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What Do You Blame For Your Addiction?

i like drugs.
i blame me for my use/abuse of drugs.

i blame my government for criminalizing my harmless hobby.
 
Folley said:
Cheap grams of every drug imaginable and most of it for free..


I always seem to get large amounts of free drugs, I have since I started using and I continue to get them now lol... in fact, I've gotten literally $800+ in free drugs this year
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Sounds like a dream! I'm jelly... I almost always have to pay for my own shit.
 
I blame my life-long struggle with severe panic attacks and social anxiety from hell. Inherited genetic addictive personality genes. My father is an alcoholic. Other drugs, clouding my judgement. My city known for pharm/street drug abuse, it's ECP heroin (tenths that were first served in clear gel caps intended for vitamins, not tenths + of heroin,), Abundance of dealers, The only friends that stick by my side through thick and thin are abundant drug-users, IV heroin/cocaine addicts, and friends that are always high on a benzo, psychedelic or something, but they're sincerely there and I love them. They haven't ever stole, known them for years (got hooked together round the same times, different ages I was in the upper middle) and firstly: MYSELF, SELFishness, lack of proper SELF-control and SELF-esteem, wanting MYSELF to die in a strange way, but this fucking psychical/mental opioid addiction causes so much depression and I can't break free.

Not with multiple suboxone treatments, Rehabs, Psych Wards, Hospitals, SSRI's/SNRI's, NDRI's (wellbutrin, helped a little with slight stimulatory almost none existent strange stimulatory less-than-mild euphoric energy, Doctor assisted oxycodone and lorazepam taper to get off a huge dose with ofc a huge tolerance to diazepam, alprazolam, and benzodiazepines in general in psych ward and then outpatient scripts... oh yes! (abused the hell outta the oxycodone 5 mg IR tabs and the 1 mg ativans (which lorazepam sucks, unless taken with oxy with a low tolerance IME), TeCA similar to TCA's: 15 then 45 mg mirtazapine which helped my shitty appetitite bc of HCV/Hep C wish I still had a script good anxiolytic and noticed beneficial AD effects. Just made my mornings really groggy, but I was floatier and happy in a natural, yet sedating way but sedative effects wore off in the afternoon and this groggy SE didn't last long, Doxepin too groggy more of anti-psychotic than a AD, and Trazadone was completely useless
 
Well I blame myself but certain situations made doing drugs an easy choice.

1. Depression and social anxiety dating back to childhood
2. My parents splitting up. Imagine moving to a new state away from friends and family at the age of 14 and being extremely shy. I was very isolated and lonely at the time.
3. Intense curiosity and the "cool factor" of using drugs was always important.
4. My dad was unwilling for me to see a psychiatrist. He wanted me to talk to a pastor instead. He didn't want me to get a label and start acting out that label. So I didn't get any help with what I was going through.
 
dopemaster said:
Im already not able to get a CCW because when I applied they found out I was on pain meds and well since I had never even met my pain doctor I decided not to push the issue.
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Is that true? I've been on pain meds for most of 30 years and I had no idea that if I wanted to own a gun or get a CCW I'd have problems. Is this in the States? If it is true, that kind of bothers my senses, you know what I mean? I seriously hope I misunderstood what you said. Please expain?
 
