The Sad Thread (Anti-Snoo)

[knock]

It's even selfish of me to be thinking and feeling what I am with the recent great losses of our fellow EADDers...

I think this is totally wrong, monsta. You can't help how you're feeling; well, maybe you can help it but you're not to blame for feeling that way.

Carefully knocking myself out, or some other change of brain chemistry, is often a preferred solution. Hope you feel better soon

 

[Pagey]

It's even selfish of me to be thinking and feeling what I am with the recent great losses of our fellow EADDers...

It's not selfish at all. Whatever it is, what you're feeling is perfectly legitimate. As knock said, sometimes it's better to use meds for a while to get through the hardest moments...if you're careful. In any case I hope things start looking up for you soon

 

[amnesiaseizure]

Lots of to you Monsta. Hang in there till the clouds pass, they undoubtedly will my friend.

 

[monstanoodle]

Thankyou loads for the sentiment peeps <--- Tonnes of love to you all...

Sorry to pry noodle, but why would you need to apologize to anyone?
You always come across as v sensitive and courteous.

Sure you're not being ott?
Maybe you should practice being cuntish to people, lol.

The internet is a warped mirror my friend.
Yes - I do my best to be nice and helpful to everyone I meet, but I have wronged certain people, really hurting them, and I can't take it back. Nor should they take heed of my apologies.
Lol, so in a sense I don't need to practice being a cunt Cornish

I think this is totally wrong, monsta. You can't help how you're feeling; well, maybe you can help it but you're not to blame for feeling that way.

Carefully knocking myself out, or some other change of brain chemistry, is often a preferred solution. Hope you feel better soon

Y'know... I was so joyous about waking up early and getting lots of work done that maybe I just ran out of "happy juice" or something.
And I'm always careful - Thanks lots Knock

It's not selfish at all. Whatever it is, what you're feeling is perfectly legitimate. As knock said, sometimes it's better to use meds for a while to get through the hardest moments...if you're careful. In any case I hope things start looking up for you soon

Lots of to you Monsta. Hang in there till the clouds pass, they undoubtedly will my friend.

Thankyou Pagey & amnesia
Maybe it's everything that's been happening on BL and in "the real world" - past and more recently - hitting me all at once when my guard was down or something...
It was weird - Just WHOOSH and I felt awful and started thinking about all the bad things going on and that I'd done and who I'd wronged.

I woke today and could barely face getting out of bed but I got a call from the outreach team and have an appointment early next month. Hopefully that'll help.

Aaron's death is tearing me to pieces.

Sorry if I keep whining about it. It's just way, way more than I can handle.

I can't believe I'm now telling you not to be sorry and to please express any emotions you need to express whenever you can mate:
You're going through the grief of losing a good friend man
It's times like this I didn't feel so shit so I could help people out more, but I've learned from experience that if I do that, then I'll just break down.
Anyhoo, I'm gunna shut up about me.

Just remember that all our PM inboxes are free for you to talk to ponti

 

[Allein]

I feel a bit of a fraud posting in here with all peoples real life troubles but I'm hoping typing this out might help me to understand what has gone wrong.

I've felt so low and depressed this week, more so than I have in a very long time, considering things I haven't thought about in a long time.

I crawled my way through the week week in a haze of Xanax,. but that hasn't really helped and I elected to get no more, I felt a little better this morning and having the day to myself went out to make a visit to a few shops etc. ...ended up in the car in tears and I'm now sitting at home with a bottle of scotch having not drunk in 2 years.

I've been under a lot of pressure at work but I'm nit sure that's the cause, fuck I feel so low and have no idea why, I can't put my family through this shit again, they will be back this evening and I'll have to front up I've been drinking and it will worry the living shit put of Mrs 23.....bollox to it all

 

[Cornishman]

Srsly atm, it's those fucking benzos.

Just do anything and everything you can to not have them around.
It's not worth it.

Benzos should be called 'suicide pills' for how depressed they make me feel.

