Taking a trip while recovering

[HarrytheHead]

Hi - I was a very sparse user of MDMA and took a single high dose which knocked me on my ass for months. Three months later, my panic attacks and insomnia have ceased. However, I am left with some difficulty concentrating, and a very strong "knot" feeling between my eyes. And sometimes, I'm a little more anxious in social situations than I was pre-MDMA use. Overall though, I have adapted and am regaining my life slowly but surely.

All this has caused me to leave my job that was making me miserable even before all this. But before I find a new less strenuous job, I promised myself that I would take some time to travel. I really want to go on a cycling tour in Europe or Asia. Like 7 nights, 25 miles per day, with a group of 12 people. I have a few picked out.

My question is, should I not go because of my current situation? Like... my fear is, if I go, I'll start having panic attacks again and won't get on with the other travelers or handle the cycling. Lately, I am functioning with these symptoms... but cycling in a foreign country is HIGH-LEVEL functioning. I just really want to go and get on with my life!!!!!!!

On a side note... anybody else have this "knot feeling"/concentration problems 3 months post overdoing MDMA? Thank you lots in advance.

 

[Maya]

I really think you should go.. I think it's about time that we start conquering our fears and keep moving on with our lives and do what we want to do. I think you should be fine since your anxiety and panic attacks have leveled down. Plus you will have some of your friends go with you right? So there will be someone who can help you in case somethin happens. Just do it! I am actually re-considering krav maga next month I know it's gonna be pretty intense but wth Good luck!

 

[Alaska457]

How much was the dose that knocked you on your ass, and how much Mdma did you take before that?

I took about 800MG 80% over 3-4 days, it was a one time thing. I've been eating healthy and staying away from junk food, and I've come down from the harshest part. I think you just need to get back on a schedule, once you start doing something regularly you'll probably feel daily differences every time you do the same thing.


You should get like a freelance job until it all wears off, take your trip, then come back and start fresh and relieved. Also there are some pretty good sites around the internet where you can just sit around and buy and sell stuff for profit, it's really easy. PM me if you're interested in that I'll give you a link to some sites.

 

[HarrytheHead]

Plus you will have some of your friends go with you right?

No friends... gotta be a brave little soldier on this one haha.

 

[Folley]

Ok I mean no offense to you people, but you are ALL way over thinking this shit. ALL THE TIME.


Life goes on, unless you stop it. If you won't go on vacation because your afraid, then it seems like you don't even WANT to continue on with your recovery.






MDMA abuse isn't a death sentence, it's not even something you'll have to live with for more than a year (in most cases). GET OVER IT!!!! I say that in the nicest way possible.

 

[HarrytheHead]

How much was the dose that knocked you on your ass, and how much Mdma did you take before that?

I took about 250mg... and it might have been dirty. I only used twice lifetime before that. But this last dose felt like an overdose. I felt like I was on the verge of death. And the panic attacks the following month or two were unbearable. But I like both your guys' advice. Its definitely a huge accomplishment to face the anxiety symptoms and become BIGGER than them.

 

[Maya]

I say go for it! JUST DO IT! Plus traveling is amazing! You can distract yourself with the sights/views and maybe chics? lols

 

[HarrytheHead]

Ok I mean no offense to you people, but you are ALL way over thinking this shit. ALL THE TIME.
Life goes on, unless you stop it. If you won't go on vacation because your afraid, then it seems like you don't even WANT to continue on with your recovery.
MDMA abuse isn't a death sentence, it's not even something you'll have to live with for more than a year (in most cases). GET OVER IT!!!! I say that in the nicest way possible.

Folley I hear you but these symptoms are scary as fuck. Going through it my first time, its tough to shift your attention away from it. Many times, I can handle it. I seem nuts because I only post on BL when I am having trouble.

I have a significant fear that my head tension will last forever. I have to work my ass off to not let that fear rule me. I'm hoping the fear is completely unfounded in the first place.

 

[Folley]

I have head pressure now.. so what? It's better than having no pressure in your head, right? My grandpa has that, and he's blind because of it! (OK well not really lol, it's lack of the pressure in his eyes that makes him blind)


Point is, if you think it will last forever, it will. You know how I recovered? From having suicidal thoughts all the time, HORRIBLE mood swings where I would cry, scream, laugh, smile and be frightened all within a minute with just overall soul crushing depression to one day just thinking to myself, "Fuck this, I don't want to be sad anymore."

I stopped giving a fuck what my "symptoms" were. I realized that the damage has already been done, and there was nothing I could do to turn back the clock. That realization led me to putting all my energy into just not noticing the symptoms... it's really not as hard as it seems. You get used to it eventually anyway, homeostasis and all that.

LIFE GOES ON.​

Really though, I highly doubt that using E 3 times will cause these types of problems. It seems that overdose may have triggered an underlying medical/mental condition, and if that is the case you need to be treating it as such instead of just a regular comedown.

