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Feelings for boyfriend's good friend?

W

warpaint

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 21, 2013
Messages
74
my boyfriend and i have dated for over a yr and we have been living together for maybe 6 months now

prior to our relationship i'd only tried weed. after meeting him i tried mdma, e, and cocaine. mdma is by far my choice of drug... e is too long and weird for me, and cocaine is whatever to me esp since i experienced the mdma high first.

anyways, i tried mdma for the first time 4 months into our relationship with my boyfriend. i felt pretty fantastic. i could have been laying anywhere, the bed, the dirty motel floor, and nothing would have stopped me from feeling so amazing. we spent the night talking away for hours, and it definitely help us get to know each other a lot better.

we did mdma for the rest of the summer last year, a lot of the times we did it with his good friend. we'd always just talk or hang out outside while we were on m's. it turned out that his good friend and i have a lot in common in terms of things weve experienced in life and just our general outlook on things. mdma helped speed up the whole "getting to know each other" process between me and my bf, and between me and his friend. it's been a while since ive done mdma, esp with his friend, but since then we've always felt very connected and we always have lots of things to talk about with each other. im not able to talk with my bf the way i do with him. not to say that my boyfriend isnt a deep or intelligent person, but idk, whenever we hang out with him its as if my bf is the third wheel and i feel bad sometimes. i love my boyfriend a lot but lately ive just been turned off by his overall laziness. he's a heavy pot smoker and doesnt want to do anything but play WoW. i dont mind if he plays but thats all he does lately. hes also been laid off from work but doesnt want to find a job, and will instead settle for unemployment insurance.

ive been trying to focus more on myself and sometimes my mind drifts to what my life would be like if i were dating his friend. i truly believe that there would be something between us if i wasnt dating my bf :s and now it's just awkward when his friend is around. is it wrong for me to think about his friend like that? what should i do abt it?

side question... now that im trying to focus on my life (and possibly university) will my relationship with my bf will change? he hasn't done anything wrong to me, he treats me kind and well, but part of me wonders if it's possible to continue being with someone who isnt motivated to do much with his life. he says he wants to be an investor so he can be rich, but he's not putting much effort into studying. i dont know if he genuinely wants to be an investor since he's only lured in by the $.
 
You can't blame him :P smoking pot and playing wow go great together. And i think you should talk to your boyfriend about this he deserves to know.
 
mdma is by far my choice of drug... e is too long and weird for me
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Maybe I'm not in the loop here, but aren't 'e' and MDMA the same thing? I'd hate to think we're giving bathtub chemists a blank check to make whatever the hell they want and call it 'e'.
 
Cyc said:
Maybe I'm not in the loop here, but aren't 'e' and MDMA the same thing? I'd hate to think we're giving bathtub chemists a blank check to make whatever the hell they want and call it 'e'.
Click to expand...

Is it the same? As far as I have known most E's are cut and m is supposed to be pure but i might be wrong
 
the question you should consider first is whether you want to end your relationship, not whether you want to be with your bf's friend. it's not a good idea to make decisions about your next relationship while you're still in one, nor to go straight from one relationship to another (especially within the same social group). your feelings for this friend are likely driven as much by mdma, propinquity and your dissatisfaction with your bf as by any real compatibility. so before you decide if you want to create a ton of drama and unpleasantness by going after this friend, you need to first be single so you can evaluate your feelings for this guy independent of all the confounding factors.

of course, no one is going to blame you for breaking up with an unemployed pothead WoW addict. so step one shouldn't be too complicated.
 
some e's are mda which is long and sometimes wierd

anyway back to the op- sounds like you want different things out of life from your boyfriend. its hard to know if you really want the friend or your just fantasizing over alternatives.

tell him to stop being lazy and get a job. he sounds ridiculous. that shit would get on my nerves too. computer games weed and no job...
 
Jonnavi said:
Is it the same? As far as I have known most E's are cut and m is supposed to be pure but i might be wrong
Click to expand...

Dialects will vary by region, but I think it's probably smarter from a harm reduction standpoint to always call a drug by its chemical name. In the case of abbreviated or vernacular terms like 'e' it's still important that everyone understands what they're getting. This seems like common sense re: safety.