 

[Allein]

I don't have any about mate, I only got a few Xanax in as things were so bad but they made things worse, I've got now and haven't any intention of getting any more. I wish it was as simple as I'd done few benzos and made myself a bit clue but it feels more than that.

I've never had things change this fast and this badly, the doc will just want me back on ADs but fuck that

 

[pinkpapaver]

depression is a terrible thing. i don't get it as bad as i used to , I kind of know the signs and know that it's not going to stay forever. I don't let myself get too anxious over things that I can and cannot control. I take joy in the signs of nature. Love watching flowers open and grass growing. Listening to birds singing. I also like to stick up for myself and speak my mind when I need to. It's a strange old journey this life is. Don't think you have to be like anyone or anything else. You're good as you are or as you want to be.

cherry, my ex was like that. I have to forgive him because he was young at the time. he did nothing when he lived with me. nothing but have his mates round the house to smoke/ inject gear when i was at work. (working and paying for both habits) I knew he was being a cunt and did put up with it for a while but did get rid of him. saying that though, I've had the habit a long time and he got off it a few years back. still, he gave me little choice in the getting of a habit he made my life so miserable and I felt really ashamed of my self for having allowing him back into my life after kicking him out before. My son was only about 2. I just think he was a right twat. Dunno how he could have encouraged me to start digging heroin , I'd love to ask him. If i don't it's no big loss to my life.

 

[maxalfie]

Thanks all, i got the sack! Yay! Not. But oh
well, onwards and upwards.

Sorry to hear that Amnesia mate, hopefully it will be a case of every cloud has a Silver lining.

 

[maxalfie]

I just think he was a
right twat. Dunno how he could have
encouraged me to start digging heroin

Sounds like you deffo done the right thing in getting him out of your life PinkP.
What idiot would encourage anyone to start using the needle and to have the cheek to have his mates around getting wasted while you were at work paying for both of your habits.
You don't need folk like that in your life.

 

[Ben So Furry]

^Here here. Well said that man.

Pinkpapaver.

 

[Pagey]

I feel a bit of a fraud posting in here with all peoples real life troubles but I'm hoping typing this out might help me to understand what has gone wrong.

I've felt so low and depressed this week, more so than I have in a very long time, considering things I haven't thought about in a long time.

I crawled my way through the week week in a haze of Xanax,. but that hasn't really helped and I elected to get no more, I felt a little better this morning and having the day to myself went out to make a visit to a few shops etc. ...ended up in the car in tears and I'm now sitting at home with a bottle of scotch having not drunk in 2 years.

I've been under a lot of pressure at work but I'm nit sure that's the cause, fuck I feel so low and have no idea why, I can't put my family through this shit again, they will be back this evening and I'll have to front up I've been drinking and it will worry the living shit put of Mrs 23.....bollox to it all

You should definitely try to stop taking Xanax, like Cornish said 'suicide pills' sounds about right. The first time I tried to kill myself it was at the end of a big Xanax addiction and I know I'd never have done it if I hadn't been taking them. Benzos fuck you up. You'll probably start feeling considerably better after a few days off them.
Just try to hang in there...I've gotten random depressive phases before and they absolutely suck, but you'll get through it if you just manage to wait it out and make extra efforts to take care of yourself. Hope things start to look up soon

Having a bit of a shit week myself, I've been super moody for no apparent reason. Actually I think it might be because I'm getting to the one-year 'celebration' of lots of bad events. It's getting to my head. Also the friend I was gonna move in with next year has decided she wants to live in student halls instead and I've got literally no other potential flatmates cuz all my other friends are already set. So I'm probably gonna end up living with random strangers I meet on those flatmate websites which makes me feel pathetic. Ugh.

 

[Allein]

Thanks Pagey, I've been there and done that with Benzos in a bigway before, I had 50 1mg Xanax which I did in dribs a drabs over the last week just to get through, my habit used to be in tripple figures for diaz so whilst it's stupid messsin with such stuff it's not the source of this latest episode.

