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Asked girl out, rejected, then she contacts me?

zzz101

zzz101

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 1, 2012
Messages
5,520
Location
London innit
I posted this in another thread on bluelight, thread called biggest buzz kills and went off topic. But i want to see what helpful persons in SLR might have to say. Sorry if this is clogging up BL. What's my play? I will copy and paste what I've wrote in other thread right here:

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Enjoying a nice tramadol high then bumping into your crush.. you know she likes you back... Then feeling your heart sink and touch ur asshole, choking and not asking her for her number. That is worse than rejection. It completely killed my high, more than anything else. It was a bad experience that I never want to happen again.

I'm now looking at this as a good thing, i'm going to ask her out next week. even if it embarrasses me, in front of other people, i don't care. Trust me, if you like someone just ask the person out. It's better to get rejected than not to know. This feeling i had was worse than a bad trip. Horrible
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And a helpful reply:

Oxy8_8 said:
On the positive side it's probably best to ask her out with a clear head. Not saying a little bit of benzo or opiate for nerves is a bad idea, but small amounts.
Totally agree that rejection is not even close to being as bad as not knowing. If you get rejected at least you can feel shitty for a bit but then get over it and move on. It's the not knowing that eats away at you and drives you crazy.

Good luck for next week, man. Hope she says yes :).
Click to expand...

my reply:

Hey man, thank you. you had no idea how much that made me want to do it. I took your advice and fully agree. it helped.

sorry to go off topic, but in a way it is not. I asked her out. it went awesome, even though it turned out no good. it was the opposite of buzzkill, which should of been . this was from 5mg of valium which did a bit for me i guess.

Everything went good, but when i asked her out she said she has a boyfriend or 'dating someone' and said she really would otherwise. funny thing because last time she was talking about her ex boyfriend :S she is a bit older than me. rejection wasn't bad, even though it sucked. this feeling though was a 100x better than last time and now I know. Damn, i felt so euphoric after asking her the rush was amazing walking out.. like a bolt of warm electricity. given me a bit of confidence and i don't care what one girl thinks of me.

so i'm 80% over it and it has been like an hour... then she randomly txts me.. like WTF. Though she has my number and has called once before from their work (had to, nothing personal) .but in the txt tells me the exact same thing she already expressed, and even tells me to pop back into her work. i haven't replied obv, but why txt me that? is she expecting me to reply? Now i have her personal number, and i think the result is if i reply i can truly just be friends with her, or leave it and not reply. I want to tell her it's best for both of us if we don't see each other again.

Who knows i'm confused, why the hell did she have to txt me with her phone it would have bee better if she didn't.
_____________________________


And a helpful replay:

tentram said:
shes obviously either interested in being friends (i know, curse the thought ;)) and wanted you to have her number to contact her.

or...

she may just be a little interested.

or...and you wont like this...

shes an attentipn seeker, seeing how tight she can keep the leash on you.

whatrver it is, dont get played a fool brotha.

*fist bump*
Click to expand...

, and then my response to where I'm at now:

hey tentram, you have just hit the nail on the head.. i had those exact thoughts running through my mind but it was hard to process them as i guess i still have a little adrenaline in me.

I'm not going to give into her txt. She said what she needed to say and I'm not into wasting time playing games. Would be cool to have her as a friend though, which is the annoying thing.

I think it really depends what i want. if she ends up breaking up with her partner, as she spoke of him as that they are 'dating' so maybe not serious. don't know. I think the best bet of me getting with her and not friend zone is if i ring her, tell her that we shouldn't see each other again, because it would be bad for both of us..(me going into her work). I think that could be good closure if needed.. and see the result. does this sound weird or okay to do?

Damn why did she have to txt me arrgghh. sorry to go off topic but I don't have anyone to talk to about it.

And let that be a lesson to you all, if i can do it, anyone can.. if you like someone, ask them out.. go for it. It's worth it to find out.

any advice welcome. i am 23 she is 27.

tldr: asked a girl out face to face, she said no, because she has started dating someone, otherwise yes she would, apparently. SHE then txts me hour later after me asking her out; saying exact same thing and for me to come back into her work sometime.... I was almost over it, until she txted me. now i think there is a small chance i can risk something to go out with her. So confusing , glad i got a answer though. What do you all think i should do, in order to get to go out with her, if any chance at all?
 
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Its really hard to really all of the text.

But anyway, mad props to you for asking out a chick who's older than you... I always thought older chicks were hot and its on my "bucket list" to get with one hopefully at some point but the near future doesn't look bright.

My first gf was four years younger than me and I always felt like I was teaching and showing her things and, in some small way, rarely felt like I got anything back except for small delusional feelings of having a purpose and direction in life... (ie showing and teaching her things. eventually she grew up and didn't need me anymore and kicked me to the curb.)


