I believe bluelight may be bad for meeting my drug use goals

[TCMVegas]

I've come to realize that opiates, adderall, and marijuana are all drugs that I should abstain from.

Marijuana and amphetamines because they will fuck me over in school.

Opiates and amphetamines, because they've already given me, a skinny college student, enough facial wasting that I'm saving up to have a plastic surgeon inject filters into my face.

I've been reading bluelight for the last 4 years, and love ADD in particular.

The problem is, even in the dark side, reading about people's drug use makes me think nothing of taking a Percocet (no addiction issues), or maybe 5mg adderall (adderall truly is the devil that transformed my face). This is low dosing, but prescribed doses of adderall destroyed my face, I cannot bear to have it make me even more freakish or ugly.

I'm conflicted. If I stop reading about drugs every day, I will get sensitized to their stigma, and probably be better able to quit.


Input appreciated.

 

[TCMVegas]

It just brought fractions of tears to my eyes to realize the best prefix for my thread was recovery support

 

[SkagKush]

Sometimes people have to distance themselves from BL, and thats ok. If you feel that taking some time away from Bluelight will help you abstain from drug use then please take that opportunity to do so.

Best of luck!

We are always here.

 

[neversickanymore]

you can also use BL as a powerful tool in recovery.. as it is able almost on any given week to read posts from good people in all stages of drug use and addiction... when you start to see through their thoughts you can see through yours.. the phenomenon of addiction and drug use in general has so many similarities that we all share... once you begin to see through the illusion that drug abuse or addiction causes, in your self or others, then it begins to lose its power.. I wish you the best of luck.. addiction is by no means the end of the world and there are quite a few BL ieters living strong recoveries.. as far as the face, you don't smoke cigarettes do you?

 

[TCMVegas]

I use a nicotine vaporizer... don't suppose there's any consensus on that, is there?

 

[neversickanymore]

since the use of nicotine causes constriction of the blood vessels it may damage smaller capillaries in the face and could very well promote early aging.. I think if you were to make a positive change in your life you may experience a positive change in you appearance.. ha, i was just thinking of a picture of me taken before I cleaned up for the first time ten or so years ago.. yep pretty damn bad.. you will be amazed at how much better you look.. i also think of some of the people on intervention big difference after a couple of weeks..

 

[Vaya]

I use a nicotine vaporizer

As do I.

Truth be told, my friend, it is true that I have been a member of this community for ten long years. But being a 'member' does not necessarily imply active membership. Indeed, in 2006 when I left my first rehab I went home and deleted one-by-one some 10,000 posts I'd accumulated in the three years preceding that. It was a painful severence, because I had come to love the community so dearly - the friends whom I made through it, the wisdom and experience I was exposed to, etc. And to have that willfully stripped from me was like tearing my body in half. It hurt. But it was absolutely, indisputably necessary to my remaining sober for the next several years. I needed that distance; as they say in the program, one must change "peopole, places and things." And there's a reason that phrase has been hammered into the head of every 12-stepper alilve.

Your life, your aspirations, your dreams and your visionary presence are of paramount importance and supercede what you may or may not gain from your continued alliance with Bluelight. When the time comes, IF the time comes that is, Bluelight and your account will be waiting for you. But under such circumstances, I would listen to my deepest instincts.

I hope that helped you.

 

[RobotRipping]

^most of them pack on the pounds afterwards lol but i guess that's healthier looking than a zombie looking person.

i don't see how a small dose of adderall would cause such an issue with your face. Hopefully that's just in your head, either way quitting amps will certainly make you look healthier.

sometimes i'd find bluelight triggering but really life is triggering and you have to learn to deal with it. Most of my time on bluelight has been spent while in withdrawal just because i was so sick and couldn't do anything else, i found lots of helpful material and people going through the exact same things. It's hard to read about people still using drugs at first but after a while, you realize that it's just not for you anymore and the negative effects just aren't worth it anymore.

I have to severely cut down/cut out my amp use as it's causing me all sorts of side effects, and finally the negative effects are outweighing the positives so even reading about someone having the time of their life on amps doesn't bother me because i know i wouldn't enjoy it anyway. Same for cannabis, i just don't enjoy it at all anymore. And opiates suck after being addicted to them. I guess one day i'll just end up hating every drug and will just stay sober because of that. Anyway, if BL is too much at first then stay away from it. I try to deter myself from coming here simply because i waste too much time on here and it may as well be an addiction in itself.

 

[herbavore]

OP, you are listening to what you need and that is good. As vaya said, go with your gut. You will not be the first person to make this decision.

 

[Vaya]

Another thing, too, that helps me these days to be a very active part of Bluelight but remain abstinent is that I avoid OD, BDD, DC, TR and ADD at all costs, because I find them all insatiably triggering. The forums themselves are fantastic for their intended audiences, and indeed those used to be the only forums I ever visited on Bluelight.

It's just that by this point in my life I've already seen the show... I certainly do not need or want to pay to see it again.

 

[neversickanymore]

another thought on this is one more trigger dealt with in a safe environment, is one more trigger gone...

 

[Vaya]

I peeked at some of your latest posts, OP %) It appears you're doing quite well! I wanted to stop in and say congratulations!!

 

[stardust.hero]

sometimes it is the best to move forwards and never look back. If threads about recovery are triggering then you just need to do whatever it takes to stay away from using. If that means gibing up BL just like you gave up drugs. Then you must do it .

 

[TCMVegas]

dabbling with amphetamines again, no more than 10mg/day. It's too damn useful in my math class.

But I've been starting on Wellbutrin again at the same time, so... it's gonna make it hard to tell what's what.

Bleh....

