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Gf approaches random guys at the bar with me right there

A

alcoholic333

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 26, 2006
Messages
268
Location
Los angeles
So I've been dating a girl 3 months I love her, she's 27 I'm 26. She definitely drinks too much and has issues from not having a dad growing up.

We never go to bars but the first time we went to a pub together she got way too drunk. She would walk up to random guys an grab their arm and start little convos and then go to a different guy. She must of done it to a least 5 or 6 guys with me sitting by myself looking mad.

When I called her on it she said she is just really friendly and likes talking to new people. Am I wrong for getting mad? What can I say to her about it. I already tried talking about it but she made me feel like I was a jealous dbag and I'm in the wrong.
 
Also I do completely trust her and know she wouldn't cheat but it's just feels like I'm really being disrespected and she isn't considering me at all. She honestly wouldn't care if I did it to other girls and never gets jealous
 
are you looking for validation that your anger is valid? what does it matter if i think you're right or wrong to be angry. you are angry - own that.

you need to talk to her. tell her like that you are really being disrespected and she isn't considering you at all.
alcoholic333 said:
She honestly wouldn't care if I did it to other girls and never gets jealous
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that's irrelevant - relationships are rarely symmetrical when it comes to issues like this.

alasdair
 
Have you set your relationship boundaries with her and made it absolutely clear what you consider acceptable and unacceptable? Has she acknowledged and agreed to accept the rules you both set for the relationship? If she hasn't then you need to sit down with her and have a sober discussion regarding the rules of your relationship so you are both crystal clear on what one another expects in said relationship.

If she knows that what she is doing bothers you and doesn't care then it sounds like it's time for you to part ways.
 
No you have every right to be upset. If its only happened once like you elude to I would probably blow it off. You can always tell her it makes her look like a desperate slut and you are just looking out for her because you overheard two guys in the bathroom making a bet on who will get to take her home first.

Dump her ass!
 
I know she loves me a lot. I get gut feelings and if I think she would be unfaithful I would leave her. I really don't want to break up over it, i am going to have a serious talk about it tonight and see if she has any remorse before I make my decision
 
hmmm..it's hard to address an issue like this without girls getting upset. On one hand she might think you don't trust her or you are accusing her of being too flirty or in other words a *slut* what is she like when she is sober?
 
Danger signs: (1) excessive drinking; (2) inappropriate flirting with other guys; (3) not having a dad growing up when combined with other danger signs.

I suggest you take things slowly with her and not invest for the long term unless #s 1 and 2 abate and she has a lot to offer in other areas.
 
BZboo said:
what is she like when she is sober?
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This would be my first question too. Does she drink every day, I mean not to get drunk but casual drinking? You mentioned she has father issues and that explains a lot but it's an easy crutch. You're already making excuses for her attention-seeking behavior and you shouldn't have to. You need to let her know you don't appreciate the flirting, drunk or sober because it is disrespecting you. You've only been with her three months so keep in mind this is your honeymoon period. Scares me man.
 
Usually she has a few drinks 4-5 nights a week and we usually only drink with her family and few close friends. She is all over me then, I know she has a serious drinking problem.

Sober she is very loving and all over me and says she was single for 5 years and something in me sparked something in her that she could never imagine would happen to her.

We have been to parties with random people where she got drunk but wasn't like that with other guys at all.

The night where she kept approaching random guys she would only talk to them for a minute or two then come back and make out with me then go wander around again. I could see guys looking at me like I'm a sucker and know they think they could steal her from me

I have never seen her that drunk before. She eventually got
Kicked out for falling asleep on my lap. We were on a road trip 4 hours from our town and she was drinking the whole way up while I drove
 
Daddy issues. We need constant male attention. You have every right to be mad, but since she's drunk; I would redirect her. Like grab her and be like, hey sweetie, you're drunk, let's go sit down (do you want to play pool? darts? go somewhere else?) etc.
 
See now, something like this would be a deal-breaker for me, and it's not so much my own insecurity sabotaging a good thing (per usual) as I'm confident that I would not feel so anxious or upset about the whole thing if it were merely my partner engaging in casual, everyday, friendly sort of conversation with other guys; but this isn't what you've described and so, no, I would have to call it quits if, after sitting down with my significant other and expressing my feelings, she cannot agree to knocking off all of the flirtatious sort of behavior that so upsets me. It's not an unreasonable request, and there's just no reason at all for her to contest it.
 
Well one point as a test I told her she could fuck one guy one time if she wanted and she said she would never.

After sitting her down and explaining how she made me feel she admitted she was wrong and I think things are sorted out, for now at least. If this continues to happen I told her I'm done and I'm not. Gunna watch her drink herself to oblivion. I also recommended she talk to a pro about whatever issues she may have but I don't think that will happen
 
the alcoholism is the big issue.

with a username like alcoholic333 are you just settling for a companion to drink with? because a drunk girlfriend is not the best...
 
This user name was from a Long time ago. I dont get drunk anymore and her drinking bothers me. I told her I think she has a big problem if she is 27 still getting falling down drunk on the regular
 
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