woop. longest i've gone in years. i feel so... smart
Congratulations cdin!! That is an awesome achievement. Keep it going - you are obviously doing the right things to keep yourself motivated, so I won't speak but remember - baby steps if you have to!
And sorry - Glitter how rude of me - congratulations!
I hope everyone else is doing well! June - are you around? Not heard from you in a bit - I hope everything is ok with you. N3o and noonoo - I really hope that everything is ok with you both too.
CartmansKitty
Greenlighter
Very early sobriety comes with a flood of feelings -- no question! Just keep them in check. Feelings are not facts. And they change -- frequently(!)
Yeah ... no more half-truths. (Well, for me, it was more like 3% truth -- you know, just for flavor ... to make the story sound a little more believable!) I think you're going to find two things starting to happen.
The first is, the real you is going to show itself and actually be a much more appealing and likeable person than you ever imagined. Let's face it: most drunks are assholes. Most sober people are actually pretty cool. And those pretty cool sober people were once drunk assholes. Don't worry -- that's another change that takes care of itself for the most part. Yeah ... you've got to want to change. But, you *will* want to change. The rest just happens. It'll actually dawn on you that it might be good to be a decent person for a change. Who would of thought?!?
And the second thing is, there's really no choice in the matter. Once you really face up to this, you'll discover that there's no one to be other than the real you. No other options or possibilities. None of the old disguises fit anymore. It's like you outgrew them or something, and you can't even get them on. Several sizes too small, the wrong shape, out of style. You're not going to want to go back. You're going to like the new you. And if you find some things that need improvement ... well ... at least you can address those in a coherent way. And not through an alcohol-laden haze.
But honestly, this is all really futuristic stuff. Like, waaay out there somewhere. Doesn't need to concern us right now. Trust me ... this stuff will take care of itself. It really will. The only project right in front of us is not drinking for the rest of the night. Just like last night. Same thing. And we can do that for sure.
Sorry for double posting, but Grace, this is awesome stuff. Thank you.
nuttynutskin
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 15, 2011
- Messages
- 10,725
I guess this is the place for this... Something I was concerned about, my last bender lasting about 9 days. On the 8th day I didn't drink and experienced probably the worst dts I ever have although I've drank just as much if not more for way longer and didn't experience feeling nearly as bad. This kind of concerned me because I felt like I had the flu which I never felt before. I guess it was hot flashes because my temp was actually below normal, and my hands were pretty damn shaky to the point where it was fairly noticeable if I was pouring something or picking up a drink. I also experienced anxiety and what felt like mini anxiety attacks and my guts felt pretty messed up for a good few days.
This is really the only time my drinking worried me as far as what I was doing to myself physically but I don't understand why, because like I said I've drank just as much before and not really had so much as a hangover when I quit, even after a month or so of heavy drinking. I wonder if my body is just becoming more intolerable to alcohol or if I've done some sort of damage. I don't know but my days of even moderately heavy drinking might be over. I don't want to do irreversible damage to my organs.
This is really the only time my drinking worried me as far as what I was doing to myself physically but I don't understand why, because like I said I've drank just as much before and not really had so much as a hangover when I quit, even after a month or so of heavy drinking. I wonder if my body is just becoming more intolerable to alcohol or if I've done some sort of damage. I don't know but my days of even moderately heavy drinking might be over. I don't want to do irreversible damage to my organs.
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Congratulations cdin!! That is an awesome achievement. Keep it going - you are obviously doing the right things to keep yourself motivated, so I won't speak but remember - baby steps if you have to!
And sorry - Glitter how rude of me - congratulations!
I hope everyone else is doing well! June - are you around? Not heard from you in a bit - I hope everything is ok with you. N3o and noonoo - I really hope that everything is ok with you both too.
thank you, i cant believe ive actualy gone over 24 hours without a drink, its tempting to go and try and get something but i kind of want to see how long i can last
DrinksWithEvil
Bluelighter
Well its 10 here in Hawaii and I'm drinking, last night I frank three beers and 750ml of cheap vodka... I don't want to quit but want to cut down and wait till 5.but I have hep can I'm playing with fire
I've drank every day for the past year
and I'm on suboxen which I have to get off soon so sib withdrawals and a booze problem will not be pretty
I've drank every day for the past year
and I'm on suboxen which I have to get off soon so sib withdrawals and a booze problem will not be pretty
Very early sobriety comes with a flood of feelings -- no question! Just keep them in check. Feelings are not facts. And they change -- frequently(!)
