OctSOBER - Getting/Staying Clean Thread

[stardust.hero]

Ending of Day 52

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Thanks NSA

I've had a 2.5 hour car ride to Baltimore today and now I got a hour till I get back home. I've been writing down triggers and many other things. My friend hooked me up with the chart, I talked to my dad about what's going on.

My mom told me that I was pleasant to be around today and she was glad I came up, which makes me feel good. I gotta do my daily journal when I go home. I'm tired but I gotta discipline myself and do it anyways. Makes me happy tho

I find writing a daily journal to be helpful too. 1 year and two months here.

 

[Lustmord]

Day 8.. slowly but surely this is happening.

 

[smokemctoke420]

Keep going man.

Today starts day 6 no opiates had day 2 no alcohol. I feel pretty good so far. Also made the decision that when I take sub I'm not gonna sniff it. I'll take it as directed. If I can stick to it it will be a step for me.

Woke up to my friend asking me if I got home ok last night and how I'm doing today. This woman is gonna end up being my main support system I think. She's helped me out tons in the last 11 days. It feels good to know that someone actually cares.

 

[stardust.hero]

Day 53 for me Keep it up guys .

 

[neversickanymore]

I hope you all are doing good today and bar that are doing better today than yesterday.. real good and easy day for me today... I was kinda sad that i didn't get to hang with my son today but although this made me feel sad and angry i didn't dwell on it to much. I think i'm going to turn in early tonight.. it so damn rare that I fell this tired this early.

 

[smokemctoke420]

Sorry you didn't get to see your son. It's not like there isn't other days tho.

Physically I feel ok. I'm a little depressed tho but hopefully that will straighten out tommorrow. I wanted to see my friend to talk to her like I have been but she Didn't have time tonight. She texted me about it and says can give me a call tonight and I told her not to worry. The liquor store is closed anyways.

<snip>

 

[stardust.hero]

Day 54

Sorry you didn't get to see your son NSA glad you're still keeping up the stride.

One day at a time smoke every day gets better.

 

[smokemctoke420]

I guess so. If by finding a empty dope bag barely buried inside a bunker and I start feining, then yeah it's gotten better.

Day 7 no opiates
Day 3 no alcohol

 

[neversickanymore]

Thanks 420 and Star.. slept like the dead last night and it felt good.

 

[Pagey]

I hope you all are doing good today and bar that are doing better today than yesterday.. real good and easy day for me today... I was kinda sad that i didn't get to hang with my son today but although this made me feel sad and angry i didn't dwell on it to much. I think i'm going to turn in early tonight.. it so damn rare that I fell this tired this early.

Ah, sorry to hear that

Day 28, looking forward to celebrating one month
I'm back on low doses of benzos because I decided to tell my doctor about the whole thing so I could get on a taper as the withdrawals really weren't going well, but no recreational use so I'm not counting that. Also started out on SSRIs so hopefully those'll help a bit.

 

[Lustmord]

Hmm.. I believe this is day 10! Double digits!

 

[stardust.hero]

Thanks 420 and Star.. slept like the dead last night and it felt good.

Ahh the glory of a good nights sleep

Ah, sorry to hear that

Day 28, looking forward to celebrating one month
I'm back on low doses of benzos because I decided to tell my doctor about the whole thing so I could get on a taper as the withdrawals really weren't going well, but no recreational use so I'm not counting that. Also started out on SSRIs so hopefully those'll help a bit.

Looking forward to your one month mark too Pagey, that's a big step . Glad you spoke to your doctor, I hope you find some relief .

Hmm.. I believe this is day 10! Double digits!

Double digits!!! It's legit

I'm doing fantastic! Going to hopefully get my boyfriend onboard with me this coming visit on the 28th as he's still addicted to etizolam. I am lucky that I've already been working with my psychiatrist and she is now knowledgeable enough to know how to treat and taper etizolam addiction and correct amounts. He doesn't have the same insurance as I do so it's going to be a lot of out of pocket expense but I think it's worth it since she's already been educated through treating me.

I'm feeling fantastic since seeing her and working out my taper plan. It's painful for me to watch my boyfriend still struggling the battle I was struggling. I hope this coming appt. will set us both straight .

Keep it up guys !!!

 

[Lustmord]

Day 11! Still not sleeping well, but it's only a matter of time..

 

[helium-4]

7 months clean from opioids. Pretty sure I'm not experiencing any PAWS at this point.

I have a solid job that I've been working at for two and a half months (almost), about to sign a lease for a town house this week (moving in Nov. 1st), and am enjoying my current social situation. I only need some more female interaction which with a place of my own that should increase.

 

[xburtonchic]

Well I relapsed again. I guess I should be asking myself what I did wrong/how I can avoid it in the future and then getting up, dusting myself off, and trying again... but the problem is that I KNOW what went wrong. I just don't care anymore and I feel like giving up now... I can't figure out what the point of trying even is anymore. I still remember back in July when I first quit using heroin... I had the best summer ever and was the happiest I've been in a long time, maybe even ever. It wasn't that long ago everything was amazing beyond comprehension -- I had a large circle of non-using, amazing/supportive friends (or so I thought...), was dating a lot and enjoying the single life, was making a hugely noticeable improvement in my relationship with my family, was healthy and exercising and eating right, had passion and optimism and direction and knew EXACTLY what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go in life and knew exactly how to get there, etc...

