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my son and heroin

B

bb corona

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 12, 2013
Messages
43
Location
inland empire california
Hi all, im new to bluelight, but hoping I can learn from you all. Im not sure where or how to post yet, but here goes, my 25 year old son is homeless and a heroin addict, hes been to rehab, clean for amonth, goes to counceling, not of any help yet. As a mother its very hard to cut your child off. How can I help him????????
 
He has to help himself. You can try to assist him but for the most part you gotta wait till he wants it himself.

It must be heartbreaking. I see the shit I've put my parents through and its not good.

Good luck.
 
Thank you, its very hard to figure out how to deal with this.any suggestions would be appreciated. Iam so afraid this couuld kill him.he has had 3 friends in the last year who have od, d and died.
 
Hi there bb, welcome to Bluelight. Speaking from the other end (as an addict of many drugs one of which being heroin) perhaps I can give you some advice.

While I was addicted my parents tried their hardest to put me through programs, encourage AA, they tried to cut me off from sources of drugs, and overall control my life. This had the backwards magnet effect and I just revolted against everything.

I think the best you can do to help your son is to allow him to know he can trust and confide in you, that he doesn't need to hide or run, and that you will always love him.

Get past the stigmas and the fear and talk to him, ask him about it, what it's like, what he likes about it. Perhaps ask him how long he plans on doing this. Ask him if he truly enjoys it. He will open up and a specific bond will form.

Perhaps you can see what his future goals are. I was currently enrolled in college when one night I went on a particular drug party and my parents found out. Their reaction drove me away and their anger and lack of listening and understand me drove me further and further away. I could have easily gone back to school that Monday after the weekend but they forced me to quit school (to confine me at home where I would be safe--a drug user always finds a way). Had they of told me their disappointment and accepted that I did this and trusted I still could gain footing I would not have spiraled out of control.

I wish you all the luck in the world <3.
 
bb corona said:
Thank you, its very hard to figure out how to deal with this.any suggestions would be appreciated. Iam so afraid this couuld kill him.he has had 3 friends in the last year who have od, d and died.
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If you cut him off he will die. He is already homeless that tough love bullshit will not work. Try to get him on methadone.
 
Hi bb, There are no easy answers here. I think the best way to help your son on the right track is getting him to a rehab. I'm not sure where you live but you can check into your county social services. They can refer you to places that accept indigent addicts. Your challenge will be getting him to go into treatment.

I'm assuming the rehab he was in didn't help? Sorry if I didn't read that right. Are you willing to let him come home? That could be a start because being on the streets won't help him straighten out. Like crimsonjunk said, the tough love approach rarely works. I mean in some cases, it can work but he's 25 and not a kid anymore.

How do your conversations about this go? If he's willing to get help that's a start. But minimizing heroin use saying he only smokes it is still using heroin. It never ends well. He can't go on like this indefinitely. It's going to take lots of patience but try to get him into another program.
 
Hello im 26 and just like your son i started off smoking H now i inject (not anymore) im on suboxone.i was homeless on skid row, I went to 8 rehabs, 2 sober livings, and none of it worked until i really wanted to quit. BUt heroin is so hard to quit i had to get on suboxen...maybe look into suboxen for your son
 
I would love to let him come home, but I live with my boyfriend of 12 years and my son stold money and perscription drugs from him, so my boyfriend refuses to let him come back. He did do a county rehab, it was great, he was himself again, but only for a short time, he relapsed!!!!!! He does know I love him very muchand knows I will do what I can to help him. How do I urge him back to rehab without "nagging" him. When I do talk about rehab it turns into a fight and then he wont talk for days or weeks. He does get suboxone from friends every once in a while, but not on permanent basis. I cannot afford the cost. We live in the inland empire, ca so if anyone knows of any free or reduced cost clinic that will help it would be appreciated. Thanks all, im so glad I found bluelight!!!!!!!
 
He's gotta be ready, as others have said. Until then, he may "get clean" many times, but it won't stick. It's GREAT that he's not using the needle. It's one of those situation where the route of administration (ROA) can be as addictive as the drug, hence the term needle fever. Keep telling him you love him. Talk to him about it. Do not push him away. When the time comes, he needs to know he has your love and support to make it through and stay clean. Good luck and keep us posted.
 
Hi bb corona,sorry to hear about your son.
I was also a heroin addict for over a decade until I finally quit with the aid of methadone. I'm in the Uk so our system is different to yours over there.
I would say that let your son know that you love him and always will support him.
Don't give him money whatever sob story he may come up with as addicts can be very good liars but if you want to help him then maybe buy him food and essentials.
If u give him cash it will more than likely be spent on heroin but if you give him food you will at least know that he isn't going hungry if his cash has all gone on drugs.
I wish you & yr son all the best and u hope he can sort himself out soon, for both your sakes.
 
you can help him by loving him and if you can afford to give him a place to sleep and food to eat but don't give him money because that will almost certainly go to buying drugs
 
crimsonjunk said:
If you cut him off he will die. He is already homeless that tough love bullshit will not work. Try to get him on methadone.
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This... but i would suggest the suboxone as I feel it harder to use on top of. Addiction is a really hard thing for the addict and the family.. tell him you will help him out if he gets on suboxone >here< imidiatelly. He then can stabilize and then you can work from there on the addiction and getting off the suboxone eventually.. but one step at a time, suboxone first.

I'm so sorry you and your son are going through this<3.. but suboxone maintenance works immediately:)
 
I thanks everyone for their suggestions, and take all to heart, cross my fingers!!!!!!!! Im going to look for a clinic that will do counceling and suboxone and see if he will go for it.......
 
Don't forget to check back here bb <3 we're here for you all the way. I created that thread for you. I encourage you to post in it and I'm going to encourage anyone else who is dealing with the same heartbreaking problem to do the same. We all need to support eachother. Your son needs support and help, and you do too <3.

We are always here for you! <3 <3
 
as a mother ,you are doing the RIGHT thing learning about your sons addiction.
knowledge is power and here on this site it';s first hand.welcome.
your son is blessed to have a mom like you.
I treated my parents horribly for 15 years,like your son is doing to you,and I'm now making
living amends.I had to move away from them ultimately,but these days I treat them with respect and love again.
this will happen with you too as long as you're as serious as this.

Suboxone saved me.
I still take it today 5 years later,I just know I'm not strong enough.
it's expensive,that's a real problem.
but for his life....

I have a 8 year old myself and I already am worried about all this.
peace.
 
Im trying like crazy, I just hope its good enough, I lost my dad to alcohol last year, I learned that you need to make the best, no matter the situation, however hard, no one has forever.
 
thedawn said:
\
I have a 8 year old myself and I already am worried about all this.
peace.
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Rite.. so am I.. but im being proactive and started with teaching my child to follow his heart and nothing else.. also worked with emotion identification and coping.. not fkn with you it has already made a huge difference.. cause it is passed genetically, but I have an idea that any changes we encourage are as well.. I would love to see a study that compares children of addicts from active addiction and then recovery.. it will be a 180 IMO.
 
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