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I desperately need to talk to someone about this

knock said:
Good to hear you're sounding a bit calmer :) YSometimes honesty really is the best policy, it can actually bring people closer together. Or you might find out how intolerant he is, do you really want to be with an intolerant man?


edit: maybe you're not as calm as I thought :D You're in no frame of mind to be making decisions like cutting people out of your life. You need to chill out, relax. get some sleep and have a sober perspective in the morning.
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Excellent advice from EADDs furniture re-shaper
 
parttime crackhead said:
so felt it would be wise to explain that by saying I was on ketamine. My mum doesn't know what ketamine is lol. Phoned her back the next day to tell her that I'd made it all up, I'd been in the house myself, out my face on drugs. I was prepared for the worst when she got back from holiday, but she just laughed at me. My step-dad was the same, once he realised I was OK and just being a dafty he thought it was funny.

Things aren't always as bad as you think they're going to be.
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Sounds as fuck. Whilst out my mind tripping with pals we often have ask the question......."What would your dad think if he could see you now?" - The answer does not bare thinking about. Make's me wholly uncomfortable thinking about my parents seeing me in a drug induced mess. Im 36 FFS. Need to cut those apron strings! - there is no way they would understand though, that taking (Daily Mail style) "mind bending" drugs is great fun! Its just my little secret.
 
WithMyLife said:
Sorry guys. I just utterly freaked. I probably don't ened to talk about this.

I wanted someone to understand and figured someone here had probably been through something similar.

I've never ever felt so alone. I have no friends and now I have no family -- I can't speak to them again after they all get together and chat about this shit. It's over and done with. I might as well be dead, it'd probably be better for everyone.
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You are being way OTT mate, when i hit 5th day cold turkey with out diazapam after 48 hours of brutal insomnia i felt suicidal. But you will get better you are just being irrational right now
 
<3 you guys are great. Thanks for being here and for all the advice. In the grand scheme of things i know this isn't a major life event, but it feels pretty major right now. My guts are twisted into a knot and my heart is banging so hard it hurts.

This isn't the first time i've scared someone with a G ko. Last time was a few years ago.... I ended up in hospital that time. Glad this time the paramedic didn't reach for the narcan.

The popo keot apologising fir smashing the door, and we ended up comparing ecigs and talking about flavours. They were nice filth.

If they'd asked me if i'd taken drugs i would have said yes and what, and probably got in more trouble. But for some reason they didn't ask as a direct question until i'd got my head together enough to lie. I don't really understand how i managed to slick my way through the situation given how fucked my head was. I guess i've been lying for so long that it's second nature.

I don't know how to be snything else but a druggie liar. I'm sure there's a "me" underneath it all, but i dunno who that is.

Thanks to the people who have pm'd me. I'll get back to you later, when my thoughts sre morr coherent.
 
WithMyLife said:
I've never ever felt so alone. I have no friends and now I have no family -- I can't speak to them again after they all get together and chat about this shit. It's over and done with. I might as well be dead, it'd probably be better for everyone.
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I've been in a similar place in the past (lengthy benzo-induced blackout during which I did god knows what before finally ending up in hospital). It messed up family members quite a lot at the time as many didn't know I used drugs and my close family thought I had cleaned up my act and lead to a difficult few months. However despite this all relationships were repaired - don't underestimate the bond that family members feel for each other!

Everything will end up being OK!
 
I had a speed and benzo induced one as well. Thought I'd taken enough benzos to go to sleep. I apparently didn't go to sleep though. Among other things I unhooked a Nintendo Wii from the living room telly and stashed it down the side of the sofa. Left a door lying open as well.

When the maw and that got home I was claiming that someone must have broke in and stole the Wii lol. We eventually figured out that I'd done it, probably because I woke up later on with a big bowl of salad and a tub of butter in my bed haha.

Thought I was in for a right bad one, possibly kicked out, no more was really said about it a day later - other than the odd wee piss take comment every so often.
 
You have sweet fuck all to be angry with your mum about. She was terrified she was going to lose a second child to drugs and acted in exactly the right way to care for you. You should be down on your knees thanking her. Seriously dude, get some perspective here. You should be cooking her dinner for the next month and doing the washing.

Unfortunately many drug users likke to life in denial thinkinng that their using only affects them but someone having trouble with drugs can absolutely rock a family, close and extended. Why not sit down and ask them to be honest with you in how they are feeling, and listen in silence. You will probably be shocked by the outcome of that conversation. Have a good long hard think about what has happened here and what the appropriate way to react is.
 
WithMyLife, didn't you make a thread earlier this year asking if/how you could use GBL daily in a safe manner? Or was that under yr previous username?

It's a tricky drug to abuse.. in many ways it is easier to be an alcoholic. I don't know how often you have blackouts or pass out. I don't know how bad your rebounds and withdrawals are. But I do know that daily G use totally fucked ME over, including some episodes with cops and family that were at least as traumatic as what you experienced last night.
 
I like you, WithMyLife. I'm indifferent to most people.

Not saying that should count for anything, but I don't like to see you worrying yourself to death.

Please try to find some solace however you can, and hang in there. <3
 
lurching said:
WithMyLife, didn't you make a thread earlier this year asking if/how you could use GBL daily in a safe manner? Or was that under yr previous username?

It's a tricky drug to abuse.. in many ways it is easier to be an alcoholic. I don't know how often you have blackouts or pass out. I don't know how bad your rebounds and withdrawals are. But I do know that daily G use totally fucked ME over, including some episodes with cops and family that were at least as traumatic as what you experienced last night.
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I almost asked WithMyLife if she was using GBL daily in my earlier post. I haven't had traumatic experiences like you two but have been in some very vulnerable, fatalistic frames of mind whilst using it 24/7. Despite the horrible withdrawals it was always amazing how quickly I'd feel much more positive after stopping/cutting down on use.
 
