Gibberings CXLIX: Allergic to hay

[Bodda]

^^ not sure I know how that one works. sounds mega confusing

Come split your goodies with me & I'll show you how it's done.

Bloody Xmas stuff out, what the hell is going on? it seems to get more early each year.
Should be called "consumer mass" imo, looking forward to the German market back in Brum though & the mulled wine, only tried it for the first time last Xmas.

You better dress the horses up as horse deer Snolly

You know I was messing but looks pretty harsh :D - Honestly I took one Photo ! (bearing in mind I can take 40 of plate of fries). I'm sort of without a camera atm - bf took both lenses with him and left me with the D600 - Yeah I can buy a new lens but I just returned the last one when I was in Dubai so want to get my money back from that first (it was not cheap) / mind you Im going to have to buy a new one anyway.

It's cool big guy, I know you was only joking & it didn't look harsh to me.
Credit where it's due your food pics make Marks & Spencer adverts look like Aldi or worse something from Mr Gupta's mystery meat of the week special offers.

Anything special on your Xmas wish list this year Bearlove?

 

[Bearlove]

Wake up pills is the answer

Right i need to write a polite nice decent resignation letter and post it off. hopefully itll be nice enough so i can get a ref from a next employer. i can imagine trying to get a new job without a ref wont be too easy

Dan, employers are legally obliged to give a reference and there pretty much meaningless. This guy worked this job for this amount of years - My best ever interview, this woman buzzed the intercom, I ran down to meet here (Had been working in the warehouse was scruffy jeans /tshirt) - we had a chat walking up the stairs, she was so nervous about meeting the boss. We chatted about what she had done, where she had worked, her family random stuff for a few mins. She opened the door there was (to her) a manager sitting - she sat down getting ready for the usual shit. I said to her - yeah you have the job :D. She worked for me for a few years - then had to leave still in contact with her to this day :D.

 

[mydrugbuddy]

No etiz is probably for the best. Though I can see why communication's easier with it.

Not really the best idea for a counselling session if you want to get anything out of it.

i know what you mean but i can kind of function and think on low doses, i suppose id have more neurons firing away if i didnt take any, but i find benzos help me concentrate on the matter in hand rather than worrying about irrelevant shit. Ended up talking about existential angst, well my counsellor did, the problem of what to do with my evenings now im not taking enough opiates to get high. The immediate solution has been to take extra benzos, cannabanoids and drink beer, but thats not a long term solution by any means.

 

[Sammy G]

Oh yeah - functioning and thinking is no problem on lower doses of any benzo. Though it's usually impaired thought and functioning, which you don't really notice until your bloodstream's benzo-free.

 

[mydrugbuddy]

I think my thought is more impaired without benzos because my mind is all over the place otherwise.

 

[Sammy G]

I know what it's like to be in that frame of mind, but I think you're rationalising escapist drug use. We've all done it.

Do you not find that they make your depression and anxiety far worse over time?

 

[Marmalade]

I think my thought is more impaired without benzos because my mind is all over the place otherwise.

I don't think you can make that call until you've been benzo free for a while MDB

The scattered thoughts can be managed a different way.

I can tell you as a neurotic, scatterthoughted woman, that the benzos Ive been taking recently have serverely impaired my agility to think and perform even basic tasks. I can still do them, BUT it takes much more thought and effort. You cannot know how much until youre off them completely imo.

There are other and better ways to force your concentration to improve. Benzos do exactly the opposite but pretend they don't.

 

[Sammy G]

there are other and better ways to force your concentration to improve. Benzos do exactly the opposite but pretend they don't.

qft.

 

[brimz]

Yeah so that was nice , 70ml of moggy juice , 6 diaz n 9, oxy .

First opiates of the week if you discount Methadone n a lil touch on Monday . . Kinda lucky they didn't have my full script in the chemist otherwise i rekon i would a used it all 2day got a pick up 4 the remainding 12 2moz .

My thought's aren't impaired at all atm . I even managed to spend my Iceland Vouchers today

That place is special i overheard this West Country Gem while in there

They do wanna make it bigger dunum

Quality .

 

[mydrugbuddy]

I know what it's like to be in that frame of mind, but I think you're rationalising escapist drug use. We've all done it.

Do you not find that they make your depression and anxiety far worse over time?

Not yet.

 

[Sammy G]

So how do you feel when you don't take benzos for 24 hours?

 

[mydrugbuddy]

I don't think you can make that call until you've been benzo free for a while MDB

The scattered thoughts can be managed a different way.

I can tell you as a neurotic, scatterthoughted woman, that the benzos Ive been taking recently have serverely impaired my agility to think and perform even basic tasks. I can still do them, BUT it takes much more thought and effort. You cannot know how much until youre off them completely imo.

There are other and better ways to force your concentration to improve. Benzos do exactly the opposite but pretend they don't.

Maybe this is why i even failed the online speed timed number and letter pattern recognition test applying for a postmans job. Well i dont think i failed it, i probably got 70% or something, but that wasnt good enough. I got a 'we regret to inform you' reply. Of course i might not have got offred an interview for other reasons, but id probably have done better on that test without benzos i cannot deny that. I ran out of time on the first screen having only answered half the questions, then i realised OK its like that is it, and made a big effort to speed up, too late i fear.

