First LSD trip, HELP

[livelight]

Not going to be so detailed in this thread simply because my first one got deleted

Well I will start off by saying that I have never been interested in psychedelics or any form of drugs. I have always been a booze/ herb kind of chick and pretty much enjoyed it as well as my life. About a month ago, two of my trusted friends, one including my sister, decided to get some lsd from a trusted dealer. I was not sure if to take it or not but I eventually took it at the end. I told myself that it was just an experience and that I would regret not taking it the next day. My trip was amazing and do not regret one bit of it. I saw a light to a whole new world and accepted it as my new knowledge. I was dancing to Pink Floyd while thinking I was a happy turtle in the sea. I could feel this inner happiness in myself and the world. I was so happy during my trip that I kept repeating " OMG I LOVE LSD, I LOVE LSD, I WANT TO TRIP ALL OVER AGAIN" I could feel the good vibes and accept anything coming my way. I saw the world and the universe as one as we are all created equal. I did not want my trip to end as I was still dancing to some good music and enjoying every bit of life. At that moment I thought life was such an amazing/ precious thing and that people out there shouldn't feel any less. "LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL" I told myself. When my trip started to end, I became very sad because I no longer felt happy. I went home along with my sister and went in for some resting. after an hour or so, I found myself rolling in bed over 100 times not being able to sleep. This went on for about 3 more days until I finally got a little bit of sleep. When I woke up my sister and I felt our chest very tight and thought we were going to have some sort of heart attack. We tried making each other feel better and telling ourselves that it will be over. A week later her chest pains went away but mine were still there as it made me overthink the situation and soon became very afraid. The second week was hell simply because I had all these negative thoughts coming to me all at once. "WHY AM I HERE? WHO CREATED US? WHO IS OUT THERE? WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE? WHY AM I ALIVE" my thoughts were racing through my head and I soon began to think that I was becoming insane. I had became very depressed and began to cry as I felt hopeless. By the third week, i went in for a new year of high school but i was still very depressed. In school i started to notice that everything looked HD and freaked the shit out of me. That's when i really really began to loose it.8( I would have these really bad thoughts in which made me feel heavy and dead on the inside. I became traumatized of my own thoughts and became even more hopeless. Now that it's been a month, i have learned to control my thoughts and no longer feel as sad. They kick in once in awhile but soon leave after a good 10 minutes of deep thinking about life. I do not know what i am afraid of but i want to overcome it. The way i see things now, pretty much HD, scare the living f out of me. I feel stoned most of the time but knowing that it wasn't from weed scares me even more. If i focus to much on my vision i begin to wonder of in my head. Has anyone ever had similar experiences? What's wrong with me? I feel completely changed, and i feel it was in a negative way. How do i overcome these negative thoughts? Will they stay with me forever? I want to be happy as i used to be, positive and loving. I may not go back to the same person as i used to be but i want to learn and grow from my lsd experience but how can i do that? HOW CAN I LET GO. I don't regret it but my questioning about life has gone over board. I want to accept it and move on but something is holding me back. I want to let go.
I don't understand why i'm having such traumatizing negative affects knowing i had such an amazing trip on life.

Any positive advice is welcomed. I would really appreciate it if someone could tell me the steps to overcome this fear. I've been eating healthy, drinking plenty of water, and taking vitamin b-complex. What else can i do? Also, what's wrong with my vision? Why is everything so clear and 3D looking? Have i come to realize reality in which i am afraid of? Help, please and thank you

 

[Solipsis]

I've had similar things happen to me.

My first trip on mushrooms was adventurous and great but my second one was incredibly intense and I had a mystical / out of body / spiritual / temporary enlightenment experience that made me believe my whole life had been an illusion, a dream dreamt by the universe. I was very confused after that, and it sent me into an existential crisis.
The tight chest pains were probably the result of an anxiety or panic attack. It is not dangerous but it can sure be scary and it feels nasty.

Basically what I meant with existential crisis is that - like you - I began asking myself questions about every single aspect of my life, I got deeply involved in philosophy and cosmology and things like that.

