August getting/staying sober v. you can do it!

[Maya]

Well hello August! I welcome u with open arms and as usual no alcohol and drugs and just living healthy and lots of outdoor activities!

 

[pinpoint]

Day 11 coming off a long and arduous chemical romance with opiates. I maintained over the past year with Suboxone and finally decided to take the high road and reclaim my independence from all opiates. With addiction it is always easier to have another drink, take another pill, buy another scratch ticket, eat another piece of cake, or what ever your vice is rather than to call your family together, tell them your darkest secret, ask them to drop everything and babysit you for a month. I tried to do it alone, even took 3 months off work much to the satisfaction of my creditors whom I swear found out about my addiction and tripled my borrowing power but I digress.

Suboxone withdrawal does suck but it does end, as do all things, good or bad. Of course I'm still feeling the lethargic boredom of early sobriety, but to a much lesser extent each day. The physical symptoms faded away by day 7 and were replaced with hypersensitive emotions, which actually feels great after years of a mentally numb existence. Intense yet brief exercise is now an escape from reality that provides those broken neural reward pathways a moment of reprieve. All in all I'd say you'd be doing yourself a disservice to say 'I am not happy when I'm sober' until you've come through the other side of the acute phase of withdrawal. The unconscious mind is your worst enemy as it will do anything to feed you ideas & justifications in order to get its fix. If you need proof of a 'devil on your shoulder' simply examine the subject matter of your dreams. If you've been sober for more than 2 days you'll know the kind of unfair dreams and dirty tricks I speak of.

 

[Nicsdragon]

We went to this place called the mystery spot while we were in Santa Cruz. It's this place in the woods, up in the mountains where there's apparently weird energy or something. Balls would roll up hill, you could stand balanced at a 17* lean, it was strange... Wasn't sure what to make of it. I thought it could all just be optical illusions until I tried rolling something myself, and started getting really dizzy and lightheaded while standing in this cabin at the center of the "mystery spot" where we were actually standing at a pretty heavy tilt, visually off balance but balanced if that makes sense

It was strange.. I had a ton of fun though. Went to the beach after. Sober activities with Sober girls. Life is good.

I've been reading your posts and you are quite an inspiration. I feel like I could never do what you are doing. It's amazing what you are willing to go through to stay sober. I hope one day I will be able to have that strength.

When I started this post I measly said TODAY I WILL NOT..... I put it in homeless. It has become something so different! A little sign from the blue light fairies.

That Mystery Spot sounds amazing!! The earth is full of amazing unexplainable things that we must just admire and stand in awe of! I have always believed in the Gia theory. You may like to look it up. It means that the earth is alive. A real living and breathing entity hence the phrase Mother Earth ! Check it out.

All the best

 

[Nicsdragon]

Hello August. I am not sober but promise to take baby steps u til I can join you. Today I will not buy any drugs.

 

[caseface99]

I've been reading your posts and you are quite an inspiration. I feel like I could never do what you are doing. It's amazing what you are willing to go through to stay sober. I hope one day I will be able to have that strength.

When I started this post I measly said TODAY I WILL NOT..... I put it in homeless. It has become something so different! A little sign from the blue light fairies.

That Mystery Spot sounds amazing!! The earth is full of amazing unexplainable things that we must just admire and stand in awe of! I have always believed in the Gia theory. You may like to look it up. It means that the earth is alive. A real living and breathing entity hence the phrase Mother Earth ! Check it out.

All the best

I have always believed planets to be a key part of the consciousness of reality! Including planet earth. Interesting you bring that up. I think we'll get along just fine..


JUST FOR TODAY I will not drink or use drugs.


