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Girl offended if guy cant stay hard?

A

alcoholic333

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 26, 2006
Messages
268
Location
Los angeles
Ive had this happen to me a few times where I couldn't get hard because of anxiety and suboxone/alchohol. First time the girl never replied to my calls again. Last time just happened and want to get some ladies perspectives. Do you take it personally or just think the guy is a loser, are you understanding? Stories from guys also encouraged... thanks
 
I don't take it personally, I just get pissed off if I want to fuck the guy. And no, I'm not understanding.

A few months ago, this guy I know was sending me emails telling me all the stuff he was gonna do to me when he came over....but when he got here, he just laid on the bed...like, he couldn't get/stay hard. Fuck, I was so pissed. :!
 
^well shit that'll certainly add to the anxiety from now on haha

yeah happened to me plenty of times, definitely embarrassing, each time it happened i was just far too fucked up on psychs/benzos and even stims + cialis couldn't get me going. A friend of mine gave me a lifelong tip, go to the bathroom before anything happens and make sure you can get hard as a rock, if not, then plan an escape route/creative excuse.

i'd say most girls would take it personally but as a guy, i don't really ask them afterwards especially if it's awkward as fuck lol. It's mostly the anxiety that does it to me for some reason, i don't really even know why, even if i am benzod out by myself i have no issues but in certain situations with a girl, my wiener just won't cooperate with me and then i over think it and it's game over. At that point, my best cop out is that i just wasn't feeling it lol but yeah definitely feel like a loser afterwards. Other times things work out completely fine, i don't know why.
 
some times they want the root....sometimes they want to be with you

the latter tends to be more understanding and worth their weight in salt

read into that what you will

:)
 
Shit this happens from time to time..never had my tongue/fingers go limp;).. aw man, will this thought cause anxiety induced tongue limpness.. the reason why some women get so pissed at this, Illyria99 excluded of course, is that they can take it personally, so their response can deflection of a unfounded deeper emotion.. or then again they can just be pissed they aren't getting dicked like they want.
 
I don't take it personally but depending on the situation, I may never speak to the guy again. Of course if he's my boyfriend I wouldn't mind, better luck next time etc., but with a hook-up honestly I'm not going to 'waste my time' seeing him again - unless he was particularly great with his hands and mouth :D
I don't think that's harsh of me though, I mean if your hook-up really underperforms or leaves you unsatisfied in any way, it's normal not to call them back isn't it?

So basically no, I wouldn't think you're a loser and I would definitely be understanding, but if we just know each other from a one-night stand I'm not really going to bother giving you a second chance. But thhen again I hate seeing hook-ups again in any case. If the girl cares about you she shouldn't mind or judge :)
 
Pretty much same here. If it is someone I know really well and am in a relationship with then I would be understanding absolutely...maybe a little worried. Its not deflection though..there have been times when I thought well maybe it has something to do with me.

But, if it is just a hook up or something then no, I too would probably be done and not call or talk to 'em again either.
 
I wouldn't classify her as a hook up. this happened a week ago and she asked me to hang out the next day, didn't get to sex but she still showed a lot of affection. Hopefully in the clear.
 
This does happen to guys from time to time if they're pre-occupied, high or just anxious. Sometimes girls just catch us off guard when we're not really in the mood. If it happens with someone you don't know well it's much more embarrassing than if it's with a girlfriend, it's just something that happens from time to time. thinking about it and worrying it will happen again is the worst thing you can do because it's a self-fulfilling prophecy and can cause it to happen again. I've also had girls that were too loose and didn't really provide enough stimulation to keep me hard after a few minutes, or too wet where I couldn't really feel it after a few minutes...

Usually, if you stop and the girl sucks it for a little while, you're good to go again....sometimes certain girls are just kind of boring to fuck, TBH! It's generally a lot more work and pressure on the guy during sex than the girl, that's just the nature of the whole thing!
 