Maybe it was just brought on my stress but a scary one none the less, a few drinks has settled me a bit, but that in itself is a worry, I haven't had a drink in at least 2 years and for good reason. I hadn't thought I could slip back so far so quickly, I don't want to but I think I'll have to go see the doc next week before I do sumit stupid.

Now I feel disappointed in myself, scared at my apparent mental state and I've no idea what I'm going to say to Mrs 23 hen she get back, she worries too much as it is .....

 

[Pagey]

Just remember it's not because you've had alcohol again that you have to end up in the same place it brought you last time. You're still in control of yourself and you can stop now if you want to before going down that path. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself! I think most of us here know what it's like to cope with stress and depression with drugs and I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of. The good thing is you're aware of it so you can get it back under control before it really starts to hurt you.

 

[jancrow]

Try not to beat yourself up too much about drinking- it's a wobble. You might be having a day on booze but you had over 700 days off. That's great work. But don't go too hard at it if you can, or more self-loathing will surely follow.

 

[koneko]

I feel a bit of a fraud posting in here with all peoples real life troubles but I'm hoping typing this out might help me to understand what has gone wrong.

I've felt so low and depressed this week, more so than I have in a very long time, considering things I haven't thought about in a long time.

I crawled my way through the week week in a haze of Xanax,. but that hasn't really helped and I elected to get no more, I felt a little better this morning and having the day to myself went out to make a visit to a few shops etc. ...ended up in the car in tears and I'm now sitting at home with a bottle of scotch having not drunk in 2 years.

I've been under a lot of pressure at work but I'm nit sure that's the cause, fuck I feel so low and have no idea why, I can't put my family through this shit again, they will be back this evening and I'll have to front up I've been drinking and it will worry the living shit put of Mrs 23.....bollox to it all

Sounds like a lot of things are piling up for you, its no surprise you're feeling a bit overwhelmed

Were you not dabbling with speed the other week, maybe that and the xanax have just been too much too soon after coming off the ADs? Add in the stress of your job and the mayhem that is family life it's no wonder you're feeling low and fragile.

Please don't dive off the cliff into that bottle of booze, put it away. It'll only make things worse.

It'll pass You need time, tlc and to look after that lovely head of yours.

Go take the hound out for a walk. Breathe and think of the wee ones and your lovely wife and trust in yourself that you will be ok - everyone is allowed a wobble and you bounce back - you know you do and you will again. Sit this out and see xxx

Heal, which means leaving the furries aside for a while

 

[The Liberal Media]

Thanks Pagey, I've been there and done that with Benzos in a bigway before, I had 50 1mg Xanax which I did in dribs a drabs over the last week just to get through, my habit used to be in tripple figures for diaz so whilst it's stupid messsin with such stuff it's not the source of this latest episode.

Maybe it was just brought on my stress but a scary one none the less, a few drinks has settled me a bit, but that in itself is a worry, I haven't had a drink in at least 2 years and for good reason. I hadn't thought I could slip back so far so quickly, I don't want to but I think I'll have to go see the doc next week before I do sumit stupid.

Now I feel disappointed in myself, scared at my apparent mental state and I've no idea what I'm going to say to Mrs 23 hen she get back, she worries too much as it is .....

 

[Allein]

Hey Lib, anything buy end up like that self satisfied sanctimonious pseudo enlightened yogotard yank

That has provided a bucket load of motivation

 

[knock]

While I'm dishing these lumps of organ out, have some atm23!

 

[WithMyLife]

Sorry to bump this -- maybe no one has been sad in a while.

I'm sad that while drunk I talked to my mum about my drug use. Apparently I said "I'm not ok, I'm using more all the time".

My drug use is GBL, and I do it in the evenings after work and during the day at weekends. My mum is half scared about image (apparently I said this in front of my sister) and half worried about me accidentally killing myself. I had to make a choice when she asked me about it. I should have lied, but I told her the truth: I've been using it daily for a long time. The things I'm proud of -- the house I bought, the challenging job I do, all has been with G. I know what I've sacrificed, but I'm ok with that. And when I'm not, I have to face that alone.


So I'm sad, for making my mum worry.