A lot of sympathy for WithMyLife here.

When drugs go wrong, you always look like a fool: You know everyones thinking "What a fool to dabble with these things". Can make you feel really stupid and very embarrassed. Especially as you had the police and paramedics around you.

The police and paramedics deal with a lot of people with genuine health complaints (Strokes, car accidents, Coronary probems etc) so when they turn up and break the door down for someone who has got their drug dosage wrong, I imagine it puts you in a really embarrassing position.
 
Yeah I had two face-to-face GBL KOs with family members in the space of a couple of weeks, I fell asleep talking to my mum mid-sentence. She's a bit away with the fairies though so I think she just thought I was tired. The KO in front of my more drug savvy aunt was more embarrassing though as she thought I was on gear and got a few other family members involved. Both these incidents made me stop the gee bee for good and I've not really looked back, far too easy to get into 24/7 dosing and far too shitty a feeling whenever you stop.
 
I just told my boyfriend. Should have done it face to face but don't want to see his face when he finds out the truth about me, so did it by text. Don't expect I'll hear from him again. If he's got any sense he'll turn tail and run before I hurt him, the way I hurt everyone I care about.

My mum tried to phone today, but I told her I dind't want to talk. She said "whatever". Probably won't hear from her again either.

Fucks sake. I really liked that guy. He deserves to know the truth about me though. So sad.
 
police love that shit. chance to be a white knight to an inebriated women? they jump at it. in fact, its often the demographic the creepy, predatory ones target.


its mostly current political prioritisation-based, with postcodes and individual whim thrown in on top. mostly, you can phone the police, report a fairly minor crime and hear sirens with a minutes. few years ago, in my previous flat, which backed onto the most poor, crime ridden street in dudley - long story short, six or so men, came to rob me. i had been warned beforehand. but didnt expect it midday, right on the busiest road in town - they buzzed, then began kicking at the security door to get in


rang 999, said there were six black guys breaking in and if they did so, i would defend myself by any means, so they better come


never showed, despite a 2nd 999 call 30mins later, with it still going on. they got in, but mustve baulked at a further door (a flimsy one) am known to police, but still, popping in to see if im dead would be nice
 
WithMyLife said:
I just told my boyfriend. Should have done it face to face but don't want to see his face when he finds out the truth about me, so did it by text. Don't expect I'll hear from him again. If he's got any sense he'll turn tail and run before I hurt him, the way I hurt everyone I care about.

My mum tried to phone today, but I told her I dind't want to talk. She said "whatever". Probably won't hear from her again either.

Fucks sake. I really liked that guy. He deserves to know the truth about me though. So sad.
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You never know he might text back i wouldnt care if i had a GF that did drugs. I'm guessing you lived your life as a straight edge and kept the drug use underwrapped from parents and bf?
 
WithMyLife said:
I just told my boyfriend. Should have done it face to face but don't want to see his face when he finds out the truth about me, so did it by text. Don't expect I'll hear from him again. If he's got any sense he'll turn tail and run before I hurt him, the way I hurt everyone I care about.

My mum tried to phone today, but I told her I dind't want to talk. She said "whatever". Probably won't hear from her again either.

Fucks sake. I really liked that guy. He deserves to know the truth about me though. So sad.
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If he's worth it, he'll stick around. Don't sabotage it for yourself by assuming otherwise, undermining your sense of self-worth and appearing too needy, because that always wrecks things.

He might just be the decent sort of guy, y'know? They are out there. I know one or two, otherwise I'd never believe it myself. :)
 
I don't understand why you are 'furious' at your mum she did what any mum would do when her kid KO'od on drugs. What would you prefer her to do?

PTCH you are a nutter. My old dear would be freaking out if I did that sort of shit and worried sick. When you were phoning her and she was abroad was she not worried sick?

I don't think I'd get kicked out either if I was living with her but she'd be angry, worried and a lot would be said about it.

She definitely would not find it funny.
 
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I got some good news I guess - my fella isn't going to ditch me because of this. He's not happy and I fear this will have changed the tone of our relationship into one where he has no respect for me, but i'm going to give him a chance to prove me wrong. Going out tomorrow, where I will try to explain things to him. He just know it's "drugs" so probably suspects something "worse" than GBL. Especially since I describe it as an overdose, which again sounds worse than it is (I was never in any danger health wise). He says he's not going to have a kneejerk reaction over this, but that we need to talk and I need to explain where I am and where I'm going.

I've run out of gbl now, perfect timing, and I won't buy any more. Yes, I did use it every day, but I wasn't ever 24/7 so I just have today's use to get through withdrawal-wise. Not fun but on a scale of G w/d it's like a 1/10.

My mum tried to phone me today, but I don't want to talk with her. Unfair, but I don't want to be reminded of what I did. I see her alcohol abuse as just as bad as my GBL abuse - but I suppose if I thought she was dying I'd send an ambulance to her house too. It's not that I don't understand, it's just that I wish it hadn't been made into such a drama by us both.

For the record, my sister didn't die of a drug overdose. She was an emotionally stable lovely woman who died in an accident, and I'm sure my mum wishes it'd been her that survived and not me. I wonder if I would have turned out differently if she'd survived, as she was the only person I could talk to for a long time. Then she died. I'm sorry that I'm such a disappointment to my mum, but I don't know how to be anything better than I am.
 
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