Going deeply into cannabis addiction - justified for a while?
So I'm a full-on marijuana addict right now. I need waves of billowing sweet smoke - two or three large bowls at a time - regularly throughout the day from the moment I wake up till last thing at night, and when I wake up in the middle of the night too. And it's wonderful. I fucking love it.
I'm in the fortunate position of being able, and having the money, to do very little this summer if I want to. I don't have a job and don't need one for a while. I'm recovering and rebuilding myself after years of excessive hard work, not enough fun and too much stress. I'm having very regular psychotherapy sessions to work through my difficult and complex historical shit, and being stoned a lot of the time is
really helping me to open up, and remember and process difficult shit without feeling too much pain while I'm doing it. I'm
not taking any prescription medication - I'm very sceptical about happy pills or zombie pills. I feel like when I'm done working through my stuff in therapy, my quality of life will have been transformed. It's not
just about weed for me, as I've made a series of other good lifestyle decisions to help with waking up and becoming conscious... basically pursuing the hippie lifestyle for the first time
I only smoked pot for the first time ever about 18 months ago. But I was fascinated (albeit nervous) long before I tried, and I loved my first ever high
so much that, frankly, I was as good as addicted already, immediately. Immediately after being introduced to the drug I set about finding my own supply, and the following weekend I smoked up alone on the Friday night... then again, alone, on the Saturday night. I was transfixed then - and hey hey, I've progressed to being a full-on stoner, very into marijuana culture and waking-and-baking every single day. I consider myself a very spiritual person these days, and there's no doubt that smoking herb is a spiritual practice for me, act of worship almost. I've sort of had problems in a relationship (recently ended, no great loss) with a boyfriend that was uncomfortable with this 'worship' aspect from me. But I was just being authentic.
So I guess on the medical model, I'm just a "drug addict" right now, smoking away from my bong time and again every day, home alone. The medical model doesn't allow for anything good about that state. However, my
experience right now is an incredibly rich emotional and spiritual journey, towards a kind of redemption and enlightenment. I feel like I really understand the full value and positive power of psychoactive drugs right now, and for the first time what total harmful bullshit the medical model of drugs can so often be.
I don't expect to be in this 'dumb addict' phase all my life, or indeed for very long - this September I will have serious and exciting shit to do, and will want to be not so hazy for it. But it's almost like all the stars are in perfect alignment for me this summer, and I just have some kind of emotional and spiritual 'need' to smoke the herb very heavily for very long periods - 'go into' marijuana... or if you like, into marijuana addiction. I know I'll be facing some withdrawal symptoms at the other end - I do believe I'm healthy and disciplined enough to be able to deal with them when I feel like it... which just isn't today or tomorrow. I have big bags of weed to deal with before then

I do expect to have 2-3 days off occasionally, just to allow my brain chemistry to reset whenever it's threatening to get less like massive fun.
I guess I am interested in whether others here can empathize with what I'm experiencing here. I'm clearly going to carry on smoking anyway - I have to do what I have to do. That's really what it feels like. Maybe a great emotional and spiritual hunger. In the context that I'm really working on understanding who and what I am and how I behave, words of wisdom from other people who recognize my situation in any way would be really appreciated. Anyone recognize the idea of a positive choice to get highly addicted to a drug?
Thanks, peace.