My girfriend is not ino sex, what should I do? Love of my life

[Aaron23]

She was a virgin when we started dating and we have been dating for a year before we had sex for the first time. We had sex for about 7-8 times. At first it was ok for me and for her not so much. I thought in time pain will go away and and she will relax and enjoy in this experiance.
That didn't happen she is doing it like a choir like get it done already and that kind of stuff. She wont let me go down on her she didn't even had an orgasm. We didn't have sex for a month and she isn't interested in sex. She told me she is not enjoying it. It is a real blow to my self esteem and few times we tried again and now I can't get it up it wont stay hard for long. I never had that problem.
It is becoming a real problem and she is not acknowledgeing it. We even had a fight few times over it she sad what can she do about it that she wont get upset or worried that it is not important to her.

I really love her I have been like perfect boyfriend buying her flowers writing her love poems beeing all romantic and stuff. And it is not a problem i love to do it. When she is happy I am happy.
I really think she is love of my life I don't want nobody else. I'm worried it will grow to a huge problem in time and i will cheat or break up with her. I would hate myself for doing that I want to prevent that this is why I am asking this question here.
She never does anything for me, I have one love message from here and that was when she saw I liked some sad status on facebook. And it is ok i have no grudge.
She says that she loves me that she never loved anyone before. I believed her now I kinda have my doubts. Only one thing I want from her for us is to have a healthy sex life. At least regular it wouldnt have to be frequent and that she enjoy as much i use to enjoyed it.

What can i do what should i do? I don't want to lose her? When i think about it makes me very sad and i m afraid to talk to her about it so we wont get into another fight. It is a stupid reason to fight anyway. People enjoy sex it is normal i dont understand

Please help me give me some prospective, some advice. I would be very grateful, thank you in advance and sorry for bad english

 

[Bearlove]

Is she on medication, has she had an abusive history or a reason to think sex as dirty / wrong?

Lots of women don't like guys going down on them as they think that they may smell or that the guy may not like the wetness etc - have you tried playing in the shower where she 'may' be more comfortable about those issues (if they are an issue at all). Tell her you would love to shower her, kiss her all over etc

If she is not comfortable with penetrative sex, have you guys tried playing, don't focus on the event ending in orgasm - body rubs, her touching you, her sucking you, you playing with her etc, massage, nipple play, cuddling, kissing etc (not automatically ending in sex). What did she not enjoy? If she did not enjoy the stuff you did, the way you did it what would she like to try?

If your already looking so far ahead that your cheating on her, resenting her, unable to communicate with her then, feel the relationship is very one sided then - what do you get from the relationship?

 

[Johnny1]

There are two big problems. First, you love her more than she loves you. Are you young, and is she beautiful? It's possible when you're young to fall in love with beauty or sexiness and confuse this with loving her for who she is as a person. Second, there is a serious sexual incompatibility. Even if you can fix the first problem, a sexual incompatibility is rarely fixable. Chances are this relationship will never make you truly happy, so you should cut your losses and move on. I know this will be painful, but you have to be true to your own happiness and needs.

There are girls out there who will love you back and make you feel like a stud in bed, and these are the girls you need to spend your time finding, as opposed to trying to fix things with your current gf.

 

[Aaron23]

Is she on medication, has she had an abusive history or a reason to think sex as dirty / wrong?

Lots of women don't like guys going down on them as they think that they may smell or that the guy may not like the wetness etc - have you tried playing in the shower where she 'may' be more comfortable about those issues (if they are an issue at all). Tell her you would love to shower her, kiss her all over etc

If she is not comfortable with penetrative sex, have you guys tried playing, don't focus on the event ending in orgasm - body rubs, her touching you, her sucking you, you playing with her etc, massage, nipple play, cuddling, kissing etc (not automatically ending in sex). What did she not enjoy? If she did not enjoy the stuff you did, the way you did it what would she like to try?

If your already looking so far ahead that your cheating on her, resenting her, unable to communicate with her then, feel the relationship is very one sided then - what do you get from the relationship?

Thank you for fast reply :D

We showered together but didn't engage in any sexual activity. I tryed but she just wanted to shower.

She did not enjoy fast and long penetrativ sex. She doesn't like the smel of condoms. She didn't want to blow at begining she thought it was demining for women. Somehow I explained and she budged and i really didn't think she would. So in her defense she is trying in some way.
I will definitely try a lot of foreplay then. Maybe she just needs to get comfortable with the whole thing.
Problem is to get her to bed at this point and she isn't a patient person. She wants me to get it done quick so we can go along with the things we were doing before sex.
I'm probably not helping with those fights but it just makes me sad. I feel unwanted and unloved even though i m loved. Every other aspect of our lovelife is perfect except this.