This way some less than scrupulous chemist can't get lazy and make a batch of dangerous shit and try to pass it off as 'e'.
 
Cyc said:
Maybe I'm not in the loop here, but aren't 'e' and MDMA the same thing? I'd hate to think we're giving bathtub chemists a blank check to make whatever the hell they want and call it 'e'.
Click to expand...

from my understanding E is mdma cut with other drugs and mdma is in its pure form
 
double ewe said:
the question you should consider first is whether you want to end your relationship, not whether you want to be with your bf's friend. it's not a good idea to make decisions about your next relationship while you're still in one, nor to go straight from one relationship to another (especially within the same social group). your feelings for this friend are likely driven as much by mdma, propinquity and your dissatisfaction with your bf as by any real compatibility. so before you decide if you want to create a ton of drama and unpleasantness by going after this friend, you need to first be single so you can evaluate your feelings for this guy independent of all the confounding factors.

of course, no one is going to blame you for breaking up with an unemployed pothead WoW addict. so step one shouldn't be too complicated.
Click to expand...


thanks for the advice. youre right about focusing on whether i want to be in this relationship or not... i guess ill have to give it a little more time because he only just started playing wow a month ago, and became unemployed maybe 2 weeks ago. just watching him do nothing but play wow and smoke pot lately makes me feel bored and a little sad for him
 
Talk to him! Tell him he needs to get off his bum bum and get a job! Also, that he needs a handle on his new found gaming habit. You are a great influence especially now since you guys are living together. More "hanging out at home" since you two are conveniently home and together. Get him to get out of the house, get active, and going job-hunting.

Don't worry too much about the friend. You are just unhappy in your current relationship and trying to find another person to fill that void. Plus, ecstasy makes you feel/do crazy stuff.
 
reality check: the man you are fantasizing about is your current s/o's good friend. there is little to no chance that in the event that you and your s/o decided to end things; you could rebound to his good friend and be welcomed without issues, and with open arms. also you dont sound like the cheating type (i could be wrong); but if you were to cross that boundary, nothing positive (other than fulfilling a fantasy) will come from this, you are afterall in a relationship with your s/o, and the man in question is his great friend. while fantasy is healthy, in your situation; this fantasy is not.

its easy to lose sight of the current picture and allow your head to run away to places where its presumed the grass is much greener; but to entertain these feelings rather than focus on healing the issues within your current relationship will only lead to further deterioration of your relationship and negatively warp your perception of your partner for the worst. reopen the doors to communication with your partner, spend time loving him again and feeding positivity back into your relationship. you moved in with one another and have withstood a year sharing your lives together, there must be a spark between you that kept things progressing for that long? find that spark again. it will be best too during this period to steer clear of your s/o's friend to avoid distraction from what it really is you want; a happy healthy loving relationship.

good luck op <3

...kytnism...:|
 
Is my boyfriend delusional?

hey guys sry i dont mean to spam, ive been starting threads ever since i discovered this site. u guys are helpful.

i recently posted threads about how my boyfriend is addicted to pot (he acknowledges it) and how he does nothing but play wow and smoke pot now. i also mentioned that he wants to become an investor, but he is only lured in by the end result (wealth) and is not rly motivated to study, due to all the pot smoking or lack of passion. his unemployment insurance is his only income. he doesnt want to find a job and doesnt like dedicating his time to work for someone. he likes it the easy way, which is why he likes the idea of being an investor who creates different streams of cashflow. he told me recently that he wants to cut down on weed because it prevents him from focusing on becoming an investor and reading his books. but now he's just being hard on himself and saying that he just lacks discipline... i told him he needed to go counseling cus there seem to be underlying issues and i told him his lack of motivation/discipline without weed could stem to something bigger as opposed to it being some character flaw.

i seemed to have unearthed a lot of underlying issues with him but now he's in more denial than ever. he just doesnt want me to talk to him about, despite him asking me to help. he thinks he will just somehow muster up more discipline, something hes tried for yrs. what makes me angry is that he actually thinks of his family, his friends, most of society as losers because they choose to follow the whole school/career path. but i look at him and think to myself, wtf do you have to show for? he thinks he isnt a loser because his "mentality is different from society". and yet here he is, on his ass playing wow, smoking weed. i dont know what to do, or if i should even do or say anything to him right now. im a little on the fence about breaking up with him, except i dont know how i would considering that we live together. i want to be with him but at the same time, i dont know if i can deal with him being like this, and having such a horrible attitude towards others and how they live their lives.

what do you think i should do? could i still help him?
 