What are some other and better ways Marmz ? Apart from obvious ones like eating and sleeping well.

 

[ColtDan]

ahh right Bearlove

i thought it was at their disgression. either they can supply one but it cant be negative, or they refuse

I think my thought is more impaired without benzos because my mind is all over the place otherwise.

short term probably yes. Long term no

 

[mydrugbuddy]

So how do you feel when you don't take benzos for 24 hours?

Ive never done that since i started them 30 months ago, it would be dangerous to just abruptly stop. Etiz has a very short half life.

 

[Sammy G]

From The Benzodiazepines - Toxicity, Cognitive Impairment, Long-Term Damage & The Post Withdrawal Syndrome

Dr R F Peart BSc, PhD

Summary

Benzodiazepines produce impairment of cognitive functioning and psychomotor performance e.g. reaction time, vigilance, arousal, judgement, reasoning, speed and accuracy of information processing, visual spatial ability, co-ordination, short-term and post drug long-term memory, 'blackouts' and learned tasks.

These effects are independent of abuse, dependency, non-dependency, normal, healthy, young or old subjects. Impairment increases with chronic use. Development of tolerance to these effects is very slow.

CT brain scans show a difference in ventricular cerebral spinal fluid space dimensions between benzodiazepine users and non-users, and also between high and low benzodiazepine users.

The functional brain damage causes increased morbidity, increased mortality and social deterioration.

Subjects are generally not aware of their reduced capacity or the fact that they are not functioning well in every day life.

In general much of the impairment is slowly reversible. Some aspects show improvement after six years, some are semi-permanent or permanent.

Ive never done that since i started them 30 months ago, it would be dangerous to just abruptly stop. Etiz has a very short half life.

You're joking, right? You've not even stopped for a few days after six weeks or so, just to have a break?

 

[Bearlove]

@ bodda (sorry I have awful net atm) - we don't do Christmas :D and will be another working day . I don't get a tree,don't put stuff on the walls etc. We buy stuff for each other all the time, we don't need a reason ?

If I can have anything - I wish you all happiness and a safe year.

 

[*dharmabum*]

......

Wow thanks for going to the effort of writing such a long post. I can completely relate to your first experiences of Kratom although I didn't feel the same until trying ODT - suddenly everything seemed so easy, my grades seemed to improve and managers picked up on improved performances in jobs etc etc etc... It's a shame it didn't last..

It's scary to hear how strongly such an innocuous substance can affect you now. I've always factored in the dangers of withdrawal when playing around with stronger opiates/opioids but Kratom seems to have such a reputation for being gentle (or at least did on the forums I used when I started taking it in 08/09) that I never even thought about moderating my use of it. I think the longest I've used it without a break is roughly a year and due to increased responsibilities and workload in my job I've only been taking it once to twice a week this year so it's good to read about your experiences - I'll try to keep my useage at his level!

the benzos Ive been taking recently have serverely impaired my agility to think

I'm sure it's just a typo but this made me chuckle... it definitely reminds me of the way my thought processes don't quite work in the correct way when on benzos

 

[mydrugbuddy]

thats some cheery reading. I did start an etiz taper a few months ago and my tolerance was quickly reversing with no adverse effects. Once ive got bupe over and done with, an etiz taper is my next goal. I am at least gonna try to live without them again. I have a feeling that etiz is more forgiving than other benzos, given how quickly my tolerance dropped during the partial taper. I gave up on the etiz taper as my financial situation meant that i had to prioritise getting off bupe first. Theres no way i could reduce both substances at the same time.

 

[Marmalade]

Maybe this is why i even failed the online speed timed number and letter pattern recognition test applying for a postmans job. Well i dont think i failed it, i probably got 70% or something, but that wasnt good enough. I got a 'we regret to inform you' reply. Of course i might not have got offred an interview for other reasons, but id probably have done better on that test without benzos i cannot deny that. I ran out of time on the first screen having only answered half the questions, then i realised OK its like that is it, and made a big effort to speed up, too late i fear.

What are some other and better ways Marmz ? Apart from obvious ones like eating and sleeping well.

Just getting out of the bath ... will reply properly when I'm done. Gotta mail some stuff too but will be back later, promise.

there's not an easy answer, it's just adaption, but your CBT will help, or should do long term

Right gotta go, water's cold and I gotta get to the PO

Back laters all

 

[mydrugbuddy]

You're joking, right? You've not even stopped for a few days after six weeks or so, just to have a break?

No. I was immediatelly enamoured and hooked by them. My mind had been in turmoil and tormenting me for years, and to suddenly have peace from the constant negative aotomatic thoughts and paranoia and other associated shit was far too seductive to turn down. It allowed me to pay attention to what was going on in the outside world rather than having to deal with this constant flood of undermining thoughts. This might make it clearer why i have a benzo problem. It may turn out that Mirtazapine alone may provide some relief from this when i do my benzo taper. It is particularly reccomened for anxiety type depressive disorders.