I feel like I should clarify something, I am 100% sober - have been almost 3 months. But I'm not clean, I'm on Buperenorphine.
I don't care what anyone thinks about it though, they say in recovery if it didn't work last time - do something different. Every time I try to get off bupe I relapse and get closer to DEATH. This is me doing something different, coupled with EXTREMELY prolonged ACUTE withdrawal symptoms the intensity of I can't describe, I don't know If I'll be getting off of it. But If it can allow me to have a somewhat normal life for the rest of my abnormal existence(in this life) - I am resigned to accept that.

That being said, BUPE itself is NOT a recovery program, which is why I do everything else that I do to stay sober. I need to stay away from everything after all, not just opiates.

Stay strong everyone!

 

[Just A Guy]

^^^ Good for you, man.

I just returned from my first NA meeting. Fair to say that I may be in denial, but I think I'm going to have an easier time of this than most anyone. But the Just For Today thing is a great way to do it, especially since ad aeternarum, just for today makes it that much easier to refuse the cravings.

 

[caseface99]

^^ Exactly, I've even told myself "No.. Not right now.. I wont use today, maybe tomorrow I will but I'll wait till then to figure that out." Of course sometimes the next day I had to tell myself the same thing, but it get's easier with time.

I've heard people ask old timers with 25+ years "how they did it?", they almost always respond "One Day at a Time"...

 

[Nicsdragon]

I was not a good girl yesterday. Ill will say it again though and I know I can do it.

Today I will not do H.
Today I will not buy drugs.

Give me strength ��

 

[Slinky1119]

I applaud your efforts here, but I must say it seems just a bit of a contradiction having a sober thread on a website mainly used for sharing info about drug use. I know because I hopped onto the site for advice on kratom to help with my benzo WD... I have been clean for 30+ days. That is my disease of addiction telling me replacing one drug with another is okay. The site itself is a temptation... I have found it will lead my thoughts from recovery astray... maybe not immediately, but being a newcomer to recovery - the visions of the intriguing posts of lovely highs from drug use will fester in an addict's brain like a splinter to possibly one day spew forth a disgusting infection! The only way to stay clean for the long haul is to abstain from all drugs (alcohol is a drug) and not replace one with another... and as mentioned, live this out "just for today". I know THIS because I attend NA meetings. I was sober for 7 years in the rooms of AA a few years ago. Seeing that the very moderator of this group is talking about current benzo use can lead addicts needing help astray. I'm not judging... maybe there are some people around who can get off of opiates and use benzos successfully... I fooled myself with that notion for over a year, "I needed it for my anxiety"... but when I used a 30 day rx in 2 weeks and have to buy off the streets or go to multiple doctors or steal some/substitute from someone else's medicine cabinet - IT'S A PROBLEM. To take it a step farther, abstinence itself will only get you so far. You've proven to yourself time and time again that you can't do it on your own, right? Get to a meeting, get a program, WORK a program... chase it like you chased drugs, it works. It doesn't cost a dime. They are easier to find, legal, and will make you feel better. Don't mean to offend anyone, but as one addict to another that could possibly read this and make that light bulb go off, it's well worth me putting my two cents in! "Thanks for letting me share" ;-)

 

[GenericName12]

I applaud your efforts here, but I must say it seems just a bit of a contradiction having a sober thread on a website mainly used for sharing info about drug use. I know because I hopped onto the site for advice on kratom to help with my benzo WD... I have been clean for 30+ days. That is my disease of addiction telling me replacing one drug with another is okay. The site itself is a temptation... I have found it will lead my thoughts from recovery astray... maybe not immediately, but being a newcomer to recovery - the visions of the intriguing posts of lovely highs from drug use will fester in an addict's brain like a splinter to possibly one day spew forth a disgusting infection! The only way to stay clean for the long haul is to abstain from all drugs (alcohol is a drug) and not replace one with another... and as mentioned, live this out "just for today". I know THIS because I attend NA meetings. I was sober for 7 years in the rooms of AA a few years ago. Seeing that the very moderator of this group is talking about current benzo use can lead addicts needing help astray. I'm not judging... maybe there are some people around who can get off of opiates and use benzos successfully... I fooled myself with that notion for over a year, "I needed it for my anxiety"... but when I used a 30 day rx in 2 weeks and have to buy off the streets or go to multiple doctors or steal some/substitute from someone else's medicine cabinet - IT'S A PROBLEM. To take it a step farther, abstinence itself will only get you so far. You've proven to yourself time and time again that you can't do it on your own, right? Get to a meeting, get a program, WORK a program... chase it like you chased drugs, it works. It doesn't cost a dime. They are easier to find, legal, and will make you feel better. Don't mean to offend anyone, but as one addict to another that could possibly read this and make that light bulb go off, it's well worth me putting my two cents in! "Thanks for letting me share" ;-)