Now please, I don't want you to worry about what I am writing - know that there are many others like us that get extreme after-effects from consciousness expansion. For me it was like for the first time I was actually fully awake and I gained control over my life while before that I was more like a puppet of things that happened, a victim of causality and fate but mostly unaware.
Temporarily awakening from this was one of the most amazing but also traumatizing experiences of my life, it made me become a secular Buddhist (because it matched my experience most without overcomplicating with doctrine) and it changed my life. It took me a while for re-orientation to progress enough to feel comfortable.
This sort of thing is very jarring and what you probably need (if you're like me) is to be able to trust again because that is closely related to being able to let go. I learned a lot and developed myself, it made me feel like a new person although my traits remained mostly the same - they were even amplified. In other words: once I started finding myself again I became myself more than I ever had been before.

I suspect that your crystal clear vision is related to the revelatory quality of your trip. It will either fade or you will get used to it. In time things will get better, and you can even grow a lot because of what happened. How far you will go with this depends on how deep to your core you have been shaken...

If there are things you would like to know, you can ask here - I expect others to post as well since we are not the only ones who went through this. But if you want to you can contact me privately and we can talk about it.

 

[livelight]

@solipsis What you just wrote is exactly what my trip was all about. It made me realize many things and it scared me, still does even though i'm trying to beat the fear. I really appreciate your advice in being able to trust again but I feel alone in this world and don't know how to do it. I have a loving family but I just don't like bothering them with all these negative thoughts i'm getting. How long did it take you to find yourself again? I'm bearly going for a month and a half and I feel like I won't make it. I try to stay positive but everything seems so clear yet so unreal. I do feel like I am improving so I stick with that.

 

[sekio]

What's wrong with my vision? Why is everything so clear and 3D looking?

I think if you have clear vision and good depth perception that you have good eyesight. Sometimes as people age, their eyes get worse... but some lucky people actually have their vision get better. Nothing to be concerned about.

If i focus to much on my vision i begin to wonder of in my head. Has anyone ever had similar experiences? What's wrong with me?

That's a type of meditation. It's normal, if you fixate on one of your senses, for your brain to start "doing other stuff", so to speak. It's not harmful, and if you listen and pay attention to your thoughts, you can come up with some pretty interesting stuff.

I want to be happy as i used to be, positive and loving. I may not go back to the same person as i used to be but i want to learn and grow from my lsd experience but how can i do that?

You likely already are learning and growing from your experience. Asking yourself questions like - what do I want myself to be?, is part of growing up. Just listen to your little voice inside, and if it asks a hard question, try your best to answer it. Maybe you have to just admit you don't know some things for sure, like where we go when we die. Just try not to get lost in existential torment, because there are some things you can't really control.

When you go about your day, stay true to your beliefs, and try to make everyone's day a little brighter. Don't worry about what you *want* yourself to be, go out and do what makes you happy and what feels right. You'll start feeling better in no time. Nothing at all is wrong with you mentally - you're just recovering from an existential crisis, which is part of growing up.

I feel alone in this world and don't know how to do it. I have a loving family but I just don't like bothering them with all these negative thoughts i'm getting.

Don't forget, your family and friends are always there to help. No man is an island. If you feel alone in the world, sometimes all you need is to talk to someone and know they've got your back. Let them know what's bothering you - it will do you good Especially in this information age we live in.

 

[livelight]

wow this forum is filled with such positive people, this is the things I like to hear. I am determined to beat my fear of life and existence. It may take awhile but I will try to stay as positive as I would have normally would before I took lsd. I know drugs are not for me and I had to learn the hard way. I really hope I can make it out this trip while finding peace within myself and others. I don't want to be afraid anymore, I want to let go. I want to find who I really am and see where it goes from there. I don't want to wake up every morning and think to myself that i'm permanently changed in a negative way ( I wake up feeling like this everyday). I have 90 more years to live, why worry about death now? Good things come to those who wait.

I really appreciate the comments, who are very indeed filled with comfort. I really needed someone with similar experiences in time of need.

 

[pmoseman]

Your parents probably have had those same feelings.
After reading what solipsis and sekio have to say, perhaps something is needed to fill that room livelight has created inside himself.
It may be, that there are never any definite answers to those questions, so perhaps we can modify those questions into ones which can have answers.

 

[sekio]

I think everyone at some time has had an existential crisis like this. Especially in their teenage years.