I had a boyfriend who was reluctant to speak openly about his "difficulty" I guess it would be embarrassing, he was forty after all and I used to think there was something wrong with me. Until he told me about his diabetes that he couldn't control (he drank a lot on top of it)

So Viagra and Cialis didn't work for him because he so ill. He finally came out and asked me once, if he couldn't have sex anymore would I still love him. Of course I would but he ended up treating me badly and we broke up. Ended up having both big toes amputated and last I heard the foot was next in line.
 
I've had this happen a few times before with 2 different girls. We were high on dope each time & they both thought it was a problem with them ("Am I not pretty enough?" "Does this not feel good?") more than with me. YMMV.
 
Illyria99 said:
I don't take it personally, I just get pissed off if I want to fuck the guy. And no, I'm not understanding.

A few months ago, this guy I know was sending me emails telling me all the stuff he was gonna do to me when he came over....but when he got here, he just laid on the bed...like, he couldn't get/stay hard. Fuck, I was so pissed. :!
Click to expand...

that would be so annoying!

if you had an emotional investment in the person you would take it into account, but if a one off shag cant deliver the goods=onto the next and dont look back
 
Of course some people would get annoyed because they want to have sex. They'd probably be more of a one night stand type thing.
Someone who doesn't get angry at this and is understanding, I'd say she is more who you'd want to be in a relationship with.

Some will care, some won't.
 
llama112 said:
Of course some people would get annoyed because they want to have sex. They'd probably be more of a one night stand type thing.
Click to expand...

Yea, one night stand type of partners are probably going to pissed or at the very least, think a little bit less of you.

It all depends on the situation.

If you showed her a great drug-fueled evening and you were too high to fuck, she would probably be very happy regardless.

However if she chose you over some guy at the club, wants to fuck or start a fling, and then when you get back to the crib you are too hammered on suboxone/alchohol to fuck, she's likely going to be annoyed with you and think less of you. Hopefully she at least plays to your ego(meaning she's willing to give you another chance/ wants a ride home).

If it's a caring relationship she'll be way more understanding and patient.
 
lol that's kind of fucked up that if a guy can't perform on a one night stand then it's game over for him. No one cares how the girl performs! or rather doesn't perform at all! What about consideration for this poor man's feelings? everyone deserves a second chance.

One situation i just couldn't stay hard whatsoever because i was too fucked up, i just got her off and that was it! what about my neeedssss god damn. I ended up just jerking off by myself afterwards, fucking depressing.

BlueHues said:
..sometimes certain girls are just kind of boring to fuck, TBH! It's generally a lot more work and pressure on the guy during sex than the girl, that's just the nature of the whole thing!
Click to expand...

indeed.
 
If I ever even suspect this to be the case I immediately move to go down on the girl until my equipment begins functioning properly.



It happened to me a couple of times in high school, very embarrassing, but there is a very clear work-around. This is why, as a girl, you should never turn down a guy who is willing to go down on you simply because you want the dick more. Sometimes it is a prerequisite.
 
RobotRipping said:
lol that's kind of fucked up that if a guy can't perform on a one night stand then it's game over for him. No one cares how the girl performs! or rather doesn't perform at all! What about consideration for this poor man's feelings? everyone deserves a second chance.

One situation i just couldn't stay hard whatsoever because i was too fucked up, i just got her off and that was it! what about my neeedssss god damn. I ended up just jerking off by myself afterwards, fucking depressing.



indeed.
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=D
lol i've been there man. I guess it's just a lot worse to be 0 for 1 in a one night stand, than if you've already had great sex together dozens of times and then have an off-night lol.

3 said:
It happened to me a couple of times in high school, very embarrassing, but there is a very clear work-around. This is why, as a girl, you should never turn down a guy who is willing to go down on you simply because you want the dick more. Sometimes it is a prerequisite.
Click to expand...