Couldn't agree more about the abstaining from all drugs. I didn't feel a second of relief until I had sufficient time off all mind altering substances. I've said it a million times and I will continue to say it.

I think it's ok about the moderator of the group still being on benzos. He is trying to make an effort to quit. The moderator needs help as we all do. Just like in AA. Everyone is there because everyone needs help getting/staying sober. Everyone is here because everyone needs help getting/staying sober.

I tend to come directly to the sober living forum. I have made maybe 5 posts in other forums and try to not read the reports of people using. I don't really find that aspect to be a problem for me but I can see it being a problem for many.

 

[itsALLfake]

I too came to bluelight with psychedelic researching purposes, but it's a harm prevention forum. That in of itself is a victory. It's a good place for recovery based conversation to take place. Yeah, there's a lot of way-off conversations occurring, but the same site gives people in active addiction a chance to hear from sober or clean(I guess those aren't really synonyms here..) people to give people questioning what they do a place they feel comfortable to in take that information. Meetings are great, but a forum will more than likely have people spitting truth about their sobriety. I've known several people to bullshit their way throughout meetings. They spit fire about being clean, but months or years later you hear about them coming back and saying, "I lied..." about picking up a chip or with their sharing.

I have been clean for 7-months, and I still enjoy reading posts from PD and ADD. I also contribute what I can shed insight on in PD.

This is not a 12-step forum, and regardless what you hear from old-timers, there are different routes to sobriety. Jumping ship when you're not well and ready and forcing meetings or rehab isn't going to bring you to a sober state. It's also good for people to hear the negative aspects of addiction, regardless if they're active or not.

I fully respect all moderators of SL and PD. They do a good job with keeping things clean in discussions, and that's they're job. They aren't some superior figure.(although they can delete your posts and ban you..lol) They have open minds, and they are here to help. I see that really being the only requirement. If you want to be a poster-child moderator for SL, sober up and apply.


August is getting off to a good start. Even though I'm staying with my parents right now, they're on vacation. Having the house to ourselves is a good reminder of why I need to move out as soon as possible. Plus, I got my new e-cig Mod today, I'm swagged out, and I only have to deal with a pregnant woman for another month. Powered up by material possessions. WOOT..oh and Breaking Bad starts up Sunday. bOOM

 

[stardust.hero]

I applaud your efforts here, but I must say it seems just a bit of a contradiction having a sober thread on a website mainly used for sharing info about drug use. The site itself is a temptation...

Seeing that the very moderator of this group is talking about current benzo use can lead addicts needing help astray.

I'm not judging... maybe there are some people around who can get off of opiates and use benzos successfully... I fooled myself with that notion for over a year, "I needed it for my anxiety"... but when I used a 30 day rx in 2 weeks and have to buy off the streets or go to multiple doctors or steal some/substitute from someone else's medicine cabinet - IT'S A PROBLEM. To take it a step farther, abstinence itself will only get you so far. You've proven to yourself time and time again that you can't do it on your own, right? Get to a meeting, get a program, WORK a program... chase it like you chased drugs, it works. It doesn't cost a dime. They are easier to find, legal, and will make you feel better. Don't mean to offend anyone, but as one addict to another that could possibly read this and make that light bulb go off, it's well worth me putting my two cents in! "Thanks for letting me share" ;-)

Bluelight is a Harm Reduction website.. meaning we are aware that users are going to use regardless so we provide helpful and sometimes life saving information to help them atleast do it right.

