The EADD Mental Health Support Thread

[swampdragon]

And Bristol seems like a nice enough place (having been all of two or maybe even three times before (back when EADD meets actually happened sometimes :D) so am virtually a native really). Is a bit flimsy (to say the least) but is all I've got to work with really.

I dunno, I think Bristol would be top of my list for moving. Maybe because it seems to be full of drugs and hippies, I'm not sure.

Have a vague memory it is summat to do with gardening (cos was called "Seeds of Change" or some such thing) but could very well be wrong cos starts in the next month or two which is hardly gardening season.

Being a gardening nerd I'm really interested in these sorts of schemes.. they seem to do wonders. It's not quite gardening season but it's pretty rewarding to start preparing the ground for next season, plus there's still a few things that can be planted. It's a good opportunity, so try to make the most of it.

I can see why you'd suggest that but I really can't see that happening. Facebook is like all the things I detest most in the world rolled into one. I tend to be of the opinion that suicide would be a better option than joining Facebook and that that should be applied retrospectively to those that already have

Thbbbbpt. I've come to the conclusion that it's only as awful as the people/groups/etc that you have on there. But yes, I did expect that response.

And yes, have been feeling quite a bit better today than have been recently.

Good to hear.

 

[Shambles]

I dunno, I think Bristol would be top of my list for moving. Maybe because it seems to be full of drugs and hippies, I'm not sure.

Yeah, seems like a decent place. Have been a couple times but really have no idea what it's like to live in. Plenty people do though so can't be too bad. Guess I may just find out

Being a gardening nerd I'm really interested in these sorts of schemes.. they seem to do wonders. It's not quite gardening season but it's pretty rewarding to start preparing the ground for next season, plus there's still a few things that can be planted. It's a good opportunity, so try to make the most of it.

Closest to gardening I've ever done is growing some herbs and chillies on me window sill this year. Rather satisfying really. Tasty too

Thbbbbpt. I've come to the conclusion that it's only as awful as the people/groups/etc that you have on there. But yes, I did expect that response.

I'm sure it's great and very useful. I have a conscience though and struggle enough with the fact I still use Google to search and watch vidz on YouTube and stuff. Facebook (as a company) is pure evil. Just couldn't bring myself to have anything to do with 'em. Would be great if somebody took the good and useful bits of it but left out the iffiness. Till then...

Good to hear.

Thanks

Had an appointment with the disability advisor at the Job Centre here yesterday (apparently I count as disabled cos I have a bad back ) wherein she half-heartedly mentioned various crappy courses and stuff but when I mentioned I was hoping to move away at some point she perked up loads and said not to bother with crappy courses and to concentrate on that instead. So if nothing else my lil hissy fit has gotten me out of doing the "disabled" version of a Restart course - woop-woop! :D

But yeah, have decided to make a proper effort towards moving. Advisor woman couldn't see there'd be any problem with landlord/rent arrears (couldn't resist having a lil bitch about how her rather fukked me over with their incompetence) and is nothing I can do about it if they object cos I'm going anyway. So gonna just take it as read that I can go and go see the advice centre here. Hopefully they'll have some ideas about what best course of action is. Organisation really is not one of my strong points surprisingly enough :D

 

[swampdragon]

I'm really really really pleased to hear this. Sounds like you're on the right track now.

And agreed about feeling guilty for still using Google/Youtube/Facebook though.. it does pain me quite a lot. I still need to make the transition away from using Gmail, but it'll take a lot of effort.

 

[Shambles]

I'm really really really pleased to hear this. Sounds like you're on the right track now.

Thanks

And I hope so. The further away from infection/meds I get the more convinced I am that such a sudden, acute and precipitous lurch downwards in mental health was probably caused by it/them. The underlying issues haven't gone away and still bother me (rather a lot actually ) but back to normal background levels of botheration rather than wanting to just give up, curl up in a dark corner and fade away. Could still be but another mood swing but doesn't feel like it. Has been slow (compared to "normal" moodwings anyway) and steady improvement which kinda suggests it should be sustainable. Which is quite the relief

Am gonna go see advice centre next week and take it from there. Many thanks to any and all (particularly yer good self, Ms Dragon - dem's waz some rather lengthy, self-absorbed, self-pitiful ramblings you dun did take time to read and respond positively to ) for kinda words, thoughts and suggestions

 

[mydrugbuddy]

Had an appointment with the disability advisor at the Job Centre here yesterday (apparently I count as disabled cos I have a bad back ) wherein she half-heartedly mentioned various crappy courses and stuff but when I mentioned I was hoping to move away at some point she perked up loads and said not to bother with crappy courses and to concentrate on that instead. So if nothing else my lil hissy fit has gotten me out of doing the "disabled" version of a Restart course - woop-woop! :D

But yeah, have decided to make a proper effort towards moving. Advisor woman couldn't see there'd be any problem with landlord/rent arrears (couldn't resist having a lil bitch about how her rather fukked me over with their incompetence) and is nothing I can do about it if they object cos I'm going anyway. So gonna just take it as read that I can go and go see the advice centre here. Hopefully they'll have some ideas about what best course of action is. Organisation really is not one of my strong points surprisingly enough :D

i also have to see a disabilty advisor cos i once told someone in the job centre that i left my last job cos i was stressed and depressed. Hes a really great guy with real empathy, but he has put me on one of these dreadful courses next week. He tried to sell it as motivational and confidence boosting. The last one i went on almost made me want to shoot myself, most of the other people there were illiterate and they assumed i was the same. It was so condescending and embarrasing. Fuck it, i need the £71 its not much to put up with 4 3/4 days being bored senseless.