 

[HarrytheHead]

I agree with most of what you said. But you're thinking the severe head tension is due to an underlying medical condition? The doctors are saying its anxiety. The anxiety was caused by an overdose of E. I don't know what the difference is between my comedown and a 'regular' comedown, but I never felt this way before I took too much E.

 

[futura2012]

I agree with most of what you said. But you're thinking the severe head tension is due to an underlying medical condition? The doctors are saying its anxiety. The anxiety was caused by an overdose of E. I don't know what the difference is between my comedown and a 'regular' comedown, but I never felt this way before I took too much E.

The symptoms you describe harry are definitely classic long term comedown issues I dont think you have an underlying medical condition. The anxiety is triggered by the OD so this in itself is not a normal comedown.

I suspect in your case due to your history of use and how you got in this situation minimal permanent damage has been done. You just need to do one of two things (1) get over the anxiety. (2) restore your brain to a balanced state. Both of these obstacles are quite intertwined with one another.

Its a combined effort of everything you are doing ie exercise, diet, sleep, supps etc and over time trying to reprogram your thoughts to relax.

Have a read of this book it may well help you:

http://www.bpt-advocaten.nl/tmp/anxiety.and.panic.free.by.paul.david.pdf

This explains how a lot of what you are feeling is in your mind and techniques on how to fix things.

 

[Dawglaw]

Harry, go on the trip.

You are going to be ok but you have to help yourself. Stay off of BL. Folley summed it up the best: don't give a fuck about your symptoms just keep living life. Different people respond to anxiety differently. Everyone's experience is unique.

Many of us have had to deal with and have overcome the debilitating anxiety induced by MDMA. Tripping about new symptoms is not good for your recovery. Just ignore it and move forward.

If you can't do it yourself, go get some CBT.

 

[Mendo_K]

Do the trip.

You could sell some of these stories to the Daily Mail, the more of these threads I read the more I actually question myself "Do these people and cases even exist"? Sometimes find it very hard to believe, maybe so much real life experience and never actually hearing or seeing of any of this "IRL" just makes it stranger for me.

 

[Maya]

Do the trip.

You could sell some of these stories to the Daily Mail, the more of these threads I read the more I actually question myself "Do these people and cases even exist"? Sometimes find it very hard to believe, maybe so much real life experience and never actually hearing or seeing of any of this "IRL" just makes it stranger for me.

I can definitely assure you that my story is not made up

 

[futura2012]

Do the trip.

You could sell some of these stories to the Daily Mail, the more of these threads I read the more I actually question myself "Do these people and cases even exist"? Sometimes find it very hard to believe, maybe so much real life experience and never actually hearing or seeing of any of this "IRL" just makes it stranger for me.

I think its very easy to sit on the fence and look at things in this narrow minded way when you arent experiencing the horrors of one of these comedowns yourself.

If you find this type of post so sensational and make beleive then why not just move on rather than trying to discredit people in this way?

Are you suggesting that all the pain and agony you read about on here is made up in some way?

 

[Mendo_K]

I think its very easy to sit on the fence and look at things in this narrow minded way when you arent experiencing the horrors of one of these comedowns yourself.

If you find this type of post so sensational and make beleive then why not just move on rather than trying to discredit people in this way?

Are you suggesting that all the pain and agony you read about on here is made up in some way?

No not at all, never said it was made up. I just said I find it very hard to forsee or understand any of these stories, mostly because I have never experienced it first hand, or witnessed it from a group of probably 25+ people all who used to be regular MDMA users, or currently still are.

Its these week-month long comedowns that im talking about, some even saying it has taken years. I dont know if im reading it wrong, or they are just mis-interpreting what a come-down is, but to take so long and cause so many problems for so many on this board seems odd.

Midweek blues, are about as bad as ive ever seen/heard, with most coming back to full normality by atleast the latest next week. Or after months and months on end of doing it every weekend, feeling fresh and normal again maybe 2 weeks maximum. I feel as if so many people are reading all these horror stories and then actually start believing they are experiencing them themselves, when in fact it might be something completely different..

Never seen such a collective of horror stories about comedowns etc and after effects of MDMA in one place in my life, you wouldnt even get this much in a heroin/meth/coke/acid specific forum. A glance over would make you think theres not a single positive about MDMA and its the next drug that your kids going to be shooting into his arm when he reaches highschool

 

[dpd_mnk92]

No not at all, never said it was made up. I just said I find it very hard to forsee or understand any of these stories, mostly because I have never experienced it first hand, or witnessed it from a group of probably 25+ people all who used to be regular MDMA users, or currently still are.

Its these week-month long comedowns that im talking about, some even saying it has taken years. I dont know if im reading it wrong, or they are just mis-interpreting what a come-down is, but to take so long and cause so many problems for so many on this board seems odd.

Midweek blues, are about as bad as ive ever seen/heard, with most coming back to full normality by atleast the latest next week. Or after months and months on end of doing it every weekend, feeling fresh and normal again maybe 2 weeks maximum. I feel as if so many people are reading all these horror stories and then actually start believing they are experiencing them themselves, when in fact it might be something completely different..