REAL TALK though: a 27 year old woman rarely "knows" what she wants... especially if she has a lot of dating and career options. After you get past your mid twenties nothing is new and nothing matters anymore. I bet she won't want to settle down or stay with one guy until she's in her mid 30's and a lot can happen between now and then considering how much life is determined by luck and random situations and circumstances.

Tread lightly, expect nothing, have fun.

::best advice on bl today. i'm patting myself on the back right now literally::
 
Sorry, it is hard to understand my post. It is just what I've coppied and pasted over from what i posted in another thread. Maybe if it's too hard to understand i should just change whole post and start again.

either way, i can tell she is happy that i asked her, but i don't know if i should contact her again now that i have her number.

And yes indeed noon, I seem to be always attracted to girls that are 4ish years older than me.. They seem to have so much more life experience. But yeah, i still don't know if i should even bother replying to her? I'm trying to increase my odds at getting with her. I kind of wish she didn't txt me, so i wouldn't have her number and then i could get over it.
 
Nice job getting your answer. In the long run it is always better to know(even if it's negative) than to not know and have to wonder. Thinking about what could have possibly been is not fun.

nooneanymore said:
Tread lightly, expect nothing, have fun.
Click to expand...

This is a nice, neatly packaged piece of advice.
I would text her back and maybe even go see her. You've gained some confidence from speaking to her and asking.
Don't go in expecting much and you'll insulate yourself from getting hurt. If it seems she's playing a game and leading you on or using you to make her current BF jealous or angry, then get the fuck out.
Otherwise, talk to her and don't get too worried about being stuck in the "friend zone".

That whole thing is a little overblown, IMO. Guys that allow themselves to constantly get labeled as just a friend are their own worst enemies.
If you give into it and give off a completely non-sexual vibe, I think that's how people get stuck there. I'm not saying be a slimeball. Just maintain in how you act, that you still consider her a potential girlfriend.
It doesn't even have to be anything said. Seems like it's more about the energy that's given off. Just my opinion...
 
She wants you to text her back otherwise she wouldn't have text-ed you. Its that simple.

A lot of women completely ignore you or pretend that you're annoying smelly dog shit on the bottom of a shoe if they're not interested because they want to discourage you from approaching them again.

-anyway-

She wants to lead you on a little bit even if its just for the hell of it (ie she's bored) b/c you were a man and you put it out there that you like her (in an obvious manner).

The Take Away: for a guy, dating is always a numbers game... and the numbers are always stacked against you... you have to ask out and pursue a lot of people. (...if you still find her appealing-even in the slightest) ALWAYS CALL BACK... ALWAYS arrange the next date.

Really, what is there to lose? (aside from the small akwardness of a rejection- but like I said, for guys its a numbers game... if you want to play, you have to expect rejection, its like buying a lottery ticket or playing games at a casino... you know you're throwing money away but you do it anyway.)

lol, b/c its true

---

Obviously, all of the above changes if we're talking about a woman you've known closely or for years, like a friend, or a "friend of a friend," etc...
 
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really like you:D.. or is settling:p.. prob really likes u though=D..

nooneanymore said:
A lot of women completely ignore you or pretend that you're annoying smelly dog shit on the bottom of a shoe if they're not interested because they want to discourage you from approaching them again.
Click to expand...
yeah but it just as common or more common for a woman, or more likely a young woman, that really likes you to do this as well...... If you Really like a potential mate (crush or love) then the chances are that they like you too.. TAKE THE CHANCE EVERY TIME.. the only thing you have to loose is something you will never get, and chances and odds are you will, allot in play and most of it is but I've seen it all done it all figured I can use my knowledge to help those who are trying to better themselves., enfermos.. yep you are attracted to the one that is attracted to you..
 
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95Land said:
and don't get too worried about being stuck in the "friend zone".

That whole thing is a little overblown, IMO. Guys that allow themselves to constantly get labeled as just a friend are their own worst enemies.
If you give into it and give off a completely non-sexual vibe, I think that's how people get stuck there. I'm not saying be a slimeball. Just maintain in how you act, that you still consider her a potential girlfriend.
Click to expand...

EXACTLY. this ends the whole "friend zone" nonsense right there... I'm sick of that whole BS too.

When my ex wanted to leave but "still be friends," I was like lol at that...

...that shit didn't even begin to make sense for one second. Did she really think I'd sit by and watch her get with other people??? lol.
 
I think you're reading too much into this. She told you that she's dating someone else and texted you reiterating this.
She is probably flattered that you asked and wants to be friendly. So you have her mobile number now, not so much
different than being a facebook friend imo. If she wants to go out with you, she will let you know. Personally I might
feel sort of desperate contacting a guy who's already told me he's seeing someone.
 
nooneanymore said:
She wants you to text her back otherwise she wouldn't have text-ed you. Its that simple.

A lot of women completely ignore you or pretend that you're annoying smelly dog shit on the bottom of a shoe if they're not interested because they want to discourage you from approaching them again.

-anyway-

She wants to lead you on a little bit even if its just for the hell of it (ie she's bored) b/c you were a man and you put it out there that you like her (in an obvious manner).