The forms to purchase guns, the forms to apply for a hangun permit, and the forms for ccw permit all ask if you are or have ever been addicted to drugs. This is normally not a problem as its a no brainer as to which box to check. However when I applied for a CCW a man with the same name as me had done the same and he had a dishonarable discharge from the service as well as had been in several psych wards. They ran a check on my medical history and found out I was prescribed alot of narcotics. They said I needed my doctors to sign off on whether or not they would be ok. The whole thing snowballed out of control. Seeing how I have never met my pain doctor its kind of hard to ask him to write a note saying that my medication does not affect my judgement. So I got pegged as an addict and the sheriffs office has some discretion in the matter as to whether or not I can get a ccw. Now that this shit has happened I have to reapply for a fucking handgun purchase permit. Im gonna have to wait until I live in another county to apply for my CCW now. If there had not been an error they would not have dug into my history but they basically treated me that if Im prescribed narcotics I must be a fucking junkie. Im not sure if my doctor would like to sign off on the fact that my meds dont affect my judgement as Im already not on the best terms with these smucks. I guess Im afraid Ill lose my pain meds if I even bring it up. Its common practice at my clinic to punish the patient by lowering their dosage if they ask the doctor questions and make them spend more than 30 seconds of their time with you in a visit. As far as the sheriffs department they wont budge until doctors sign off. Thank god I already own guns. But still I would like to get some more handguns as I would like a different gun for my open carry car gun. I would also like to get some more target hand guns. Im an avid shooter and this is bullshit. I have competition level skills and now I cannot currently purchase a handgun. I have not had any difficulty purchasing rifles since this though. I even bought a sniper rifle and an assault rifle pretty recently.
 
dopemaster said:
The forms to purchase guns, the forms to apply for a hangun permit, and the forms for ccw permit all ask if you are or have ever been addicted to drugs. This is normally not a problem as its a no brainer as to which box to check. However when I applied for a CCW a man with the same name as me had done the same and he had a dishonarable discharge from the service as well as had been in several psych wards. They ran a check on my medical history and found out I was prescribed alot of narcotics. They said I needed my doctors to sign off on whether or not they would be ok. The whole thing snowballed out of control. Seeing how I have never met my pain doctor its kind of hard to ask him to write a note saying that my medication does not affect my judgement. So I got pegged as an addict and the sheriffs office has some discretion in the matter as to whether or not I can get a ccw. Now that this shit has happened I have to reapply for a fucking handgun purchase permit. Im gonna have to wait until I live in another county to apply for my CCW now. If there had not been an error they would not have dug into my history but they basically treated me that if Im prescribed narcotics I must be a fucking junkie. Im not sure if my doctor would like to sign off on the fact that my meds dont affect my judgement as Im already not on the best terms with these smucks. I guess Im afraid Ill lose my pain meds if I even bring it up. Its common practice at my clinic to punish the patient by lowering their dosage if they ask the doctor questions and make them spend more than 30 seconds of their time with you in a visit. As far as the sheriffs department they wont budge until doctors sign off. Thank god I already own guns. But still I would like to get some more handguns as I would like a different gun for my open carry car gun. I would also like to get some more target hand guns. Im an avid shooter and this is bullshit. I have competition level skills and now I cannot currently purchase a handgun. I have not had any difficulty purchasing rifles since this though. I even bought a sniper rifle and an assault rifle pretty recently.
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I'll be damned if that's not a trip! Currently I don't want a gun but I feel slighted that if I did I might get hung up. Honestly, I've been on heavy narcotics for so long no one around me would ever have a clue I was on them unless I told them. So impairment is clearly not an issue but still...
 
Take a break maybe? Sucks being sober but it will bring your tolerance back down at least.
 
I blame myself. I know certain events in my life encouraged me to get into drugs but no one but myself has been sticking a needle into my arm. Just like no one but myself has been clean for over 2 weeks, aside from one, one-time relapse.
Blame yourself as you should and you can then take all the credit if/when you manage to beat your addiction. As you should :)
 
I don't blame anyone but myself for my previous addictions. I made the choice. I used the drug(s). No one strapped me down and forced me to get high. My choices, my consequences.