Glad things are turning round and coming together for you.

 

[Shambles]

The last one i went on almost made me want to shoot myself, most of the other people there were illiterate and they assumed i was the same. It was so condescending and embarrasing.

Yup. That sounds very familiar indeed

I agreed to go on a First Aid course last time. Foolishly thinking that at least it may come in handy one day. Was excruciating. In more than one way cos was absolutely crippled for days afterwards with me back - could hardly walk, in fact - cos of all the crawling around on the floor practising putting folk in the recovery position and doing CPR on a rubber bloke (they could've at least made the thing look like a purdy ladygirl ).

Plus, the actual information was deeply suspect at times. I had to correct the teacher more than once. And the way they teach those courses... exactly as you describe - aimed at the very lowest of the lowest common denominators. Painful. I didn't go back for any of the other courses on offer surprisingly enough. Which is one of the advantages of being signed off sick rather than unemployed, I suppose.

 

[monstanoodle]

Ello.

Just started writing bits of my suicide note.
Y'know - A rough draft, if you will. It's improved my writing if anything.
"Bluegh bluegh blah blah nobody understands blah blah I won't be able to do anything I've wanted to do blah blah bluegh bluegh I love [people] blah" and all that bollocks.

It won't be quite yet, I'll give existence a go for a bit.

 

[TheSpade]

I won't be able to do anything I've wanted to do

If you're dead you won't no.

But if you don't kill yourself you can do anything you want to do.

What are you waiting for?

No one is going to do it for you....

 

[Shambles]

Pretty much what Spadey Baby said only at greater length and via PM.

Was talking to a friend about crisis points like this recently. About the times I've been suicidal and the times - many, many times - I'd slash myself from head to foot with broken glass and razor blades. Life hurts sometimes. A lot. But now the worst of my mental health and depression issues have finally lifted - aside from occasional wobbles like the recent one - I honestly can't even remember the reasons for most of such past acts of desperation. Is amazing how big things can seem at the time - insurmountable and suffocating - and how tiny - insignificant and forgotten - they can become but a few years down the line.

It gets better, Monsta. Really it does

 

[Inso]

Hang in there Monsta, if it is really getting to that point seek help soon as possible. As Spade said there is so much to live for, things that could be done, etc.

I've had some genuine suicidal thoughts these past few months, I'm not really sure how worried I should be. Really stressful events recently have built up then one particularly harrowing thing triggered it off, it was like my brain snapped at the time.

Keep seeing things that would kill me and imagining it happening, like sharp knives, trains, etc, suicidal ideation I think its called. I think the meds I'm on are making it worse, I'm on such high doses and they both have 'may increase suicidal thoughts' on them.

Just went back and read some of your stuff Shambles, sounds like an awful time, but glad to hear it is lifting a bit now. Moving away sounds like a brilliant thing to do.

 

[TheSpade]

I've no idea what Monsta is so depressed about (assuming there is a reason and not just 'depressed') but being dead is a waste of fucking time.

There's plenty of people dead because of illness, disease or accidents that didn't want to be dead because they loved life and had families and things they wanted to achieve in life.

For people who have the choice to be alive they should embrace it as best they can and enjoy it while they are still alive because one day we're all going to be fucking dead and no use to anyone so may as well make the best of it while we can.

If there are things you want to achieve in life then go achieve them. You can't once your dead. No one will achieve these things for you.

I don't get the "I won't achieve anything because I plan to kill myself" thing. At this present point in life you are alive and free to do anything you please.

What is it you would like to achieve and how do you plan to do it?

 

[mydrugbuddy]

yuor post it totally logical spade, but when you're depressed it just isnt that simple.

 

[Marmalade]

yuor post it totally logical spade, but when you're depressed it just isnt that simple.

In my own experience, there's only one decision. Ever. You either believe in living or you believe in dying.

Life can be crucifying. But once you've made that choice, you stick with it and adapt. If you make the decision that living is the only option, it doesnt mean you dont ever feel suicidal, it just means you know that's not an option and you know that eventually you'll be able to see that light at the end of the tunnel that made you make up your original mind about those initial two options.

Living or dying. Investigate the options, make a permanent decision about it, and it kinda sticks. It makes you think down to the brass tacks and fundamentals. And motivates you to ride out the current shit storm and misery youre facing at any given time. Even when death seems like a much better option just now.