 

[livelight]

What i am wondering is if it was triggered by the lsd i took? i'm starting to believe that i just made myself traumatized by my thoughts After the lsd had wron off. It doesn't make sense to have such a beautiful trip and feel shitty afterwards, right? unless i experinced some type of ego death or something. I think i just stressed myself by overthinking the situation now thinking i'm naturally high. My thoughts are okay now, they accept reality and everything around me but it seems like everytime i start thinking to much i start to feel weird and ugh . . . such a terrible feeling. What does the new persepctive on life feel like? Is it in the head or the vision? Will i recover from this?

 

[pmoseman]

What i am wondering is if it was triggered by the lsd i took? i'm starting to believe that i just made myself traumatized by my thoughts After the lsd had wron off. It doesn't make sense to have such a beautiful trip and feel shitty afterwards, right? unless i experinced some type of ego death or something. I think i just stressed myself by overthinking the situation now thinking i'm naturally high. My thoughts are okay now, they accept reality and everything around me but it seems like everytime i start thinking to much i start to feel weird and ugh . . . such a terrible feeling. What does the new persepctive on life feel like? Is it in the head or the vision? Will i recover from this?

You are used to your normal brain functioning.
Perhaps your chest hurts because you were dancing and those muscles got sore.
Ego death is just a sensation.

There is no separation between things that are real and things that are imaginary. Everything that you imagine, is a real imaginary thing. It does exist in your brain. You are real. Your brain functions to sort out that difference based on natural selection. Your ancestry imparts a construction of reality to you and you also make choices in your life on what is important to you.

 

[johannes kreisler]

What i am wondering is if it was triggered by the lsd i took? i'm starting to believe that i just made myself traumatized by my thoughts After the lsd had wron off. It doesn't make sense to have such a beautiful trip and feel shitty afterwards, right? unless i experinced some type of ego death or something. I think i just stressed myself by overthinking the situation now thinking i'm naturally high. My thoughts are okay now, they accept reality and everything around me but it seems like everytime i start thinking to much i start to feel weird and ugh . . . such a terrible feeling. What does the new persepctive on life feel like? Is it in the head or the vision? Will i recover from this?

everything you wrote sounds sane to me. even fruitful. you might not notice right now but eventually you will grow from this episode.

I always quote this when I hear someone with issues like yours:

"WHY AM I HERE? WHO CREATED US? WHO IS OUT THERE? WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE? WHY AM I ALIVE"
you chose the red pill. welcome to real life! ...or: welcome to the spiritual aspect of reality. it is just as valid as the materialistic aspect. I guess you are in your teens; many people develop ideas like yours with or without psychedelics during this age. it is not only perfectly normal but also a sign that you are sensitive and talented to see things as they are. many people never see this aspect of reality or repress it because they are afraid or too insecure or they feel like they are alone with their impressions - but actually those are problems that really matter, in the long run everything else pales in comparison. asking oneself these questions is the first step to wisdom. if you repress them you'll feel the pain you are feeling right now. there is no sane alternative but to accept them and look for your personal answers. they are out there and within you at the same time. just don't be afraid. and don't forget that you are not alone.

 

[livelight]

I just want to sit and cry, i'm scared i will never be able to accept it. I need a break from everything but there is no way i can leave high school right now. I'm scared i will never find a way out, i'm lost. Hate having such negative thoughts, i've never been in such a low stage in my life.

 

[.:Holy::Toast:.]

I just want to sit and cry, i'm scared i will never be able to accept it. I need a break from everything but there is no way i can leave high school right now. I'm scared i will never find a way out, i'm lost. Hate having such negative thoughts, i've never been in such a low stage in my life.

Abstain from drugs, exercise, eat healthy, and for the love of god don't quit high school.
Push through the negative thoughts and focus on anything to take your mind away, whether it be friends or your studies.
You will integrate this experience soon enough but worrying about when that will happen will only make it worse.
You may think you need a break but the last thing you need is more time to mull over these negative thoughts

 

[livelight]

Fuck i feel so weak minded. I'll start to do all of the above, see if that helps thank you. I guess i'm overreacting since it was my first drug i ever take but i never knew it could have such an impact on my life. I just want to live life, not feel sad anymore. But why do i feel naturally high, that is what is scarring me. When people would say their perspective on life would change, i never thought it would be like being high everyday, what's wrong with me.