Yeah ... no more half-truths. (Well, for me, it was more like 3% truth -- you know, just for flavor ... to make the story sound a little more believable!) I think you're going to find two things starting to happen.
The first is, the real you is going to show itself and actually be a much more appealing and likeable person than you ever imagined. Let's face it: most drunks are assholes. Most sober people are actually pretty cool. And those pretty cool sober people were once drunk assholes. Don't worry -- that's another change that takes care of itself for the most part. Yeah ... you've got to want to change. But, you *will* want to change. The rest just happens. It'll actually dawn on you that it might be good to be a decent person for a change. Who would of thought?!?
And the second thing is, there's really no choice in the matter. Once you really face up to this, you'll discover that there's no one to be other than the real you. No other options or possibilities. None of the old disguises fit anymore. It's like you outgrew them or something, and you can't even get them on. Several sizes too small, the wrong shape, out of style. You're not going to want to go back. You're going to like the new you. And if you find some things that need improvement ... well ... at least you can address those in a coherent way. And not through an alcohol-laden haze.
But honestly, this is all really futuristic stuff. Like, waaay out there somewhere. Doesn't need to concern us right now. Trust me ... this stuff will take care of itself. It really will. The only project right in front of us is not drinking for the rest of the night. Just like last night. Same thing. And we can do that for sure.
Really, yoiur posts are awesome and very encouraging but sometimes it is just so difficult to see ANYTHING positive when the first thing you want to do when you wake up is burst out crying and cant stop hating myself for ruining my life and turning it into what it is now. Well, its not even really a life to be fair
.
CartmansKitty
Greenlighter
Really, yoiur posts are awesome and very encouraging but sometimes it is just so difficult to see ANYTHING positive when the first thing you want to do when you wake up is burst out crying and cant stop hating myself for ruining my life and turning it into what it is now. Well, its not even really a life to be fair
Well Crampz I just read this and paused. This seems to be a problem for all alcoholics. (I did it for a long time after giving it up - until I saw a councillor) It is getting out of that "poor me" mindset.
So, you've drank a bit. It is done. Let it go. There's nothing that you can do to get the last decade back. Yes, you have made your life what it is at present. It was all you. It was your decision to pick up the bottle, and now you have finally made the decision to put it back down.
Now this is what I had to learn. Just because you have set that bottle down, things are not going to be suddenly flowery and happy, and everything is great. No - now is the time that you have to rebuild. Sure you are going to get flashbacks (I did on an almost constant basis) of what a complete asshole you have been while you were drinking, but YOU have to get over it.
YOU have to start building. Life still goes on around you, and, unless you want to be left a character that everyone pities, you have to move on with it.
Everyone makes mistakes. Hell, I have done shitloads in my life that I regret. However, if I paused and wallowed in regretting them for too long, I'd probably be picking up the bottle again.
Counselling really, really helped me with that. Would you be able to access a counselling service where you are? On top of my counselling, I was also diagnosed with depression, and, got on meds that still help me to this day. I then formulated a plan about how I was going to change me, because the old me clearly wasn't working.
For instance - I changed my surname. A lot of my issues stemmed from my family (that I also cleaned all contact with out of my life). It was a small thing, but mentally I felt like it was a new start. I enrolled in a study course that I enjoy. I began to make cards, and immersed myself in my beloved computer games. I concentrated on getting the relationship between me and my partner back on track as that had taken an utter hammering from drinking. I began to get our house redecorated. I then started to repair friend relationships - friends had only really seen me smashed before, so it took some time for them to see the new me.
Nowadays, I have my little family around me - my partner and our 6 cats. (Yes, we are crazy cat ladies!) Nothing pleases me more than a night in front of my Xbox, (because I'm a sad bastard!) and a takeaway.
All of these things don't fall into your lap. You first have to start thinking about what you want from life, and how you are going to go about getting them.
Go for a full medical check if you are worried that you have damaged yourself. As I said in a previous post - I had a liver function test done shortly after I quit, and, my liver had been damaged. Before my operation 2 months ago they did the same check to see how my body would cope under anaesthesia, and it was functioning fine. That is 5 years later. If you are good to your body from here on out, and don't go back on the sauce, the liver will repair itself. I've since had full blood work done, and I am in tip top shape.