It's hard to articulate. [edit] and my words will never really be able to quantify the magnitude of the subject matter unfortunately, cause I'm not really smart enough to be that skilled in such a thing [/edit].

You either believe in living, or you believe in dying (at your own hand) and then you make that decision, and that decision is for the long term. It becomes unwaivering, even when your mental state challenges it with a vengeance.

Genuine best of luck to anyone struggling to make that decision right now

 

[Albion]

I've heard that school of thought before, and it's one I reckon is true...

For people who are able to commit suicide, it's always a potential solution in their mind; a last resort that's tucked away and out of mind, but always there should the need arise. For the rest though, suicide is meant to be inconceivable. I've never been able to comprehend the thought of suicide. It's one of the many options that just isn't available to me, no matter how low I get, and will ever get. Just doesn't present itself as a solution to anything in my mind.

 

[One Thousand Words]

One of my best mates told me last night he has stopped his chemo after 3 weeks. It isn't like he has had to endure this before, he just hates needles and doctors poking him. I wouldn't class this as a mental illness. I just want to slap him across the face and call him a cunt. In fact I plan on doing just that when I catch up with him on Monday.

 

[knock]

I've heard that school of thought before, and it's one I reckon is true...

For people who are able to commit suicide, it's always a potential solution in their mind; a last resort that's tucked away and out of mind, but always there. For many though (like me), I've never been able to comprehend the thought of suicide. It's one of the many options that just isn't available to me, no matter how low I get, and will ever get. Just doesn't present itself as a solution to anything in my mind.

Didn't present itself to me as a solution until last year, aged 38.

 

[Albion]

Are you referring to the time you were fucked on dissociatives and did something?

I've found dissociatives enhance despair to the point where I think, feel and act in ways that are out of character with my own nature.

 

[NightsEpiphany]

I've no idea what Monsta is so depressed about (assuming there is a reason and not just 'depressed') but being dead is a waste of fucking time.

There's plenty of people dead because of illness, disease or accidents that didn't want to be dead because they loved life and had families and things they wanted to achieve in life.

For people who have the choice to be alive they should embrace it as best they can and enjoy it while they are still alive because one day we're all going to be fucking dead and no use to anyone so may as well make the best of it while we can.

If there are things you want to achieve in life then go achieve them. You can't once your dead. No one will achieve these things for you.

I don't get the "I won't achieve anything because I plan to kill myself" thing. At this present point in life you are alive and free to do anything you please.

What is it you would like to achieve and how do you plan to do it?

it is logical as mdb says but tantamount to saying 'pull yourself together'. Depression/mental illness is more excruciating than any physical pain ive ever experienced including child birth.. Living can feel like torment. staying in bed is torment..getting out of bed is torment. Eventually it moves or changes and gets more manageable (or did for me) but when youre in that black cloud its can feel totally hopeless like a living hell.

I remember in one dark cloud a family member suggesting I should pull myself together and stop focussing on my self and i thought 'im only fucking here for you lot'. Which was the cold, hard truth.. family, faith and fear of a worse hell.

 

[Marmalade]

One of my best mates told me last night he has stopped his chemo after 3 weeks. It isn't like he has had to endure this before, he just hates needles and doctors poking him. I wouldn't class this as a mental illness. I just want to slap him across the face and call him a cunt. In fact I plan on doing just that when I catch up with him on Monday.

This comes into a different category. ie: long term or terminal physical illness. Not remotely the same as being suicidal in the frames of reference I was referring to.
[edit](for instance, I believe in the choice of euthanasia)[/edit]

You're possibly forcing your views and feeling upon someone who's in a vastly different position to yourself.

Be careful that you've considered their feelings as in depth as your own.

People/carers who are motivated to help others often have good intent but don't really understand the intrinsic needs of those they're trying to help, and can easily end up being a burden and just another problem to the afflicted.

Really, please be careful with that approach, it's often just selfishness, but it's hard to self recognise. I deal with this very dilema every single day.

Good intentions are only worthwhile if they intrinsically take into account the actual desires of the intended person. It's sometimes very hard to separate and dissect the situation in a truthful manner needed to attain the reality of the situation for them. This is another situation that's hard to articulate, I certainly lack the skills to, despite having the experience.

Knock, I didn't come to my conclusions on what you comment on until very recently ... last 5 yrs or so, and they've certainly been VERY tested over the last 5 years to the point of jumping the fence, but after consideration Ive always felt confident in deciding to stick to them

 

[One Thousand Words]

No he is just being a pussy. His mother has just completed her second course of chemo and he doesn't want to go through it if at the end he still feels like shit. He has only started 3 weeks ago and also refuses to let the doctors look at other lesions that have started to develop. He is stubborn and to be honest I expect nothing less from him. By the same token he knows I will freely speak my mind so it is even stevens.

If he happens to die his wake will be one for the ages.