 

[herbavore]

Useful for what? Comprehension? Less studying? Higher grades? This is a no-brainer to me. Whatever you find it useful for is not worth going down that road again. I heard an interview about a month ago in which they were discussing how stims have become academic "performance enhancing drugs" like steroids in athletics and are every bit as ubiquitous. Sad situation for everyone.

I would stop them and see how it goes on the Wellbutrin.

 

[caseface99]

I've been abstaining from most sections of bluelight lately too. I spent a few years as a regular to OD - even after a few attempts at recovery. But I always fail, for one reason or another - so I'm doing a lot different this time and when I come on Bluelight it's exclusively for The Dark Side, Sober Living, (sometimes) Drugs in the Media, and the other non drug related forums.

It's been working pretty well for me, avoiding the serious drug discussion.

 

[Vaya]

dabbling with amphetamines again, no more than 10mg/day. It's too damn useful in my math class.

But I've been starting on Wellbutrin again at the same time, so... it's gonna make it hard to tell what's what.

Bleh....

Dude, I'm going to be more straight-up than usual with you here, because herbavore is dead-on with this comment:

Useful for what? Comprehension? Less studying? Higher grades? This is a no-brainer to me. Whatever you find it useful for is not worth going down that road again

Amen.
Drop the speed.
I believe the reason you logged onto Bluelight and posted the fact that you're 'dabbling' again is because in your truthful mind you intuitively know it to be the wrong decision.

I recently got placed on Wellbutrin IR 150mg BID and it affects me much like traditional amphetamine. Which makes sense since it's a norepinephrine & dopamine reuptake inhibitor. From Wikipedia:

It was originally called amfebutamone, before being renamed in 2000.[2] Its chemical name is 3-chloro-N-tert-butyl-β-ketoamphetamine. It is a substituted cathinone (β-ketoamphetamine), as well as a substituted amphetamine. The drug is a mild psychostimulant. Its primary pharmacological action is to inhibit the reuptake of norepinephrine and dopamine. It binds selectively to the dopamine transporter, but its behavioral effects have largely been attributed to its inhibition of norepinephrine reuptake. It also acts as a nicotinic acetylcholine receptor antagonist. Bupropion belongs to the chemical class of aminoketones and is similar in structure to stimulants such as cathinone and amfepramone, and to phenethylamines in general.

There can be little justification attributed to taking a drug like this, and then adding on an addictive substance you struggled with for a long time and whose effects are essentially redundant, given the presence of the Wellbutrin.

So, please, follow you subconscious conscience and ditch the amphetamines.
They are not helping you in any way, shape or form.
You know this. I also believe in your ability to achieve freedom from the addictive drugs.

Keep us updated, my friend.
Peace & good will.
~. Vaya

 

[Vaya]

I've been abstaining from most sections of bluelight lately too. I spent a few years as a regular to OD - even after a few attempts at recovery. But I always fail, for one reason or another - so I'm doing a lot different this time and when I come on Bluelight it's exclusively for The Dark Side, Sober Living, (sometimes) Drugs in the Media, and the other non drug related forums.

It's been working pretty well for me, avoiding the serious drug discussion.

Wow! This is my story, too, caseface99! I rarely hear of someone who successfully took the same path I had to take myself!

Congratulations on your success thus far :D

~ Vaya

 

[TCMVegas]

Taking 150mg bupropion every day.

Today:
Took 150mg bupropion.
Took 18mg adderall.
Took half a caffeine pill, half a piece of nicotine gum.

All these stims give me vasoconstriction.


I've eaten, I've slept... but look at my face...

Dark, droopy eyelids, shallowed out cheeks, lines across my face. I promise myself never to do this 4 way combo again. I will go through combos, see what gives me the facially-deforming vasoconstricion. And by the way, this look is permanent, I quit for 6 months and nothing changed. My dermatologist said it was normal aging, but I know better.

 

[laCster]

please dude, you dnt need drugs to succeed. you definitely sound like you are developing a habit that cannot be controlled. if you continue on like this, it willl ONLY get worse. i never saw the day when i would use needles multuple times a day to get high. it doesnt matter what it is, i am obsessed, and i am struggling to come out alive.

you sound intelligent i believe you know the road to redemption, but as you can tell it will take alot of work. the first couple months are going to suck, but remember sacrificing the battles does not mean that you lost the war.

when you sacrifice your drug use for the greater good, you will gain so much more than drugs could ever bring you in life.

you say adderall helps you in class, but i believe you are selling yourself short because you do not have confidence in yourself as a person. sacrifice your drugs, gain confidence, and you will find yourself.

i too long for that day. i will keep you mind man, as i am a very similar position. i go to a big university and have used drugs for too long. i am slowly killing myself, but as a good friend explained to me addiction is not something you can wish away. he compared it to having cancer, and how the person afflicted with cancer absolutely doesnt want cancer, but it isnt his or her choice whether or not they develop tumors. however, they do have the choice and power to chose what they do about the cancer. you have to fight, fight for your life. think of using adderall as your cancer; you have to work at it every single day to conquer your affliction, and with your freedom comes power. the power to chose who you are and how you chose to deal with life's curve balls.

i have been abstaining from bluelight lately because to some extent it does trigger me. on the other hand, i realize i would be using whether i was active on bluelight or not. bluelight is the scapegoat, not the problem,.. you are the problem, your thinking is the problem. your decisions arent necerssarily wrong , they are just decisions made in spite of your desire to use drugs.

good luckkk, i know i have the luck because i am a fighter. i am a the quadriplegic man who gains the ability to walk. i might have to use crutches or have stints in my legs, but i am still walking god damnit.