I would never cheat on her but you never know what keeping things in side you could manifest into. That is what I'm afraid of.
Like I said I'm feeling great with everything except this. She calls everyday we talk it hasn't been day that we didn't heard from each other. Really love her and I am very happy. We even think of getting into a apartment together so we are planing a future together. In some coversations she mentions marriage and kids and our life in future and I just light up. That little things keeps a fire in my heart for weeks.
Maybe I'm paranoid I know she loves me but this thing makes me sad and makes me think some paranoid sh**t escuse espression.

 

[Aaron23]

There are two big problems. First, you love her more than she loves you. Are you young, and is she beautiful? It's possible when you're young to fall in love with beauty or sexiness and confuse this with loving her for who she is as a person. Second, there is a serious sexual incompatibility. Even if you can fix the first problem, a sexual incompatibility is rarely fixable. Chances are this relationship will never make you truly happy, so you should cut your losses and move on. I know this will be painful, but you have to be true to your own happiness and needs.

There are girls out there who will love you back and make you feel like a stud in bed, and these are the girls you need to spend your time finding, as opposed to trying to fix things with your current gf.

Thank you for your answer

You really think so? She is a silent one she won't tell you a problem unless you get it out of her. She is the same with her emotions I think. She is not expresing it as often as i would like to but I believe there is love inside her for me.
We are young and she is younger. I'm 23 and she is 19 we are both very good looking. I love her as a person I just think I'm little more emotional then her.

You really thinks so it is impossible to fix this? I can't imagine her without me and I think she can't either. We are really connected just this thing with sex is making problems for us. I could write that to inexperiance for both of us. If i were experience we wouldn't be in this situation i think.
I don't want to leave her I'm ready to stay and fight for this relationship. Only way i would leave her is if she cheated on me or told me it is over. I would respect her even then but I will never go into relationship again taht is for sure. I have been hurt once before second time is shame on me.

 

[augustaB]

I don't think it's impossible for you/we to fix it. I just think that you would be much happier and less hung up if you looked for some other company. You said she doesn't do anything for you. You don't need this in your life. Ditch and do it quickly.

 

[Bearlove]

^don't get ahead of yourself though - your clearly not happy with the current situation (she may have underlying problem that is manifesting it self when it comes to sex) so don't take things further until you have this matter sorted. (Unless your happy to accept a sexless marriage)

There are a lot of things you can try, you can buy scented / flavored condoms that don't smell like the normal condom smell but tbh it sounds like she may be looking for an excuse why not to have sex. Without understanding this reason then your not really fixing the problem and she is still going to be looking for you to 'get it over with' which is pointless/empty for the pair of you.

 

[Bearlove]

I don't think it's impossible for you/we to fix it. I just think that you would be much happier and less hung up if you looked for some other company. You said she doesn't do anything for you. You don't need this in your life. Ditch and do it quickly.

Pretty harsh :D- You did read about how much the guy loves her, how much having a family with her, spending his life with her means to him etc.

 

[Johnny1]

Thank you for your answer

You really think so? ...I don't want to leave her I'm ready to stay and fight for this relationship. Only way i would leave her is if she cheated on me or told me it is over. I would respect her even then but I will never go into relationship again taht is for sure. I have been hurt once before second time is shame on me.

Getting hurt sucks, and - for me, at least - I don't know if I ever fully let myself be vulnerable after the first time I got my heart broken. (I am vulnerable with my kid - I don't hold back anything with her - but have protected myself a little bit with women.) But that doesn't mean you shouldn't take risks or fall in love. To feel love you also have to risk pain. After pain you can still love again, if you let yourself.

If you want to try to make this relationship work, I say more power to you. I wish you success. I've had a lot of relationships and seen a lot with my friends' relationships and what you wrote made me feel like the problems would be too big to surmount. But I don't know you guys and may very well have gotten it wrong. Follow your instinct. If you secretly feel that I'm right about the two points I raised, then what I'm saying is that this one is too hard to fix. Or it can't be fixed, ever. But if you feel I'm wrong about my assumptions, then you should ignore what I wrote and look at the other responses, and, of course, what's in your heart (and in your head).

 

[Aaron23]

I don't think it's impossible for you/we to fix it. I just think that you would be much happier and less hung up if you looked for some other company. You said she doesn't do anything for you. You don't need this in your life. Ditch and do it quickly.