The Take Away: for a guy, dating is always a numbers game... and the numbers are always stacked against you... you have to ask out and pursue a lot of people. (...if you still find her appealing-even in the slightest) ALWAYS CALL BACK... ALWAYS arrange the next date.

Really, what is there to lose? (aside from the small akwardness of a rejection- but like I said, for guys its a numbers game... if you want to play, you have to expect rejection, its like buying a lottery ticket or playing games at a casino... you know you're throwing money away but you do it anyway.)

lol, b/c its true
Click to expand...

That's the thing, i've already asked her out. she said no. do you mean ask her out a 2nd time? I don't think that would be wise, not yet anyway.

"She wants you to text her back otherwise she wouldn't have text-ed you. Its that simple. " couldn't agree more. I just don't know what to say now. I mean, i have my answer, she said no to me in person when i asked her out. And then she txt's me? that's the problem i have.

[edit] now that i think about it, T. Calderone is correct (i don't get the last part though, i'm not seeing anyone, she is). She gave her response in real lfe, then txt's me it again.. she couldn't make it any more clear. I think i might tell her we shouldn't see each other again. is this fine in a txt? Just strange how she tells me in the text to come back into her work sometime.
 
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I know because it seems she is sending a mixed message. As if saying "I'm dating someone, but here's my number- wink-wink"
If some guy asked me out that I was not interested in, I would not hand him my phone number which is essentially what she's done.
I'm pretty transparent though and never understood why people play games in general :?
 
T. Calderone said:
I know because it seems she is sending a mixed message. As if saying "I'm dating someone, but here's my number- wink-wink"
If some guy asked me out that I was not interested in, I would not hand him my phone number which is essentially what she's done.
I'm pretty transparent though and never understood why people play games in general :?
Click to expand...

When my ex left me she has someone right there ::BAM:: waiting in the wings...

Do you think she randomly met this person the next day that we broke up??? She was gone long before the "relationship" was officially "over". She found someone else while leading me on b/c she wanted to leave be but not be alone...

IT IS WHAT IT IS...

In any event, I'm just telling the original poster that it doesn't hurt to push things forward unless everything is 100% completely obvious.

The fact that the original poster had to make this post is testament to how ambiguous everything is...
 
zzz101 said:
I think i might tell her we shouldn't see each other again. is this fine in a txt?
Click to expand...

Why say such a thing?
It'll make you sound/look like a drama queen. At the very least it's unnecessary and should be avoided.

If you don't wanna see her again just stop contacting her, and politely excuse your way out of seeing her again. If she's worth her salt she'll take a hint.
 
I only really want to see her again if there is any chance of us getting together to be honest.

And i'm saying it to let it be known that I don't want to be friends with her while she is with some other guy, you know. Because that is how i really feel. In a nice way, ill say that it is best for both of us... then i guess there is a small chance she will reply to that. most likely not though.

Hey, sorry if this thread is getting messy. But it is proving me with a lot of help with everyone posting, so mods please don't lock it yet.
 
Maybe I'm reading too much into this now! But maybe she made sure to let you know she is dating another guy to see if you're cool with being her "other guy." Like tentrem said, she might like the attention. This could work in your favor if she is bored with this fellow. She might be just waiting for you to say "Hey I know you're seeing somebody but we can hang out. Let's chill. No pressure man" Come to think of it, this makes perfect sense fuck-buddy wise.

I would wait to text. It's better to approach her in person next time you bump into her accidently or on purpose :)
 
zzz101 said:
do you mean ask her out a 2nd time? I don't think that would be wise, not yet anyway.
Click to expand...

She just wants to feel around...

Like other people said, she could just be flattered...

BUT SHE WOULD NOT HAVE messaged you back if she didn't expect something in return... SHE TEXT-ED YOU, (so) YOU TEXT HER BACK, that's how it works... The new beginnings of a relationship are always awkward - and that's what makes them fun...

The only thing I fear is that the original poster is taking everything TOO seriously.

...everything I said about a "young woman" in her "late 20's" FITS and its essentially playing out right here...

She's with someone she's bored with (otherwise she would have swatted the original poster away / ignored him by not text-ing him (see my above post about smelly shit on shoe), so now she's text-ing a new guy who approached her and who's "probably" too young and is inappropriate for what she's looking for...


I say for all guys in their 20's (for the most part) - these lyrics from a song are too true, "She made you cry / but to her you were just another guy"

After people's 20's and early 30's they stop thinking that they can achieve anything / everything, and /or be who ever the fuck they want... people get humbled by age (weight gain, hair falling out, economic/financial issues, etc...) and become willing to accept the confines (WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE) of monogamous relationship.

...until then, people are going to be cheating and text-ing and spreading diseases and jealousy all over the place.

::At this juncture, I must leave this thread. It has been fun. Good luck to everyone. And as much as I can hope, I know that not everyone will play fair. Good Day::
 
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