If you sit there and feel sorry for yourself you will accomplish nothing. You have everything to gain now - don't let this be another opportunity that you will live to regret in later years.
Peace out.
Thank you.
I have had about 10 counselling sessions so far, and some of the techniques I have been learning have kind of been helping, but when I am writing in the book she gave me to write these things in I just feel like I am lying to myself when I try and say anything positive about me whatsoever. She says that this is because it is so ingrained into my brain to think this way and I need to keep doing it everyday.
I do have a few hobbies and I have been exercising regularly for about the last 3 weeks or so. But not having a job and studying a course and being encouraged to pursue a career Im not even sure I want is kind of depressing. I saw 'I'm not sure I want' because I just think 'nobody is going to give you a chance and normal people struggle to get that job, let alone a college drop out drunk with probable severe cognitive impairments.
I'm prescribed antidepressants but to be honest I want to stop taking them, I'm not sure if they are helping (lets face it, it doesnt sound like it) and i think they are making me hungrier which doesn;t help when I want to get myself in shape after eating crap and drinking one hell of a lot.
Ahh I dunno, I'm just stuck in a rut I guess
I have had about 10 counselling sessions so far, and some of the techniques I have been learning have kind of been helping, but when I am writing in the book she gave me to write these things in I just feel like I am lying to myself when I try and say anything positive about me whatsoever. She says that this is because it is so ingrained into my brain to think this way and I need to keep doing it everyday.
I do have a few hobbies and I have been exercising regularly for about the last 3 weeks or so. But not having a job and studying a course and being encouraged to pursue a career Im not even sure I want is kind of depressing. I saw 'I'm not sure I want' because I just think 'nobody is going to give you a chance and normal people struggle to get that job, let alone a college drop out drunk with probable severe cognitive impairments.
I'm prescribed antidepressants but to be honest I want to stop taking them, I'm not sure if they are helping (lets face it, it doesnt sound like it) and i think they are making me hungrier which doesn;t help when I want to get myself in shape after eating crap and drinking one hell of a lot.
Ahh I dunno, I'm just stuck in a rut I guess
CartmansKitty
Greenlighter
Thank you.
I have had about 10 counselling sessions so far, and some of the techniques I have been learning have kind of been helping, but when I am writing in the book she gave me to write these things in I just feel like I am lying to myself when I try and say anything positive about me whatsoever. She says that this is because it is so ingrained into my brain to think this way and I need to keep doing it everyday.
I do have a few hobbies and I have been exercising regularly for about the last 3 weeks or so. But not having a job and studying a course and being encouraged to pursue a career Im not even sure I want is kind of depressing. I saw 'I'm not sure I want' because I just think 'nobody is going to give you a chance and normal people struggle to get that job, let alone a college drop out drunk with probable severe cognitive impairments.
I'm prescribed antidepressants but to be honest I want to stop taking them, I'm not sure if they are helping (lets face it, it doesnt sound like it) and i think they are making me hungrier which doesn;t help when I want to get myself in shape after eating crap and drinking one hell of a lot.
Ahh I dunno, I'm just stuck in a rut I guess
Don't worry. The counselling seems whack at first - especially when you have been training your brain for such a long time to think one way. Alcohol is a major depressive. A person must think of themselves as pretty worthless to keep on pouring that crap into themselves day after day, so your brain is dealing with that, never mind the alcohol. Our brains rely on a delicate balance of chemicals and processes. Alcohol is a depressant, it disrupts that balance, affecting our thoughts, feelings and actions – and sometimes our long-term mental health. This is partly down to ‘neurotransmitters’, chemicals that help to transmit signals from one nerve in the brain to another. So, we have to train ourselves to think another way. My advice is to stick with the counselling - it really, really helped me, and soon the superlatives about yourself will come. You should write down that you chose to give up alcohol - that is a bloody brave step. So that is the first obstacle.
