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August getting/staying sober v. you can do it!

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i decided i wanted to go sober for august but on the 1st my friend tempted me into going to pick up some h...luckily the guy was out and couldn't reup. i feel like it was a sign. but he gave me a free xanax bar and a valium which i took... then the next day at work some random ass lady dropped a red pill on the cashier counter. of course i snatched it. looked it up online and it said it was a .5mg alprazolam... wtf. why does shit just pop up while i'm trying to quit?

i don't use anything other than benzos (illegally), and only up to 2mg max a day but i really wanna quit. i'm done with opiates, i don't use stimulants, and my mdma/psychedelic phase has been over for awhile. it's just hard because i can get alprazolam, diazepam, or lorazepam for free whenever i want... i'm not addicted, i just love benzos... i'm a very anxious person, so they help me out a lot when i'm working or ever socializing.

i will continue to drink and occasionally toke, but i really want to stay off of real drugs...

i want to at least make it these next 28 days.
 
^^ Alcohol and pot are Very real 8(
And you only do benzos, but were trying to cop heroin?

I'm confused. Good luck though! I hope you find your way to a better life. :)


Hope everyone is doing well! I had an awesome trip down to Santa Cruz yesterday. Had a ton of fun with the girl I've been hanging out with lately. We got back up to the East Bay, I did head checks at the SLE I live at because I'm resident adviser now and then we went and kicked it at her place all night.. ;)

Good times.

Met with my sponsor again earlier today - finished my 5th step! God was it uncomfortable talking about some of the shit I've seen, done, and been through... Brought up the things I was going to take to my grave. He topped me lmao. Was an awesome experience. Starting my 6th step now. :)
 
We went to this place called the mystery spot while we were in Santa Cruz. It's this place in the woods, up in the mountains where there's apparently weird energy or something. Balls would roll up hill, you could stand balanced at a 17* lean, it was strange... Wasn't sure what to make of it. I thought it could all just be optical illusions until I tried rolling something myself, and started getting really dizzy and lightheaded while standing in this cabin at the center of the "mystery spot" where we were actually standing at a pretty heavy tilt, visually off balance but balanced if that makes sense..

It was strange.. I had a ton of fun though. Went to the beach after. Sober activities with Sober girls. Life is good. :)
 
8-months..honestly not getting any easier, but it's not like it's hard to just not go get drugs..keep your head up, and work a 10, 11, & 12 everyday, regardless if you're past your 9th step or not. Constantly be on the look out for selfishness, jealousy, resentment, and fear. Ain't nobody got time for all that.
 
itsALLfake said:
8-months..honestly not getting any easier, but it's not like it's hard to just not go get drugs..keep your head up, and work a 10, 11, & 12 everyday, regardless if you're past your 9th step or not. Constantly be on the look out for selfishness, jealousy, resentment, and fear. Ain't nobody got time for all that.
Click to expand...

Yesterday was my 5 month "anniversary" of being opiate free. I agree that it's not easy, and some days I really struggle. But then I think of my sober time and all those who want me to stay sober and I don't give in. It may sound like I am not staying clean for myself, but that's not the case. Others input has a lot to do with sobriety, no matter what anyone says.

I know I keep saying it, but this time I'm going to be more serious about it. benzodiazepines. I need to taper back from them, but the thought of that makes me anxious.
 
^Congrats on 5 months, dear! :)

As of today I have one month clean. I smoked a tiny bit of weed last week, but I'm doing so well otherwise and am not being hard on myself for that. I'm still amazed that I've been able to live without benzos during a cross country move. Just taking it one day/moment at a time is really helping me get through the stress.
 
Man. I want to get sober so badly. Stay sober really. Getting sober for a few days or even a week I can do. But then I'll eat some kratom or drink because I can't sleep. I twitch at night, which is probably PLMD and it keeps from getting good rest. I know being tired isn't an excuse to use or drink, but I go pretty crazy once I get sleep deprived and I just want some relief, ANY relief.

I'm a member of AA, but haven't made it past step 5 yet. I did do a 5th step about 6 months ago. I had seven days last Thursday, then ate kratom that night, then drank last night, and just ate some kratom. And, of course, because of the kratom I feel better. For now. But I know how this fucking ride goes. Ups and downs like mad and I want off.