Also in regards to the very moderator of this section still using benzos, that is me, this is the Getting/staying clean thread. It's our current journey and wherever we are. The main focus of this thread is moving forward, even if it's little battles one at a time.

In Recovery Support which include (TDS, Sober Living, and Mental Health) we ban all speak of drug glorification. If being on here is not helpful to your sobriety (some people it works for, some people it doesn't) perhaps you should consider not coming on.

This forum works very well as an alternative form of AA/NA meetings for myself. I can do it from home, share experience and support with other users. It is working for myself quite well. As GenericName stated, coming directly to Recovery Support has helped me stray from posts that are possibly triggering.

I fully respect all moderators of SL and PD. They do a good job with keeping things clean in discussions, and that's they're job. They aren't some superior figure.(although they can delete your posts and ban you..lol) They have open minds, and they are here to help. I see that really being the only requirement. If you want to be a poster-child moderator for SL, sober up and apply.

We are accepting moderator applications in Sober Living: http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/684757-Sober-Living-is-Looking-for-New-Moderator(s)!!!

Hope that was helpful in explaining our mission here. Thanks for your input .

Lets keep it going guys Day 7 of August!

 

[junglejuice]

^Glad to hear that you are doing well!

I'm stayin' the course. This month marks my 30th birthday and a year without a drink. I'd be picking up a one year chip if it weren't for a lil' spell of slip on other things...hah. I'm back on the right path and it was honestly a learning experience and I feel it needed to happen. It's crazy how this disease progresses with or without you. If you check back in on it, it's there and stronger than ever. Ugh. "Progress, not perfection.". Having spent over 95% of this past year without a drink or drug in my body and that's definitely progress.

I've really been refining my life a lot. Back into fitness, dropped ~40lbs in the last year, going to grad school full time, and got a new part time in a great environment. I wake up at 5:15am every day and feel refreshed. I'm eating well. Once I took my white-knuckled hands off the wheel and got outside myself, the universe started falling into place. Nature seeks equilibrium and it's there. You get out of life what you put into it, and I was putting a whole lot of shit into mine.

Stay strong, guys.

ODAAT!

 

[helium-4]

I'm about to reach 5 months clean (though I did have a night of hydrocodone, and a day involving a small shot of buprenex). I'm fine with very sporadic use, so I consider this clean for my situation.

 

[Nicsdragon]

^Glad to hear that you are doing well!

I'm stayin' the course. This month marks my 30th birthday and a year without a drink. I'd be picking up a one year chip if it weren't for a lil' spell of slip on other things...hah. I'm back on the right path and it was honestly a learning experience and I feel it needed to happen. It's crazy how this disease progresses with or without you. If you check back in on it, it's there and stronger than ever. Ugh. "Progress, not perfection.". Having spent over 95% of this past year without a drink or drug in my body and that's definitely progress.

I've really been refining my life a lot. Back into fitness, dropped ~40lbs in the last year, going to grad school full time, and got a new part time in a great environment. I wake up at 5:15am every day and feel refreshed. I'm eating well. Once I took my white-knuckled hands off the wheel and got outside myself, the universe started falling into place. Nature seeks equilibrium and it's there. You get out of life what you put into it, and I was putting a whole lot of shit into mine.

Stay strong, guys.

ODAAT!

I really like what you've said here. Progression not perfection! I'm only taking baby steps but for me they feel Like giant leaps! ONE day without my blue pill!! Holy shit. Will I survive?! How?! Freaking out - then it passes. That white knuckles feeling you describe. Phew. Made it through that crisis. Will there be another one. Yes. When? Too soon ;(. But also like 99 said in an earlier post "I will not use right now- maybe later" has been working for me today.