The second obstacle is our thinking "Oh shit, I can't have any more fun now for the rest of my life - alcohol made things such fun. What about parties? What am I going to do at Christmases and Birthdays? My life is going to be so shit from now on." I had that thinking on my second attempt at giving it up. This attempt was not successful because I told myself I could drink then and it all would be fine. We of course know otherwise. On my final successful attempt at giving it up I still had to wrestle with this in my head. Sure it means we have to forgo alcohol at these events, but honestly, you learn to enjoy these events better without it. I never, ever, thought I would hear myself say that. It is so true. When everyone else is falling around and acting like a tit, you are there clean and sober. The best part is that you totally remember that you didn't piss anyone off in the scramble the next day to think what you did the day before, and more importantly that you didn't drunkenly telephone/text a friend/ex making a complete arse of yourself. I did the latter quite a lot, I would scramble to get my phone with a banging head, and check who I last called. When I realised that I had called someone, I would immediately feel so sick. The same would happen when someone called me to say I made a complete arsehole out of myself at the office party. I once told my boss that I hated her guts, and that she was a complete fucktard to work for. You can imagine I needed more than a few stiff ones that Monday morning just to have the bravado to go into work. So, we have to get ourselves out of the depression of that.
Next is the one I think you're struggling with at the minute - "I'm on anti depressants but they AREN'T BLOODY WORKIIIINNNGGGG!!!' If I had a pound for every time I screamed that, I could buy my Xbox One, and all the launch game line up. Ok. I was prescribed 'Seroxat' - I was on them for a few months, and after discussing how I was feeling with my doctor (I was feeling worse) he took me off them and prescribed 'Prozac' - the same thing happened. Then he prescribed me 'Citalopram' which I am taking still. This really, really opened the door for me. I had to give it a good month and a bit to see a real difference, but boy, it really helped. My panic attacks were a thing of the past - I had more confidence, I started taking more pride in my appearance. I was halfway to becoming me again. Yes, weight gain does happen - this is because your body is becoming super happy and content. After drinking myself down to 7stone, I needed to put on some weight! I took up swimming when the pounds began to really pile on, and kept myself to a good weight. My partner and I bought bikes - we went on bike rides together, and of course exercise = serotonin. Don't deny your body anything that it craves at the minute - (well, except alcohol of course!) it's been denied a lot for too long. Exercise will be able to get you back on track.
As for applying for jobs and stuff. Unless you go into interviews and tell people that you used to be a drunk, NOBODY has to know. I explain gaps on my CV as taking time out for some family issue. You are on an equal footing with everyone else. How many people drop out of college? Steve Jobs did - look what he did. Same with Mark Zuckerberg. Now I know they are gazillionaires, but if they did - fuck, there has to be soooo many others that have dropped out too and done just fine. Don't write yourself off before you even get in the game. Remember the job market is extremely tough at the minute. After Christmas I am hoping to train as a drug and alcohol counsellor because with my experiences, I really want to help other people. Now, I have no qualifications that could be used towards that sector at all except for an A level in psychology, but, I am willing to learn and do whatever it takes to succeed. Previously, I have always worked in call centres. I am going to be looking into volunteering at my local bureau after I get all my jaw issues sorted. (I don't think it would look very good to clients if I turned up smacked up on 'Dihydrocodeine' and 'Carbamazepine' each day!) Don't give up before you have even started. The world is out there, and, for the first time in a decade you can see it clearly.
There is so much to do and opportunities that are open to everyone - REGARDLESS of their background.
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nervousone
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2009
- Messages
- 414
So I think I am developing alcoholism on top of my drug addiction. That isn't even an honest statement; I *know* I've become an alcoholic.
This certainly wasn't the plan.
This certainly wasn't the plan.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
I have a quick question for you guys, as this has been re-occuring a few times now the last few weeks. I'll smash 12 beers and feel slightly tipsy, barely drunk. Then I put food in my stomach and I'm feeling drunk. Anyone got an explanation to this?
CartmansKitty
Greenlighter
The only explanation I have for this noonoo is perhaps the food is activating the alcohol. It's like the way they tell you to take your medication with food. It helps it work.
I think that's irrelevant anyway. The way you wrote "I'll smash 12 beers" seems almost to me bragging about how much you can drink. It certainly differs from the guy who really wanted to quit just a week ago. What has happened? Have you totally given up on sobriety?