 

[.:Holy::Toast:.]

Well psychedelics all have the ability to give you a drastic perspective change, this is as much a part of the high as the visuals and distortion of sound etc.
Now sometimes this can carry over once we're sober and of course this will make you feel high every day, even though you aren't.
Psychedelics are extremely powerful, and it's truly unfortunate that this was your first experience with LSD.
Just remember that nothing is wrong with you, and remember that it's your brain and in the end you do have control over what you're feeling.
Perhaps learning to meditate could help you find some peace.
The more times you find a way to feel happy when you were sad before the better, but I do not mean through drugs, even weed or alcohol.
It gets easier time after time as you realize that you do have the potential to feel happy, and you can do it again and again.

 

[livelight]

Thank you for taking your time to reply, i really appriciate it. So the reason i feel this way is because my perspective changed? Will i eventually get used to it or will it go away? Being in school makes me trip, it's horrible. I just want to make peace with myself. Has this happened to you? i feel a little detached from the world at the moment.

 

[.:Holy::Toast:.]

Well of course your perspective changed if you never used to view your life as being so miserable before.
And it will never completely go away in that in the end you will have learned a lot about yourself by the end, but the negatives will pass, yes.
Think about how you felt before, although it seems distant and you may not be able to remember how you were able to feel so happy, just remember that before you were happy. (or as far as you've made it seem)
That means you can feel that way again.
Making peace with yourself and your demons is not only a crucial part in overcoming unsettling psychedelic experiences, but a crucial part in growing up into the person you are becoming as you get older.
Bad thoughts will never leave you your entire life, regardless of whether you've used psychoactives or not, but learning to cope with them and come out on top is an irreplaceable life skill which will help you through out your entire life.
Mastering this will help you shut up the voices in your end that tell you "I can't do this" or "I'm not good enough"
These thoughts in themselves are entirely irrational and usually based on fear of failure or being perceived as inadequate.
I haven't experienced this as a cause of psychedelic use, but I have battled depression and anxiety and continue to fight it to this day.
I seem to have gained an upperhand in my depression, but I know that this may not last forever, but knowing this helps you fight when things do get tough.
If once you start to feel good about yourself and your life again and you begin to think that you've won allows you to put your guards down in a sense.
Even though I feel good now and have for a while, I still try to do things everyday which make me happy and give me something to focus on other depressive thoughts.

 

[livelight]

Well i guess i'm just going to have to cope with it, maybe i'll just start to enjoy it or it could even go away without me noticing. I'm really sorry to hear that and i'm happy for you. I truely admire people like you because even though they may be faced with depression, they always find a way to pick themselves back up. Compared to me, who has been depressed over the smalled thing and think it's the end of the world. Life is beautiful let us enjoy it and find peace in this place we call home, take care

 

[jobe28]

Writing down your thoughts might help you make sense of what you learned. After tripping i tend to have some really creative thoughts.

 

[.:Holy::Toast:.]

Well i guess i'm just going to have to cope with it, maybe i'll just start to enjoy it or it could even go away without me noticing. I'm really sorry to hear that and i'm happy for you. I truely admire people like you because even though they may be faced with depression, they always find a way to pick themselves back up. Compared to me, who has been depressed over the smalled thing and think it's the end of the world. Life is beautiful let us enjoy it and find peace in this place we call home, take care

haha trust my depression was over absolutely nothing, and it lasted damn near a year.
That's how it works, you find the smallest thing, whether it be about yourself or a situation you're in, blow it up and make it the biggest deal in the world until it becomes tough to even function.
Only recently I found ways to perk my mind, with post secondary and exercise and

 

[pmoseman]

LSD is a commitment.
You can eventually get back to the way life was going on before, if you do what Holy Toast and Jobe28 recommend.
That sort of stuff is always good. It will help you develop some goals and values.
Travelling is something you can add to that list. This will change your perspective more than you can imagine.
....
Life is rough. There is no reason to avoid seeing a doctor if you think it could affect your future. This may save you a lot of frustration in the long run.
....
Taking a break from school is an option. I think it is very stressful to not have a choice. But what you need may not require you to take a break from school. School is a sand box and it will become what you decide to make of it. I think there is a lot more there than you realize.