I wish i was back to my teens(physically at least). I had the opposite problem... could get hard any time/multiple times a day, but had to do calculus in my head or something to last more than a minute.
 
It became a issue for me in a particular relationship. Very early on in our dating, she declared that she LOVED penetration with a dick and sucking it. Everything else, to her, was second rate.
In my other relationships, I had also done the old "stall and go down, use my fingers until her noises wake me up" method. With her this was not an option. She was not interested in oral being performed on her at all. Fingers were just a short means of getting her ready. Nothing more.
And she wanted to give head and/or fuck constantly. Constantly. One the face of things there's nothing wrong with that.
My confidence was/is pretty high, and I kept up with her as well as I could. Inevitably, I ended up running out of bullets and I could not fuck. It ground things to a halt and was embarrassing.

She was cool about it, but I definitely gave myself a complex. I know others have said it but, trust me when I say that the last thing you wanna do is dwell on it. The paranoia/worry becomes self fulfilling.
It took me a month/month and a half to consistently kick the paranoia that it might happen again. Everything was fine after that. I just needed to tell her when I needed a break instead of trying to be a machine of some kind.
The whole notion that there's guys everywhere that are ready to stick it anytime/anywhere is a bit of a fallacy, IMO.

If the girl wants to be with you, then she should relax on what happened. If she hasn't already. It's probably not anything she did wrong or didn't do right, right? It just happens sometimes.
I've been with girls that for whatever reason, whether it was the substances we had taken, or the environment, etc, could not get wet enough to make sex doable. I did not take it personally and in every case I can remember, the next time we went it was fine.
It happens to everyone. Don't stress.
 
RobotRipping said:
lol that's kind of fucked up that if a guy can't perform on a one night stand then it's game over for him. No one cares how the girl performs! or rather doesn't perform at all! What about consideration for this poor man's feelings? everyone deserves a second chance.
Click to expand...

Course they care about how the girl performs...or if they don't, they should? I dunno, personally I'm not desperate enough for sex that I would go back to a partner who didn't satisfy me. This is obviously in situations where I don't know him before. Of course if he were my boyfriend it'd be different.
It's not as if people had one night-stands with the intention of forming relationships out of them, so if you don't perform particularly well, I don't think it's in any way mean of the other person not to call you back or whatever.

BlueHues said:
It's generally a lot more work and pressure on the guy during sex than the girl, that's just the nature of the whole thing!
Click to expand...

I completely disagree with this as well. Aaaand I'd written a whole paragraph but it somehow just got erased...the gist of it was, for example women are 'supposed' to give BJs every time whereas men aren't expected to give oral, women are 'supposed' to be fine with anal etc. Absolutely not true that there's more pressure on guys.
If you think women just lie there and do nothing clearly you've just nto been with the right women. (that's not aimed at you btw, it's a general comment). It pisses me off when people say that women make no effort in bed whatsoever because that's got absolutely nothing to do with the gender and everything to do with the individual (sorry, I had a long and exhausting day, I'm getting annoyed easily haha). I shall stop now before this turns into a proper rant ;)
(again blueshues, that wasn't aimed at you in particular)
 
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some women do just lie there though lol i guess they fall into the category of being boring anyway. And for the most part, that doesn't really actually matter to me anyway, what i'm getting out of it is much different lol. So the girl's sexual performance really has no impact on whether i would speak to her again, it'd solely depend on my sex drive and desperation for sex, which is incredibly high and always has been. I'd like to think i'm better than that but i'm not. I think you may be shocked at what a male thinks about regarding sex if you were to be one for a day.

and some people actually do try to form relationships based off one night stands, it's certainly not unheard of and these people are probably full of different issues but nevertheless, it's not all concrete by any means.

when it comes to an actual relationship, everything above can be disregarded, it makes a huge difference whether the girl is boring or not and both parties should be much more forgiving in regards to sexual performances as they have a better idea of what their partners average ability is lol.
 
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