CartmansKitty
Greenlighter
Sorry nuttynut - I totally missed this post! (And sorry guys for double posting!) This has kind of happened to me a long time ago. The longer we have been drinking, (in terms of years) the worse the withdrawals get when we stop. So how many benders have you been on before? I had been on quite a few, sometimes lasting two weeks, and the older I became, when I quit - wow my body didn't like that. I would shake, vomit, blow hot and cold, headaches, body aches etc. This didn't happen to me when I was 21 or 22 and drank for the same length of time - this was happening at 26. The anxiety - well, that was the worst. Panic attacks, feeling like I was going to die. Euuggghhhh it was horrible.
So, I ended up going to my doctor - to see what it was. It turned out to be severe alcohol withdrawal. He gave me some pills to help me through the worst of it.
I totally recommend first nuttynut that you too go to your doctor to get checked out. They can do all sorts to check that your organs are ok. Then maybe look at cutting down your alcohol intake. These episodes are only going to get worse as you get older.
Take care.
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Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
I feel like I can't do it. Have been trying to quit ever since I got hooked which was at 17....I am 28 now turning 29. During that period I've had some periods of sobriety which seemed like torture at times. I don't want to die because of alcohol but I feel powerless at the moment. I'm just following a destructive cycle and it seems easier to follow it then go against it. I know I'm being immature here and I should harden the fuck up but after so many attempts you give up after a while.
CartmansKitty
Greenlighter
I'm so sad that you have come to this conclusion.
"I don't want to die because of alcohol". You may not die down purely to alcohol, but your health is bound to start to be affected. You also mentioned that you had diabetes too - drinking on top of that dude cannot be good.
You also stated previously that your home life was suffering. If you keep going the way you are, it will only get worse. I know. My parents kicked me out.
I can't make you give it up. I can't make anyone give it up, much as I'd like to be able to. You say it's easier to follow this destructive cycle? Buckle up, because it is going to be one hell of a rocky ride where things just keep getting worse.
They say people need to hit their true rock bottom to make them see sense and really try. I guess you need to hit yours.
Good luck man.
junegreenjeans
Bluelighter
Cartsman Kitty, tried sending private but your box is full or something.
S, I don't think I can do this anymore.
He's getting mean and I started sleeping in the other room. When I hear him coming down the steps my heart starts beating and I feel what I though would be the last feeling I would get from him, fear.
I love this man. He told me he was a drinker right off the get go but I never thought it would be like this.
When he is him, he is the most wonderful man, mostly.
Do you think I have to leave him? Do you think that by staying I am enabling him without meaning to?
You told me once that your 'BING' moment happened when your love calmly left the room after finding the bottle, you thought she was going to leave you, that that was the moment you made your choice to fight for life without the bottle screwing the moves.
Cannot live in fear. Don't have what it takes.
Thought I could do this. feel like a failure and I am worried about him. so flippin worried but this is breaking me slowly, breaking me down. I'm screwed girl. Screwed. I can't do this anymore
What did your love do to handle this when you were still tangled in bottle? How did she cope day in day out? Why can't I save him?
S, I don't think I can do this anymore.
He's getting mean and I started sleeping in the other room. When I hear him coming down the steps my heart starts beating and I feel what I though would be the last feeling I would get from him, fear.
I love this man. He told me he was a drinker right off the get go but I never thought it would be like this.
When he is him, he is the most wonderful man, mostly.
Do you think I have to leave him? Do you think that by staying I am enabling him without meaning to?
You told me once that your 'BING' moment happened when your love calmly left the room after finding the bottle, you thought she was going to leave you, that that was the moment you made your choice to fight for life without the bottle screwing the moves.
Cannot live in fear. Don't have what it takes.
Thought I could do this. feel like a failure and I am worried about him. so flippin worried but this is breaking me slowly, breaking me down. I'm screwed girl. Screwed. I can't do this anymore
What did your love do to handle this when you were still tangled in bottle? How did she cope day in day out? Why can't I save him?
GenericName12
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 5, 2013
- Messages
- 192
The guilt you feel is very typical.
You can't save him. You HAVE to focus on yourself. He has to save himself. None of this is your fault.
Perhaps you could move out for a little while? If you're afraid, now is the time to go.
CartmansKitty
Greenlighter
First up - sorry June but I'm still a greenlighter, so my inbox is funny - I don't know what's going on with it.