Hope and a little chance is all I want and need. If it is possible I will keep tying and learning from my mistakes. My philosophy this far was talk everything through with her. Let the steam out everything can be fixed and only thing that is keeping people from leaving each other is this superglue called love. Without it nobody would be in relationship.
I didn't mean like i wrote it it was written with little anger from our fight earlier. She calles me everyday she is interested in my life and my acomplishments and failures. She remembers every important date and never forgets something i have done for her. She keeps every little thing i gave to her. She has a first rose i gave her in her roome she sprayed it with something to stay the way it was when i gave it to her. Every little note, every postcard every stuffed animal. She often speaks of it and she sleeps with all those things. She wears my t shirt i gave her on second date in house when she misses me. I think that is the thing only people that are in love can do.
Your coment is valiud i would probably suggested the same answer to someone in my position from my original text. It is just that i wanted to see what other people think. Is it normal not to have sex often is it normal for me to get a little sad and angry because of it. I don't think sex is a valid reason to breake up. It just isn't that important to me to break up with her. Just want to fix it if i can with time i hope i will

 

[pofacedhoe]

Pretty harsh :D- You did read about how much the guy loves her, how much having a family with her, spending his life with her means to him etc.

these are fantasy scenarios. nice images in his mind to make him feel happy.

but on an everyday current level the sex is making him unhappy and giving him low self esteem. there is nothing more demoralising than having sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you.

now that's demeaning.

sexual compatibility is a huge issue for anyone who wants to enjoy sex (one of the main benefits of relationships- i'm sure you'll agree)

you can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

 

[Aaron23]

^don't get ahead of yourself though - your clearly not happy with the current situation (she may have underlying problem that is manifesting it self when it comes to sex) so don't take things further until you have this matter sorted. (Unless your happy to accept a sexless marriage)

There are a lot of things you can try, you can buy scented / flavored condoms that don't smell like the normal condom smell but tbh it sounds like she may be looking for an excuse why not to have sex. Without understanding this reason then your not really fixing the problem and she is still going to be looking for you to 'get it over with' which is pointless/empty for the pair of you.

hehe no no i m not thinking of getting married anytime soon, Just a happy thought that I could see us doing along the way at least not for a few years

Noted will buy those condoms, saw it never thought of buying it

You now what i think, I think she is scared she has never done this with anyone and never watched porn. Once for a few minutes in school. So she doesn't know really anything about it. First time it hurt her and there was blood so i think she got scared. My job i think is to make some new better memories. This advice you said about foreplay i could try that without intercourse for a few times. Just have fun with no emphasis on sex itself. Make her relaxed and used to idea of it. Then we will try sex again. What do you think is it douable?

Getting hurt sucks, and - for me, at least - I don't know if I ever fully let myself be vulnerable after the first time I got my heart broken. (I am vulnerable with my kid - I don't hold back anything with her - but have protected myself a little bit with women.) But that doesn't mean you shouldn't take risks or fall in love. To feel love you also have to risk pain. After pain you can still love again, if you let yourself.

If you want to try to make this relationship work, I say more power to you. I wish you success. I've had a lot of relationships and seen a lot with my friends' relationships and what you wrote made me feel like the problems would be too big to surmount. But I don't know you guys and may very well have gotten it wrong. Follow your instinct. If you secretly feel that I'm right about the two points I raised, then what I'm saying is that this one is too hard to fix. Or it can't be fixed, ever. But if you feel I'm wrong about my assumptions, then you should ignore what I wrote and look at the other responses, and, of course, what's in your heart (and in your head).

No worries i like the way you put it I will follow my heart it says her

I need to thank you guys btw you relly made me feel better and just writing this is a relief. I don't comfy to anyone except her and this is something I needed to hear from someone else.

 

[Aaron23]

these are fantasy scenarios. nice images in his mind to make him feel happy.

but on an everyday current level the sex is making him unhappy and giving him low self esteem. there is nothing more demoralising than having sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you.

now that's demeaning.

sexual compatibility is a huge issue for anyone who wants to enjoy sex (one of the main benefits of relationships- i'm sure you'll agree)

you can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

But wouldn't you agree that a girl who just had sex two months ago isn't actually considerd like a normal sexualy active person. My opinion is that she is needed to be seen as a delicate flower need of grooming and molding. I need to make her see beauty in it, she hasn't discovered it yet and she needs help. Yes it is demining but I just now talking to you guys and girls figured this out. I was angry for no good reason I lack patiance and style or tact as i would say in my country.
I know it will become an issue if i don't deal with it know why do you think i m here my friend When it comes to me I will survive it I am the man andhe is by nature built to reflect and be strong no matter what. That is what i will be then hehe

 

[llama112]

She never does anything for me

.....
You seem to be doing a lot for her and she does absolutely nothing for you in return? I think you have more issues than just sex.

A relationship is about give and take. Seems like you do a whole lot for her and she just takes it for granted.

There are many other women out there. Women who are romantic. Women who appreciate the things you do for her. Women who enjoy sex. Just saying.