I'm in my mid 30s and was an active alcoholic from about the age of 15 and for 17 years after that. I've been in and around AA for 2 years now. But I just can't seem to get there.

When I get sober for a while I get my emotions back, and I think I might get high on those. I listen to moving AA speakers and cry in the car. I'll feel all super-spiritual, like I've found the solution, like I can stay feeling spiritual and letting go forever. And then a day comes when an invisible force inserts a spring in my gut. And I go get something.

I feel like I'm nearing the end of my rope. I feel like I'm going crazy... I do not know what to do.
 
I am really supported by my faith. for whatever it's worth to you, being Catholic is a blessing for me and has been been a powerful force with which to fight addiction.

podsnomo, I pray that you are fighting fighting fighting! kick it's ass!
 
It was a really good weekend.. just doubled up at the movie theatre with my son.. good time good shows. Time to take a honest glance and begin to accelerate my lifes progression a little faster.. not break neck speed.. been there and made that mistake already.. but slow positive steps forward.. but keep stepping.
 
Official doctors appt. to address my addiction to benzos tomorrow. Self medication and self taper just aren't working. I'm being optimistic that things will turn out well.

Otherwise August has been a success thus far.
 
Got something in the mail in a small package, with crazy postage on it, and I was like, "What the fuck!" Obviously, I'm not ordering any more chems, and I didn't even want to touch the envelope. Turned it out it was something I'd ordered from Ebay.

Gave me a crappy feeling until I bounced back. lol
 
Congrat's Stardust that's Awesome! Good luck at the appointment! :)
Try not to stress over it too much. <3


Hey, question, is it allowed to post pictures of ourselves in this thread? Couldn't find anything in the BLUA - but I have overlooked things in the past. Wasn't sure if there was some sort of anonymity thing.
 
Appt. didn't go as planned but still staying positive. There's always tomorrow. Thanks Case <3

There aren't any rules explicitly against posting pictures in this thread.
 
podsnomo said:
Man. I want to get sober so badly. Stay sober really. Getting sober for a few days or even a week I can do. But then I'll eat some kratom or drink because I can't sleep. I twitch at night, which is probably PLMD and it keeps from getting good rest. I know being tired isn't an excuse to use or drink, but I go pretty crazy once I get sleep deprived and I just want some relief, ANY relief.

I'm a member of AA, but haven't made it past step 5 yet. I did do a 5th step about 6 months ago. I had seven days last Thursday, then ate kratom that night, then drank last night, and just ate some kratom. And, of course, because of the kratom I feel better. For now. But I know how this fucking ride goes. Ups and downs like mad and I want off.

I'm in my mid 30s and was an active alcoholic from about the age of 15 and for 17 years after that. I've been in and around AA for 2 years now. But I just can't seem to get there.

When I get sober for a while I get my emotions back, and I think I might get high on those. I listen to moving AA speakers and cry in the car. I'll feel all super-spiritual, like I've found the solution, like I can stay feeling spiritual and letting go forever. And then a day comes when an invisible force inserts a spring in my gut. And I go get something.

I feel like I'm nearing the end of my rope. I feel like I'm going crazy... I do not know what to do.
Click to expand...

I think alcoholics that are actually alcoholics (confusing but I identify more as an alcoholic even though I can't drink if I tried..probably a really good thing that's the case) don't get the credit for their fight as much as an addict. I'm a believer in alcoholism being a genetically driven issue, but the fact that you can go into practically any gas station or store and see what you think makes you feel okay everywhere.

You can't just fix it with going to meetings. It's a good start, but you have to infuse something into your life. When I'm with my family and being practically a spectator in their conversations; I sometimes go, "Is this what my life is about now?" I have to always remember that they're happy, and I have music, skateboarding, pitbulls, and hockey to get out of my head.

Also, if you have to go to a store that sells alcohol, avoid it at all costs. It sucks figuring out your triggers, because you have to be triggered and keep your head in order to have that realization, but once you figure them out, figure out a plan to avoid them. If you have a good sponsor, that'd be a good place to start. One day you'll get those 10th step promises, but like you've heard so much before, one day at a time.

Talk to a doctor about your sleeping issues. I have a problem wanting to sleep at night, but that's just a will-factor.

Have hope, and stay positive. Thinking it's the end only brings on the end.
 
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