Ok, I totally agree with Generic. This guilt is totally typical. My other half kinda knew what she was getting into, but didn't realise it was so bad. For the most part, I was a happy drunk. I wouldn't hurt a fly. It was more my other half coming home, finding me comatose and slapping me around trying to get me to see what I was doing out of pure frustration. Thinking now, I think I would have had the same response if the shoe was on the other foot. It didn't matter if she pleaded with me not to get drunk because we had some kind of function to go to that night, I would do the same thing day in, day out. So then she began to drink more with me to deal with it.
One night, we got soooo pissed that we ended up having a fist fight that left me with a huge bruise along my jaw the next day. I had to explain it as having teeth out when people remarked. The black eye was harder to explain. She sat me down and told me then that it had to stop. She had never hit anyone, and she didn't want to be like that. I did try for a few weeks, then went straight back to how I was.
She then tried to yell at me. Which was quite often since I would be utterly pissed by the time she came home from work with the house looking like a pig sty. We would sit and talk about my behaviour in my sober moments. She recommended counselling since I had a lot of baggage from my mother/family, and I would always say what she wanted to hear, then start drinking as soon as it was a reasonable time. When she started pleading with me to stop, I would always ask for more saying that that night would be the last.
By the time the vodka incident had occurred, our relationship was kind of in tatters anyhow. She had threatened to leave me countless times in the run up to that, and we hadn't been physically close in months. So when she found the vodka bottle and didn't say a thing, I knew that that was it.
I had done so much to her over the years, and she had taken it. She had tried to help me - she took me to countless alcohol advisory services, AA, the doctors, nothing had worked. I knew that she had had enough. And, by the time that came around so had I. This chemical was destroying everything. My relationships, my body, my jobs, it was caustic. I wasn't prepared now to lose the only person who had ever truly loved me ever over it. So yes, I had my 'Bing' moment, and I knew I had a fight on my hands.
My partner of course had heard it all before and didn't believe that this time was the real thing. "The proof of the pudding is in the eating". And I had a heck of a lot of trust to earn back.
So June, I was never a violent person so I can't advise you there. If he told you that he was a drinker - he cannot have used the words 'alcoholic' surely. It really is a classic addicts behaviour - he has knowingly put you in a position whereby he knew how bad his drinking was, and STILL expected you to deal with it. It is the same as I did to my partner - I certainly didn't use the chat up line "Oh, and honey- I'm an alcoholic - you cool with that?" it would have been an instant turn off, and yet, I still went ahead and entered a relationship, knowing fine well I really should have been sorting myself out first. He has done that to you June - he should be bloody grateful that you have stuck it out this long.
When you say he's getting mean what form is it taking? Physical, mental? I would suggest straight off the bat that if you are living in fear at any point to get out of there. You do not deserve this. It is not your problem that has to be sorted. And, to be honest, he is showing zero sign of wanting to sort out his problem. You've mentioned in previous posts when you talk to him about his drinking he just goes straight ahead, and drinks more.
"When he is him, he is the most wonderful man, mostly". The mostly at the end suggests doubt. However, does he have sober times? Do you guys sit down and talk about his problem? What does he say?
Woman to woman - I know that we women do need a hell of a lot from relationships. Honestly June - what are you getting from him when he is like this? My partner said that when I would have my sober weeks/months she at least knew that I had it in me to beat it eventually. Is there anything that he does or is doing that makes you think at least he wants to try and give it up?
YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. This is totally not a fight that you should have to take on. You cannot make him sober if he doesn't want to at least help himself. You don't have to worry about him either. Us alchies tend to follow the same pattern - get up-drink-run out-go to the shop to get more- drink- collapse.
You said that this is breaking you slowly, and in a previous post that you were drinking more because of this. My partner said that she had never drank so much in her life until she was with me. Any sunny day, we would be out in the garden drinking 'pimms' from 11am til around 4, I would stagger round to the shop to get me 12 cans of beer, and her 2 bottles of wine. That was a weekend. Of a weeknight, I would drink 8 cans of beer and my partner would drink a bottle and a half of wine. The eight cans of beer would be on top of what I had drunk in the day. Now, my partner is a teacher - she didn't like turning in for work feeling like shit every morning, and was starting to worry for her health.
You do not deserve this June. I'm afraid it may be time to go - if he is seeing that you are putting up with it and being a 'good little woman' and not saying anything, of course he will continue. If he sees true action, maybe he will be started into action.
Let us know how you go, and remember June - if you are really, really scared of him - get out of there now.
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