My shrink says to get out of my comfort zone. Exactly what you said about nature. He says to walk in the sunlight no matter how dark you feel inside.

Just for today I will not buy drugs

PS. I stumbles onto this forum because my original thread of Today I Will Not... Was placed here. I didn't think to ever come here because I'm not in recovery. However, reading everyone's stories is inspirational. It shows me people can change if they want to. This is helping me change one baby step at a time.

 

[Just A Guy]

Finished my 9th day no stims/psychs/alcohol.

AND... I've been getting shit done! I'm back on track with my business. Women are looking hotter than ever (including my girlfriend), and my sex drive is back. I've been smoking more cigs than ever, though, unfortunately. I even made some phone calls to long-distance family, and it was nice to not feel self-conscious about myself.

I'm broke as shit though, from my previous few months of wasting money on dope. I guarantee a relapse would bankrupt me.

Keeping this going!

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey all has been a good couple of days.. hope everyone is doing great..

Have to say though that I don't like some of the negative energy is some of the posts on this thread of late.. this thread is here for support and advise and is not a spot to overly preach you own views on the proper way to live a life free of active addiction. At BL we are not in favor of any approach over any other.. so please keep this thread focused on the positive and while advice is appropriate, preaching your approach as the only way to accomplish anything in this battle we all face is inappropriate. Say for instance a total abstinence person was posting how they were doing and a person that has found that a green recovery is working well for them and all the sudden start heavily posting how the total abstinence person should use marijuana in their recovery program. So please respect everyone's choices on their approach, please include whatever wisdom or insight you have as well as support. But by all means please leave all judgment, including judgment that is noted as not being judgmental, as well as all preaching of ones chosen approach to addiction UNTYPED.

The real enemy is addiction, what ever works is correct. The success rate of all the approaches is pretty dismal.. and I believe that the separation of different successful techniques, because of bickering about addiction treatment as well as ideas that are founded in some of the approaches themselves addiction, promotes more suffering and a lower success rate in the field. That is a major reason we at BL do not favor, look down on, or promote any approach to the treatment of addiction. With the success rate of rehabs, including 12 step rehabs being dismally poor, around ten percent or less.. and I believe thats just over a few years after completion.. there is plenty of room for improvement.. So please bear with any comments that you feel are unorthodox as hopefully all of us at BL are able to help push addiction treatment past the dark ages, and keep more of us out of active addiction longer and living happier lives.

I think this little saying adjusted a little for recovery fits nicelly..

Recovery is like a penis. It's fine to have one and it's fine to be proud of it, but please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around... and PLEASE don't try to shove it down other addicts throats.​

My feelings be stated.. I hope whatever approach you are using to stay out of active addiction is working well and will continue to do so.. and I hope we all had at least a sliver of peace or an insight on how to get there.

 

[stardust.hero]

^Glad to hear that you are doing well!

I'm stayin' the course. This month marks my 30th birthday and a year without a drink. I'd be picking up a one year chip if it weren't for a lil' spell of slip on other things...hah. I'm back on the right path and it was honestly a learning experience and I feel it needed to happen. It's crazy how this disease progresses with or without you. If you check back in on it, it's there and stronger than ever. Ugh. "Progress, not perfection.". Having spent over 95% of this past year without a drink or drug in my body and that's definitely progress.

I've really been refining my life a lot. Back into fitness, dropped ~40lbs in the last year, going to grad school full time, and got a new part time in a great environment. I wake up at 5:15am every day and feel refreshed. I'm eating well. Once I took my white-knuckled hands off the wheel and got outside myself, the universe started falling into place. Nature seeks equilibrium and it's there. You get out of life what you put into it, and I was putting a whole lot of shit into mine.

Happy Birthday!! I'm so proud of you. It's been a full year since I last saw you. I'm so happy you're doing well. It's so much well deserved. And congrats on the weight loss!