But recently everything suddenly changed practically all at once. I seem to have lost everything, including the parts of myself that used to make me happy and keep me moving forward. I've been crying a lot on and off the past few days. And all of those "friends"... even my so-called BEST friend... none of them are there for me right now when I really need them. Hell, at the very least I just need my best friend. I'm the type of person that tends to keep my problems to myself most of the time, I don't like to burden other people with them. And now the one time I reach out for help, not even my best friend gives enough of a fuck to even simply just talk to me on the phone for a few minutes. It's not just my so-called friends that are making me feel bad, it's literally everything... NOTHING is right anymore... but feeling so alone and isolated, especially when it's not even self-imposed, but a result of other people deliberately isolating me... is making everything feel a lot worse.

I could go on about all of my problems, God knows I need to get it out, but this isn't really the place for that. I just wish I could be happy again, and do it while staying clean, but that is starting to seem like less and less of a possibility as time goes by. I can practically feel it slipping away. Even worse is the fact that I know this should bother me, I know I should care... I just don't anymore. There's only so much pain a person can handle, only so many times a person can be hurt by so many different people in such a short time, before they break. Even more depressing? This morning, right as I was reaching for my sack, I was hit full force with the realization that heroin is literally the only comfort I have left... that as far as being there for me and making me feel better, heroin has done more for me these last few days than every single one of my friends combined. That realization hit me with the force of a fucking train, and I just broke down and started sobbing. I've been crying a lot lately but not like that.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm sorry for such a negative, depressing post. I know it's not like me, but I guess that's kind of the problem isn't it? I'm not myself anymore... I am literally lost. I guess sometimes it's better to just let yourself be numb...

 

[Pagey]

One month!!

 

[stardust.hero]

Day 11! Still not sleeping well, but it's only a matter of time..

You're right, it is only a matter of time. I bet today is better than yesterday though? keep on goin' !

7 months clean from opioids. Pretty sure I'm not experiencing any PAWS at this point.

I have a solid job that I've been working at for two and a half months (almost), about to sign a lease for a town house this week (moving in Nov. 1st), and am enjoying my current social situation. I only need some more female interaction which with a place of my own that should increase.

That's awesome to hear you're through the brute of the WDs in addition to those stubborn PAWS. It sure looks like things are looking up for you, a solid job, new housing situation. You mention you're only missing some intimate relations and by the looks of your current trends, the possibilities for that to happen look very hopeful. You seem like you are in a great place , it is much deserved! Your story is very inspirational.

Well I relapsed again. I guess I should be asking myself what I did wrong/how I can avoid it in the future and then getting up, dusting myself off, and trying again... but the problem is that I KNOW what went wrong. I just don't care anymore and I feel like giving up now... I can't figure out what the point of trying even is anymore. I still remember back in July when I first quit using heroin... I had the best summer ever and was the happiest I've been in a long time, maybe even ever.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm sorry for such a negative, depressing post. I know it's not like me, but I guess that's kind of the problem isn't it? I'm not myself anymore... I am literally lost. I guess sometimes it's better to just let yourself be numb...

Remember in July, when you were happy, that's why you keep dusting yourself off and trying again. There is happiness to be found free of addiction. Just do it again, once again, one more time. Dust yourself off and try again .

One month!!

Congrats, babe! Definitely worthy of some celebration here!!

Today is my 55th Day. 5 more days and I have 2 months down pat !

Lets celebrate our days and our progress!!

​

 

[Just A Guy]

I love you.

EDIT:

I was using my cell-phone and didn't have time to elaborate on my statement. But this:

Remember in July, when you were happy, that's why you keep dusting yourself off and trying again. There is happiness to be found free of addiction. Just do it again, once again, one more time. Dust yourself off and try again .

These are powerful words. I've been on the brink lately. Thinking about it. Tempting myself with illusory thoughts. I'm still clean! But when I read the above quote yesterday, it brought me back to my senses. I don't want to go back to the rut I was in while using. Things are getting back to normal. I'm working (hard!) slowly getting myself back on track w/ finances. WHY would I risk all this hard work for something so temporary and just unhealthy? All for chemical satisfaction? I went and bought an ice cream cone instead. It was yummy.

Peace!

 

[neversickanymore]

Great post star.. i'm the upside down blue moon ice cream cone.. yeah i said it blue moon ice cream.

Hey burt I'm gonna glue myself to this forum until I've kicked heroin

Sorry girl but I think you forgot that your souls way to strong and bright to ever give up. Read it girl.. and dig deep!!!!

"Do your best until you know better. Then when you know better, do better"

One month!!

I have really enjoyed seeing all that you have done and it started allot longer than a month ago.. really you should be so damn proud of yourself.. IMO you literally pulled away from the very brink.. you are amazing pagey