Never seen such a collective of horror stories about comedowns etc and after effects of MDMA in one place in my life, you wouldnt even get this much in a heroin/meth/coke/acid specific forum. A glance over would make you think theres not a single positive about MDMA and its the next drug that your kids going to be shooting into his arm when he reaches highschool

Maybe it's worth asking yourself how many of your 25 friends have abused MDMA for a sustained period of time (weekly consumption, half gram+ dosages)...? how many of them have abused MDMA in this way for years?

Bluelight is a harm reduction forum and many people who create an account or come on here will do so because they got fucked up, not because they've suddenly discovered a burning desire to reduce drug related harm in the world. Some will be anxious people who think they've gotten fucked up, some will be genetic anomalies who cannot handle small amounts of MDMA, others have abused the drug hard and are paying the price.

I think there is a reason the E forum is filled with these stories. If done recklessly, it CAN fuck you up as hard as any drug out there. For some it will take a very long time, and for some symptoms will not be that noticeable, but reckless use will always lead to problems IMO. Problems which can last a week... or a few years - just depends on the individual + amount/ how it's taken.

Different drugs fuck you up in different ways. Heroin will get you hooked and make you steal to support your habit, until the day you overdose. Alcohol will turn men into fat, estrogenic women with bitch tits, get you hooked, cause all sorts of social problems etc. MDMA, if done without long breaks in between for a certain amount of time, or if done in ridiculous amounts, can change everything about you overnight.

Drugs are great, but they've all got their downsides lol....

 

[futura2012]

No not at all, never said it was made up. I just said I find it very hard to forsee or understand any of these stories, mostly because I have never experienced it first hand, or witnessed it from a group of probably 25+ people all who used to be regular MDMA users, or currently still are.

So your saying just because yourself and 25+ other friends havent experienced anything like this then it makes it hard to beleive or understand?

Its these week-month long comedowns that im talking about, some even saying it has taken years. I dont know if im reading it wrong, or they are just mis-interpreting what a come-down is, but to take so long and cause so many problems for so many on this board seems odd.

I have been on a long term comedown for 18 months now. Each day plagued with anxiety. I have been taking MDMA for 18 years and know exactly what a comedown is. I have taken 500+ doses of MDMA. There are two types of comedown there is the typical Tuesday Blues type comedown which I suspect is likely your own personal source then there is the more long term variety which I can describe as like the Tuesday but 100X worse, 24 hours a day and everyday! Some days are so awful I have contemplated suicide as my solution.

So sorry if this causes you problems and for so many on this board but this is reality and purpose of Blue Light is Harm Reduction so if your purpose here is not Harm Reduction then move away.

Midweek blues, are about as bad as ive ever seen/heard, with most coming back to full normality by at least the latest next week. Or after months and months on end of doing it every weekend, feeling fresh and normal again maybe 2 weeks maximum.

No surprises to hear this.

I feel as if so many people are reading all these horror stories and then actually start believing they are experiencing them themselves, when in fact it might be something completely different..

Why dont you focus on your own thoughts rather than how others should be feeling. I am sure people on here have enough intelligence to figure out what may or may not apply to them.

Never seen such a collective of horror stories about comedowns etc and after effects of MDMA in one place in my life, you wouldnt even get this much in a heroin/meth/coke/acid specific forum.

Your in a worldwide harm reduction forum for MDMA. Do you really think that hearing this type of horror story is such a surprise? There are positives about MDMA but also some very dangerous Negatives. If you would like to start your own thread about the positives be my guest but please refrain from polluting other peoples threads who are crying for help and you accuse them of sensationalism.

You cant compare MDMA to heroin/meth/coke/acid all drugs will lead to different problems.

A glance over would make you think theres not a single positive about MDMA and its the next drug that your kids going to be shooting into his arm when he reaches highschool

I disagree the comedown horror stories are a reality. No one is going to jump to this type of conclusion.

 

[xxxyakinikuxxx]

I think what a lot of people forget when they read about mdma damage on BL is that most who don't suffer problems have no reason to spend their time on forums like this. The reason you get so many people sharing so many horror stories is because they've actually been messed up by this drug and naturally they're looking for answers to help them recover. To be honest I wish I would have read some of these accounts before I ever tried this shit.
I know we're probably the minority but if I would have known that it was even possible to be fundamentally changed for the worse by a drug I would have never touched the stuff in the first place. It's a simple calculation of risk versus reward.
Instead all the friends who introduced me to MD never knew/informed me of any potential dangers associated with use.
All safe drug usage comes down to accurate information. BL is slowly turning into a great source of what can go wrong when using mdma. For this reason alone these posts have incredible value in an environment where people are still debating whether mdma is truly dangerous or not. I think the answer is becoming clear that yes it is. Unfortunately for some more than others.

 

[xxxyakinikuxxx]

Oh and Harry sorry to get off topic. Definitely go on that trip. It's exactly what you need. After reading a bit from one of the books that Futura posted it seems the only way to deal with anxiety and overcome it is to confront it head on. Don't let it control the choices you make.