Drugs have always affected me differently, esp the people i hang with. for my smaller size one would think i would naturally be a lightweight. but its the opposite. I need a truckload of meds to get "high". I am on scripted meds, Xanax since i was 19 (10 years) and recently (3 months ago) Adderall 30mgs 1 time a day for inattentive Adhd. I had started going to my shrink becuase i was becoming a recluse. I couldn't leave the house without panic-ing. People scared me. Driving scared me. Alot of things scared me. I was initally put on klonopin .5 2/day for a couple weeks and it didnt help all that great. next time i saw my shrink he started me on xanax 1mg 3times a day. now 10 years later I'm at 2mg 5times a day. and even to me that seems like a truckload of xanax. but it helps. and now with the adderall I can even talk to people I dont know, approach a girl i find attractive and form relationships that once were never possible. I do not get the "speedy" effect from my adderall, but it does seem to curb my appetite and keep me up at night. which may I say I HATE. thank god for marijuana. or else i would have stopped the adderall.
But what i do not get is why on earth anyone would want to take a xanax or an adderall to get high? there seems to be no high for me, never was. even when taking more then prescribed to experiment. and then there is alcohol.. i never was a drinker, hated the taste back in high school, beer or stuff like mikes hard would just kill me by the bloating and upset my stomach. i figured it was the carbonation. also stopped drinking soda at a young age, like 16 for the same reason. it just upset my stomach.
but still to this day, when i go out, alcohol again is weird.. i cannot seem to get drunk without binge drinking. Hard liquor is like water to me. no burn. one, two, three shots of it is like nothing. hence why i do not drink. it seems pointless. no matter if its vodka, tequila, whisky, beer, wine.. i just don't feel it like other people. Is it the amount of xanax i am on that prevents the drunk feeling? but like i did say Binge drinking WILL fuck me up. sloppy drunk, cant walk, blackouts, and vomitting. and of course a nasty hangover the next day. This is prob why I do not drink.
BUT on the other hand, OPIATES. omfg they are like heaven on earth to me. my first taste was at a young age. thanks to erowid. it was my bible as a kid, i was infatuated with drugs. without ever doing them, i pledged to try every single one at least once. still haven't gotten thru all the majors. but i educated myself on every single one for years. even this site i have been lurking, reading posts for a decade or more. so anyway back to opiates. my first taste was 2 5/500mg pills of this hydrocodone stuff i read about. seemed like an appropriate dose for me at the age of 14. it was the best blissful feeling ever. didnt touch any opaites for years after. but time caught up with me and living in the heroin meca of chicago. i studied up on it and knew its just another opiate. just stronger. alot stronger. but railing that powder my first time got me. to this day i still do it. now i just graduated to mainlining it. which i promised myself id never do but my cousin got me to try it and snorting was no longer an option. Ive been on suboxone on and off. but it doesnt seem to work for me like it does others. I can take my 1/4 film in the morning.. get dope in the evening and slam it and be high as fuck. just one bag too. since my current relapse, i can do one or two bags and not need anymore. then i go a couple days without the subs and it seems like i need more dope to get high. same batch. i can hold on to a 12 pack for a week or so and do it intermittently but if i take a small dose of sub after w/ds come on a little, the next 12 hours i do some H and bam one bag will get me higher then the 3 it would take the day or two before. I just think its very odd. Would there be any explanation as to why this happens to me?
But what i do not get is why on earth anyone would want to take a xanax or an adderall to get high? there seems to be no high for me, never was. even when taking more then prescribed to experiment. and then there is alcohol.. i never was a drinker, hated the taste back in high school, beer or stuff like mikes hard would just kill me by the bloating and upset my stomach. i figured it was the carbonation. also stopped drinking soda at a young age, like 16 for the same reason. it just upset my stomach.
but still to this day, when i go out, alcohol again is weird.. i cannot seem to get drunk without binge drinking. Hard liquor is like water to me. no burn. one, two, three shots of it is like nothing. hence why i do not drink. it seems pointless. no matter if its vodka, tequila, whisky, beer, wine.. i just don't feel it like other people. Is it the amount of xanax i am on that prevents the drunk feeling? but like i did say Binge drinking WILL fuck me up. sloppy drunk, cant walk, blackouts, and vomitting. and of course a nasty hangover the next day. This is prob why I do not drink.
BUT on the other hand, OPIATES. omfg they are like heaven on earth to me. my first taste was at a young age. thanks to erowid. it was my bible as a kid, i was infatuated with drugs. without ever doing them, i pledged to try every single one at least once. still haven't gotten thru all the majors. but i educated myself on every single one for years. even this site i have been lurking, reading posts for a decade or more. so anyway back to opiates. my first taste was 2 5/500mg pills of this hydrocodone stuff i read about. seemed like an appropriate dose for me at the age of 14. it was the best blissful feeling ever. didnt touch any opaites for years after. but time caught up with me and living in the heroin meca of chicago. i studied up on it and knew its just another opiate. just stronger. alot stronger. but railing that powder my first time got me. to this day i still do it. now i just graduated to mainlining it. which i promised myself id never do but my cousin got me to try it and snorting was no longer an option. Ive been on suboxone on and off. but it doesnt seem to work for me like it does others. I can take my 1/4 film in the morning.. get dope in the evening and slam it and be high as fuck. just one bag too. since my current relapse, i can do one or two bags and not need anymore. then i go a couple days without the subs and it seems like i need more dope to get high. same batch. i can hold on to a 12 pack for a week or so and do it intermittently but if i take a small dose of sub after w/ds come on a little, the next 12 hours i do some H and bam one bag will get me higher then the 3 it would take the day or two before. I just think its very odd. Would there be any explanation as to why this happens to me?

)...