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I don't think he needs counseling. You said he just started playing wow a month ago? I mean, it's not really that long. The only reason he's smoking so much weed is because he deals it. Once he gets a job, he'll stop dealing, stop buying large quantities, therefore wouldn't be pressured to smoke. You'll get him back. :)

He just needs to start job hunting but for now, if he's using his savings and still pulling his weight in the finances--he can take a little "vacation".
 
One of the most important things that I look for in a guy is motivation, drive, etc. I don't care so much that he's wealthy or whatever but I like a guy who is career-driven and cares about what he does and works for it. I couldn't handle a guy who had no motivation and all he did was smoke.

If he's actively working on it, I'd say just help him through that. But I don't know how you COULD help him. The resources are there. There are jobs out there. There are colleges out there. He's "tried" for years, but it doesn't seem very successful. If it seems like he's been improving, then I'd say work with him on it. But if he is still being lazy, then I would say you should move on with your life. Maybe that will be the realization that he needs.
 
warpaint said:
hey guys sry i dont mean to spam, ive been starting threads ever since i discovered this site. u guys are helpful.

i recently posted threads about how my boyfriend is addicted to pot (he acknowledges it) and how he does nothing but play wow and smoke pot now. i also mentioned that he wants to become an investor, but he is only lured in by the end result (wealth) and is not rly motivated to study, due to all the pot smoking or lack of passion. his unemployment insurance is his only income. he doesnt want to find a job and doesnt like dedicating his time to work for someone. he likes it the easy way, which is why he likes the idea of being an investor who creates different streams of cashflow. he told me recently that he wants to cut down on weed because it prevents him from focusing on becoming an investor and reading his books. but now he's just being hard on himself and saying that he just lacks discipline... i told him he needed to go counseling cus there seem to be underlying issues and i told him his lack of motivation/discipline without weed could stem to something bigger as opposed to it being some character flaw.

i seemed to have unearthed a lot of underlying issues with him but now he's in more denial than ever. he just doesnt want me to talk to him about, despite him asking me to help. he thinks he will just somehow muster up more discipline, something hes tried for yrs. what makes me angry is that he actually thinks of his family, his friends, most of society as losers because they choose to follow the whole school/career path. but i look at him and think to myself, wtf do you have to show for? he thinks he isnt a loser because his "mentality is different from society". and yet here he is, on his ass playing wow, smoking weed. i dont know what to do, or if i should even do or say anything to him right now. im a little on the fence about breaking up with him, except i dont know how i would considering that we live together. i want to be with him but at the same time, i dont know if i can deal with him being like this, and having such a horrible attitude towards others and how they live their lives.

what do you think i should do? could i still help him?
Click to expand...

Start Investing.

You have to be a little delusional in this world (unless maybe you were born wealthy with top personal tutors showing you the gameplan).

Being an investor is a pretty elite career path however. It takes a lot of talent, a lot of hard work and his highly competitive.

The dream or the idea can end up being almost euphoric in and of itself, and that can separate a so called delusional dreamer from a legit entrepreneur.

He really has to get into the process of investing and start getting his enjoyment from the money he makes and the progress he makes(building his income streams).
Start ASAP and get your hands dirty. Get a taste for blood.

It also generally costs money to invest, and can take months of trial and error even if he is an expert.
Experiencing the reality of these expenses is a good reason to at least get a side job to cover expenses(at least until the income starts rolling in). All these types of things can be drawn up in the business plans. Every morning write up a plan, work the plan and review the work at the end of each day to encourage productivity. Those kind of organizational things are stuff you can help with.


EDIT - cool i found a good "delusional" youtube vid w/ Will Smith https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLAJP1a92iQ
 
Well, he's not getting anywhere smoking weed and playing WOW is he? How is he supposed to get to where he wants to be, as an investor, when he just sits in front of the computer and smokes ganga all day?
 
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