However, the topic is "what" do you blame for your addiction. If I could blame something, I would blame my addictive personality I guess? But iunno that just seems fucking whack.
 
dopemaster said:
The forms to purchase guns, the forms to apply for a hangun permit, and the forms for ccw permit all ask if you are or have ever been addicted to drugs. This is normally not a problem as its a no brainer as to which box to check. However when I applied for a CCW a man with the same name as me had done the same and he had a dishonarable discharge from the service as well as had been in several psych wards. They ran a check on my medical history and found out I was prescribed alot of narcotics. They said I needed my doctors to sign off on whether or not they would be ok. The whole thing snowballed out of control. Seeing how I have never met my pain doctor its kind of hard to ask him to write a note saying that my medication does not affect my judgement. So I got pegged as an addict and the sheriffs office has some discretion in the matter as to whether or not I can get a ccw. Now that this shit has happened I have to reapply for a fucking handgun purchase permit. Im gonna have to wait until I live in another county to apply for my CCW now. If there had not been an error they would not have dug into my history but they basically treated me that if Im prescribed narcotics I must be a fucking junkie. Im not sure if my doctor would like to sign off on the fact that my meds dont affect my judgement as Im already not on the best terms with these smucks. I guess Im afraid Ill lose my pain meds if I even bring it up. Its common practice at my clinic to punish the patient by lowering their dosage if they ask the doctor questions and make them spend more than 30 seconds of their time with you in a visit. As far as the sheriffs department they wont budge until doctors sign off. Thank god I already own guns. But still I would like to get some more handguns as I would like a different gun for my open carry car gun. I would also like to get some more target hand guns. Im an avid shooter and this is bullshit. I have competition level skills and now I cannot currently purchase a handgun. I have not had any difficulty purchasing rifles since this though. I even bought a sniper rifle and an assault rifle pretty recently.
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How have you never met your pain doctor if you are on all these meds? What do you mean?
 
MsPilly said:
What do YOU think? Who or What do u blame for ur current addiction? <3
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well i got myself hooked no question about that. And i still perpetuate it but after being an addict, it's really difficult to rewire your brain back to normal. Some highs don't have much of a price, like cannabis. Others have a huge price like benzodiazepines compared to the high. Psychedelics don't really have much of a price for the high either, pretty solid value overall.

Anyway, if i have to blame something, it's my anxiety coupled with my natural curiosity to expand my mind and my openness about trying new things, having different experiences, to know from experience, all play a part. I wanted to know what opiate withdrawal was really like, i wanted to know what benzo withdrawal was really like. Really i guess i can blame my curiosity in the first place and then my underlying emotional issues kind of just kept my addicted. When i first learned about drugs in school, it really piqued my interest, to be able to experience reality in a different way was fascinating to me, so i can blame the school system as well.

as well, social alienation due to capitalism, modernity/industrialization/enlightenment era and postmodernism.

I could come up with a reasonable argument to blame my drug addiction on anything, but really i was/am just in emotional pain and can't/couldn't cope well, never could in the first place, always an introverted strange outsider that didn't fit the status quo, only social skills i have are from what i learned from others, and that's the core reason i am a drug addict.

I also love the culture of drugs and drug users so much that i wouldn't even want to leave that behind by quitting drugs. To be aware of the root problems and the solutions is strange to me, i know i need to know how to cope with reality but i also don't give a shit either so long as i can sustain my habit and live this fucked up life on my terms, then that's fine with me.

I just wish i were a bit happier as a drug addict, you'd think i would be with 60mg of d-amp (sorry for the stim rambling) and 8 or so mg of etizolam but i miss my opies still.
 
I'm glad to see so many responses that say I blame myself and only myself. I think your environment could also be a factor. But even that could be argued that the kid down the street is not a drug addict and is a CEO of some Fortune 500 meanwhile you are a junkie. Certain events could also be a factor. I think if you do not learn how to cope with traumatic events that have happened to you in a healthy way, drug addiction is a natural outcome. Just like the example of if a girl is molested as a child, she has a higher risk factor for being sexual promiscuous as an adult (or teenager). I think all of these come into play. In the end, you and only you make that active decision to use over and over again until your body is physically dependent and your brain becomes this thing that you use to get more drugs. It's like all along, I knew this path was destructive but yet I continued. Only myself to blame!
 
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