I'm about to reach 5 months clean (though I did have a night of hydrocodone, and a day involving a small shot of buprenex). I'm fine with very sporadic use, so I consider this clean for my situation.

It's good to see you around again Cloudy, I'm glad to hear things are going well .

PS. I stumbles onto this forum because my original thread of Today I Will Not... Was placed here. I didn't think to ever come here because I'm not in recovery. However, reading everyone's stories is inspirational. It shows me people can change if they want to. This is helping me change one baby step at a time.

I'm very happy you stumbled into here and decided to stay .

Finished my 9th day no stims/psychs/alcohol.

This is awesome 9 days is a hella long time. Keep it goin mah man .

Hey all has been a good couple of days.. hope everyone is doing great..

Have to say though that I don't like some of the negative energy is some of the posts on this thread of late.. this thread is here for support and advise and is not a spot to overly preach you own views on the proper way to live a life free of active addiction. At BL we are not in favor of any approach over any other.. so please keep this thread focused on the positive and while advice is appropriate, preaching your approach as the only way to accomplish anything in this battle we all face is inappropriate. Say for instance a total abstinence person was posting how they were doing and a person that has found that a green recovery is working well for them and all the sudden start heavily posting how the total abstinence person should use marijuana in their recovery program. So please respect everyone's choices on their approach, please include whatever wisdom or insight you have as well as support. But by all means please leave all judgment, including judgment that is noted as not being judgmental, as well as all preaching of ones chosen approach to addiction UNTYPED.

The real enemy is addiction, what ever works is correct. The success rate of all the approaches is pretty dismal.. and I believe that the separation of different successful techniques, because of bickering about addiction treatment as well as ideas that are founded in some of the approaches themselves addiction, promotes more suffering and a lower success rate in the field. That is a major reason we at BL do not favor, look down on, or promote any approach to the treatment of addiction. With the success rate of rehabs, including 12 step rehabs being dismally poor, around ten percent or less.. and I believe thats just over a few years after completion.. there is plenty of room for improvement.. So please bear with any comments that you feel are unorthodox as hopefully all of us at BL are able to help push addiction treatment past the dark ages, and keep more of us out of active addiction longer and living happier lives.

I think this little saying adjusted a little for recovery fits nicelly..

Recovery is like a penis. It's fine to have one and it's fine to be proud of it, but please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around... and PLEASE don't try to shove it down other addicts throats.​

My feelings be stated.. I hope whatever approach you are using to stay out of active addiction is working well and will continue to do so.. and I hope we all had at least a sliver of peace or an insight on how to get there.

Well said. Everyones journey/battle is their own. Whatever route they choose to use to stay sober I support. Whatever it takes to make even a fragment of progress is perfection in my book.

Nothing can be accomplished in one day alone so our daily battles as long as we continue to push forwards is one step closer.

Lets keep going the best way we know how

 

[GenericName12]

Sounds like that message was directed at me... haha.

It's ok, I get the hint. BL is not AA/NA. I'll cut it back.

 

[neversickanymore]

If you are referring to the opinion that i expressed it was not directed at you 12.. I just noticed allot of what i described and I thought it was taking away from the positiveness that this thread is.. and If you are enjoying a strong 12 step recovery and wish to promote it.. then by all means promote it, but IMO the best way to promote something is to share how it works for you.. Like hypothetically today i was all in a jumble because I didn't get the new job I was hopping for and man it just got me going and I was all pissed and then the next thing you know my whole world is crashing down and by god I wanted to use, so I called my sponsor and he told me to 1st step not getting the job.. and i realized that i was powerless over the decision they made as i had given it my all.. so I joined some good friends at the 7 o'clock meeting and shared the experience.. and walked out the meeting feeling great and had a good evening with some friends. I think a do as I do is far more powerful than a do as I suggest.

evrybody